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  #1  
Old 11-26-2006, 10:45 AM
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Default MWI relationships staying focused...

Okay don't hurt me but I'm gonna say it again...

Communication is key to any successful relationship.


It really was key to our staying focused while Sebastian was still incarcerated. Anytime either of us had a question we were able to ask and know it would be answered thoughtfully. Great communication takes work and it is always worth it.

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Old 11-26-2006, 10:58 AM
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Patty,
I agree with you ten fold.....if it wasnt for the fact that i can talk to mike about anything i think it would be much harder to be out here while he is in there. the best part of my relationship is he was my best friend before he was the love of my life....i couldnt ask for better....he is thoughtful and he listens even when he may not agree. he will tell me what he thinks without being hurtful and i can tell him anything good or bad. We are very open to each other and we talk about everything....communication is all we have at the moment and we enjoy the heck out of each other...
amen to ya girl
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:00 AM
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I couldnt agree with you more on this issue. I've been in more relationships then I care to talk about, but have NEVER had the communication I have with my husband. That being said I have never had such a strong and happy relationship.

I was always one of those who would just hold my feelings back for the sake of keeping peace. Eventually things would get so bad I would grow to resent the other person and eventually things would explode.

With my husband I can say whatever is on my mind and we move on. We dont hold back. Its not very often we fight, but when we do we dont let it drag on.

Its been amazing how much differance good communication makes. People often have a mental check list of things they compare when deciding if the person in question is who they want to spend their life with. Having the same dreams and goals is important, but one of the top things to think about should be "do we communicate well together". Without that it makes having the rest of the list a lot harder
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:06 AM
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Thanks for responding msmom and TNC, communication cannot be replaced in my book, it comes first and should be carried out forever more. I learned so much about Sebastian through our communication before he ever came home and I dare say I learned it in a way I never could have had we met on the outside, well that is to say not as fast and as in depth. I've said it before but as much as I love sex, not being with him for the first part of our relationship in the physical sense gave us the opportunity to build something so deep that once he came home we stand strong in good times and bad, COMMUNICATING, the good the bad the ugly and moving forward TOGETHER...

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Old 11-26-2006, 11:14 AM
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Patty,
I think you have hit the nail on the head. The not having had sex before makes you find a different forefront to base your relationship on...you have to find ways to communicate and find common ground...in those relationships that sex is involved i feel sometimes the sex gets in the way of good honest communication....what do you guys think?
happy day
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmomto4
Patty,
I think you have hit the nail on the head. The not having had sex before makes you find a different forefront to base your relationship on...you have to find ways to communicate and find common ground...in those relationships that sex is involved i feel sometimes the sex gets in the way of good honest communication....what do you guys think?
happy day
msmomto4
My husband and I had a chance to have a relationship on the outside. He was my brothers neighbor so we knew who the other one was. We wernt interested in one another so we never gave the other a second look. I will be the first to say I cant wait to see him with his shirt off, but at the same time I am so glad we didnt get together when he was out. We would have ruined what has turned out to be a beautiful thing. The mad sex would have prevented us from getting to know each other the way we do now. That way it would have been one or the other and the sex would have one. This way we will get both. We have communicated and bonded like we wouldnt have done otherwise and we will still have that passion. I actually look forward to make up sex with him. Before I had such bad communication that by the time the fight was on I was hating to the point sex was the last thing I wanted. With my husband it will be so differant.
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:23 AM
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LOL msmom ~ now don't get me wrong we were having sex it was just of the "communicative variety" via letters/pictures/phonecalls, on another note though...

Sebastians mom and I are only 3 months apart in age, we have much in common with or without her son in my life and have become very close. She was privy to a spat (can't remember what it was about probably something really stupid , LOL) we had a while back and she told her son two things:

"I wish I had met Patty first so I didn't have to share her with you." and
"If you had met Patty in the free world you would have been NOTHING more than a one night stand to her." Now understand that was not a barb at me but to let him know that he needed to STAY FOCUSED. Talk about nails on heads though, MWI relationships tend to gain intensity because of the physical distance, easy then to understand why the first time Sebastian and I were together in the physical sense in the free world it felt like home, COMMUNICATION STRIKES AGAIN!!!

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Old 11-26-2006, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by TNC
My husband and I had a chance to have a relationship on the outside. He was my brothers neighbor so we knew who the other one was. We wernt interested in one another so we never gave the other a second look. I will be the first to say I cant wait to see him with his shirt off, but at the same time I am so glad we didnt get together when he was out. We would have ruined what has turned out to be a beautiful thing. The mad sex would have prevented us from getting to know each other the way we do now. That way it would have been one or the other and the sex would have one. This way we will get both. We have communicated and bonded like we wouldnt have done otherwise and we will still have that passion. I actually look forward to make up sex with him. Before I had such bad communication that by the time the fight was on I was hating to the point sex was the last thing I wanted. With my husband it will be so differant.
When you're right you're right and I can vouch for that!

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:33 AM
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We are realizing that our communication is not the greatest, b/c we each have so much to say. I must admit that we are working on it.

I know that I am guilty, b/c when he tries to express his frustrations, feelings, etc. I try to interject w/ positive sayings, etc. not realizing that he just might need to vent. I do this b/c I don't want him to focus/concentrate on the negative stuff. I need to know how to truly listen to him and allow him to vent w/o interjecting.

Building a relatiohship not based on sex was such an awesome and beautiful thing. I know that we're in this thing bot b/c of the physical, but because there is more to us individually and collectively, than sex.
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:40 AM
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thunder ~ Sebastian says two words that make my heart go pitter patter:

I'm listening


It means so much to me...

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:41 AM
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Patty,
you dont have to tell me girl... we have that kind of sex too....just not in the physical sense.... i feel ya.....
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:43 AM
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msmom ~ Knew that you would, LOL

Commmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmunicate (and all that implies for YOU)

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:48 AM
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I must admit that he listens better than I do. I can leave a voice message expressing my thoughts, and he can spit it back at me verbatim. This is scary. I know that I have to work on the listening part better.
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:52 AM
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thunder ~ Sometimes and I MEAN sometimes now that he is home I have to recall the communication we had from BEFORE, one thing like "Say what you mean not what you think I want to hear". Remember the foundation was built when he was in and it can carry you through...

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:55 AM
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Patty,
You are truly the bomb.....
hope you have a great day
msmomto4
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Old 11-26-2006, 11:58 AM
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mismom ~ great another person that thinks I'm ready to explode! LOL j/k thanks for your kind words and thoughts, wishing you all the same AND THEN SOME!!!

Hugggz,
Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 12:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
thunder ~ Sebastian says two words that make my heart go pitter patter:

I'm listening


It means so much to me...

Patty
I got one even better Not long ago Chris and I were talking about something and he knew I had a very differant opinion. Not by what I was saying, but by what I didnt say. Even knowing I had a differing thought on my mind he still said something to the effect of "come on, talk to me, what are you thinking". When they know its not what they want to hear, but want to talk about it anyways is wonderful. Not only did he hear the hesitation in my voice, but cared enough to want to talk about it
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Old 11-26-2006, 12:27 PM
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TNC ~ I hear ya, it's NOT just in the listening but in the hearing and the feedback, sigh...

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 12:52 PM
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i wont hurt ya! lol

this is true. i always beleive that patty. but we always have a hard time comunicating. and i hate it. i wish he would just call me so we can act mature over all this but so far he has not but i am hopeful.good thread patty.
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Old 11-26-2006, 12:55 PM
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I hope he calls soon too honey, and I hope you are prepared to communicate and him to hear you and to do the same for you. It's very important.

Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 01:05 PM
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i believe communication is one of the essential keys to any good relationship too....but its just one lil thorn that constantly sticks out.....my husband thinks hes a licensed psycologist....heehee!!!! omg he analyzies everything i say and do...it drives me crazy...makes steam come out my nose...i told him everything that comes out my mouth or everything i do is not gonna be on point to his highly evolved analytical mind!!!!!

but yes communication is very important..heehee!!!
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Old 11-26-2006, 01:08 PM
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LOL Valentine you need to come clean up my monitor as you made me spit diet pepsi at it!!! I think my man and you should begin a support group cuz the way you described your man I might just be his evil twin!!! Still I say we pick ourselves up dust ourselves off and carry on with the communicating, LOL

Thanks for the giggle,
Patty
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Old 11-26-2006, 01:14 PM
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Ok I am going against the grain a bit,,,Women are great communicators,,,Men are better Action figures
So I like a good mix of words and actions.From what I have learned,,men communicate better with their actions. With my relationship I am staying focused by constantly giving him things TO DO to show me how He feels and of course when He gets out is when I really put the steam on.
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Old 11-26-2006, 01:24 PM
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You make sense Babi so I wonder if that makes my man more "in touch with his feminine side", LOL I just asked him and he gave me "the look" ROFLMAO not at you Babi but at his face, oh my. Sometimes one or the both of us have fallen off the communication wagon and it has hurt us but never beyond repair but again we fixed it by communicating. Sometimes his actions or mine for that matter were just not aimed at the other but that's okay to as long as we don't drift too far apart...

It's good good good,
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Old 11-26-2006, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
Okay don't hurt me but I'm gonna say it again...


Communication is key to any successful relationship.


It really was key to our staying focused while Sebastian was still incarcerated. Anytime either of us had a question we were able to ask and know it would be answered thoughtfully. Great communication takes work and it is always worth it.

Share your tips...

Patty
We have made it a point to discuss everything, recently I wrote him a letter asking him if he had ever had an HIV,Hep C test, today I spoke to him and he said babygyrl I am going weds to have those test you asked me to have, I replied I didn't ask you to have them I asked if you ever had it before, he said to me baby I read between the lines . We have made it a point to talk about everything ,our views on marriage ,children,family etc. the one thing I stress is TALK TO ME.
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