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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 12-15-2015, 06:45 PM
km4679 km4679 is offline
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Default My boyfriend is heading to prison...

Hello everyone ! I am brand new to the prison talk community. I just found it while doing a google search for advice, and I figured I might as well make my own account since there was alot of helpful threads.

Let me start off by saying; my boyfriend and I (18 years old & 20 years) have an indescribably great relationship. We are a year and a half strong as of right now, and we have always just been so great together. He's loving, caring, so so sweet, loyal, thoughtful, he's got the biggest heart.. the arguments happened here and there like any couple, but when it comes down to it, our love runs deeper than I could ever explain. I love him so much.

About 9 months ago he was in a different mindset than he is now. He was making stupid decisions and had bought a shotgun and sold it for a few extra bucks. Long story short, he's about to land himself in federal prison because he accidentally sold the gun to an UNDERCOVER. (This involved more people than just him, but that's yet to be figured out.) And he just got arrested for it this week because the case has been "building". I couldn't even believe it. He's been doing so well for himself lately and now his past is coming to haunt him in the worst way.

The cops basically raided his house and took him away. He's being released on bond or bail (one or the other) in 30 days on very strict probation until his trial and I am terrified. Looks like it might be a few years for him, I'm hoping under 2 with good behavior IF he's lucky.

Everyone is judging me SO much, especially my family. "how could you be with someone like that" "you're too young to go through that" "that's the type of man you want?" I'm sick of it. Yes I knew about this gun stuff when it happened, and I don't agree with it, but his behavior was talked about, settled and solved and our relationship continued smooth sailing. I'm sick of people downing the person who loves and cares for me like you wouldn't believe - and vise versa. Because of a stupid decision made nearly a year ago. It's been a week since he's been in and it's already so hard. We've cried to eachother on the phone, and seeing him in person in a jumpsuit made my heart nearly stop. Everyone is being so judgemental.

My questions to prison girlfriends/wives/etc.. do you get judged alot? How do you get people to stop bothering you about it? Does it get easier? Is it worth the wait? (I think it will be)... I'm just torn. My life is crazy right now. Any advice, input and opinions are appreciated. Feel free to tell your story, and no I don't care how long it is. I'd like to hear them all now that I'm going through it. Thank you so much if you read all of this
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  #2  
Old 12-15-2015, 08:37 PM
NewTexGal NewTexGal is offline
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Yes, I've read many posts by other members complaining that people don't understand and support them while they support a friend or loved one in prison.

Welcome to PTO. There's a lot of information here and many wonderful and supportive people.

Best wishes.
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  #3  
Old 12-20-2015, 06:42 PM
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IDK for others i met online who are in a relationship with a inmate,or married to a guy engaged,"close friend etc.al,on if it work or is it worth it."I know for me and a few in my life who are in a relationship like this,we feel it is. Only 1 of my close friends ended it with a great guy she has been with for a minute.He gave her no reason to.All in her head that he will break up with her after he is home late part of 2016. She might get back with him. I think so. If she get help for how men in the past, have treated her etc.. good luck on your relationship with your guy heading to prison. Only you can really see if it is worth it, once he's in. God speed.
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Old 12-20-2015, 07:57 PM
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I believe your family is coming from a place of protection, after all, you are only 18. I am not implying that you are not mature for your age, but your family sees you as a young woman with a life ahead of you. They want the best for you, so try to think how you would be as a parent with a daughter in the same situation.

You cannot stop people from judging you. Only you know what you and your b/f have. I would suggest you keep focused on personal goals and let the relationship speak for itself. Until your b/f proves he is the guy you say he is, people will judge. He simply made a mistake and hopefully has learned from it.
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Old 12-27-2015, 03:22 PM
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I agree with JustBeingMe67 100%!

Also, you have a choice whom you want confide in, so I would speak only to to those on a need to know basis. That may lessen the judgement. The few that know about my BF are the ones I told, and no they are not judgemental since I knew them well enough not to likely be. There are some that know, simply because I think my ex told them. We still have mutual freinds.

As for it getting any easier? It does somewhat. The "easy" part is redirected towards other things so not all attention goes towards missing your BF. For me, it's worth the wait. We have similar pasts, and have come through the muck and mire bruised but not broken.

Welcome to this site, btw. Best wishes, too.
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Old 07-06-2016, 09:15 PM
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Everyone judges, and everyone thinks they are perfect. In the end we are all humans, and we all make mistakes.

Now if their motives are purely for you, and they are worried about you, that is different than if they are judging you. Either way, you're in a tough situation, good luck and stay strong!
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Old 07-07-2016, 01:48 PM
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People are very judgemental. I don't tell very many people where my bf is.
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Old 07-07-2016, 02:26 PM
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I know this is a thread for husbands/boyfriends in prison, but when it comes to me and my gf, I'm pretty open about where she is because I HATE secrets. My parents don't necessarily agree with me supporting her while she is in prison, or being with her because she is in prison, but there's more to my story as well... i'll pm you if you would like me to explain more on that end, but the bottom line for me... And i've told them this because they are VERY skeptical about her actually wanting to be with me when she gets out, but her and I have faith and to me, that's what matters. I'm not going to live MY life based on what OTHERS want, she makes me the happiest i've EVER been. Is the situation hard? Absolutely, I wish she was home with me and the kids, but the fact is... Life happens. It's not what happens to you that defines who you are, it's how you deal with what happens that defines who you are. So my advice, keep your head up, if he is what you truly want, you two will find a way to make it work until it's over!
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Old 07-14-2016, 02:23 PM
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Yes in the beginning, but I've always been the type of woman that "Does what she wants, and what's best for me" I will not, and have not let anyone talk bad about my husband to my face. He's made his mistakes, and I understand that those "Certain Individuals"
may be just looking out for me, wanting the best for me, and that's all well and good,
but in the end, no one can decide what is best for me, than me..
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Old 07-15-2016, 12:21 AM
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Wink Thank you for making me see the real light XOXO

Thank you for making feel so much better she made me feel like numb, like I am trying to change him.I will make my own choices. I will follow my heart, and my heart beats hard for him and visa versa, and they connect with his, like two hearts beating together, we are both madly, madly in love with each other, he only uses all the money on his books to call me, 'cause well we are so used to being together all the time except for when he works. I am home and he rushes home to me, he just had bad relationships in the past a lot of arguing with his 2 ex girlfriends, which we never have had except when sometimes he'd get a 'lil jealous. Thank you sooooo much XOXO Anna
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:50 PM
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Default Bfs PO is gonna violate him tomorrow

He will likely get prison time. He's pushing me away. Doesn't wanna talk about anything. I babysat tonight and he's mad that I'm not spending the night with him. But I'm babysitting at our house. I need the money bc I don't have a job. I understand he is stressed and I'm trying to be there for him but he's acting like he doesn't want anything to do with me... he won't even sit beside me or talk to me when I try to talk to him about anything at all. I don't understand.
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km4679 View Post
Hello everyone ! I am brand new to the prison talk community. I just found it while doing a google search for advice, and I figured I might as well make my own account since there was alot of helpful threads.

Let me start off by saying; my boyfriend and I (18 years old & 20 years) have an indescribably great relationship. We are a year and a half strong as of right now, and we have always just been so great together. He's loving, caring, so so sweet, loyal, thoughtful, he's got the biggest heart.. the arguments happened here and there like any couple, but when it comes down to it, our love runs deeper than I could ever explain. I love him so much.

About 9 months ago he was in a different mindset than he is now. He was making stupid decisions and had bought a shotgun and sold it for a few extra bucks. Long story short, he's about to land himself in federal prison because he accidentally sold the gun to an UNDERCOVER. (This involved more people than just him, but that's yet to be figured out.) And he just got arrested for it this week because the case has been "building". I couldn't even believe it. He's been doing so well for himself lately and now his past is coming to haunt him in the worst way.

The cops basically raided his house and took him away. He's being released on bond or bail (one or the other) in 30 days on very strict probation until his trial and I am terrified. Looks like it might be a few years for him, I'm hoping under 2 with good behavior IF he's lucky.

Everyone is judging me SO much, especially my family. "how could you be with someone like that" "you're too young to go through that" "that's the type of man you want?" I'm sick of it. Yes I knew about this gun stuff when it happened, and I don't agree with it, but his behavior was talked about, settled and solved and our relationship continued smooth sailing. I'm sick of people downing the person who loves and cares for me like you wouldn't believe - and vise versa. Because of a stupid decision made nearly a year ago. It's been a week since he's been in and it's already so hard. We've cried to eachother on the phone, and seeing him in person in a jumpsuit made my heart nearly stop. Everyone is being so judgemental.

My questions to prison girlfriends/wives/etc.. do you get judged alot? How do you get people to stop bothering you about it? Does it get easier? Is it worth the wait? (I think it will be)... I'm just torn. My life is crazy right now. Any advice, input and opinions are appreciated. Feel free to tell your story, and no I don't care how long it is. I'd like to hear them all now that I'm going through it. Thank you so much if you read all of this
Honey people are always going to judge I say this if you love him then be there for him. Do what makes you happy always.
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:13 PM
quartknee23 quartknee23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km4679 View Post
Hello everyone ! I am brand new to the prison talk community. I just found it while doing a google search for advice, and I figured I might as well make my own account since there was alot of helpful threads.

Let me start off by saying; my boyfriend and I (18 years old & 20 years) have an indescribably great relationship. We are a year and a half strong as of right now, and we have always just been so great together. He's loving, caring, so so sweet, loyal, thoughtful, he's got the biggest heart.. the arguments happened here and there like any couple, but when it comes down to it, our love runs deeper than I could ever explain. I love him so much.

About 9 months ago he was in a different mindset than he is now. He was making stupid decisions and had bought a shotgun and sold it for a few extra bucks. Long story short, he's about to land himself in federal prison because he accidentally sold the gun to an UNDERCOVER. (This involved more people than just him, but that's yet to be figured out.) And he just got arrested for it this week because the case has been "building". I couldn't even believe it. He's been doing so well for himself lately and now his past is coming to haunt him in the worst way.

The cops basically raided his house and took him away. He's being released on bond or bail (one or the other) in 30 days on very strict probation until his trial and I am terrified. Looks like it might be a few years for him, I'm hoping under 2 with good behavior IF he's lucky.

Everyone is judging me SO much, especially my family. "how could you be with someone like that" "you're too young to go through that" "that's the type of man you want?" I'm sick of it. Yes I knew about this gun stuff when it happened, and I don't agree with it, but his behavior was talked about, settled and solved and our relationship continued smooth sailing. I'm sick of people downing the person who loves and cares for me like you wouldn't believe - and vise versa. Because of a stupid decision made nearly a year ago. It's been a week since he's been in and it's already so hard. We've cried to eachother on the phone, and seeing him in person in a jumpsuit made my heart nearly stop. Everyone is being so judgemental.

My questions to prison girlfriends/wives/etc.. do you get judged alot? How do you get people to stop bothering you about it? Does it get easier? Is it worth the wait? (I think it will be)... I'm just torn. My life is crazy right now. Any advice, input and opinions are appreciated. Feel free to tell your story, and no I don't care how long it is. I'd like to hear them all now that I'm going through it. Thank you so much if you read all of this
I'm going through a very similar situation and am still awaiting sentencing. I can pm you to talk further about it. However, my family has been very judgmental on my decision to still and support by boyfriend. I know how wonderful of a person he can be and I know his current situation is a speed bump on the way to him becoming the man he's meant to be. No one will every understand your love and the bond you two share so no opinions matter in the end other than the both of you. Sending the best of wishes. Hope all turned out well.
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