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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 04-02-2013, 10:04 AM
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Default Why is he so controlling now?

I'm in a different situation, my husband has only been home 2weeks, he's ajusted well he was down 4 years, my struggle is yes I've been the head of the household, takin care of everything the kids, bills, car, I have the job, but as soon as he came home he's been Very controling??? Yes I am submisive and him Very Dominating that is something I Love about him but its been over the top Control?? I almost have to ask to do anything?? If I want to smoke, I asked our daughter on easter if she would get Mama a glass of milk, so she goes to Dad an tells him (cuz she couldn't get the glass) my husband tells her to tell me "no"? There's more but I don't want to continue....I'm NOT trying to control him, never would I, but why is he doin this to me?? We have been together 14 years and he has never been like this?? Any HELP ladies, PLEASE???!!
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forsakenLove View Post
I'm in a different situation, my husband has only been home 2weeks, he's ajusted well he was down 4 years, my struggle is yes I've been the head of the household, takin care of everything the kids, bills, car, I have the job, but as soon as he came home he's been Very controling??? Yes I am submisive and him Very Dominating that is something I Love about him but its been over the top Control?? I almost have to ask to do anything?? If I want to smoke, I asked our daughter on easter if she would get Mama a glass of milk, so she goes to Dad an tells him (cuz she couldn't get the glass) my husband tells her to tell me "no"? There's more but I don't want to continue....I'm NOT trying to control him, never would I, but why is he doin this to me?? We have been together 14 years and he has never been like this?? Any HELP ladies, PLEASE???!!

Maybe because you are allowing him to do it. But you already know this since you said you are submissive.

Also he may have resented you having your freedom while he was in prison. So now he is trying to make up for lost time and controlling you even harder. To get back at you. For all the time he couldn't control you?

I hope you guys can work this out and he stops trying to control your every move. Sorry i wasn't much help but i'm sure others will help you and know more than i do on this topic.
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Old 04-02-2013, 10:20 PM
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I am fishing here... but maybe since everything was out of his control while incarcerated, now he wants to prove that he is THE MAN? How was he when he was locked up? Still ran the household or you had free reigns? You have to tell him what bothers you. The sooner, the better so you don't spoil his homecoming. Hope all works out for you guys. Be patient
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Old 04-03-2013, 01:18 AM
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The sooner, the better so you don't spoil his homecoming.
So she doesn't spoil his homecoming? really?
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:50 AM
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The only thing I can think of is because for so many years he had NO control over anything? That is NOT an excuse, it is a reason. Big difference. YOU need to have a talk with him. He needs to realize that even tho he had no control for a long time, he doesn't get complete control now. He told your daughter not to get you a glass of milk? That is unreasonable, and maybe he doesn't even realize he is doing it. Talk to him. Tell him how this makes you feel. Nip it in the bud NOW. Good luck.
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:56 AM
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Communication is key to any successful relationship. Did the two of you have discussions prior to his release which you can draw upon to open a dialogue? Even if you didn't you must discuss this and the sooner the better. We can't possibly know why this is happening. You need to ask him and you need to tell him how it is making you feel. After all its not just his homecoming but yours and the kids too. Talk to him.
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Old 04-03-2013, 06:49 AM
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he said you couldn't have a glass of milk!? maybe he wanted you to know what it's like to want a beverage or food and not be allowed to have it? this is not going to end very well at all for you IMHO.i'm sort of wondering if he has some type of mental problem that's showing up now.if you allow this it will only escalate. he could end up hurting you and your kid(s). you should try to talk to him about this, if you sense him becoming very angry don't try to press the matter and stand up to him to his face because he probably will do something violent. which means you should back off and try to to placate him until you can move. if it were me and he continued i'd see about having him removed from the home. also i wouldn't give a damned about ruining his homecoming either as another member posted!
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Old 04-03-2013, 07:09 AM
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It seems he has switched from inmate to CO.
Not acceptable.
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:37 PM
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Spoil HIS Homecoming, WTF?? thanks to the Ladies wit some good advice! One thing I want you Ladies to know is, My Husband would NEVER hit Me or Our children, plain an simple, he's not abusive, I'm Not worried about that.
After reading what you guys wrote I desided to talk wit him about how I he was makin me feel, and one of you ladies were right, 4 yrs of being told what to do, when to do it and how to do things got to him. My Husband was very understanding, and was glad I said something instead of letting it build up. So many things I read on PTO helped me help him, but never really looked for ways to help my transition, I'm glad I still have PTO now that he's home!! As of this morning, he has been 100% better, he made breakfast, started the shower for me, he even came outside to smke wit me!!
I think I was letting him do what he wanted cuz I didn't want him to think I was controling him. Patty, I have always seen your posts about communication and getting that out, talking about how I felt Helped!! Guess we got so used to the phone talk that in person I froze
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Old 04-03-2013, 05:41 PM
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It's not about "his" homecoming, each of their happiness is no more important than the other. I'm really happy to read that he responded positively after you have had a talk with him. Hope it all works out for the best for you going forward
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Old 04-04-2013, 03:34 AM
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Gald you had a good talk and got a positive response.
I love good news!
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:14 AM
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I agree..that didn't sit well with me either!! Giving the benefit of the doubt..maybe she meant it totally different.

UOTE=nevaeh2morrow;7110549]So she doesn't spoil his homecoming? really?[/quote]
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