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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Waiting
How many of you will wait the sentence full term? 213 89.12%
Have you cheated? 9 3.77%
Are you thinking of about to cheat? 9 3.77%
Do you already have someone? 8 3.35%
Voters: 239. You may not vote on this poll

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  #151  
Old 07-07-2015, 10:18 PM
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Because no one makes me feel like he does!
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  #152  
Old 08-23-2015, 08:26 AM
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I'm waiting and it has been hard no doubt. I wait though because regardless of our ups and downs I really feel like he is worth it. And, in spite of all the past chaotic relationships I truly am hoping that he is "worth the wait".
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  #153  
Old 09-01-2015, 06:13 PM
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i do know my best husband is once in a lifetime, despite the distance, the barrier and him doing his bid, we are MWI,i know we both will have to go through life with out a lot of things, the incarceration takes a lot from us, but it doesn't hurt to dream, as of now my husband is a lifer but that can change and we are hoping after fighting through with appeals, one day he will come home, i wouldn't do this with anyone but him, i wait because i cant live without him, i wait because theres nobody who can take his place, my dreams and goals are all with him, he is all i see there is nobody else, i have made that choice in my mind a long time ago, i cant see my life with out him, so i wait, i believe a woman sure does have to be strong willed, there is temptation every day, living and working, anything from a handshake to a smile, a simple gesture can get people interested in stirring up a conversation and possibility of a relationship arising can happen very often, but i stay humble, i know what it is, and what it is, what i want, i wait because i know hes worth it, our marriage is worth it! good luck everyone
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  #154  
Old 10-13-2015, 07:26 AM
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I wait because we've been married for 20+ years and have 5 kids...3 are grown. I've gone through hell to keep our marriage alive and I refuse to let it go now, when he needs me the most . If he'd screwed up again I might feel different, but being our situation and how well he was doing, I'm down for the long haul.
To answer your question on why we don't talk about it to many people...in some professions it's socially unacceptable, and regardless of our feelings about it being OUR spouse (loved one), we were left to man the house and raise the children, so it's always best to "fit in" at work. JMO
I know for myself, I work with law enforcement (closely) and I just feel it's better on myself to not discuss it. It's no lie when I tell them he's a welder when everyone asks why they haven't seen him in almost a year. He is a welder, he's just on time out for a while.
I have no shame in discussing it with any of my family (they all stand behind me) or friends (if they're real friends it shouldn't be a problem), as many of them have had their fair share of issues with the law.
It's also (IMHO) a matter of security and what we know and are use to. I know no life other than with my husband, so trying to learn someone new would be horrible. Having to start all over with another man doesn't sound the least bit appealing to me.
As far as sex with another man...I don't want anyone to die (he's not going to be in prison forever) when he gets out, and he's going without, so yep it's something that I have to do. Sex shops it is for now.
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  #155  
Old 02-29-2016, 10:05 AM
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Waiting the full term. Haven't cheated, never would, the thought of being with any other man is repulsive. He's my love, my heart, I don't need anything outside of that.
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  #156  
Old 03-04-2016, 01:29 AM
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My situation is different.

I have known him since I was 11 years old. He protected me from the bullies. He was my only friend in Jr. High and High School (even though we were homeschooled.) I have wanted to marry him since I was 12. We were raised in a fundamentalist cult and weren't allowed to date each other. In fact, dating itself was forbidden. He moved away when I was 17. At 20, his parents decided to tell me that he was dead rather than tell me that he was in prison. I believed them.

They had apparently told him that I was dead as well.

So when I was 21, I met my husband. I love him, I really do. But I never got over M. And so, 7 years after I had been told that lie, I find out that M is still alive and where he is. And I had to write him. I thought that I would write, find out we were too different, and get the closure I never had. But that didn't happen. Because at the core, it was like ten years with no contact had never happened. We had both changed, but we had changed in the same direction. We wrote as friends for three years. In 2013 my husband went through a mental breakdown (not caused by my correspondence) and began abusing me in an attempt to have me leave him so that he could kill himself. M. helped me through this time. He made me promise that I would leave if the abuse ever became physical, and that I would give my husband an ultimatum of a year- 6 months to seek counseling/medication and a year to show improvement, or I would leave. Neither he or I really believed it would happen, but it did. And yet M was happy that my husband started to change, even though by this time he had told me his long-held feelings for me.

That began a long time of confusion for me, because my husband did more than just change, he fought to win me back. And I couldn't see my life without both in it. And I know most of you are never going to understand this or feel like I can't possibly love both of them but I do. And it may not ever happen because my husband's lupus is spiraling out of control and causing every organ to shut down, but our plan is to all move into the same house when M gets out.

M has already been in for 12 years. He is in a re-entry facility where he has been for almost a year now.

If my husband is not still alive by the time M gets out (or even before he gets out) I plan on marrying M as soon as possible.
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  #157  
Old 03-08-2016, 11:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Revenwyn View Post
My situation is different.

I have known him since I was 11 years old. He protected me from the bullies. He was my only friend in Jr. High and High School (even though we were homeschooled.) I have wanted to marry him since I was 12. We were raised in a fundamentalist cult and weren't allowed to date each other. In fact, dating itself was forbidden. He moved away when I was 17. At 20, his parents decided to tell me that he was dead rather than tell me that he was in prison. I believed them.

They had apparently told him that I was dead as well.

So when I was 21, I met my husband. I love him, I really do. But I never got over M. And so, 7 years after I had been told that lie, I find out that M is still alive and where he is. And I had to write him. I thought that I would write, find out we were too different, and get the closure I never had. But that didn't happen. Because at the core, it was like ten years with no contact had never happened. We had both changed, but we had changed in the same direction. We wrote as friends for three years. In 2013 my husband went through a mental breakdown (not caused by my correspondence) and began abusing me in an attempt to have me leave him so that he could kill himself. M. helped me through this time. He made me promise that I would leave if the abuse ever became physical, and that I would give my husband an ultimatum of a year- 6 months to seek counseling/medication and a year to show improvement, or I would leave. Neither he or I really believed it would happen, but it did. And yet M was happy that my husband started to change, even though by this time he had told me his long-held feelings for me.

That began a long time of confusion for me, because my husband did more than just change, he fought to win me back. And I couldn't see my life without both in it. And I know most of you are never going to understand this or feel like I can't possibly love both of them but I do. And it may not ever happen because my husband's lupus is spiraling out of control and causing every organ to shut down, but our plan is to all move into the same house when M gets out.

M has already been in for 12 years. He is in a re-entry facility where he has been for almost a year now.

If my husband is not still alive by the time M gets out (or even before he gets out) I plan on marrying M as soon as possible.
Wow! And I do believe it. Are you still part of the religion you were raised with? Just wondering if it had any bearing on the acceptance of everyone with the situation. It sounds like they both want you happy and if your husband knows he won't be able to live forever and take care of you he is happy you will be fine. When men know they don't have much longer, or won't live forever like we all want to believe, they make decisions based on others happiness. I've even heard of men finding a perfect husband for his wife when he passes. There is just something special with a bond between friends growing up. I guess maybe its total trust.
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  #158  
Old 03-09-2016, 12:00 AM
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Which brings me to why I wait for mine. We can go a lifetime searching for the perfect match. We were lucky in one way to have 10 years together when we were young. But life is a force unto itself which likes to have it's way. And we had to make some hard decisions. Maybe it's my fault for being a realist. He thought we could have it all. At least back then he did. Now he says it was the best decision for me. I had things to do. And so did he. One of us had to either give in to the others needs or let life go where it goes. And strangely sometimes life gives you the alarm that it's time to go back together. You'll think I'm strange if I say it, but when his dad died he sent me a message. I didn't even know he had died until I asked the right people. Even in death his dad always had the final say, so I shouldn't have been surprised. It was his last 'I love you' to him the way I see it. Because until then he busted his balls and worked his ass off. It was satan and sanity rolled into one that last message. 10 days til I couldn't handle it anymore and found answers. Once I did, he stopped. And maybe he knew it was at a time I needed it. He always did like me. I know, I've got a lot of crazy stories. But it's true. My husband and I are only better together. And anyone who has loved us knows it. Our anger goes away. Our bad sides aren't so bad anymore. And when we look at each other, everything is ok and understood. Once you know someone like that, and nothing is in the way, there is no reason to bother with any one else who just sees little bits of you. All it would do is piss me off. So I'll wait. As he did for me.
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  #159  
Old 04-08-2016, 12:02 AM
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Wow! And I do believe it. Are you still part of the religion you were raised with? Just wondering if it had any bearing on the acceptance of everyone with the situation. It sounds like they both want you happy and if your husband knows he won't be able to live forever and take care of you he is happy you will be fine. When men know they don't have much longer, or won't live forever like we all want to believe, they make decisions based on others happiness. I've even heard of men finding a perfect husband for his wife when he passes. There is just something special with a bond between friends growing up. I guess maybe its total trust.
My husband passed away on April 1st. The last thing he said was "Tell M to take care of you for me."
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  #160  
Old 01-31-2017, 09:01 PM
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I don't understand the "I'm not waiting statements". Are we not waiting for their homecoming? Or for them to get their freedom so we can do normal stuff as a couple???
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  #161  
Old 02-14-2017, 06:56 PM
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I think it says that we are loyal to this frienship or realationship we build with these guys. Alot of people may not understand but ive learned somethings in life aren't meant for others to understand if they aren't living the life or going through the life as we each are. Living,crying,writing, and breathing for the man on the inside praying for his soul and early release.
Not many ladies in this day and age can wait for anything esp for some one who is in prison for 5 years our more......and may be even Lwop. It says something about the strenght as a woman like how some decide to go all natural with no drugs to have a child. It takes a special kind of woman to wait on a husband,brother,boyfriend,or in my case a friend. Its alot of lonely nights and holidays, but just as purple over seas need support people in prison need it as well. We wait because whoever we may be choosing to wait for its truly worth waiting it out for. All these reasons and more are why we wait.....why we CHOOSE TO WAIT, then forget about them because they aren't living the free life as we are day in & day out. Its like would you not support a soldier in a war zone just cause he is in a war? NO! Just like we aren't going to not support our husbands,brothers,boyfriends,and friends just cause they are locked in a prison.

This is why we wait or should I say live life the way we do. Anything worth having its worth fighting for .
ITS WORTH THE SCARIFICE.
You should wait if you love him! To me cheating is not an option! If you're with somebody you are with that person! If not then move on! That's just my feelings!
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  #162  
Old 03-29-2017, 11:22 AM
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My husband and I have known each other for 20 years.. He's always been in love with me, and even told his ex wife that while they were married. Lol. Ive always had feelings for him too but, was hesitant.. We finally got together last February. Timing has just always been wrong... But when I did open up and fall for him, I fell stupid HARD.. We just got married in September, and hadn't even been married a fill 4 mos when they took him, but... I would die for that man... Just as he would for me.. I am now and always will be devoted to him, and only him for the rest of my life.. Nobody else could do the things he does... So yes... I will wait any amount of time.. He is my heart... My reason for living.. Its simple.. He dies, I die...
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  #163  
Old 04-04-2017, 05:19 PM
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My husband and I have known each other for 20 years.. He's always been in love with me, and even told his ex wife that while they were married. Lol. Ive always had feelings for him too but, was hesitant.. We finally got together last February. Timing has just always been wrong... But when I did open up and fall for him, I fell stupid HARD.. We just got married in September, and hadn't even been married a fill 4 mos when they took him, but... I would die for that man... Just as he would for me.. I am now and always will be devoted to him, and only him for the rest of my life.. Nobody else could do the things he does... So yes... I will wait any amount of time.. He is my heart... My reason for living.. Its simple.. He dies, I die...
My loved one has been gone for 2 years this month. He still has 2 years and 6 months left. First time been in trouble. He is in another state. So I don't get to visit him but once a year. We have been together 13 years. We can only talk for 15 minutes a day. 20 days out of the month. Because he is only allowed to have 300 minutes a month. I cry everyday. He isn't guilty. But we couldn't afford a good attorney. Anyways. I just miss him so much. My heart hurts so much.
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  #164  
Old 04-04-2017, 08:42 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear that... I am grateful it's not worse. We have 11 mos to go.. and just that is heartbreaking enough... I hope time goes by quick for you so you can bring him home.
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  #165  
Old 04-06-2017, 06:35 PM
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My husband and I have known each other for 20 years.. He's always been in love with me, and even told his ex wife that while they were married. Lol. Ive always had feelings for him too but, was hesitant.. We finally got together last February. Timing has just always been wrong... But when I did open up and fall for him, I fell stupid HARD.. We just got married in September, and hadn't even been married a fill 4 mos when they took him, but... I would die for that man... Just as he would for me.. I am now and always will be devoted to him, and only him for the rest of my life.. Nobody else could do the things he does... So yes... I will wait any amount of time.. He is my heart... My reason for living.. Its simple.. He dies, I die...
Congrats on your marriage! Wish you two a lifetime of happiness. I've known my fiance for 11 years always had a thing for him but never said anything. And we got together two years ago. I'm the happiest I've ever been . We're actually waiting to get married anyway now. And like you... There's NOTHING I wouldn't do for that man .
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  #166  
Old 04-07-2017, 10:38 AM
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Marrying him was the best thing I've ever done... I cannot imagine my life without him... Theres just a connection like I've never had with anyone else... Its always been in our cards to end up together.. Hes told me since day one.. "Im gonna marry you some day"... He finally did. Lol..
Pre-Congrats to you!
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Old 04-07-2017, 11:06 AM
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Marrying him was the best thing I've ever done... I cannot imagine my life without him... Theres just a connection like I've never had with anyone else... Its always been in our cards to end up together.. Hes told me since day one.. "Im gonna marry you some day"... He finally did. Lol..
Pre-Congrats to you!
Sometimes they just know. What's me at to be will be! 😁 I can't wait to marry him, I will def be posting about it!
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  #168  
Old 04-11-2017, 10:21 AM
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Congrats on your marriage! My lifer proposed to me.. We haven't set a date yet but soon! We have been together 3 years..... It was LOVE at first sight.... I saw him on television and I just had to write him. It has been great ever since.
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  #169  
Old 08-08-2017, 09:05 PM
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My husband passed away on April 1st. The last thing he said was "Tell M to take care of you for me."
This is such a sad and sweet story at the same time.

After I married my husband, he told me he asked his friend to marry me if something were to ever happen to him. I think he "half" meant it. He did want to make sure I was taken care of, but he doesn't handle the thought of me being with his friend very well. In fact, after that conversation with his friend, he became annoyed any time his friend asked about me. Oh boy, and God forbid me ask how his friend is doing! LOL I am SO not interested in or attracted to his friend! I joke that he chose him because he knew I would never want to have sex with him.
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Old 08-26-2017, 07:10 PM
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Mine has been gone almost 3 years. He still have 2 more years. I have told him I just don't know if I can wait on him. I am tired of being alone. I guess I am bad for feeling like this.
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  #171  
Old 08-26-2017, 07:22 PM
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Mine has been gone almost 3 years. He still have 2 more years. I have told him I just don't know if I can wait on him. I am tired of being alone. I guess I am bad for feeling like this.
No one can say that you are "bad" for feeling like that! You are completely entitled to have whatever feelings you're having. As far as I know, you didn't cause him to be incarcerated. He made choices. You have the right to make choices as well! The fact that you are speaking your truth instead of cheating is reason alone that you should be respected. I am sure he doesn't want to lose you; but if he is being honest with himself, he knows he can't really "expect" you to put your life on hold for something he did.

If you choose to move on, you may or may not be available when he comes home. If he still wants you, he can check on your status. Do what is best for you! Sticking by someone who is incarcerated is not easy and involves a great deal of sacrifice. If you are over it, I think we all would completely understand. Good luck to you!
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  #172  
Old 08-26-2017, 07:38 PM
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All I know is that I will be throwing the biggest Welcome Home Party ever! If you can't imagine your life, without this person in it, the wait doesn't matter!
I remember the first "in person" visitation we had. I had not been able to hug him in a year and a half! Seems like the time just makes those types of moments that much better!

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  #173  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:55 PM
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Because I cannot imagine life without him.
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  #174  
Old 09-12-2017, 11:44 AM
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I never had a boyfriend before, for many reasons, and I never had sex with anyone. When I tried the pan-pal thing, I did it to be creative in writing and drawing, and to improve my English (it's my second language). I had no intention to fall in love with an inmate. However...fate struck and one of my pals completely stole my heart, without trying, just by being himself.
I am now blind for other men, I mean, I can tell when someone's really attractive and sweet, and I think :" My, if he has a girlfriend she's a happy one", but I am no longer interested myself. I don't care how long it takes, 2 more years or life, this man is the only one I love, want, adore and desire.
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