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  #1  
Old 09-30-2016, 07:35 AM
JadensMom127 JadensMom127 is offline
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Default 19 year old son serving 3 year sentence for a Vehicular Homicide

Hello, My son started serving a 3 year sentence for a Vehicular Homicide. He is 19 years old and never been in trouble before. He was away at College on a football scholarship. Now instead he is in a Florida prison. I am devastated, and no one understands my grief!
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Old 09-30-2016, 12:29 PM
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@Jaden's Mom - so very sorry.

BTW - I asked the mods to move this to a thread of its own.
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Old 09-30-2016, 12:44 PM
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Hello, My son started serving a 3 year sentence for a Vehicular Homicide. He is 19 years old and never been in trouble before. He was away at College on a football scholarship. Now instead he is in a Florida prison. I am devastated, and no one understands my grief!
Welcome to the forum!!
We can all understand your "grief" in our ways. We have all experienced it in our "own" ways, but together we share the same feelings of having a loved one in jail or prison for one reason or another. Some of us have even been there ourselves so have a first hand "feeling" of just what it is really like. So many of us have two different kinds of feelings; having someone in and being in ourselves.
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Old 09-30-2016, 01:20 PM
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I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. I am also terribly sorry for the emotions your son is going through not only being in prison but also for the loss of life.
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Old 09-30-2016, 01:35 PM
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I'm sorry your going through this. It's not easy having a LO in prison. We all have experienced this sadness in one way or another. I hope God gives you peace.
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Old 09-30-2016, 01:52 PM
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It's an awful thing when our sons have everything positive going in there life & then this happens. The conviction & time incarcerated changes their lives forever & we suffer with them. I won't pretend that this will be easy & the hardest part might be when he's released. Adjusting to what bias & rejection he'll face is another thing but worry about that later. Let's hope he can get early release or move to a transition center. Urge him to take classes or sign up to tutor others. Anything to keep his mind sharp & looking forward. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. Many places allow magazines to be sent in. I ordered my son 6 subscriptions for $20 through inmatemagazineservice.com . They had a large selection & many were technical type so he could keep up with his area of work.

Hang in there, take care of yourself first & stop in here often. There is a world of support.
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Old 09-30-2016, 01:58 PM
JadensMom127 JadensMom127 is offline
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Thank you! the magazines are a great suggestion. I have not been able to speak to him and don't know if my letters have been received yet. He finally arrived at his permanent place this week, and I am hoping to be approved for phone calls and visitation soon. I am ready to see him. I've never been as much as two days without speaking to him, never mind 6 weeks!
this is very difficult but I am very glad that I found this Forum!
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Old 09-30-2016, 02:15 PM
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Oh, Mom, my heart really goes out to you and your son.

One thing to remember in all of this - his life isn't over. It's just changed.

It's hard to see this now, but it's not over. He can still get a degree, have a very lucrative career, fall in love, get married, and have your grandbabies. He can have a very meaningful life that contributes to the fabric of the world.

He's got a long road ahead of him, for sure. There's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with taking a life, no matter how that life is taken. You both will most likely feel like he has a debt he can never repay as a result. Truth is, that feeling never goes away.

The kin of his victim will grieve in a way that's different from your grief, but it's still all grief. Be prepared for it.

There's a thread in the "juvenile" section started by DetentionBound, a young woman who was found delinquent (she was a juvenile at the time) of her own vehicular homicide. You might want to take a gander at that when you have a chance.

I know the wait is hard, but you will be able to hug your son again. You will be able to talk with him again.

Again, my heart goes out to you.
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Old 09-30-2016, 02:19 PM
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Hello JadensMom127,

I am very sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this ordeal.

Please let him know to take advantage of every opportunity to earn extra good time off his sentence, that may be in the form of taking college classes or enrolling in a substance abuse treatment program if he qualifies. Any extra good time is well worth the effort to be released early. I am not familiar with Florida DOC programs but he should be able to discuss his options with a counselor at the facility.

One piece of advise, when you visit him be strong and don't cry during the visit cause if he is like me a "Mama's Boy" every time I see her cry...so do I.

Take Care Chris
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Old 09-30-2016, 03:46 PM
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My son is also in prison so I feel for you.Just know things will get better you will be able to have phone calls and visits.Its hard so hard but it does get easier with time.
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Old 09-30-2016, 04:22 PM
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I'm so sorry for you and your son. I too have a son in prison, he is 24. It is so hard to face when your child is sentenced and sent away. Even in county jail you can visit every week, but unless you are extremely lucky, prison is different. I didn't see my son for a few months. But he called several times a week. That helps, so I hope he gets to call soon.
When you finally do speak to him, you will see that he is ok. This will give you comfort. When you visit him, you will really see that he is surviving. Making the best of it and getting by.

I was so happy the first time I saw my son, I thought I would be sad, but I wasn't. It was really good to see him. And you know what? He looked well.

It will get easier. Hugs.
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Old 09-30-2016, 07:37 PM
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Thank you for your encouraging words.
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Old 10-01-2016, 07:30 AM
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And...please remember to take care of yourself. My son's crime was in the papers, TV, etc., and that was another aspect that was overwhelming. If this is the case for you, know that the next big story will soon come along and your son's incident will no longer be "big news."

I know...its hard...I'm sorry you are going thru this.
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Old 10-01-2016, 10:41 AM
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HERE is the thread 'yourself' was talking about in the Juvenile forum. You'll find her thinking and remorse and determination enlightening!
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Old 10-01-2016, 11:16 AM
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Thank you, I found it this morning and read all of it. So many similarities to my son. He too was seeking a career as a lawyer. We will hope for the best. It is my job to make sure he comes out of this with the least amount of damage possible! He cried at night for the deceased.
Thank you to all of you. I am happy I found you! I am sorry that you all have loved ones in prison too.

Yourself: your words and advice is encouraging!

Now if I could only hear his voice and hear him tell me that he is ok!
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Old 10-01-2016, 01:27 PM
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JadensMom127-
I am so glad you found us. I am sorry you had to. We are the strong quiet, behind the scenes resilience that gets us all through this part of life we never wanted to acknowledge.

No one ever dreams their toddler will grow up to be in prison or jail. But sometimes poorly thought out decisions can land them behind bars. They are not the only ones who pay the price- families on both sides and related to the inmate- do too.
Have a seat and read, read, read. You are not alone. Check in often. We will be happy to hear of the little victories you and your family and your son achieve along the way.

Come back. We'll leave the light on for you and a pot of tea on the stove for you.
Welcome.
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Old 10-01-2016, 02:06 PM
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Life sucks at time. Especially when the ones we love are locked away. I pray these 3 years blow by and increases the bond you share.
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Old 10-01-2016, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jadah View Post
JadensMom127-
I am so glad you found us. I am sorry you had to. We are the strong quiet, behind the scenes resilience that gets us all through this part of life we never wanted to acknowledge.

No one ever dreams their toddler will grow up to be in prison or jail. But sometimes poorly thought out decisions can land them behind bars. They are not the only ones who pay the price- families on both sides and related to the inmate- do too.
Have a seat and read, read, read. You are not alone. Check in often. We will be happy to hear of the little victories you and your family and your son achieve along the way.

Come back. We'll leave the light on for you and a pot of tea on the stove for you.
Welcome.
Thank you Jadah,
I am devastated! as I now see so many others are too! thank you for welcoming into this group .
I hope that in the near future I will hear success stories from all of you! It is my wish for all of you, who will help me thru this grief!
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Old 10-01-2016, 03:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trauma4us View Post
And...please remember to take care of yourself. My son's crime was in the papers, TV, etc., and that was another aspect that was overwhelming. If this is the case for you, know that the next big story will soon come along and your son's incident will no longer be "big news."

I know...its hard...I'm sorry you are going thru this.

My son's was too. We live in a small town. It was hard to hear the same people who worshiped him for being their star football player, kick him and beat him for an accident! This too shall pass, they say!.
I'm sorry we have all met this way, I'm sorry for all of you . I'm grateful that we have met at all! You are all suffering for a loved one, as am I <3
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Old 10-01-2016, 03:48 PM
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Just remember, when you hear negative things about your boy by people who only know him through sports or the papers - the only reason they are saying that stuff is because their lives and hearts are so miserable they have to find somebody else to feel better than. It doesn't dictate how you should feel, or how your son should feel. Rather, it is just a red flag that the people saying stuff really need a lot more help than anybody else in the room. Same with those who listen and say nothing in response by, "mm-hm" and "yeah"
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Old 10-01-2016, 05:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Just remember, when you hear negative things about your boy by people who only know him through sports or the papers - the only reason they are saying that stuff is because their lives and hearts are so miserable they have to find somebody else to feel better than. It doesn't dictate how you should feel, or how your son should feel. Rather, it is just a red flag that the people saying stuff really need a lot more help than anybody else in the room. Same with those who listen and say nothing in response by, "mm-hm" and "yeah"
What wonderful advice. People don't realize that the family & loved ones serve the sentence right along with the one locked away. It's easy for some people to be cruel but wait if it ever happens to someone they love (or themselves). Until you experience it you have no idea.

I met someone that might be of some inspiration to your son. He started off with a life that seemed doomed due to his incarceration. Now he has come through it & is a lawyer in Georgia & an advocate for reform. He is a wonderful person & cares deeply about the people like your son. He has written a book that might be of interest to you & your son. Here is a link to his story http://www.hisstoryinthemaking.com/

Just remember that life may have knocked your son down but he can decide if it knocks him out. He can prove to the world & himself that he is a good person that had a terrible thing happen. Going on to give back to the world is the best way to change it.
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Old 10-06-2016, 10:20 AM
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Finally received a letter from my son! He says hes in a good place, and that he is okay there. The reception center where he was at before, was bad, and it probably scared him. ( though he didn't say it scared him, only that it was really bad.)
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Old 10-06-2016, 01:07 PM
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I am glad that he is feeling a bit better in the environment that he is in now. I remember when I was "in" that being in a place where I "felt comfortable" did help a great bit.

Although he committed a crime he is still a person, in fact your son!! He should remember that as long as he has sincere regrets for his crime he shall be a better person for it at the end (when released). He should take every opportunity to better himself while incarcerated. Taking college courses, trade courses, helping other inmates who can't cope with their situation and being very respectful to staff etc will help him feel better about himself and he will spend some moments thinking back about what he did to get there but not to let it get him down and out but to use that energy to make him a better person in one way or another.

He should keep himself occupied; no not just by going to yard and lifting weights but by reading and learning and really understanding what life is all about and when he does that to remember what great things are on the "outside" that before he may have taken for granted. That is the key!! Never ever take freedom for "granted"!!

My public defender told me that if I take the plea that was offered I would only get 9 months (max) of probation (out of prison). I took the plea and instead ended up with a 2 to 7 year sentence by the judge in state prison. WOW! that was not expected!! A non-violent crime and no hands on anyone else. I did not steal from anyone etc. But because of society the judge (being a devout Christian) decided to "nail" me to the wall. Even the pretrial director who I was under direct supervision said to me "the judge really hammered you!". He was more surprised than I was. My attorney was blind-sided like I was. I served 47 months in state prison and the balance on parole. I spent the 47 months in prison instead of 24 because the program I had to take was not available to me until I spent 25 months in already. They had a long waiting list for it. Then I was granted parole but had no place to go when released so sat and sat in prison. I took a trade course while in prison and became certified in my trade. Because of this I can support myself on the outside now. All my family has deserted me because of my crime so no support there.

P.S. I have no children in prison but wanted to tell you my story so you know and always understand how important it is to give him the support he needs as long as he understands that your support will be because you are his mother and your love for him will never "fade"; ever!! But he must take the steps to better himself. All you can do is give him the support from the outside. Remember, when you speak to him give him encouragement, even if you don't feel encouraged. Don't give up on your end, if you do he will on his end.

Good luck to the two of you.

Last edited by waitinguntil001; 10-06-2016 at 01:10 PM..
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Old 10-06-2016, 05:42 PM
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Thank you my son too is in for a car accident negligent vehicular manslaughter
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Old 10-07-2016, 08:06 AM
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I feel for you all. So sorry you have to go through this with your child. You will have good days and bad but he'll never be far from your thoughts no matter what you're doing.
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