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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 11-29-2006, 01:17 PM
Wobabi Wobabi is offline
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Default Why do you treat your MWI different??

Hi Ladies,,wow I missed a lot of action,see what happens when you do some work,,hehehe. Anywho I think some interesting dynamics came out on this MWI thread over the last 24 hours and it got me to thinking

My question is :Why do you treat your MWI different than you would a relationship on the streets (if you do)? Not how but Why?

Because I have said,,many times,,whether people know it or not,,i think most of us are very educated (formal and street-wise), tuff, no holds barred type of Ride or Die, kick a girls booty in the parking lot,,type chicks!
But I wonder why do we let our guards down so fast and so quickly and so completely with our dudes we met on lock BUT we would never do this with a dude we met on the streets? Is it because they are in prison that makes us feel more secure? Dang thats almost an oxymoron right there,,,hahaha. These are the same men that were once on the streets so what makes us so much more accepting of things from them now?
Notice i said "we",,because I admit on somethings I really do fall hook line and sinker for,,Like when he tells me how He will do anything legal to put food on the table (However when I told him if he cant find a job we might be living in a shelter he says "If I got to get back on the grind,,we will never live in a shelter,,hmmm)
Let me know guys and dolls?
Babi
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Old 11-29-2006, 01:22 PM
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Because it IS different. People who meet their men on the streets have a different dynamic to their relationship than we do. We love someone sometimes without having met them or even heard their voice first, we can't see how the interact with other people, and we get to interact with them through a controlled environment.

I didn't let my guard down with my ex faster than I would have if I had met him on the street. For me, the connection was there. Also, when I wrote him, I had decided that I wanted a friendship based on who I really was, not who everyone wanted me to be, so I was more myself with him than I was with anyone else.
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Old 11-29-2006, 01:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiskeylullabye
Because it IS different. People who meet their men on the streets have a different dynamic to their relationship than we do. We love someone sometimes without having met them or even heard their voice first, we can't see how the interact with other people, and we get to interact with them through a controlled environment.

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Whiskey but should that be more of a reason to be cautious and not jump in feet first?
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Old 11-29-2006, 01:57 PM
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:27 PM
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wobabi
Whiskey but should that be more of a reason to be cautious and not jump in feet first?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:14 PM
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My question is :Why do you treat your MWI different than you would a relationship on the streets (if you do)? Not how but Why?
For me what I have done differently is just be more open and honest about everything with him , and I mean everything. Why? I'm not sure maybe because I felt he was safer then the guys on the streets yet I believe it was more because he made me feel safer confiding in him over time he showed me that my thoughts, feelings and insecurities were safe with him. That being said the other thing is there is no sex , no hanging from the chandeliers, eye popping multiple orgasm sex This lack of the physical has helped ME discern between really loving someone or loving the sex and for me that was always an issue . I would be in a relationship with someone and say yeah I love him yet when I got real honest I just lusted after him. Now with my sweetness it is both
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiptoesbabygyrl
. Why? I'm not sure maybe because I felt he was safer then the guys on the streets yet I believe it was more because he made me feel safer
Aww shucks Tippy it was that first kiss wasnt it,,,Hehehe
But I am trying figure out why we think they are safer to us in prison? What do they do that makes us believe we are safe? Is it because we think them being locked up they can't do much? Is it just the words they now have time to say? But they wont be locked up forever,,well some wont be forever
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:51 PM
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LOL @ Mellomoods, Hahahhahaha! Me too. I guess it means Met While Incarcerated... LOL LOL!!! I feel like a moron...
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Old 11-29-2006, 05:07 PM
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My question is :Why do you treat your MWI different than you would a relationship on the streets (if you do)? Not how but Why?
I think if anything I was more cautious. I didn't want to be fed a dream only to find out it was nightmare. That was because we don't have the interaction with our MWI relationships as we do a street relationship...but this relationship caused us to discuss matters had he been on the streets may have never come up. It has ended up being the best relationship I have ever been in!!!
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Old 11-29-2006, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wobabi
Aww shucks Tippy it was that first kiss wasnt it,,,Hehehe
But I am trying figure out why we think they are safer to us in prison? What do they do that makes us believe we are safe? Is it because we think them being locked up they can't do much? Is it just the words they now have time to say? But they wont be locked up forever,,well some wont be forever
That first kiss was the deal sealer for me hehehehe
Babi i wish I could express in words why I feel safer I only know that him being in prison has nothing to do with it. I also know the proof is when he comes home.
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:22 PM
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It appears that at times they are treated as though they are fragile. Often feel that you're walking on egg shells, b/c in essence, their fate can be in our hands depending on the direction of the relationship.

For me, I try not to stress him out so much so that he won't freek and so something stupid. I find myself worrying more about him, b/c he has a long tail. Even though he's free, he has to be extremely careful.

In essence, I treat this relationship more like it's fragile and w/ extra caution and care. I'm constantly thinking about him our future, etc. I do believe that these type of relationships are treated differently, JMO. :-)
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thunder
It appears that at times they are treated as though they are fragile. Often feel that you're walking on egg shells, b/c in essence, their fate can be in our hands depending on the direction of the relationship.

For me, I try not to stress him out so much so that he won't freek and so something stupid. I find myself worrying more about him, b/c he has a long tail. Even though he's free, he has to be extremely careful.

In essence, I treat this relationship more like it's fragile and w/ extra caution and care. I'm constantly thinking about him our future, etc. I do believe that these type of relationships are treated differently, JMO. :-)
Thunder, summed it up perfect for me! Thanks!
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Old 11-29-2006, 07:09 PM
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Having dated someone who was in prison before and seeing first hand how a MWI can be a game for some. I was more careful as I was getting to know RJ then if I had met him on the streets, I questioned everything about him and what he told me. I also verified things he told me, for example his charges.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:01 PM
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I never not once treated my MWI relationship any different than I would have had I met him on the streets, infact the only difference there would have been had I met him on the streets is that we would have slid between the sheets and not gotten to know one another on the level we did before true physical interaction occured.

In general terms though, it never bothered me that he was incarcerated in terms of who is this man, feel me? I never let the DOC have ANYTHING on us BUT the physical distance and that and the lesson in patience I've gained has made my world a better place to live in.

Just me though,
Patty
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:07 PM
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I like to think that I treat this relationship at least close to how I would one with a free man. Last night I was talking with someone on here, and she made the comment that I've been thinking about a good bit since, she said "at least you had the luxury of being able to check his prison file, so you would know he was on the up and up and not just playing a game" (for those who don't know I was an officer, and so I had access to all his record) Well the thing is, at first I wanted to look, I even went to the records room and pulled his files, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't look. So I'm going to try to get back on topic now....WHY couldn't I do it??? I think it was because, deep down I knew I didn't need to, and I didn't want to put into our relationship the essence of doubt, even though he wanted me to look in it. But also, there is no giant records room in the free world where we can go pull and see everything he has done wrong for X number of years. So does anyone else think I am crazy for not reading it, especially when I sat there with it on the desk, and changed my mind.

I will say this, that single act of NOT reading strengthened our relationship more so than it ever could have if I had read it. And for that I know WHY I did it.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:53 PM
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I think part of the "difference" is that something like 75% (or more maybe? I'd have to go look in a book) ... of communication is "non-verbal" ... body language and eye-contact, etc... We don't get those things with a MWI relationship as often as we would with somebody on the street - so, sometimes we might need a little "extra" reassurance with our men inside because we're not able to share a necessary part of "communication" that would normally strengthen a relationship (on a more regular basis) - which just seems to breed "doubt" more easily for us - thus the need for extra reassurance. Just a thought ... plus, yeah - the sex thing that somebody else said.

Also, I think some people might sacrifice a little bit "more" for the sake of their MWI relationship than they might for dude on the street (even out of sheer necessity, not just because we want to) -- there might just be "more" at risk besides a broken heart -- and sometimes it might be a little harder not to let ourselves resent that fact during those moments of occasional "doubt". I don't know.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:59 PM
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GaryPrattsGirl ~ was that a personal thing or a general thing? Just wondering because I'm feeling from MY OWN EXPERIENCES in life that I didn't miss out on a thing (besides the physical distance which we more than made up for) while I waited for Sebastian to come home. Honestly I don't believe in the time we did together that I could have known in him in the way that I did had I met him in the freeworld but that's just me/him/us...

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Old 11-29-2006, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
I never not once treated my MWI relationship any different than I would have had I met him on the streets, infact the only difference there would have been had I met him on the streets is that we would have slid between the sheets and not gotten to know one another on the level we did before true physical interaction occured.

In general terms though, it never bothered me that he was incarcerated in terms of who is this man, feel me? I never let the DOC have ANYTHING on us BUT the physical distance and that and the lesson in patience I've gained has made my world a better place to live in.

Just me though,
Patty
ooohh patty that is exactly what i was trying to say thank you
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Old 11-29-2006, 09:03 PM
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i treat this relationship the same as any other...which is why it works out. i was a tad more cautious in the beginning, but once i warmed up i was good to go. i was also cautious in my last relationship and it was a messy and painful ending...so that, coupled with the fact that he was mwi really made me rake him over with a fine tooth comb, so to speak. however, with such a crash ending to my last relationship, i raked EVERY man that approached me with a fine tooth comb, and he was the only one to pass the test. so i really can't say that i treated him any differently because whomever i would have gotten into a relationship with next would have gotten a serious raking with the fine tooth comb ANYWAY.

i considered it a blessing to be able to get to know him in so many ways even before the relationship officially began. i checked over his background and health status...everything because i could. i don't like surprises and i definitely don't like to play the guessing game. so i took advantage of our situation and i got all the info i needed before committing myself, which made the relationship in some ways even better than a traditional relationship because i knew all about his past.

mwi relationships ARE different, so it is best to err on the side of caution until you are comfortable giving more of yourself.
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Old 11-29-2006, 09:36 PM
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Hi Patty ... that was just a general thing. But, I mean, there are pros and cons and I have a bad habit of beating both sides of both the proverbial "living" and "dead horses". (because from a personal standpoint, I've been badly burned and there have been times when my own heart has lied to me - we've all been there, but I'm just a person who is slow to recover - and it's hard for "me" sometimes to NOT take that out on my man now -- I hate it when sometimes I make him pay for another man's mistake - and I try to justify it by saying I'm only trying to protect myself, but that's my personal problem).

Anyway ... back to the point ... I think with our MWI relationships, (generally speaking) we have the benefit of growing closer through letters, deep conversations, visits, not taking "time" for granted, etc ... we reveal more about ourselves and learn more through our letters, develop MUCH stronger and deeper bonds/connections - and we value EVERYTHING much much more than what most people do in their "street relationships" (for lack of a better word) - I think most of us would agree that the letters that our written back and forth between our loved ones is literally the "Diary of our LIVES" - people on the outside don't really have "that". So that's a HUGE immeasurable "pro".

It just feels like the emotional connection we make is magnified in a MWI relationship ... BUT, I think I was just trying to say (in my last post) that when an occasional doubt might creep in - it would be nice to ALSO have a little bit more of a physical connection to chase the doubt away a little easier - like the "reinforcement" of being able to look into his eyes or snuggle on the sofa ... (not referring to sex on this one) ... just the comfort of reading his body language - so that goes on the "con" side of the list of pros and cons. Does that make any sense, I can't find a way to really explain what I'm thinking. (in 5,000 words or less - haha).
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Old 11-29-2006, 09:41 PM
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GaryPratts ~ I had just ended a bad relationship (not prison related) a few months before Sebastian's misdialed phone call so I can relate to what you are saying on a personal level.

I just want to remind everyone that each of us as individuals in charge of the keeping and care of our own hearts and if we risk we may gain and if we risk we may lose but in the end we love, live and learn...

Great thread hope to read more,
Patty
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Old 11-29-2006, 11:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wobabi
But I wonder why do we let our guards down so fast and so quickly and so completely with our dudes we met on lock BUT we would never do this with a dude we met on the streets?
Nope...not me!!!

My man expressed feelings for me only a year and a half or so into or pen pal relationship...

It took me 3 years to admit to myself that my feelings were mutual and weren't going to go away without "testing the waters," so to speak. I'm still very cautious and refuse to give away my entire heart just yet...a lot of things still need to develop in this relationship like meeting him, spending time on the outside, etc. Before I can give him my ENTIRE heart!

I'm sure if I had met my man on the streets, it wouldn't have taken me 3 years to start a romantic relationship with him.
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Old 11-30-2006, 12:29 AM
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I don't treat my MWI any different either with the exception that I accept that he isn't working where I wouldn't be going for that out here on the streets but...it is expected at the gate. Also like Patty pointed out the other difference is that ordinarily I would have already been up underneath him and in this situation I am taking the time to get to know what's up prior to ever committing myself in that way.

Trust me if I feel like I am not be treated accordingly I will step. If I feel like he is running drag on me I will step. I don't feel any overwhelming compassion to just make his time a little easier at the expense of me, my time or my money. Nope. Just as I would do to any knucklehead that stepped to me on the streets.

That's me
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Old 11-30-2006, 10:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GaryPrattsGirl
Anyway ... back to the point ... I think with our MWI relationships, (generally speaking) we have the benefit of growing closer through letters, deep conversations, visits, not taking "time" for granted, etc ... we reveal more about ourselves and learn more through our letters, develop MUCH stronger and deeper bonds/connections - and we value EVERYTHING much much more than what most people do in their "street relationships" (for lack of a better word) - I think most of us would agree that the letters that our written back and forth between our loved ones is literally the "Diary of our LIVES" - people on the outside don't really have "that". So that's a HUGE immeasurable "pro".

It just feels like the emotional connection we make is magnified in a MWI relationship ...
Gary,,you and me are gonna be best Buds Hahaha. Ok Ladies let me give my disclaimer,,,I ponder MWI relationships because I just ponder a lot of things in life. So its not about me crying the blues or feeling insecure ALL the time,,sometimes I just want to dissect some issues so that it WILL MAKE ME STRONGER.
With that said,,,,,all this communication and diaries and emotional bonds,,Thats Women Stuff,,,Do you think these men reciprocate because it is what is offered??,,,they know it makes us happy,,they have TIME to do it blah blah blah. Are we setting ourselves up to beleive that when they come home they will do the same things?
I just dont seem to think so,I could be wrong,, But,I think we will be right back to our non-verbal communicative type men,,who dont let emotions get in their way when it comes to dealing. I am wondering if we are forcing or managing them into a relationship that WE want and not necessarily what they would do on the streets,,Again I say these ARE the same men that were once on the streets,,doing all the things we say men on the street do wrong. Or do you think you have reformed your man and he will stay this expressive,,emotionally bonded ,,communicative Dude? Just asking?
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