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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 09-11-2017, 09:42 AM
Lynnie Ervin Lynnie Ervin is offline
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Default Broken Heart

It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime I had what I thought was a great relationship with an inmate but my insecurities of not wanting to marry him right away I wanted for us to wait awhile before we got married. That wasn't good enough for him I gave him everything and then some now here I am my I got up last week to send him a message and he blocked me he has already moved on which tells me I am not the only one he was with how can a person really know the good ones from the ones that are only on here to toy with your emotions I am sure he is laughing all the way to the band and I am crying every single second of the day. I would greatly appreciate some words of encouragement and also some stories of woman who have went through this and how to get over him.
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Old 09-11-2017, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie Ervin View Post
It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime I had what I thought was a great relationship with an inmate but my insecurities of not wanting to marry him right away I wanted for us to wait awhile before we got married. That wasn't good enough for him I gave him everything and then some now here I am my I got up last week to send him a message and he blocked me he has already moved on which tells me I am not the only one he was with how can a person really know the good ones from the ones that are only on here to toy with your emotions I am sure he is laughing all the way to the band and I am crying every single second of the day. I would greatly appreciate some words of encouragement and also some stories of woman who have went through this and how to get over him.
I understand your sad but at least he showed his true colors now rather than after you were married. Think of this as a blessing, God has a plan for you and maybe he wasn't part of that plan. The pain u are feeling now is only temporary and will make you stronger and wiser. Im sorry your going through this but things will get better!
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Old 09-11-2017, 10:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie Ervin View Post
It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime I had what I thought was a great relationship with an inmate but my insecurities of not wanting to marry him right away I wanted for us to wait awhile before we got married. That wasn't good enough for him I gave him everything and then some now here I am my I got up last week to send him a message and he blocked me he has already moved on which tells me I am not the only one he was with how can a person really know the good ones from the ones that are only on here to toy with your emotions I am sure he is laughing all the way to the band and I am crying every single second of the day. I would greatly appreciate some words of encouragement and also some stories of woman who have went through this and how to get over him.


I'm sorry your going through this and I know it hurts. I hope and pray things get better for you trust that this pain is temporary
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Old 09-11-2017, 10:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie Ervin View Post
It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime I had what I thought was a great relationship with an inmate but my insecurities of not wanting to marry him right away I wanted for us to wait awhile before we got married. That wasn't good enough for him I gave him everything and then some now here I am my I got up last week to send him a message and he blocked me he has already moved on which tells me I am not the only one he was with how can a person really know the good ones from the ones that are only on here to toy with your emotions I am sure he is laughing all the way to the band and I am crying every single second of the day. I would greatly appreciate some words of encouragement and also some stories of woman who have went through this and how to get over him.
I know your feeling heart broken right now but you did the right thing by not marrying him until you felt ready to do so. It's honestly better that you know then spend years married to a man who doesn't share the same feelings. I knew my boyfriend before he was in prison and he has asked me to marry him. I have declined to do so I told him when he gets out if he still feels the same way then I will marry him, he has respected that and we still are happily seeing eachother. He will ask for money but he never demands or expects It, I will give him what I can afford and he always expresses how much he appreciates everything I do. Just stick with your gut instinct if something doesn't feel right don't do it. Good luck to you
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Old 09-11-2017, 10:38 AM
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Good grief, your broken heart should be replaced by joy because you were spared to be with an azz. I'm really sorry he did that to you but honestly it might be the best thing that happened to you. He was obviously looking for a "sugar mama". Don't be that and don't accept that. I know the heart is broken now but it'll be fine soon. Something similar happened to me and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
You're better than that!
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Old 09-11-2017, 11:28 AM
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All you see right now is your heartache, so you are blind to the fact that you won. You won! Because as much as this may hurt, this pain has spared you so much more. He has shown you who he is, who he really is. Is this a man you would have wanted to marry and spend your life with? Grieve. Do whatever it takes for you to heal, and then move forward. This was an experience that helped you learn and grow. Take it for what it was.
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Old 09-11-2017, 11:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie Ervin View Post
It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime I had what I thought was a great relationship with an inmate but my insecurities of not wanting to marry him right away I wanted for us to wait awhile before we got married. That wasn't good enough for him I gave him everything and then some now here I am my I got up last week to send him a message and he blocked me he has already moved on which tells me I am not the only one he was with how can a person really know the good ones from the ones that are only on here to toy with your emotions I am sure he is laughing all the way to the band and I am crying every single second of the day. I would greatly appreciate some words of encouragement and also some stories of woman who have went through this and how to get over him.
Yea seems a little shady he wanted marriage or else type thing . Something tells me he pulls the marry me card with any woman that writes him. His response does g sound normal at all especially since if someone really cared about you they'd respect your decisions especially on something so serious. You dodged a bullet don't worry you'll be ok Just take it a step at a time
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:33 PM
Anna7 Anna7 is offline
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I had that happen to me with an MWI; he was wanting marriage after only a few months of us talking. It got to where he was pushing the issue every time we talked, and I guess it became apparent to me that he was just going by a "script" to attach himself legally to someone on the outside for security purposes and have a place to land if he makes parole. I got increasingly irritated by the fact that I was paying for calls in which I was badgered to submit to his will so after about 6 months I pulled the plug on the phone and that was that. Did I love him? No, once I figured out what his bottom line was.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:17 PM
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Anyone in an MWI relationship or even someone not sure what the inmates motive is should refrain from sending any money they aren't willing to part with. That way if it does go south there is no "laughing all the way to the bank". Thank God he chose to end it before you were legally bound to him. That's a blessing.

Advice for getting over him? He's already helped you by letting you know he wasn't worth it and was using you. Other than that? Time. Just like other relationships it takes time. I assure you though you will get over it quickly. Do allow yourself to grieve though and then move on. If you don't think you can, fake it and I guarantee one day you won't be faking it anymore. Remember this though. You feeling bad, crying, being depressed? HE COULDNT CARE LESS. All that does is make YOU miserable.

How do you tell the good ones from those that just went to use you? Again, time. It will be easier with your next relationship because hopefully it won't be an inmate. Go out, have fun and know he gave up a wonderful person. That's you.
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Old 09-12-2017, 07:09 AM
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You get thru it by staying busy. Go see a movie, out to eat with friends, walk or go to the gym.
Get a new hairdo, buy a new outfit, or pair of shoes.
Spend your money on YOU rather than waste it on someone who didnt deserve it.
In other words, go live a wonderful life!
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Old 09-12-2017, 05:04 PM
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Hey, girl, you did better than I did! I married the dope. Can't tell you just how bad an idea that was, and how much longer the heartache lasted because we ended up having a child and a year later he was gone anyway.

You've dodged a bullet, and in a little while you'll be dancing with joy when you realize it.

Your heart isn't broken, just a little bruised. It feels awful, but it heals.
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Old 09-12-2017, 06:28 PM
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Be thankful you are rid of him and his lies, as it seems as though you were not the only one he was wooing.

Take your power back and do not let one bad apple give all inmates a bad rap. My suggestion is when starting a new friendship, do not get too close and build a solid friendship, because you will not really know them until they are released and living life on the outside.

Most people that end up falling for an inmate will see red flags come up and choose to ignore them. Maybe you had some and didn't think you would be one of those that gets hurt.

Take lots of deep breaths, do something with friends, dance like nobody is watching, scream at the top of your lungs, hit a pillow, anything that allows you to get out all your frustrations out so you can move forward.

You will be alright, it just takes time.
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