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  #1  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:34 PM
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tink1078 tink1078 is offline
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Default Recovering Addict

Hello,

I've never posted about my addiction on here, but it's time. First, let me start by saying I've been sober 65 days. I am an alcholic and user. I was drinking 2 pints of blue Smirnoff a day minimum, pills, weed. My husband was/is a meth addict and alcholic. Our whole relationship was 1 drunken/drugged night after another. I lost everything because of my addiction..son, apartment, money, job, my family for awhile. I was homeless with my husband, stripped to get money...this is all stuff I would never have dreamed would be me 2 years ago. Anyway, now, I'm sober, have a fabulous job, feel and look good, my family is close with me again. I got sober on Christmas Day, that's the day Andrew, my man, got arrested. So, it's been easier than I thought to stay sober, I do have my weak moments but I get through them, I just chain smoke .

Lately though, I've been obsessing about a drink, a pill, something. I think about it all day. My husband says when he gets home we'll just drink wine once in a awhile...but I know 1 glass will turn into a huge mess and we'll be right back to where we've been for 2 long.

I don't know how I'm going to stay sober, especially when he's home. We talk about it, our first drink when he's out. I find myself thinking/obsessing about it. I am going to let my family down so much if I start drinking again, let alone myself. Andrew doesn't seem worried, I think he thinks as long as he's not drugs, drinking is not that bad. But for me I've been in the hospital 3 times in 6 months, and arrested 3 times in 1 year because of the drinking. I'm scared.

I know I need to go to AA, but I just don't want to. I want to drink so bad. I'm terrified of the outcome, I'm terrified of what will happen to my family, husband included, he'll be on Parole. But, the craving is taking over. Honestly, I have cut off everybody in my life to stay sober, and I mean everyone. I believe I will not stay sober with my Husband. That's not his fault, and I won't leave him, I just don't know what to do.

Any advice is much appreciated...
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  #2  
Old 02-29-2008, 09:51 AM
gagirl770 gagirl770 is offline
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Honey if you need help, and do not want to go to AA, how about finding an addiction counselor to talk it over with now and then that person can help you with the fear and concern when your husband comes home. No, it's not his fault that the drinking is a bigger problem for you, however would you continue to use his choice of drug in front of him if he was trying to stay clean?? It sounds like neither of you need to have that first drink...... I have never been an addict but have loved one intensely for 15 years, so I know the filp side of loving an addict and wanting the best for them.
You owe it to yourself not to go down that path again. One drink does matter and it can lead back to the horrors of your addiction. You are a recovering addict and you will be for the rest of your life. You have already said how great your life is now that you are sober, focus on those great things and really embrace the idea of what you stand to lose if you fall into the trap of a relapse.
Stay strong
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  #3  
Old 03-02-2008, 04:08 PM
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katydidsbro katydidsbro is offline
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Default You can do this!

I am the daughter of an alcoholic, and the sister of an alcoholic/drug addict. I am also in recovery myself, 20 years sober as of Jan 30.

You can do this, I promise you. You, and only you, are responsible for your sobriety, and there is nothing that is more important than that. You have seen what alcohol does to you and your life, and you know just how bad it can get.

When I finally decided to quit, it was because I knew that if I didn't, I would be dead within 5 years, maximum. Frankly, I don't think I would have made it another year. I had to decide if I wanted to live, or die, and it took some hard thinking on my part to make that decision. Obviously, I chose to live, which meant I had to quit drinking, and so I did. That was a bad time.

One of the things that has kept me sober is knowing that I can't go through that again. I won't survive another go-round with alcohol.

There is no such thing as one drink, and you know this. I cannot control how much I drink. Period. Even if I were to convince myself that I could just have a little, it would be no time before I was lost in the bottle again. The only control that I have over my drinking is whether or not I have that first drink. So long as I don't have that first one, I won't have any others, and I'll be okay.

For the first few years, one of the main ways I stayed sober was by telling myself that if I had one drink, it would kill me. Not that I would drop dead on the spot, but I might as well, because the effect would be the same.

Never take your sobriety for granted. Recovery is a life-long process, even after 20 years. Sometimes, you have to get through it minute by minute, but you do what you have to do to stay sober.

Sometimes, we go through life with grace and dignity. Other times, it's all gritted teeth and clawing fingernails. Hang in there, okay? Send me a PM, if you would like to talk.
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Old 03-02-2008, 04:26 PM
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jennalovesmark jennalovesmark is offline
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i am an alcohic myself i will say there is no such thing as one drink and user just like you if you need someone totalk to i'm here
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:32 AM
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ZoeGirl ZoeGirl is offline
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Please don't. Tell him you CAN'T drink again. Let him know how important it is to you. You don't want to lose everything you have worked so hard for. I thought I could handle "just one drink" or "just one smoke" too. But I did it a few weeks ago and almost died. By the grace of God I'm still alive, but it was a close call. You KNOW it's your weakness, so please stay away from it.
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Old 03-09-2008, 02:00 AM
LadySnow LadySnow is offline
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Default Chin Up!

God I know how you feel. The last few weeks have been hard on me. I used to be a real bad addict. I've done just about everydrug there is, everyone ever placed before me for sure. But i've clean for like 2 years or so, the occosianl drink but i've never had a problem with alcohol. Then like 2 weeks ago all of a sudden I find myself staring at an empty pint of SoCo, going wtf? I drank it and I was drunk and then the next night I did it again and it felt so good to not be going crazy over my baby for a couple hours. But now i'm worried so I stopped again. I havn't drank since the second night. It really weirded me out cuz I barely drink at all, I hate alcohol. my whole deal was always Pot #1 and then after that I really lean more towards meth, then coke, then pills, then hallucinagens. sad that i can sit here and list em off like its a friggin competition lol. But its true. I just need to find something else to help me cope right now. Like this forum message board whatever you want to call it. Its keeping me from drinking right now =) yay me lol.
But when my hunny comes home i'm determined to continue our sobriety for fear of him going right back. and He feels the same way, at least for now. I'm just so scared of his lack of self control. I'll keep him chained to the bed *grin* wouldn't it be nice lol.
CHIN UP GIRL! things get worse before the get better! but they will get better one way or another, life always words itself out. Think positive and good things will come to you. Just be strong and tell the damn cravings to kiss your ass cuz your better than that. Go for a drive and really look at the world around you, its wide open and yours for the taking. find something to do. thats what we all need is our men and something to do lol.
If I had my man I'd have something to do though *wink wink*
At least i'm in a semi decent mood tonight =)
Carina
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:40 PM
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tink1078 tink1078 is offline
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Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom, I haven't drank, which is good. I'll keep you posted. Honestly, I know when he gets home, we're staying at a hotel and we're gonna drink..I'm just being honest. We are going to try "only on the weekends", I know in my mind it's not gonna work. But, to be honest, I just can't wait. I feel weak. I will probably post in a month that we drank and I'm drinking everyday again. I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes...
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