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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 10-01-2009, 12:16 PM
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Default Being MWI & sex, where do you stand?

I had this in my blog and someone suggested I post in this section as well:

I've been reading through threads and a lot of ppl say that don't have sex while they're man is locked up or have an open relationship, but I find most of these women were with their men before he got locked up or at least knew him.

I met my guy about 7 years ago when he was locked up but just recently started dating him. I could see being faith if I were like other women and we were together before he went in, but he's been in almost 18 years and we have a 15 year age difference...so that wouldn't even be possible...lol

Even when I met him, I couldn't even think about a romantic relationship with him since his release date was originally 2020 and that was asking a lot for me to wait 17 years and I was only 19 myself.

His new release will hopefully be in 2 years, but we don't know the exact date yet. The only reason we are in a relationship now is because I proposed we have an open relationship.

I am celibate for faith reasons now, but if I ever fall short as we call it, I know we'll still be together. I know that he of course wishes we didn't have to have an open relationship, but he understands and I think that's only reasonable.

Being that we are MWI, he's never gotten the chance to lay it down on me...lol...so yes I have him to look forward to the possibilities that brings, but it's not the same since I have nothing to compare what I'd be holding out for.

I did recently ask him for an outline of his "member down below". He thought it was too funny nd a little crazy to ask for. But I wanted to know what I'd be working with once he got out and if I did decide to stay celibate what I'd be holding out for..lol. I got it yesterday and ladies...and gentleman...I'm very pleased! He also said he was working on sending me an imprint...I was like what is that...and after reading some threads I realized what it was...he said he used baby oil or something like that but by the time I got it it dried up...but I'm just hoping he didn't leave a special surprise on the paper lol...that's taking it a little too far for me...lol OMG...so he asked me for my "outline" as you will with lipstick or something...1 I'm thinking I'm sensitive so I'd break out and 2 I read on here that someone got their writing privileges suspended for like 6 months for doing same thing....so that will be a no no....lol
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Are you an MWI and decided to not be with other men? Was it a joint decision or was this a deal breaker for him?

If you're not an MWI, would things be truly different if you didn't know him before, honestly?
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:13 PM
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interesting.......... it never came to our mind, but i did chuckle reading your thread. I for sure will share about this with my Man.... but I prefer to stay curious until he will be home!
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:21 PM
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I am an MWI and I decided to abstain for a few reasons. First, I simply do not desire any other man. Second, fidelity is something we both demand and cherish in a relationship. If we are to be committed at all, it will be in every single way, neither of us will accept less than that. And lastly, I am just plain jealous and couldn't deal with him being with anyone else.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:40 PM
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I'm also MWI, however my man is on DR so will never get out. He's been in 20 years, and we've known each other over 6 years and together 2 years. We hope to get married next year. He is 16 years older than me.
He's never asked me about this stuff, and I have no intention of saying anything. It doesn't happen very often but I do now and again have sex. As far as I'm concerned, it has no bearing or impact on my relationship with James, and doesn't make me love him any less.
I personally don't see anything wrong with it under these circumstances.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:50 PM
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well i know that this thread is gonna have a lot of conflicts cause we just has something similar and i really hope that my opinion stays at that jmo and ladies dont get mad but to answer your question, I abstain from having sex because i think that its disrespectful specially cause he is my husband. When I decided to be his wife i decided to dedicate myself to him and no other even before we got married. I dont think that its correct to have sex with others if thats the case why be with the inmate? My fidelity is a symbol of my love to my husband. Im dedicated only to him and I Will Not phantom the thought of another man touching me but thats just me IM NOT HATING THOUGH i just think that a relationship with fidelity honesty and trust is a better relationship then no other jmo
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:33 PM
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I would like to remind everyone of the following policy;

Nudity / Pornographic & Adult Material:

Adult content is anything that is sexual in nature and should not be discussed in front of children. While PTO and prison in general is considered more of an "adult" topic, there are many times when younger children of prisoners access this site and therefore explicit sexually-related conversations are not permitted and may be pulled from the public site without notice should they become graphic. The general rule of thumb is not to talk about things you would not talk about in front of your neighbors' kids.
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:39 PM
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I'm mwi. I love my man very dearly.I absolutely will wait.that's the easiest part of our relationship,being faithful.I desire only marc. the thought of anyone else touching me repulses me.we BOTH agree cheating is a dealbreaker.though he now says he would forgive me i know things would never be the same again. that sense of innocence and trust would no longer be there no matter how "sorry" the person(the cheater) is. this is for OUR relationship,though.I'm only speaking for my OWN relationship.

ps i'm not quite understanding what mwi has to do with anything.If a person has strict morals doesn't really matter how they met,at least not in my opinion.

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Old 10-01-2009, 06:40 PM
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Policy having been stated; I think that once you love someone the desire to have sex with other people diminshes.

Each to their own but it is *my* opinion that if you decide to embark on a relationship with an incarcerated person and choose to have an "open relationship" - there is a good chance that the relationship will continue to be "open" when they get home. How can we expect fidelity when we can't offer it.

My .02
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by tee.dot.q View Post
Policy having been stated; I think that once you love someone the desire to have sex with other people diminshes.

Each to their own but it is *my* opinion that if you decide to embark on a relationship with an incarcerated person and choose to have an "open relationship" - there is a good chance that the relationship will continue to be "open" when they get home. How can we expect fidelity when we can't offer it.

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Old 10-01-2009, 07:18 PM
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Ok, somebody will be upset, but oh well. How can you not expect a man in prison to be faithful. How many opportunities does he actually have to cheat? And, with whom, the guards. I mean i just feel that the playing fields aren't equal. I know there's more to a relationship than physical, and all those other aspects are more important anyways, but physical plays a part. Intimacy plays a part of a relationship. If my boo had more time than this, i wouldn't be waiting at all. And, if he aspected me too, that would be selfish on his part. Why? because i met him while incarcerated. Plus, i would like to see how he'll react once he's home to all these women, and all this freedom. I would be mad as EVER if i held out for many years, and these he comes home, and act a fool. So, I understand the OP, why should you completely shut down your life, and experiences. Life experiences is what make many people evolve and grow.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:44 PM
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I don't know that there is much opportunity for cheating while inside but if you are not faithful to a man that you are in a RELATIONSHIP with while he is down, MWI or not, chances are he is not going to respect the boundaries of fidelity when he gets free.

If you stick around long enough and you will see evidence of this.

I dunno, I wouldn't do the wrong thing just because someone else might do the wrong thing to me one day...

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Ok, somebody will be upset, but oh well. How can you not expect a man in prison to be faithful. How many opportunities does he actually have to cheat? And, with whom, the guards. I mean i just feel that the playing fields aren't equal. I know there's more to a relationship than physical, and all those other aspects are more important anyways, but physical plays a part. Intimacy plays a part of a relationship. If my boo had more time than this, i wouldn't be waiting at all. And, if he aspected me too, that would be selfish on his part. Why? because i met him while incarcerated. Plus, i would like to see how he'll react once he's home to all these women, and all this freedom. I would be mad as EVER if i held out for many years, and these he comes home, and act a fool. So, I understand the OP, why should you completely shut down your life, and experiences. Life experiences is what make many people evolve and grow.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:01 PM
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I married my mwi man. And just as if i had met him out here, I stick to my own principles and vows i took.
as mentioned earlier to each their own. some couples agree on open relationships.....and thats between the couple.
David and I do not have an open relationship. I am not worried or concerned about what is yet to come when he is home as in intimacy. I, personally, believe that it's not really the physical attributes that makes intimacy good, but the emotional, mental, connection. However I do understand that physical parts does come into the picture as well, but IMO its not the main "fire" behind the passion.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:07 PM
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We are MWI and I am faithful to him. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for us (at least up until we got engaged last year) because he didn't ask me to be faithful all these years. He told me he didn't think he had the right to ask that of me, I am doing it because I WANT to, not because he expects me to. We met when we were 32 and we have both recently turned 47. Yes, it WAS the best part of my life, supposedly a woman's sexual peak, but I made the decision, he was willing to live with whatever I decided. Do I regret it? Not for a minute. Do I miss sex? Every minute of every day...........but not enough to cheat on him.

We will be 51 when he gets out and have no intention of letting that stop us at all! We have a very healthy fantasy life and yes we share it with each otehr, mostly in the mail because phone calls are too short. We are both fine with it and we will be..............until we are together on the outside.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:09 PM
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We're MWI and when we decided to become a couple the first thing he said to me was that he didn't share. He told me he could not tolerate me having sex with anyone even though he was incarcerated. I agreed I would not and we've been faithful to each other ever since.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:48 PM
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I am faithful to my love, he has told me he could never forgive infidelity, which is fine with me because I'm a very loyal person.=)
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Old 10-01-2009, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
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If you're not an MWI, would things be truly different if you didn't know him before, honestly?
Yes, I wouldnt wait for a guy Ive never been with outside.
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:48 AM
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I am MWI and I wanted to be faithful or without sex whichever one you want to call it. cause to me I am an old fashioin girl . And I know what it was like to be in a relationship and get cheated on and hurt. And he was way somewere else and I was somewere else. I know how it feels and it feels horrible. I wanted my man to be with me and not other women but that is why I am with my man now cause my ex couldnt keep his pants up...

I made this decision of course that is the way my man wanted it cause he two is old fashion. We believe no matter what if u are with someone you are faithful. Hence that is why they have sex toys on the market. I dont need a man to fufill a piece of me. And plus sex toys never run thier mouth I dont feel bad about it and I one hundred percent safe!! Bottom line

I love this man with all my heart. I already know what he is working with.. And just like a bicycle get back on it and ride it again. SEx it not the most imporant thing in my life..And well it isnt he his either.. I have come to an age were I dont like sex.. I want to make love two differences in them.. I want the one one time the total indulgences in each other.. So I am staying pure for him...And him only he thought it was so sweet that I would do that cause he said baby dont you worry you well be very well taken care of.. I told him oh I know so ha ha ..But he wants to make love he dont want a whamm bamm
So to me thier is no other choice....I am staying sexless until he comes home.. He is imporant in my life love heals that pain and it really does...So I hoped I have answered your question!!!

To each is it's own just my oppion on it.....
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Old 10-02-2009, 03:21 AM
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I married my mwi, there is no such thing as an open marriage relationship in our book, that is totally not allowed. I was a teen when I met him,asked to wait 10 years. we knocked 5 down so far with no sex, I know we can handle the next 5 the same way but alot better.
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Old 10-02-2009, 07:29 AM
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"Yes, I wouldnt wait for a guy Ive never been with outside."

I have to agree with Beth in this cause what difference does it make how you met? To me if you're willing to wait for someone to get out to be with them, the sex should be included if you truly love them. I can't imagine being with anyone else in that way...even when my ex came to visit cause of our daughter and he kept trying to hug me and kiss me, I felt horrible! I told "J" about it cause I wanted him to know what happened and he told me he was glad I respected him that much to tell him and he wasn't mad at me. But I guess what I'm trying to get at, is I just don't see how you can want to wait for someone but not wait for the whole deal. Sex is fun, but not the end all be all, you know?
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:09 AM
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I think it depends on a person's perspective on her (or his!) MWI relationship. Some see it as a pre-relationship with a person who has potential, which won't become a real relationship until the MWI is released and proves himself. So long as both parties understand this, there's nothing wrong with this perspective.

Others see it as a normal relationship that started under unusual circumstances. In this case normal rules apply, and if you'd wait faithfully for a guy you met on the streets then you'll do exactly the same with your MWI.

Personally I'm a simple girl. So long as my husband is in my mind and heart there isn't room for me to notice anybody else.
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:36 PM
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When Sebastian and I were in the MWI phase of our relationship we decided to pursue a relationship despite the physical distance between us. Ours was a full and multi dimensional relationship long before he came home. There was no question in our minds that we would be together and I was faithful to him in every sense of the word

It was ultimately my decision but I don't believe he could have taken our relationship as seriously as he did had I not been. It is something that was important to us and I don't regret it for a moment. Having said that the terms of one's relationship in my opinion are best left to the two people involved in that relationship.

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Old 10-02-2009, 07:20 PM
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I am MWI. Me and my man talked about it. He said if I did decide to be with another man he could understand but it would mean we would just be friends. I on the other hand am the one who decided before we even talked about it that I would not be with another man in any way. It is just how I am with any guy I am with and can not see why I should treat him any differently.
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:05 PM
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For my relationship, cheating is a definite deal-breaker.

I think it depends always on what the 2 people in the relationship decide. A couple of things come to mind though as far as MWI, *unless* the 2 people are just "open relationships" people where they would have an open relationship even if he were not in prison, I honestly don't understand it. I think everyone has their own standards as far as what they have to have in a relationship...if sex is a 'must' I would think a guy in prison is definitely not the way to go--just like if a good job is important, looking for a guy in the unemployment line and having a rich guy on the side makes no sense to me either.

It's everyone's decision and whatever makes someone happy is their own business...I just find it hard to believe that when it's "he doesn't really like it but he will allow it" will work out in the end--if that doesn't create massive resentment, I don't know what would..I would question what is going to happen when that guy gets out, you know? Just my opinion.

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Old 10-03-2009, 09:05 AM
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Quote:
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Yes, I wouldnt wait for a guy Ive never been with outside.
I would have to agree. I would perhaps get to know him, but I would also be dating on the outside.
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Old 10-06-2009, 11:09 AM
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Thanks to everyone for their honest comments and opinions. I talked to my guy all weekend and brought up my blog and he actually said what many of you said about it not being fair and to expect it open after he gets out. I however thought when we discussed it we were on the same page about it not being open for either of us when he gets out. I'm glad I brought it up. I told him I'd have to think about our relationship and at first he thought I meant I was having second thoughts about him altogether, which isn't the case. So I left it at I'd think and pray about it and visit an adult store to take care of you know what until then. He then told me not to get anything too big..lol...Men!

Like I said, I'm glad I brought it up and we talked about it because he really opened up to me. He told me that of course he'd rather have me just to himself because he's still a man and still has his pride, but having our arrangement and me being intimate with someone would make me happy and allow him to have me in his life.

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