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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: When did the relationship begin.
Met while incarcerated 144 38.50%
Met before incarceration. 230 61.50%
Voters: 374. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 03-12-2017, 09:00 PM
jaee_13 jaee_13 is offline
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Originally Posted by NellaDeaux View Post
Yay! He passed the first test of being understanding. Next, what with "FAFSA" requirements, surely the summer semester will be financially limited.

Next, might I suggest that you propose to him the reality of you *ONLY* putting money on the phone vs. the canteen. ??? If he had to choose only one, which would it be?

* Lol I'm glad to back you... This is a sisterhood. And I'm versed in psychology and cyber security. I would love nothing more than to see you've been happy with your arrangement.

But remember, we all have issues. You are not an anomaly. Best wishes ...

Yes, I understand that. 😊 & I've asked him that too. He told me he'd rather talk because his family puts enough for him to get hygiene. if I can fine if not he understood because i do have a little girl..


You're awesome!! Do you have or know someone incarcerated? If u dont mind me asking..
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  #77  
Old 03-12-2017, 09:12 PM
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My husband is incarcerated (26 months). He was is my best friend and I wouldn't​ think to change a beat about anything, but he had drug issues and I'm fairly certain that this is saving him long-term.

If your man's family knows all about you and he's understanding then I wouldn't worry about it. Just plzzzzz make sure he doesn't view you as an asset because you're a CO.

I'm constantly going in on my man for complaining about female guards... He doesn't understand how it can be absolutely terrifying to have 100 violent men surrounding you when only armed with cuffs... Or whatever.

Just make sure you know he's worth it.
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  #78  
Old 03-12-2017, 10:14 PM
jaee_13 jaee_13 is offline
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My husband is incarcerated (26 months). He was is my best friend and I wouldn't​ think to change a beat about anything, but he had drug issues and I'm fairly certain that this is saving him long-term.

If your man's family knows all about you and he's understanding then I wouldn't worry about it. Just plzzzzz make sure he doesn't view you as an asset because you're a CO.

I'm constantly going in on my man for complaining about female guards... He doesn't understand how it can be absolutely terrifying to have 100 violent men surrounding you when only armed with cuffs... Or whatever.

Just make sure you know he's worth it.

Yes ma'am, I do believe he's worth it... Just reading on here & having people tell me stuff, it bothers me at times. I'm no longer a C.O. though. It was good, just very long hours... that was from 2011-2014. Now things are different. I really do thank you for writing & understanding!!! & yes if your husband does have a drug problem, I do believe jail will help!! I have someone close to me that needed that wake up call. & he's so well off, I'm proud of him!! The beginning was tough for him in finding work but i kept encouraging him & he finally caugbt a break. It will all work out!
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  #79  
Old 03-13-2017, 03:13 AM
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Him being worth it to you is the most important thing. I've been reading these stories off and on for years now, as him being in jail isn't a new concept... It's just the first time he's been sent to prison. I meant that he had 27 months, but 16 left to serve btw, lol.

I wouldn't worry too much about him asking for the hygiene products. $20 here and there isn't much at all. When I read that women are being asked to send money to other people or family members is when I worry. My husband has a $100 limit per week. So I know whether he's asking for too much by counting what he gets sent to him through his father, his God mother and myself. It sounds like maybe he just wanted some decent soap and a couple snacks, lol. I can completely understand how the horror stories can make you feel iffy about things.

Last edited by NellaDeaux; 03-13-2017 at 03:16 AM..
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  #80  
Old 06-05-2017, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by jadedjada View Post
Lost,

I just feel my feelings and emotions have gotten out of hand at the moment. I am so out of control
and I need to get a grip on everything. I need to focus on me, and not make

my total existence about him and his getting out and starting our life together.


By the way, our "future" life together was just a fantasy. I guess I knew that all along, but I always hoped.

p.s.

everything was different when he "got out"
I just read this,it's old, but i hope this woman is ok 10 yrs. later. Can't make your "entire being/world/life about a guy. I think of men for a while now as J.A.M.,
& i always will til'he is proving himself by action, and nothing but action." Jam is ..."Just Another Man." Never let a man make you feel as if you're a woman whose "entire being" is defined by him.

"I learned this 2 D.V.,relationships ago, and i have been happy ever since,happier celibate for years on end,and happier even prior to being with my bff who i am engaged to currently," but my life will "never" be focus around him/him being my "world."I have never told him he is my life,my "everything."He said it and still do. But i also tell him don't say that. But he do lol I know better. .Good luck to this woman. I hope she is ok and happy somewhere tonight.
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  #81  
Old 11-05-2017, 02:01 PM
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I am just curious as to how many of the relationships that have ended are MWI. Mine ended a little over 2 month's ago and I know of 2 more personally(not PTO related)that were MWI that did not make it.

My husband has been in jail for almost 2 years. While he finishes sentencing for remaining cases, I have had so much time to reflect on what he has done to our family. It is because of that destruction that my own health has become compromised. His requests for money for canteen and other conversations show that not only does he think about himself, he has learned zilch in 2 years of incarceration. I can't even speak to him anymore. The difficult part is that his entire family is in another country which means that it leaves me with the burdens of speaking to lawyers, telephone calls etc. While he was here to wrap up 1 of his cases I video chatted vs going to see him. It felt more comfortable and I could do it at home. Now that he has been moved to the next county I have not gone to see him. My daughter has strong feelings that I should because no one else is. I feel very caught. While she is so angry with what he has done, she still loves him. My boys don't want to talk about anything related to him. When is enough enough? I don't know the answer to that question. I feel most people on this site are sticking with their loved ones. I think everyone must do what is good for them.
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  #82  
Old 11-05-2017, 02:17 PM
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Met while incarcerated, I was looking for a pen-pal only, but he had me smitten with only one letter
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  #83  
Old 06-26-2018, 08:54 AM
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Met while incarcerated, I was looking for a pen-pal only, but he had me smitten with only one letter
i understand i also met bf while incarcerated i was head over heels after ONE PHONE CALL!
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  #84  
Old 10-23-2018, 06:14 AM
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Me. It has gotten too toxic. I am not happy anymore. He is just weighing me down through his negative energy.
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  #85  
Old 10-25-2018, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
Yep. Games from immature loser-men, going no place good in life, still play lil boy immature games in prison. Only diff is, the bars/steel gate around them. Gotta be able to know that early on to avoid giving too much/mainly your heart.

Now...

Even though few of my greatest friends met while a guy was in prison they are all with the guy still/happy and or engaged. No drama/no immature bullsh-t. Yep.... so i know it can work ya know and i support others i see in an MWI relationship/friendship partnership etc.
-
But i always say and even in my signature here..."I lead with my MIND only."
-
I don't care if my loved on in prison or out...I never EVER again will lead with my heart. I feel better livin' this way too. and so far so good ..."
-

I hope more in life lead by their mind/not heart and only premise a man's love for them on ACTION and not just words. God speed to all of us.
I am the same- no more following my heart- I'm too old for that.
I'll follow my head from now on and ask my heart it's opinion- but it doesn't get to run the show anymore. lol
I also believe in paying attention to their actions- but more than that- follow their PATTERNS.
Anyone can say something and then show an action to back it up for a while, then go back to being the same old jerk they were before.
If you follow their patterns that's when you can really see what's going on.
In ex: someone breaks their word ( common), you leave, so then they come back and make more promises- but ths time their actions match their words- so you think you're good to go- BUT after a little while they go right back to breaking their word and doing all the things thay said they wouldn't do-
That's their pattern.
So not only do we have to listen to words, watch actions and then look for patterns.
Look for consistency.
Ugh lol
I give them 2-3 times of doing that to recognize a pattern and then I walk.
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  #86  
Old 01-10-2019, 03:02 PM
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My boyfriend and I had a rocky relationship before he got locked up. He constantly would lie and go missing for days. I also found a girls number in his phone and when I confronted him he said it was just some girl he talked to before we got back together. He told me he blocked her but I seen her number pop up over again. Anyways he wanted me to bond him out, but my intuition told me he was still talking to her. He swore I’m the only one that he’s been calling. So I messaged the other girl on FB sure enough she said they’ve been in a relationship this whole time. Every since I messaged her my boyfriend hasn’t called me. I went to go see him and he refused the visit! I am beyond hurt so we’re officially over. It was obviously he lied because he would’ve never known I reached out to her if he wasn’t talking to her like he said he wasn’t. I feel so used and hurt!
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  #87  
Old 01-10-2019, 06:13 PM
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I'm sorry for what happened, but glad that you figured out that he was playing you and lying,
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  #88  
Old 01-11-2019, 01:09 PM
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I was with my ex for 6 yrs he got out met a women on Facebook after 2 weeks he left me like a piece of garbage he will regret it Im so hurt right now can't eat or anything really depressed and he's walking around like nothing happened they really a change when they come home for sure and guess who's phone he'll be calling if he gets locked up again it's just so sad 😢😢😢😢
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  #89  
Old 01-11-2019, 01:49 PM
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I was with my ex for 6 yrs he got out met a women on Facebook after 2 weeks he left me like a piece of garbage he will regret it Im so hurt right now can't eat or anything really depressed and he's walking around like nothing happened they really a change when they come home for sure and guess who's phone he'll be calling if he gets locked up again it's just so sad 😢😢😢😢
I am sorry you are feeling so low. Is this the guy who has abused you in the past? If so then see this as a positive opportunity to find someone who will care for you and value you and not be abusive.
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Old 01-11-2019, 03:02 PM
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I was with my ex for 6 yrs he got out met a women on Facebook after 2 weeks he left me like a piece of garbage he will regret it Im so hurt right now can't eat or anything really depressed and he's walking around like nothing happened they really a change when they come home for sure and guess who's phone he'll be calling if he gets locked up again it's just so sad 😢😢😢😢
I am sorry too, ambermarshall11 - I know this isn't much of comfort right now as you are living through the worst pain currently, but I firmly believe that you deserve someone who loves and respects you and treats you well....The next person, if you decide to start a relationship at some point, will surely be a thousand times better for you & your kiddos
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:20 PM
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Originally Posted by ambermarshall11 View Post
I was with my ex for 6 yrs he got out met a women on Facebook after 2 weeks he left me like a piece of garbage he will regret it Im so hurt right now can't eat or anything really depressed and he's walking around like nothing happened they really a change when they come home for sure and guess who's phone he'll be calling if he gets locked up again it's just so sad 😢😢😢😢
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been depressed myself it’s very hurtful, but we will get through it. They obviously don’t deserve us. Good luck to you hun.
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Old 01-25-2019, 01:01 PM
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I've just split up with my mwi after being together for two years, I thought we were forever and to find out only two days ago he has feelings for me but towards the end was using me for his own needs is heart breaking as I gave him everything I had :-( not financially
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Old 01-26-2019, 02:24 AM
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I've just split up with my mwi after being together for two years, I thought we were forever and to find out only two days ago he has feelings for me but towards the end was using me for his own needs is heart breaking as I gave him everything I had :-( not financially
I am sorry you are going through this. Time will heal, no matter how impossible that may feel right now - I would try to look at this as a blessing in disguise: you mentioned in another thread that he was treating you badly so now you are free to move on and at some point meet someone who will treat you with love & respect. You also said in your other post that you hope you'll be able to build a good friendship after all this.... This is of course none of my beeswax but...I feel it would support your healing & moving on to not try and be friends with him, to stay in touch. Why would someone who treated you badly deserve your friendship?
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Old 01-26-2019, 04:52 AM
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I am sorry you are going through this. Time will heal, no matter how impossible that may feel right now - I would try to look at this as a blessing in disguise: you mentioned in another thread that he was treating you badly so now you are free to move on and at some point meet someone who will treat you with love & respect. You also said in your other post that you hope you'll be able to build a good friendship after all this.... This is of course none of my beeswax but...I feel it would support your healing & moving on to not try and be friends with him, to stay in touch. Why would someone who treated you badly deserve your friendship?

Good advice .. I’ve found, more often than not, it’s not feasible to try to be friends with someone who has a history of treating you badly; the bad things from your relationship will still be there, and make their way to the surface ..
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Old 07-31-2019, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Stormx376 View Post
My boyfriend and I had a rocky relationship before he got locked up. He constantly would lie and go missing for days. I also found a girls number in his phone and when I confronted him he said it was just some girl he talked to before we got back together. He told me he blocked her but I seen her number pop up over again. Anyways he wanted me to bond him out, but my intuition told me he was still talking to her. He swore I’m the only one that he’s been calling. So I messaged the other girl on FB sure enough she said they’ve been in a relationship this whole time. Every since I messaged her my boyfriend hasn’t called me. I went to go see him and he refused the visit! I am beyond hurt so we’re officially over. It was obviously he lied because he would’ve never known I reached out to her if he wasn’t talking to her like he said he wasn’t. I feel so used and hurt!
First of all I want to send some love. When you devote yourself, your time, your energy, your love. IT's not that you expect to get anything back....but you hope to get honesty. You have to get loyalty and a healthy relationship. The hardest part of giving your all of someone who is not in the free world...is when they get out and choose anything (and I mean anything) other than you. That shows that they truly never valued the relationship. And then you are hurt. Feel betrayed and cannot imagine how you just spent years devoting time and loyalty to someone who threw you to the side like trash because now they have the ability to have choice. Bullshit. Hurtful. Lesson learned. It will hurt but with time...you will heal. Sending love and good energy your way. Relationships are never easy when they end but when they end like this it's hard to accept the reality of the situation.
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  #96  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:42 PM
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My former fiance and I were together for just about 3 years, got engaged a month before I fell and a no-contact was placed. We haven't spoken since my incarceration and now that I'm out we still haven't. I've heard through the grapevine she's so excited to meet me again as the new person I am, all faults and difficulties aside. I'm sure she feels the same that we hope to pick up where we left off one day when we are allowed to do so. There was a lot of love, experiences and hard times we worked through. It's been a while and will be longer but I look forward to the future, hopefully together. She knows the man I can be and I know the wonderful young-woman she is. I think if I do well and succeed in my own growth, she will continue to do the same and a beautiful future will blossom. Some things just don't change, and love for the most part is one of them.
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Old 09-30-2019, 08:47 PM
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My former fiance and I were together for just about 3 years, got engaged a month before I fell and a no-contact was placed. We haven't spoken since my incarceration and now that I'm out we still haven't. I've heard through the grapevine she's so excited to meet me again as the new person I am, all faults and difficulties aside. I'm sure she feels the same that we hope to pick up where we left off one day when we are allowed to do so. There was a lot of love, experiences and hard times we worked through. It's been a while and will be longer but I look forward to the future, hopefully together. She knows the man I can be and I know the wonderful young-woman she is. I think if I do well and succeed in my own growth, she will continue to do the same and a beautiful future will blossom. Some things just don't change, and love for the most part is one of them.
Best of luck that it works out!
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  #98  
Old 11-12-2019, 10:00 AM
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she pointed out things that went right over my head!
SpicaRigel, is it possible that you are willing and will share those "things that went right over" you head with us?!
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