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  #101  
Old 07-29-2005, 07:36 AM
smellysgurl2005 smellysgurl2005 is offline
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Default Missing Love

I want 2 help my boo n n-e-way I can. He only been incarcerated 4 7 months at Garza West Unit. I want to do a parole packet but I need help gettin started. Can n-e-1 help pleaze???? I miss my "Treal".
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  #102  
Old 07-29-2005, 07:41 AM
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Cool It helps alot

The stuff you are doing for your son is great. Being an ex felon myself it helped to know that my family still cared and loved me even though I thought I was a bad person. Its not easy to sit inside and stare at the same walls day in and out. I did alot of classes and self betterment programs and they have helped deal with stuff on the outside. The only problem i have is finding a job now. Keep supporting him and let us know how he is doing.
  #103  
Old 08-04-2005, 06:29 AM
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Default Purchase Order

Hi Hon,
Depends on what kind of facility he's in. Is he federal or state. State I think you just send them Western Union money orders? Check out California's prison website, there may be a phone number or info there. Feds you send them a money order to an address in Iowa, or you can send a Western Union Quick Collect at most grocery stores. This gets to them faster. Hope this helps !
Becky
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Originally Posted by LisaGets
My son was raised around a 12 step program. I erred when I moved in the middle of his high school years. He erred when he started doing drugs to compensate for life changes. He is now in prison and serving 80% for an 8 yr sentence because he took meth, evaded arrest in a vehicle - they double struck him in california. I have since moved back to Houston because the system in california was so different, I couldn't even help him help himself. I couldn't even lock him out of the house w/o a court order after he turned 18. The good news is, he called me after the trial and told me that it wasn't my fault. That he is accountable for his actions. That's our story- my son and mine.

Now I am trying to learn how to be a parent long distance and while he is in prison. After 3 years, I met a friend who suggested this site and how to send him gift packages - I never knew you could do this. I am certain there are other things I can do to make his life a little more tollerable, but I am not knowledgeable in this area. I just sent him his first 1/4 package - I was thrilled there was something I could do to give. I also sent him 2 of 3 magazine subscription. I just found out I need a Purchase Order to get him a pair of shoes - does anyone know how to get one ? Thanks
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  #104  
Old 08-22-2005, 10:14 PM
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Nettie, thank you for the information. My son was sentenced last Friday to 4 years in prison. I am very concerned and the info you have provided is helpful. I know I will use it daily. Thanks again.
  #105  
Old 09-27-2005, 10:00 AM
PrisonMom7 PrisonMom7 is offline
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Thank you for sharing your heart and much good info!!! My only "living" son, Scott ~(lost a 2 yr.old son to meningitis 27 yrs.ago) is 25 yrs.old and will be serving 5-6 years after being in county and receiving credit for that (he received a 'flat 7 yrs.'). This is our first encounter with prison. The past 10 yrs. he has been jailed countless times. We are hoping, in time, this will actually save his life. The path he was on~ I can't even describe in words~ how many sleepless nights we spent worrying if we'd receive the call that he'd been found OD'd, killed,etc. I am also addressing the shame felt that he is incarcerated for armed robbery and arson. Some days are better than others. I'm trying to shake that feeling how "his life wasn't supposed to turn out this way." But reality is this is what we have to deal with. I am truly grateful to have found this site. Most of all how I am "not unique." There are so many other parents and loved ones experiencing these same feelings. This does bring me consolation. Thank you to you all & God Bless!!
  #106  
Old 10-20-2005, 12:13 PM
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I really enjoyed reading your post. I also have a 21 year old son in prison. It is his first time up and he got 5 years. The prison that he is at is 5 hours away and I haven't gotten to see him yet, they will be transporting him to another facility soon. It just breaks my heart to see him there. I write to him all the time to reassure him that I will always love him and that I will always be there for him. I am having a really hard time coping with him being there and so is his younger brother and sister. I am really glad that they have this site, I can read about other people that can relate to my situation. Hope to hear from someone soon. This is only my second post, I just found about this site a week ago. Thanks to everyone and this site. God Bless
Kayturner
  #107  
Old 10-20-2005, 01:47 PM
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Default Welcome Kay

Welcome Kay!
I can tell you that it does get better after a while. My other son and daughter have also had a tough time with depression since William went to federal prison. It's tough on the entire family. Both of them are on antidepressants and doing much better.
We are all happier now that he's in a permanent place and he's doing fine and says he's not being harmed there. The biggest problem for him is the boredom, but he's trying to get approval to take correspondence courses. Still waiting to get a job assignment after 5 months.
He writes and we write, and he calls some. Hearing his voice helps me a lot, that and knowing he's safe. The older inmates have helped him a lot, giving him advice on how to get along. His roommate is a Christian and he's written me several reassuring letters.
I haven't visited him yet, am waiting to hear that we've been put on the visiting list. Hope to see him sometime in early Nov.
Keep checking this board as there are so many kind, supportive people here. They'll help you learn to deal with this.
Becky
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  #108  
Old 10-25-2005, 08:59 AM
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Nettie -

You are truly an inspiration to us all! And certainly a wealth of knowledge and information! So many of the things you suggested, I already do, like the writing, cutting out articles from the paper, mailing him copies of jokes I get by way of e-mail, the subcriptions, I've sent puzzles and books from Barnes & Nobles, I also send him cards that express how much I love him and how proud I am of him, so I guess I'm on the right track! My thought was to keep him in the loop with the outside world! We even write poems together. I will definitely share some of your words of wisdom with him. especially the part about borrowing.......really good advice. Thanks again! I'll be sure to keep you and your family in my prayers. I'm a firm believer in throwing all your burdens on God and he will sustain you!

Blessings --Chris
  #109  
Old 10-26-2005, 08:41 AM
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Default my 20 year old son is serving 8 years

in Ny. Up to now, I have just been particpating in the NY
pto forum-which has been very helpful in the information way. I am so glad I found this area because being a parent with a child in prison is different from being a girlfriend or wife. I have taken great strength from your experiences and plan to be reading here much more.

My son has undergone training to be a GEd teacher's assistant--and he really likes it! He says it has iven him new respecy for his own teachers! I surely wish he could have done his growing up ithout this experience--but he made his decision to learn the hardest way possile--but he is learning and growing. We have grown quite close--much closer then before he went in--he shares a lot with me.
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  #110  
Old 10-26-2005, 09:46 PM
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Default Hi Kay

I see we're almost neighbors! I have a 28 year old son who is in prison for the first time. He is also sentenced to 5 years, but will probably serve much less than that. He's still at Oakdale, which is the classification place here in Iowa. We don't know yet where they will send him.

Like PrisonMom7, our son had been jailed many times throughout the years; he's also gone through lots of treatment programs. The sleepless nights, the heartache (trusting God but hurting nonetheless), and the worry of just not knowing, is very difficult. Sadly, the times he was in jail or in treatment were the times we could finally rest knowing at least that he was alive and safe. So, for myself, I look at this time beyond the fact that he's in prison; I look at it as another opportunity for him to start his life over. I'm praying the Lord get ahold of him as never bfore

So, welcome to PTO! It's great to have a place to share and be able to receive. as well as give. encouragement.
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  #111  
Old 10-29-2005, 07:47 AM
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Default it is so true what you say

I fel guilty for feeling that he is somewhat safe and I do not have to worry ---waiting for the phone to ring. This is his first time and he does seem to be growing up finally. I asked him the other day what he would do if he got out today--and his answer was heartening--seemed to have matured some--of course he was 19 when he went in last year.
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  #112  
Old 11-01-2005, 10:33 PM
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Default We are neighbors too

Hello Terri,

I on the IA/SD border. My son is 21, and court is Thursday. We do not know what he is getting just yet--but guessing 3-5 years. I am trying to think positive, that this is the best thing, but yet I am scared for him, and full of grief at the same time.
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We may have civilized bodies and yet barbarous souls. We are blind to the real sights of this world; deaf to its voice; and dead to its death. And not till we know, that one grief outweighs ten thousand joys will we become what Christianity is striving to make us.
Herman Melville 1819-1891, American Author
  #113  
Old 11-02-2005, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HBSmommy
Hello Terri,

I on the IA/SD border. My son is 21, and court is Thursday. We do not know what he is getting just yet--but guessing 3-5 years. I am trying to think positive, that this is the best thing, but yet I am scared for him, and full of grief at the same time.
I understand completely. Our son had been in and out of jail so many times (along with treatment centers) for so many years that I don't even try to keep everything straight in my mind. He is such a different person when he's not doing drugs. The Lord has really given me peace during this time. The hardest was the sentencing even though we pretty much knew what was coming. A mother can't help but ache deep inside for her children when they are finally forced to pay the consequences for their actions (I think we suffer even more in a different way). I think I would die inside if it were not for the Lord. In Acts 17:28 it says, "In Him we live and move and exist." I know I couldn't do it on my own. My hope and prayer for both our sons is that this be the end of a life of destruction and the beginning of a life of freedom filled with the promises of God and the future He has for them.
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  #114  
Old 12-18-2005, 06:29 PM
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Default nettie

thank-you for your message my son is 3 years and 2 days into his 5 to 10 year sentence. and your story is so close to home you would not imagine and the things that you said will make the next years so much easier. i know some tihings i didn't think about before. my son is in the tc program right now and he has to give a report. he ask me to look up some info on life after prison so he could give the report on that. that is how i found this site. im so glad i did. he wants me to find information like the differnet programs and assistant that inmate can use such as job training,higher education, homelessness,,ect. for after they are released. .he is in erie county, albion.
the college classes are a wonderful idea for him. i am going to look into those myself and see if i can't get him started asap.. thank you again
  #115  
Old 01-03-2006, 04:40 AM
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Nettie, go to AMAZON.com and look up all the different books they have listed on all the topics your son has requested. These are a few of the books for inmates that actually lists real experineces after Prison and suriving in the free world or the outside world. Here is a list of books that might be of interest to you.
How to Do Good After Prison : A Handbook for the "Committed Man"by Michael B. Jackson, Ron Kenner
How to Love and Inspire Your Man After Prisonby Michael B. Jackson
Free at Last : Daily Meditations By And For Inmates (A Parkside Meditation Book)by Hazelden Meditations

Their are so many books but I chose these even though I have not read them but I am sure I will in the near future. I hope this helps....Jeannie
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  #116  
Old 01-29-2006, 08:42 PM
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Default I'm new and can't believe i'm here!!!

This certainly isn't how I imagined my life, and my son's life 28 years ago. I think I am still in shock, maybe some sort of denial - I just can't believe it. He was supposed to go to college, start a family, get together with his brother and sister sometimes, visit grandparents - all the usual things, not spend most of his life and probably the rest of mine, in prison. I'm sad, furious, heartbroken, ashamed, devastated, confused, teary, guilt-ridden - a whole lot of emotions all at once. I found this site last night and I think I've sent about 4 letters already. And they have all been different as my feelings have developed. It's like an opportunity for stream of conciousness processing but with wonderful feedback. I'm so grateful to have found this site. I knew Ii needed to be in contact with other moms in my situation. How do you survive? The letter from Nettie with all the suggestions was wonderful. It reminded me also that I have to take care of myself or I can't help my son. What do you say when people say "What's Josh up to these days? I haven't seen him for a while" with genuine interest. I can't answer and see the shock on their faces and sorrow too for many of them who have known us all for so long. I cry and that's not always at a convenient time! So I could go on and on but I'll sign off. HELP
  #117  
Old 01-30-2006, 06:14 AM
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Default Welcome Cheryl

Hi,
I'm glad you found us, and I hope you can find some comfort here. Your feelings are certainly ones we have all felt. We want so much for our babies, and it's devastating when those dreams are crushed.
I'm here to tell you it does get better, you won't feel this bad forever. My son has 3 and a half more years to go, and after 18 months, the pain is not as sharp.
We start getting new hopes and dreams for these kids, ones that don't involve drugs or crime. We start letting go of the guilt and letting them take responsibility for their actions.
I wrote my son a letter and told him how I was feeling, and it made me feel a lot better. I poured out all my anger and rage, and at the end, I told him that I will always love him and be here for him.
Please come back and let this board help you in your healing.
Becky
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  #118  
Old 01-30-2006, 04:37 PM
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Welcome Cheryl! Becky, I could not have decribed all that we have gone through better then what you wrote. Time heals all and hopefully the end results bring each of us happiness to look forward to. Jeannie
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  #119  
Old 02-01-2006, 04:33 PM
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Howdy Parents....
Guess you can see I'm from Texas! Wow this the first free smile - chuckle I've had since July 2005, when my son was arrested. He choice to take a second "job" to make ends meet while raising his daughter from 2 months old by himself instead of allowing me to help.... somewhat hard headed Oh well he gets it honestly from me. His daughter was 18 months old when he got arrested for his past (which he had been away from for almost 1 yr). All in all we each carry our own heart ache - my granddgt, my son & me. She was with me until Nov. when her mom reappeared & descided she wanted her, even tho before she had was too busy. I guess in a way I've lost 2 at one time. My son has never been in trouble before but, is now looking at 7 to 9 yrs. unless the judge sees fit to decrease the suggested time by the D.A. I hear rumors as my son does that the Judge is also called Maxamine Sam. But, I have faith. I find myself as bad as it is - being somewhat embrassed of the situation. Not of my son but, of the situation. I have found it is like stepping across into another world.... sleep comes after hrs of trying, dreams come too easily, laughter is seldom with tears too often, loneliness is too close because I don't want to be seen crying ALL the time with fear always a breath away.... I am sure we all feel this way. My heart goes out to each & every one of you wheither it be your 1st experience or more in this madness we have now come to call "Our Lives From The Outside With Our Hearts On The Inside". I know my son stresses as much if not more due to lack of active time. How I'd gladely trade places with him & even give up my professional career for him to be able to be with & raising his dgt. His sentencing will be in 14 days. How we have wanted this time to come but, now I'm not so sure I'm ready!!!!
I would like to thank ALL who have posted here.... I think I have read each & every one's message before desciding to post. Again my heart is heavy & goes out to each one hurting.
  #120  
Old 02-02-2006, 05:08 AM
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TXSONSMOM, I want to wish you and your son luck with his sentencing and hope it all works out in your favor even though in your heart you probley have a good idea of what will take place. Trust me you can never prepare yourself for something like this. It feels unlike anything you have ever been through in your entire life. We welcome you and want you to know we are here for you if you ever need to vent or just reach out to someone. I know how you feel about being embarrssed. Not of our children but of the situation. How do people expect us to act. I have sort of kept to myself. I too live in Texas but do not have your accent I'm afraid to admitt, grew up in Fla and have this unusual New Yorker accent instead. I fit in real well in Texas. LOL
PM me anytime you like. I will be praying for you and your family....Jeannie
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  #121  
Old 02-05-2006, 06:46 PM
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Thank you so much for the information. My son is still awaiting trial for a home invasion robbery with a firearm. He swears he didn't do this...and yet doesn't deny some involvement. He is upset with us for the lawyer we retained as all the inmates say he's not a good lawyer. We couldn't afford the very best lawyer for 75 thousand. He is looking at a life sentence so all this advice you have will be used for this family. We are just praying that God will intervene for the truth in this entire matter. I was not aware that they could send your child to a prison out of state..
  #122  
Old 04-03-2006, 12:40 PM
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All I have just read is so true. I have done my best to keep my son's moral lifted. I also write to 2 nephews and an ex cellmate my son had at another prison weekly. When I ask if they are tired of hearing about my boring day to day topics they all say "NO". I try to imagin what it would be like if there was a mail call and they never heard their names called out although I know some of the locations just deliver the mail directly to the cells. Money is very tight and I can only handle sending my son a little money each week. I send the others money for special holidays or birthdays. I wish I could see my son more but we are in (northern) North Carolina and he is in Columbus, GA. The buddy system would be nice but both my husband and myself are disabled. Between transportation expenses and a hotel it adds up. I have only seen my son three times in 5 years. I have resolved myself to make the journey at least once a year and I know that seems like so little. I want to share some details of how hurt I am and angry at the justice system but will do that at another time. It is also hard to share why my son is there and the impressions by most. My eyes are now open and I hope to enlighten others one day also. I will be dropping in a lot over the next few years because my son is not expected to be home until 2015!! I can only hope I will still be around to offer him the support he will need when he gets home. My family although very small stands by him and that is a blessing. Thank you all for letting me share my pain with you.
  #123  
Old 04-04-2006, 06:07 AM
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Welcome to PTO, Chinagrove. We understand your feelings and are here to support and help each other or to just listen.

My prayers are with you, your son and family.
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  #124  
Old 04-04-2006, 09:28 AM
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My son is also in a county jail awaiting trial. His preliminary hearing is this Friday. Like ChinaGrove, I'm in NC, money is VERY tight due to both my husband and myself being disabled. If I could pay the bill, I would talk with my son on a daily basis but that just isn't possible. I have sent him two "care" packages with pencils, erasers, puzzle books and paperback books. Believe it or not, that was almost $60.00! It is expensive to send books throught the mail. So I have started to write him letters although I don't know what to say really. I sent him a picture of his little boy.

The ideas presented here are excellent and I will keep them in mind as we all move through this process. I don't condone the actions of my son, but I love him with all my heart and will do whatever I can to support him.

Serenity, hope and courage to all here. Thank you for being here, sharing your experiences.

CCNNC
  #125  
Old 04-08-2006, 06:51 PM
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Hi CCNNC,

Letters are always good. Mine turn out to be sort of like a journal, like I did this and I did that on this day and that day. I know it makes no sense but it gives my son a feeling of being home. I also have a lot of Christian and clean joke sites I subscribe to. I save them on my PC - edit them and send out the one large mailer every week. There are sites that have printable mazes, crosswords and word searches. Like I mentioned before he loves the trivia and gets to show other inmates things he knows that they don't. He has told me they are right over his shoulders when the envelope arrives wanting their turn on reading the jokes, etc. I would be glad to list some for you.

If you have been blessed with a printer scanner/copier then you can buy lest expensive puzzle books at the store (even the dollar store) either make a copy of 1,2,3 pages at a time or just cut out a few pages.

I have been doing this so long it has become easy.
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