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  #1  
Old 09-13-2017, 03:05 PM
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Default Judgment from family and friends

How do you ladies deal with judgment from people about the fact your loved one is in jail or prison? A lot of people seem to think I should just move on. When you know, you know. He is my soulmate.. I plan on waiting for him always.
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:18 PM
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Do what's in your heart love
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Old 09-13-2017, 04:03 PM
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Do what's in your heart love
Thanks. I think so too. Its tough but worth it
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Old 09-13-2017, 04:28 PM
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Thanks. I think so too. Its tough but worth it


Indeed it is but we love who we love
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Old 09-13-2017, 05:00 PM
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I dont deal with it...if they have a problem with it....It's their problem NOT mine! nor will I make it mine...trust me after 15+ yrs people are still telling me to leave him. God willing he will be home Jan 2018!!
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Old 09-13-2017, 11:36 PM
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Originally Posted by LForney88 View Post
How do you ladies deal with judgment from people about the fact your loved one is in jail or prison? A lot of people seem to think I should just move on. When you know, you know. He is my soulmate.. I plan on waiting for him always.
I understand what your talking about....I was dealing with this very issue just last night. I made the mistake of telling my friend of about 12 years that I was involved with a man who is in prison. To say that she did not take it well is a understatement. She thinks that I am out of my mind. I attempted to tell her about him but she wouldn't even listen. She thinks that I'm putting myself in danger, and even implied that she is in danger by association. At this point I'm starting to get angry! I thanked her for her concern even though it isn't warranted paid my check and left! I don't want to choose between my friend and my man, and I can tell you she won't like the outcome if she forces it. But if she continues to berate me about him, I will cut her out of my life! Because that's what it comes down to...my life, my choices, my consequence! I wish you the best...we have not chosen the easy path.....
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Old 09-15-2017, 08:23 AM
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I also had some of this.
I was lucky in that my family told me, whatever you decide to do we will stick by you.
As for my friends? Pretty much the same thing.

Now as for others (coworkers etc) I just kept going. Kept working and trying to be the same old me, even tho I was very sad/upset and hurting big time.
I made it a point to not bring up my husband. And just about every time, someone would eventually ask me how he was doing.
Id simply reply.....oh he doing just fine. Hanging in there.
And drop it.
Try it sometime. Dont bring him up. Just keep the convo superficial.
Eventually they will ask. .
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Old 09-16-2017, 10:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LForney88 View Post
How do you ladies deal with judgment from people about the fact your loved one is in jail or prison? A lot of people seem to think I should just move on. When you know, you know. He is my soulmate.. I plan on waiting for him always.
I don't ask for anyone's opinion for starters. Initially I made a valiant effort to move on, but I still remained "friends" with him. Eventually, I became naturally committed to him and now we're married. I think that time when I was still dating others gave people a little chance to get used to the idea of my love for him. Maybe.

My friends and family know me. They know how strong minded I am. They know it really doesn't matter what they think. I always say "Be confident. Be independent. And live well." When people see that your man is building you up rather than bringing you down, they may ease up on you. Your people love you and wants what's best for you so you have to show them you are okay - even WITH HIM. Your success will be the affirmation they need.
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Old 09-17-2017, 04:20 PM
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It wasn't that big of a deal until he went back to prison. I wasn't too caught up in what anyone had to say about what I should do, I found it interesting how people could share an opinion on something they hadn't experienced.

I don't discuss my relationship with those I confided in as friends anymore and my family, well the only ones I cared about that much were my parents who always encouraged me to live my life choices because they'd already lived their lives.

You have to do what you feel is right for you in the end.
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Old 09-17-2017, 05:16 PM
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I'm going to say at my age it was no ones business, but my family made their feelings very clear. I don't care what anyone thought or still does. I do have to say no one who has a loving family wants their child,sister, brother, parent, or aunts, uncles involved in a prison relationship. I mean really who say's to their daughter I found this guy you will just love, he's a serial killer? He's a drug dealer? He's a whatever? No one!!! You just need to keep in mind everyone wants what is best!!
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  #11  
Old 09-18-2017, 02:18 AM
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Oh! Do some people just love to judge! [Personally, I think they should get their own life.]

One of my huge pet peeves is people who feel the need to offer unsolicited advise. Grrrrr.

I am practicing saying "I'd rather not talk about that."
[Seriously, I say it out loud to my cats - just to actually hear myself say it. Yes, they think I'm crazy.]

Sometimes, I'll add "Thank you for your concern, but . . ."

This is still kind of hard for me to do, but I'm getting better at it! To the point where when one "friend" didn't understand what not talking about it means and kept up the interrogations, I turned and walked away. Rude? Maybe, but not as rude as my "friend" was.

My mentor is helping me to finally understand this and to be ok with it. This is my life, my decision, no one else's. I have enough on my plate without having "well-meaning" [ahem] judgmental people in my life. Included in this "new me" is to stop feeling the need to explain/justify myself to anyone. [With the sole exception of my husband.] Maybe hardest of all is to not feel guilty about it!

Is this easy? Hell no. I've spent the last 25 years explaining/justifying/etc my relationship. But I tell ya, it's very satisfying to finally be able to not listen/put up with the busy-bodies!

So far I've been polite, but there are a few who are going to get a few choice expletives the next time - before I turn and walk away

ps. Included in nosy, busy-bodies are family members! That's harder, but not impossible!
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  #12  
Old 09-18-2017, 03:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I'm going to say at my age it was no ones business, but my family made their feelings very clear. I don't care what anyone thought or still does. I do have to say no one who has a loving family wants their child,sister, brother, parent, or aunts, uncles involved in a prison relationship. I mean really who say's to their daughter I found this guy you will just love, he's a serial killer? He's a drug dealer? He's a whatever? No one!!! You just need to keep in mind everyone wants what is best!!
I'm with xolady on this, at my age I don't give a rat's azz... my family is supportive but apprehensive but they know I mostly have a good head on my shoulders and I am still taking it slow.
I have a few friends that know and they are very supportive.
As for the rest: none of their business.
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Old 09-18-2017, 03:57 AM
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My family thought I was crazy when I started a relationship with an inmate (we are MWI) and when we got married they thought I'd lost my mind totally. I can understand why they felt the way they did as life isn't all a bed of roses when you have a loved one locked up and they were worried for me. They have slowly realised that we are good for each other though and are on my side now. As for friends, you can choose your friends. I had a couple of friends who gave me an ultimatum - "me or him" - of course I chose and always will choose my husband. If your friends can't support you, you need to ask yourself "are they friends?".
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