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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 11-20-2009, 05:18 PM
Babygyrl_Mia Babygyrl_Mia is offline
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Default Friends & My Family and HIS Family Think I'm Stupid For Waiting and Loving a FELON..

I have already been critized by my friends and my family for loving and waiting for my boyfriend, I move to a different city and I thought that his family would be more understanding but they think I'm just wasting my life. They feel like he will NEVER be able to take care of me and my daughter because he's a felon and will never be able to get a decent job. At first I thought that we could do it. I was hoping I move here to Texas and get a job and wait for him in December to be released. Now I'm here in Tx and can't find a job, and he's coming out in December w/out a POT to PISS in...Things are not the way I plan...He is a good loving person and I love him dearly, but I admit I do think about our future.

And now I'm thinking if I made a mistake falling in love with a man who may never be able to take care of home.

That saying is right : Love don't pay the Bills....
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Old 11-20-2009, 05:37 PM
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And now I'm thinking if I made a mistake falling in love with a man who may never be able to take care of home.

That saying is right : Love don't pay the Bills....
You cant choose who you fall in love with, but I understand your concerns. Its good to be realistic about this, coz you're right... love sure doesnt pay the bills! But you know what, even if you were in love with a free man you could still have the same problems. He could lose his job and then what? You'd be in the same position as you're in now... no one situation is better than the other. You just make do with what you got and try and find a way to make it work.

And I think we can all relate to having someone in our family/friends network who doesnt support us. Certainly doesnt make it any easier. I know its hard to stay positive, but you have a loving man behind you, a wonderful daughter (I'm sure!) and lots of support here on PTO... I hope things look up for you on the job front ((hugs))
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  #3  
Old 11-20-2009, 05:55 PM
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well sista i am stupid to then cuz i love a felon as well. least your in good company cuz most of roung here love a felon to. things will work out dont get discoraged.
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Old 11-20-2009, 07:12 PM
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Everyone on this site, loves or loved a felon. And you're right, love don't pay the bills, but that is true whether he's a felon or not. The economy sucks right now, everywhere. I know a lot of wives, myself included, who are making use of the time to go to school, because for whatever reason, we can't work, we're unemployed, disabled, whatever.

Chances are good, depending on your age, that your family would criticize every and anyone that you loved, felony nonwithstanding. Families are good at that - they want the best for their children, and for their grandchildren. And there are far worse men to love than felons. All they would need to do is meet my daughter's boyfriend, and they would be HAPPY if you would fall in love with a felon. He's never been to prison, but I'd take prison over that soft, stupid Mama's boy anyday. Hell, I'm more MAN than he will ever be. So tell your family that you could do MUCH worse in the free world. If the love is there, he will do what he needs to to take care of his new family. And if it isn't, then you made a mistake, and you wipe your tears and blow your nose, rub the bruises on your backside, and get back in the saddle, older and wiser. Some things can be undone. And if a mistake can't be undone, you can always just do it over again, but smarter and wiser.
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Old 11-20-2009, 07:36 PM
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I know that he loves me and he promise that he will do all he can to take care of me and I love him for wanting to do that, but I don't want a man to take care of me I want my man to be able to help me take care of US TOGETHER!!!..He has a family of Doctors and Pyschologist and they are very smart people and they take college education very seriously, he went to college and has a degree but what good is it if your a felon. That's why his family is so hard on him, they feel that he will never amount to anything with a felony on his record. To them his life is ruined. My family they really never cared about college, hell my parents didn't care if I worked at McDonalds and made it a career so long I had a job. SO college wasn't important to me cause i never had parents to encourage me to do that sort of thing. Now that I am 29 years old I regret it.

I just hope we can make it, thanks for all your support PTO members
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Old 11-20-2009, 07:41 PM
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I know that he loves me and he promise that he will do all he can to take care of me and I love him for wanting to do that, but I don't want a man to take care of me I want my man to be able to help me take care of US TOGETHER!!!..He has a family of Doctors and Pyschologist and they are very smart people and they take college education very seriously, he went to college and has a degree but what good is it if your a felon. That's why his family is so hard on him, they feel that he will never amount to anything with a felony on his record. To them his life is ruined. My family they really never cared about college, hell my parents didn't care if I worked at McDonalds and made it a career so long I had a job. SO college wasn't important to me cause i never had parents to encourage me to do that sort of thing. Now that I am 29 years old I regret it.

I just hope we can make it, thanks for all your support PTO members
honey let me tell you something bout what his family said that his life is ruined. hear me on this ONE MANS TRASH IS ANTHERS TREASURE. you build your life on material possessions and have a huge house full of all kinds of wonderful items. is that gonna make you happy?
the simple things in life is where you will find happiness. the honest good true love of a man that looks at you and sees his wife full of love no matter what she looks like or what she is doing. a modest home full of love for God and life is all anyone ever needs for true happiness.
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Old 11-20-2009, 07:47 PM
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Everybody has tough times, tough roads, my family would never understand why my fiance', a lifer and I are going to be married. She knows I would live in a treehouse if I had to so that I could come and see her and be with her. You love each other, that's what counts and there are good people willing to give a convicted felon a break or a chance, whatever you want to call it! I know of two here in CA, one was on the inside 13 years, he's custodial engineer or janitor, the other was inside almost 9 years and he works on a fishing boat here. You have love, there's always hope! You never give up, not when it's for real!
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:03 PM
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I know that he loves me and he promise that he will do all he can to take care of me and I love him for wanting to do that, but I don't want a man to take care of me I want my man to be able to help me take care of US TOGETHER!!!..He has a family of Doctors and Pyschologist and they are very smart people and they take college education very seriously, he went to college and has a degree but what good is it if your a felon. That's why his family is so hard on him, they feel that he will never amount to anything with a felony on his record. To them his life is ruined. My family they really never cared about college, hell my parents didn't care if I worked at McDonalds and made it a career so long I had a job. SO college wasn't important to me cause i never had parents to encourage me to do that sort of thing. Now that I am 29 years old I regret it.

I just hope we can make it, thanks for all your support PTO members
Depends on what his degree is in and what his felony is for. My husband has a degree in engineering, and he decided to be a welder. However, he got the job he got (6 weeks out of prison, no less), BECAUSE he has a degree in engineering. He does some welding, but he does more stuff that has to do with blueprints and specs and schematics than with welding, so his degree helped him land that job.

As far as not making anything of himself, that's his and your decision, NOT theirs. They want him to be like them, he may have different ideas. Success is determined by an individual, and it should only be determined by what makes that person happy. If material things make you happy, then make lots of money to buy lots of stuff. Me, my husband, we're happy with our little hobbies, some food in our tummies, and roof over our heads.

Don't let anyone talk you or him out of what YOU two decide you need to do. You're an adult, with a child of your own, so is he. Make your own decisions, and do what makes you both happy.

And we're here to support you whenever you need it, whether it's a hug, or a kick in the pants. (And sometimes I need one of those, so feel free)
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:53 PM
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Mia,
Your thread really touched my heart but as I read through the responses of these awesome ladies here, I had tears in my eyes. Everything they've told you, I agree with. We don't choose who we love but we can choose how we grow that relationship.

Just because someone is a convicted felon doesn't mean they will never have a professional career. There are a number of very well known convicted felons who have changed their lives around and become successful.

But ya' know what? Even if your man can't do squat with his degree...if the two of you have true love together, you take care of your child together and you spend your lives "TOGETHER", nothing he will do for a living matters. Even though it's not his first choice, my man is psyched about being a trash truck guy if he can't find anything else when he's first released, if it means he's free, living right and is with those he loves and that love him! Pride comes in actions, not possessions or social stature...

I understand that things aren't as you want them to be right now but don't ever give up. There's a reason you're struggling right now and when things get better, you'll appreciate those struggles.

One day at a time, punkin'...
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:13 PM
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Mia,
Your thread really touched my heart but as I read through the responses of these awesome ladies here, I had tears in my eyes. Everything they've told you, I agree with. We don't choose who we love but we can choose how we grow that relationship.

Just because someone is a convicted felon doesn't mean they will never have a professional career. There are a number of very well known convicted felons who have changed their lives around and become successful.

But ya' know what? Even if your man can't do squat with his degree...if the two of you have true love together, you take care of your child together and you spend your lives "TOGETHER", nothing he will do for a living matters. Even though it's not his first choice, my man is psyched about being a trash truck guy if he can't find anything else when he's first released, if it means he's free, living right and is with those he loves and that love him! Pride comes in actions, not possessions or social stature...

I understand that things aren't as you want them to be right now but don't ever give up. There's a reason you're struggling right now and when things get better, you'll appreciate those struggles.

One day at a time, punkin'...
well said my fellow felon lovin sista!
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:35 PM
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Another option for convicted felons is to go into business for themselves. My father was a convicted felon and decided that he didn't want his past to keep him from being successfull and opened a restaurant and turned it into a chain of restaurants and was very successful. He owned it so nobody could use his felony conviction against him. My bf who is getting out Monday has a lot of experience with landscaping and we have plans for him to start his own business. He can start small and as he builds up customers and buys more equipment he can let it grow as big or keep it small, but it will be a way of him working around his conviction and not letting it get in his way. You just have to have a positive attitude and the commitment to do it together and not let anything stand in your way!!!! It can be done!!!!
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:40 PM
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Another option for convicted felons is to go into business for themselves. My father was a convicted felon and decided that he didn't want his past to keep him from being successfull and opened a restaurant and turned it into a chain of restaurants and was very successful. He owned it so nobody could use his felony conviction against him. My bf who is getting out Monday has a lot of experience with landscaping and we have plans for him to start his own business. He can start small and as he builds up customers and buys more equipment he can let it grow as big or keep it small, but it will be a way of him working around his conviction and not letting it get in his way. You just have to have a positive attitude and the commitment to do it together and not let anything stand in your way!!!! It can be done!!!!
my felon has supported me very well until he got sick with addiction. i never wanted for nothing. honestly. i live in a ranch with horses land and am on my 3 or 4th new car since we married. seriously just because your man is a felon dont mean give up on him. i have been with rich men poor men and none of them have treated me as good as my husband. i am a spoiled wrotten wife and he done it all.
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Last edited by rodeointx; 11-20-2009 at 09:45 PM..
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Old 11-21-2009, 12:12 AM
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well all i can say F them, first of all.. dont care what they think, they are not in your relationship.

as for the rest, if he WANTS to make something of himself and be a family and all that, then he will. You've made the moves, you love him, dont doubt the future and worry about something that hasnt even had a chance to happen yet. youve taken the leap, all you can do is hope and help him WANT to be better.
its not impossible.
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