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Domestic Violence News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

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  #1  
Old 01-25-2018, 02:13 PM
confusedinaz confusedinaz is offline
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Default Saw a counselor today for the 1st time

So its been 4 years since my abuser was sent to prison. In that time I have worked hard to heal and become the person I am today, however, I realized and finally admitted to myself that I may need therapy to heal completely. I made an appointment and had my 1st visit today. She kept asking what I wanted to get out of counseling and if I could wave a magic wand, what did I want to see happen. I told her a few things like:
1. Why did I allow this to happen to me
2. I want to forget it all
3. I dont want to carry any baggage from that relationship into any new relationships. Or make another man pay for my abusers mistakes.
4. Why do I feel sorry for a man that repeatedly hurt me.
5. Why after all these years does it still bother me

I'm scheduled to go back in 2 weeks. Not exactly sure what I should be expecting from this. I'm having a hard time explaining I feel screwed up in the head even after all this time. She really didn't offer any plan for treatment except give me some materials on being "passive" and that I need to be more assertive. And to do some research on that. I've never done this before and was wondering if anyone can offer me some insight as I want to be able to get the most I can from this. TIA.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:18 PM
xolady xolady is offline
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Give it some time your not going to get better over night it took a long time to get to where you are and years of living this way. Good luck and feel good your doing something to help yourself.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:44 PM
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You're only going to get what good out of counseling that you put into it. That means you will probably have to do some deep soul searching. It could possibly be painful for you to look that deep inside, but in the end, it will help you to heal.

And it doesn't help overnight. You have to keep plugging away at it.
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Old 01-25-2018, 05:11 PM
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I agree, give the sessions some more time before you decide if they are helping you, or not. Not every therapist is a good match for each patient. I hope her advice helps you, but if you aren't satisfied with her program, sometimes changing to a different counselor works much better.
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Old 01-26-2018, 11:52 AM
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Read through the threads in this forum and you'll find a great deal about what people have lost, regained, felt/not felt and how they've coped or thrived.

You can't expect a therapist to dig into you right from the beginning! She needs to allow you to learn to trust her, and to learn your history (not his, be clear about that!). She should also have a sub-specialty in domestic violence, because it's got some twists and turns that don't show up in the average session or course of treatment. Give yourself 4 or 5 sessions before you make any firm decisions about whether you want to continue with this particular therapist or want to try another one.

This is going to take a while, you know. You don't heal instantly, though some of the insights you may gain can make profound differences.
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Old 01-26-2018, 03:52 PM
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I agree with fbopnomore 100% in that not every therapist is the right fit and if there is something that doesn't sit right with this one or you are uncomfortable, do not be shy in speaking up or just don't go back, but if you decide not to go back, don't give up either.

With regards to therapists however, make sure you aren't going to a therapist only for the sake to find someone that will tell you only what you want to hear. A good therapist will be honest with you no matter how hard that is.

I started seeing a therapist in 2006 when my marriage was falling apart. She was honest with me and while I didn't love it or her, it was a tremendous help. She helped me see things from a completely different perspective than I would've ever seen them from. Unfortunately, just as one thing would resolve, something else would occur, hence I still see her. Now the topic of discussion is my current husband in prison, and how to manage without him.

The number one thing though is the be comfortable and if the person is not making you comfortable, then find someone else. You went through something very painful and it is obviously still very painful as it should be. You have not yet dealt with that. It will not go away overnight. Don't expect it to take 1 session. It can take years before you get past this, so just be patient. But most of all, be honest with her as well. You won't success if you're going to sit and not be truthful. It is ok, she is not there to judge you.

From your statements, it is obvious you are an empathetic person. There is nothing wrong with that. You will work your way through it and come out a stronger and better person for it.

By the way, I probably don't really need to go to the therapist now, but I actually like going. It's like talking to a friend who isn't going to bullshit me and tell me what I want to hear because they don't want to hurt my feelings!
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