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  #26  
Old 11-11-2017, 04:50 PM
prisonlady prisonlady is offline
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I have, in fact, discussed this with two people in real life the day of my email exchange with my father and the day after. By now, my state of mind has returned to normal and I am, in fact, at work and have no intention of "taking a step back or getting some rest". If anything, that could make it worse in case it would give me the time to think too much. If your patients or clients are in prisons or shelters, I can see how, instead of being very busy and already seeing last week as being a long time ago, they may find that time passes more slowly and it was like yesterday.

Also, while my father's comments were made last week, the actual incidents I had in mind happened a long time ago. I'm nearly 50. My father only divorced a few years ago but I had been living on my own for years before that happened. Therefore, without exactly having become a model of sensitivity, my father must indeed have referred to the issues he had with the rest of the family (mother, brother) or with other people (my brother's girlfriend) a few years in the past, but many years after I had moved out.

The reason I even posted a thread here is that it took a while for me to realize that this must be the reason why he made such comments. As far as he was concerned, I was just not part of his family anymore. At the beginning, I hadn't thought of it.

Since he was talking of his life up to his current age, I had considered a longer time frame, but it looks like he had in mind a shorter one. I mean, it could be true that, for the last few years before the divorce, he did not hurt the rest of the family. He did not "steal the family money" because he was the one who earned it, he did not initiate the divorce proceedings and if he cheated on my mom, the fact is that he was no longer living with her, at least most of the time, and this informal separation had lasted for years. He was in his own separate residence in another city where he had a job. He continued to pay my mom's bills, for example, and the separation was not official and perhaps not even quite complete. If this is how he sees the situation, I can understand why he would talk of "never having harmed anybody". It's not true, but he had a shorter time frame in mind.

I don't think what exactly is "chaotic" or "off". My writing is coherent, grammatically correct and showing that I have studied some writing techniques. "Chaotic" would be something like psychotic rambling that makes no sense whatsoever or that is based on delusional thinking. Perhaps it gets too long and boring at times, or it may seem less clear when you are not reading everything or are not familiar with the facts, so it gets confusing because there is too much information at once. Or maybe some sentences or paragraphs are a little long, but they are logical and coherent.

Or maybe it is off in the sense that I rarely create any threads of my own or talk too much about myself. But then, there is nothing wrong with doing it once in a while. I do sound like I'm writing an essay, but that has always been my style. I may write less when my comments would be off topic and the thread is not mine, but I'm not always very brief there either and my style is perfectly consistent.

I would like to thank everybody for the feedback that made me realize why my father must have made those comments. As already mentioned, I emailed him back just once. Since he has not responded, I have no intention to ask him to explain to me why he made those comments instead of making my own assumptions. Sure, he's the only one who really knows what he meant, but why would I encourage him to say something I won't like either and get me upset again? We haven't communicated since last week.
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  #27  
Old 11-11-2017, 05:21 PM
prisonlady prisonlady is offline
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TLDR: I'm fine. No answer from my father. I talked to two people. Please show me one single sentence that was "chaotic". Long, yes, but that's how I always write. I'm basically writing full essays here, but my writing is logical. Maybe it's confusing when there is too much information at once and you don't know the situation.
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  #28  
Old 11-11-2017, 07:24 PM
Gardenwalla Gardenwalla is offline
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I’m sorry if my message upset you. It was not my intention. I’m sorry.
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  #29  
Old 11-11-2017, 08:37 PM
prisonlady prisonlady is offline
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You don't need to apologize. I'm not even upset.

I realize that many people don't actually read everything. First of all, it's too long.
Even if you did, you just don't have the whole picture.

You may also have jumped to conclusions precisely because of your professional experience. You may actually be great at sensing that something is not quite right, but you may overestimate things like risk or how depressed a particular individual is or is not.

For instance, I write for a living. Or, long paragraphs can look exactly like incoherent rambling if you don't actually read the whole thing. I also have some issues, but nothing new or really urgent. My father is fine where he is and will probably disappear for a few more months like he usually does.
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  #30  
Old 11-11-2017, 09:44 PM
AndyS AndyS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prisonlady View Post
You don't need to apologize. I'm not even upset.

I realize that many people don't actually read everything. First of all, it's too long.
Even if you did, you just don't have the whole picture.

You may also have jumped to conclusions precisely because of your professional experience. You may actually be great at sensing that something is not quite right, but you may overestimate things like risk or how depressed a particular individual is or is not.

For instance, I write for a living. Or, long paragraphs can look exactly like incoherent rambling if you don't actually read the whole thing. I also have some issues, but nothing new or really urgent. My father is fine where he is and will probably disappear for a few more months like he usually does.
I will give you that you are a very good writer because you’ve managed to dismiss everything people have responded to here by projecting that’s it’s not you but the people responding that just don’t understand. They don’t understand because you assume people didn’t read all of what you wrote or they just couldn’t comprehend what you wrote because you write for a living. They don’t know how to understand long paragraphs and can come across as incoherent rambling. I’d encourage you to go back through the thread read the advice people gave you and not to be so quick to dismiss it. You got some really good advice and I think everyone was understanding what you were saying.
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Last edited by AndyS; 11-11-2017 at 09:46 PM..
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  #31  
Old 11-11-2017, 10:24 PM
prisonlady prisonlady is offline
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I was not trying to dismiss everybody's feedback. I found some of it very interesting and/or useful. The comments about not understanding were just in response to Gardenwalla.

I'm sure there are many people with decent reading and writing skills here, including some writers. You may have noticed that I hardly ever talk about the exact nature of my professional activities.

The reason I have even mentioned my writing is that Gardenwalla found it "chaotic" and "off".

I'm not saying that I'm a great writer, but my writing is anything by "chaotic". It may be boring and too long, but never chaotic. On the contrary, it will be a little too formal and organized a little to well for a casual message. One would say that I'm writing an essay. It may not be a very good essay, but I can guarantee it won't be chaotic.

It will not be off in the sense that my writing style has changed either. I have been writing like this all the time.
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  #32  
Old 11-11-2017, 10:40 PM
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Yep, you're not upset. You're cramming any feelings so far down that all you can do is minimize. It's Gardenwalla's problem, because your dense professional writing is above his/her comprehension or his/her professional experience doesn't fill the bill.

The chaos being referred to is simply your total denial and your need to twist anything and everything in order to defend yourself from having to come out of your denial.

And let's not get into whether or not many of the people in this thread write just as well as you do. And read just as well, too. That sort of elitist dismissal is unwarranted and is simply a further belittling that your father taught you. By now you've been a victim long enough to know just exactly how unwelcome and unjustified that tactic is.
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  #33  
Old 11-12-2017, 12:04 AM
prisonlady prisonlady is offline
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That's different. Thanks a lot for the clarification! I thought I was being accused of producing some kind of word salad or otherwise demonstrating disorganized speech and thinking due to an episode of mental illness.

If so, that doesn't mean that the other member can't read very well. I thought maybe she had just skimmed through all that writing, perhaps actually reading some parts, and somehow came to the conclusion that I can't even express myself in a logical, organized manner. I didn't mean to criticize her professional skills either. It's just that people sometimes assume things based on whatever experience or profession they happen to have.

I really didn't mean to brag about my skills or compare myself to others. It's just that, if I'm producing something resembling "dense professional writing", I would assume it won't just be confused with a disturbance of expressive language during psychosis, for example. I apologize for my misunderstanding.
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