Do you take the crime into account when writing a penpal?

[JodyAnnShaw]

Hi PookieJude... I personally do use my own home address. I figure that if someone wants to find me when they get out, all they have to do is google me, and they'd know my home address in minutes anyway.
I haven't had any problems doing this, and I've been 'pen paling' for about 7 years now.

Originally Posted by PookieJude

I was wondering for those of you who do have pen pals incarcerated, are you using your own return address? Is this safe? What does one do, get a post office box?

[whisky 23]

I like to get to know the person I am writing to.I never ask there crime,if they want to tell me then that is up to them.
I fine that often the person who did the crime is not the same person I am writing to.I believe everyone needs a friend what ever they have done in the past.

As for Sex offenders there is alot to think about there.Alot of guys are classed as sex offenders for stupid things like sex with a underage girl,when the guy did not know her age.Unless you know all the facts I think it is wrong to judge.

[sweetnina]

When I started writing to my man and to my penpals, I didnt know anything about their crimes. Because they are on death row, it was pretty clear what kind of crime they had committed...but for me it was important to see the person behind the crime.
AND I HAVE FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS

[jlc226]

I wouldn't consider the crime, so much, as what is their reaction to their crime. Do they regret it? Are they proclaiming innocence, or it wasn't their fault? Are they taking steps to change - drug program, anger management, etc.? I think their attitude about what they've done is so much more telling than what crime they committed.

[aztheride]

I admit, I do consider it, but also consider the circumstances it occurred under.

[txred9876]

One of my good pals is on death row because of the death of a child (3). After writing and getting to know this person he definatly has a lower IQ then some but a good heart. Most would say how can you write a child killer.

I have my doubts about his guilt. I think the childs mother had something to do with it. In fact she was one of the "key" witnesses in the case and lied on the stand. She got several months in county for lying yet she testified against my friend. She wrote him love letters while he was awaiting trial.

These are just a few of the questions I have in my mind after reading everything I could about the case. If I had judged him and never written we both would have lost out on a wonderful friendship.

One more thing... it is not my place to judge another...it is HIS.

Tina

[Danalia]

The short answer to the question would be no. It's not always a popular view but I look at it this way. I am not interested in what they did in the past (although I am willing to talk with them about it if they so wish) because, for the most part they are not the same person as they were when the crime took place. Even if it is only a short time between their crime and our first contact there can be a degree of change and certainly remorse on the part of some, not all of course.

Do I write to any who have shown no remorse? Yes I do and I apply the same idea. No matter what they did there are always circumstances and reasons for what they did and the fact that they show no remorse is often allied to the reason for the crime in the first place (such as a mental imbalance). All of them, and I repeat, all are human beings and every human on this earth is flawed. Every one of us has flaws to a lesser or greater degree and I would say there are very few of us who can honestly hold up their hand and say 'I've never told a lie', even if it was a white one and I also believe there are few of us who could honestly say they have never felt rage/anger at another person, sometimes for the smallest of reasons. Have you ever considered how easy it would be to say one wrong word at that point and find yourself in a situation, like many of these inmates, where you lost control? It really could happen to any of us.

If it happened to you would you want people to stop thinking of you as a person and shove you into the 'inhuman/monster/insane' category? I doubt it and yet that is what is done to most of these people. They are no longer worthy of any human kindness or friendship and should be forgotten or murdered by the state as quickly as possible. Aren't we a wonderful species?

Thankfully there are people out here, like all of us, who are willing to look behind those flaws and see the person who is still there behind. People like us who can, for the most part, look beyond the crime label and reach out a hand in friendship. Maye one day we'll gain the majority and turn this world into a better place. For now I, for one, will continue to look past the crime and give my friendship to other human beings because it could have been me.... or you.

(Oops....climbing down of of my soapbox now )

[barbie113]

I was actually LOOKING for a pal who was in for something like murder, cuz I feel like I'd be making more of a difference. Rather than someone who has a lighter charge and sentence. On some ads, I saw they'd only be in for a couple years, they'd get out, and life for them would resume. I write to a lifer in for murder, and I feel I make more of a difference, cuz he doesn't have much to look forward to, people forget about him, etc, etc.
By the way, his crime didn't deter me from him. Yes, it was murder, but he didn't have body parts in his freezer or anything. After getting to know him, I've realized he's the typpa guy I could hang out with, be friends with, or possibly date. He's really a sweetheart.

[dyzstr]

I don't think I would write to a person if their crime involved hurting children in any way.

[my2girls]

I was obessesed over my PP's crime, now not so much. After talking to him a bit I've gotten to know him and he's a different person.... yeah yeah I know, thats what they all say, right? lol. I try not to think about my PP's crime, cause if I did I would be all upset again.

[Amaranth]

TBH...i will write to anyone...as long as their not from the UK

I tend to write to people on Death Row becuase i know unfortunately most of them will never be let out, also i tend to write to people around my age...i feel weird writing to older people.


ANYWAY, their crimes dont really bother me.
As i said i write to people on DR so i know that their crimes have obviously be particularly bad.
I guess the only thing that would effect me would be...kids getting killed or rapists.


My two only killed people in robberies....i dont know.......it doesnt really bother me.

[hisqueen12]

i could not write to someone who had commited ne kind of crime involving a child i have 2 kids ov my own!

[JJS811]

All my PP are on DR except one, but they are all convicted of murder. I try to see past the crime, but will confess to struggling when the crime involves children.

[water_bills]

Originally Posted by airbrush

I'm not sure if this should just be limited to this forum, or who on here are writing to people (besides friends/family) as basically penpals, but:

For what kind of crime would you NOT continue correspondence?

I put violent crime even though my husband is technically a violent criminal, but I would stop correspondence with anyone convicted of child molestation. That is of course, if they were guilty. AND if there was a Huge age difference - like and uncle with his 4 year old niece or something. But if they were both kids and one was older then the other..

Statuary rape - I don't consider that molestation and I think it's silly that people who are convicted of this have to register as sex offenders. If they are guilty of anything, imo, they are guilty of being stupid and horny.

My cousin is sitting in jail right now awaiting trial on rape and sodomy charges. I KNOW he didn't do it. We are really close and I would never stop correspondence with him. I am so mad at his ex girlfriend over this.

ANYWAY.. I guess it always depends on the circumstances, but I have kids and I would not associate with someone who was a pedophile. Doing that to children who can't defend themselves is worse then murder imo because it destroys an innocent life. Just my opinion.

I also don't think I would associate with a serial rapist because of the disrespect for women..

[lisainengland]

I must admit that crimes against children disturb me and I dont think I could write to someone who had committed a crime against a child but I do try not to judge.

[patriciab9882]

Originally Posted by sweet_aziza

People are capable of change and to judge a person on the crime that was commented is wrong. I don't have a problem writing anyone, if they are respectful. I can give the same.
Get to know the person first before judging on the crime that was done.

Hello - I agree.
Thanks and
Blessings,

[prettygirl21]

I'm one of those who don't "judge a book by it's cover" so to speak but someone who committed a crime against a child/raped or molested someone I would never ever correspond with. I'm writing to someone who is in for murder i knew he was in for murder before I even wrote to be honest it didn't bother me cause i knew their had to be a reason behind it. Now i know what happened and the man that he is today but i could never get past what i said above but i don't look down on people write to those kind of people.

[irish gal]

I wouldn't write to a child killer, rapist, serial killer or a molester. I know everyone deserves a chance but i'd find thoses crimes too disturbing.

[trick]

Don't judge the person by the cover thrown on the person by the state-federal judicial system.

A good example comes to mind: Did you know that in some states you can be charged as a sex offender if you relieve yourself out in the open. You are hunting in the woods and you duck behind a tree to take a leak and the park ranger catches you or it's after a night ball game and you hold it until you get behind a dumpster and are spotted by the police in a patrol car.

There was an example not too long ago on the net where a grandparent sent via cell those baby pics we all had taken by our parents when we were in our birthday suit, rear up in the air crawling on all fours. The DA wanted to prosecute the grandparent as a criminal.

I am sure I could find literally 100s more of similar situations where the criminal charge looks so much worse than what actually happened.

[littlehoov]

whilst i wouldnt judge a book by its cover i would choose not to write to someone who had committed a sex crime...... thats my choice through past personal experience.

[kimshei]

I only started writting to my inmates, pals, (men in cages, whatever!) a few months ago. One of the first things I wrote was: I DON'T want to know what you did. I am afraid that, although I consider myself, and I am told that I am very open minded and forgiving, I am afraid that if I knew,that I may form a bias, a permanent visual in my head. Like a bad video attached to a great song, ruining it. One man is "aggravated murder", the other is "1st degree".These men are already "victims" to the story they lived in the past.

I am supporting men in the NOW. The punishment, although I don't agree with the technique, it's already set in motion. I absolutely know in my heart that I am doing the right thing.(although I have little support, glad to have this group!!)

If my curiousity gets the better of me, I'm sure I'll be ready for the story when/if it comes.

[IcyCool7227]

For me, it's:

1.) serial killers
2.) terrorists
3.) certain child molestation charges (have to read an article about the situation first)
4.) kidnappers
5.) manslaughter
6.) identity thieves
7.) murderers who show no remorse or shame

that I won't write to.

Robbers give me the creeps too but that really depends on what happened. It used to be child sex offenders until I wrote 2 of them finding that crime was quite the psychological one and often misinterpreted/misinformed to lots of people. Since writing them I found these are depressed kinds of inmates that need support. It's a problem inmates have to work through sex offender therapy for. Why are so many here against writing to sex offenders?

[IMURHUNI]

i checked out their crimes before i wrote to either of my pp's and both have crimes i felt were ok for ME. I never voted because i would have needed a muliple answer vote. So i have put what i am not ok with

Robbery
if it results in death or injury
Assault/battery
i am ok with self defense assault, but i especially abhore domestic violence crimes
Murder/manslaughter/homicide (or other crimes involving death)
Just wouldnt be able to write to this type of prisoner, a bit hypocritical i know, considering i am ok with self defense assault
Drug possesion/traffiic/conspiracy/etc (and drug related crimes) i am anti drugs
Violent crimes (sexual/rape/dimemberment resulting in death or not
would never ever consider writing to someone with one of these offenses.
Arson
if it resulted in death

I have no problem with the men or women that commit these types of crimes except for 1 of them but I choose not to write to them.
These are MY choices and MY reasons and i dont expect to be chastised for them or be given the 3rd degree on how people can change. My opinion is my OWN and i would never attemp to ram it down other peoples throats, so if you dont like it.....................move onto the next post. Thanx

[Angelslove123]

I ask those that i write to right from the start to please not tell me what they were convicted of. Why i ask for complete honesty and i don't want to be lied to or every wonder did they or did they not if i am told from them that they "didn't do it".

[MrsCetina]

Originally Posted by CharlotteLoves

I would have a problem with:

-->anyone who killed or abused a child or an elderly person (for example, killing an elderly person while in the process of robbing them)

-->anyone who has tortured another person

-->spousal abusers (I have studied the subject, they usually don't change)

-->sex offenders (any kind) (again, usually don't change)

-->anyone who killed their mate (or anyone else, for that matter) in a particularly brutal way and/or who defiled the victim after death (example, husband kills wife and dismembers to hide evidence)

-->convicted serial killer

Yeah, this is my answer too. I can understand and relate to crime, but not the ones listed above.