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Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison This forum is for all those - family, friends, spouses, wives, husbands, significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, and children - who lost a loved one or friend while incarcerated.

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  #26  
Old 08-14-2017, 05:04 PM
xolady xolady is offline
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I am just so damn lonely. I really only have a few real friends. Even Andy's family don't get how hard it is. Anyway today was easier to just survive. My family hated him, for really no reason, just being jerks. I am setting smaller goals like cleaning out one box at a time. tToday was house cleaning, so no box!! Can't do both!!!LOL
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  #27  
Old 08-14-2017, 06:51 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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I am just so damn lonely. I really only have a few real friends. Even Andy's family don't get how hard it is. Anyway today was easier to just survive. My family hated him, for really no reason, just being jerks. I am setting smaller goals like cleaning out one box at a time. tToday was house cleaning, so no box!! Can't do both!!!LOL
I can only imagine. I have my moments simply because my husband is still incarcerated. I actually try to tell myself that I enjoy my solitude. And sometimes that is true. A lot of the time I want the simple things that others take for granted: dinner with my husband, watching tv with my husband, cuddling with my husband, shoot - even cleaning or shopping with my husband. I know you are wanting the same. Sorry!
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  #28  
Old 08-14-2017, 07:35 PM
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For me, being alone is both blessing and curse. But when it comes involuntarily, suddenly, it's apparently a lot like having a limb cut off - there's real pain and phantom pain, and after physical healing, the physical pain is done. The phantom pain is likely to hang around.

I love my alone time, and need it even in a great relationship. But when I lost my relationship the phantom pain is sometimes still there, even 30 years later. Just part of life, I guess.
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Old 08-14-2017, 09:44 PM
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I am setting smaller goals like cleaning out one box at a time. tToday was house cleaning, so no box!!
Setting smaller goals is probably the best thing you can do for yourself, so you don't overload your emotional circuits by trying to take on more than you're ready to process at one time.

I had no option but to do all the boxes at once based on how my Dad's will was written. It was horrific. I was lucky in that my hubby was there for me, and that his Dad had died before I met Mr Gin. He was there to help me with the boxes.

Had I no one to help me with the boxes? My garage would still be full of them. I could not have done it alone. Or perhaps I could have, but it would have been one box per day or some other really small goal like that, with days off in between boxes so I could recenter myself.

I'm sorry you don't have someone there to help you with your boxes, both physical, metaphysical and emotional. If I lived closer, I would offer to help.
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  #30  
Old 08-17-2017, 06:04 AM
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I am just so damn lonely. I really only have a few real friends. Even Andy's family don't get how hard it is.
Here- (((cyber hug))))
Not like the real thing, but better than nothing.
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  #31  
Old 08-19-2017, 01:27 PM
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I'm doing rather well since I've shared some stuff. I'm finally starting to want to live again. Not getting crazy yet but actually looking for fun stuff to do. I have a friend who has just lost his daughter to drugs, I honestly feel horrible for him but I just can't be around him because he's to depressing to me. I sound horrible but I am finally over that awful part of losing my husband and this man makes me revisit a bad place. I've told him my story and I have empathy just can't go there. He keeps trying to almost hit on me. I am so not ever going to want anymore then being a friend, but he has said and indicated he want more. Just can't even go there. First of all he's old, not the biggest problem but he has all kinds of health problems, I can barley handle and keep my own crap right. I haven't been mean just have to get my point across because no matter what this is never going where he wants it to. My god now I know what Andy was kind of dealing with when I was so sick. He actually had women calling him offering sex drugs whatever to help him through, at least it's not that bad. It's just creepy in my opinion that anyone would come on to someone who has just tried to be nice. Anyway that's my rant for the day!!!LOL
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  #32  
Old 08-23-2017, 10:29 AM
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I have some big news I'm finally back in my before Andy went to prison weight!!! Yay for me I am now a size 9 AGAIN!!! I feel so proud of myself!!! I lost a lot after his final arrest, but GAINED a ton. He actually made me laugh before he died saying how he would never have to worry about me meeting anyone else and forgetting him, because there was enough of me for at least two guys!!! LOL Till the end he made me laugh and cry one of the bravest men I ever knew.
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  #33  
Old 08-23-2017, 11:43 AM
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Finally, a really good memory! Keep it around!
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  #34  
Old 08-23-2017, 07:27 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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I have some big news I'm finally back in my before Andy went to prison weight!!! Yay for me I am now a size 9 AGAIN!!! I feel so proud of myself!!! I lost a lot after his final arrest, but GAINED a ton. He actually made me laugh before he died saying how he would never have to worry about me meeting anyone else and forgetting him, because there was enough of me for at least two guys!!! LOL Till the end he made me laugh and cry one of the bravest men I ever knew.
Congratulations! Being successful with weight loss is a HUGE accomplishment! Yay you!
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  #35  
Old 08-23-2017, 08:44 PM
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Hooray on the weight loss! I need it get my rear in gear before my clothes don't fit me anymore. I did the same...lost a ton and now I'm gaining back double.

You also have your friends mom as a new project. It will help take your mind off things a bit and give you a little sense of purpose. You seem like a giver by nature, so maybe finding little volunteer projects and people to help may be right up your alley. Doorways will open up when you are ready.
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  #36  
Old 08-24-2017, 07:15 AM
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It's definitely good to keep those happy memories front and center. Because that's who he really was, and that's who you miss.
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  #37  
Old 08-25-2017, 08:56 AM
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It's definitely good to keep those happy memories front and center. Because that's who he really was, and that's who you miss.
I try to remember how much fun we had together, even in the bad times we always could find humor!! I have so many great memories I'm very lucky, even great ones from prison. He always made me laugh even when times were bad he'd make me laugh!! There were times when he'd make me laugh and he would to, his mother would get pissed because we couldn't explain to anyone because it just wasn't funny to someone else. She'd get like all indignent and be like well I guess this is another private joke!! Which would crack us up even more. Kind of like gallows humor, she really didn't get us. But that's ok I really don't mind that we and we alone had some great times in the worst of situations. His son has his weird sense of humor he always got our stupid jokes. That would make his mother even more mad like we were intentionally leaving her out. We both made the best of a horrible situation. I just wish we had known he had cancer from the beginning I feel like we were cheated and robbed. But in a way I'm not sure if it would have been easier or harder I'll never know.
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Old 08-27-2017, 07:39 AM
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There were times when he'd make me laugh and he would to, his mother would get pissed because we couldn't explain to anyone because it just wasn't funny to someone else.
Mr. Gin calls that "compatable freakishness". He and I share that form of interconnection too. That is a very precious and rare quality. I'm glad you had the opportunity to experience it in your life, even if you lost him before you were ready. (are any of us ever ready?? I don't think we are.)

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I feel like we were cheated and robbed. But in a way I'm not sure if it would have been easier or harder I'll never know.
My dad, about a week before he died, told me he was glad he didn't know that he'd had the cancer for at least 10 years before diagnosis. He lived his life as well as he could, he had fun where he could, and he didn't walk around worrying about the cancer the whole time. I think he has something there - when it happens fast, you don't have years of worry muddying your relationship, so the fun can happen without overtones of future grief or loss.

But then, I wouldn't know for certain, I never personally lost a person I truly loved to any kind of prolonged disease. I have, however, watched friends of mine as they slowly watch their parent/spouse die prolonged, drawn out, full of medical horrors deaths. Sometimes for years. I think I'd chose the fast option for the people I love if I had input into the decision.
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  #39  
Old 08-27-2017, 09:30 AM
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I never personally lost a person I truly loved to any kind of prolonged disease. I have, however, watched friends of mine as they slowly watch their parent/spouse die prolonged, drawn out, full of medical horrors deaths. Sometimes for years. I think I'd chose the fast option for the people I love if I had input into the decision.
I, unfortunately, experienced the prolonged decline in health that eventually led to my father's death. I do sometimes think it would have been easier on him and everyone if his stroke took his life. I do feel BLESSED that I was able to experience the 4 1/2 year struggle with him because we bonded in such amazing ways. It made me love him EVEN MORE!

He was broken though. He was defeated. And even though he never wanted us to feel his pain, he was depressed. His joy was stripped from him. He thought if he smiled with us, we would think he was okay. To go from being a completely independent, strong, influential man to being completely DEPENDENT for everything tore him to pieces.

Again, I am glad I was able to care for him through his decline and I was able to be with him though everything. I just know he would have never chosen to be in a position where his daughter had to bathe him and change his diapers. I can't think of anything that would hurt a proud man more.

We got my father-in-law's cancer diagnosis in late March 2016. I took him for all his testing and his first chemo treatment. Because his immune system was so suppressed, he developed a serious infection that made him septic. We lost him the morning of April 9, 2016. It was very hard losing him too and seeing him through those final days. He, however, never experienced having to know people were cleaning him and changing his bedding. He, too, was a very proud man who would have fallen apart if he had to have people care for him in that way.

My father-in-law's passing was sudden and we had less time to process. His actual cancer was supposed to respond well to treatment so we were very hopeful. God had another plan. I choose to believe that God knew he wasn't going to be able to beat his cancer like so many before him. I believe God took him before he had to go through the pain and discomfort of treatment/possible dependence.

It's never easy to let go of someone you love.
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