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Old 12-07-2017, 04:56 AM
gene-o gene-o is offline
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Default Intro--gene-o from Maine

Twenty Years Crime Free

When one has truly changed their life from being a criminal for most of their young years into a productive honest citizen, it is a miracle. Some in society will never let your past go away. Actually, my past will always remain in my heart. I'll always carry the pain I have caused others many years ago. Society can't change this. Society can never hurt me any more than I have hurt myself over the years. What I've lived because of my unhealthy decisions put me behind prison walls for thirty years. Surviving thirty years in a hell hole makes one appreciate freedom beyond what words can express. Life can dish out whatever it chooses but it could never compare to the pain I've caused others and myself. I've already lived in hell. Freedom is my Heaven until I go home to be with my Lord. Then there will be no more victims, crimes, prisons, sickness, nor pain and sorrow. It will be a place where God will wipe away all our tears. God is restoring the many years the locust has stolen from me as a child. He has raised me up so to confound the wise and mighty. I don't actually believe in rehabilitation myself but rather regeneration into a new person, with a new heart. Isn't this what the prison system is all about? When a person puts themselves in prison because of their criminal actions, doesn't society want and hope they come out as a new person? Of course, there are some who should never come out of prison and I've personally met many. They have gone too far and they are too dangerous to live in society. At one time in my life, I thought I was one of them. I actually asked God not to ever let me be released until I was a changed man. The change began when I was chained up in leg irons, being transported by prison guards, to a doctors office for a stomach problem in the local town. Sodium pentothal was put into my veins so to put a tube down my throat. As I awoke, the guards, nurses, and Doctor were staring at me with confusion on their faces. I thought it was bad news. I asked them what was wrong. The doctor explained to me that he couldn't get the tube down my throat. Even being bound in chains I flipped out. I spoke and cried like a little boy. I was saying, It's not my fault! I don't want to do it! Please stop! It was then that all my sexual and physical abuse emerged out of the prison in my mind. The chains were released and the little boy in me came out for the first time but not to hurt anyone this time. It took many years of therapy to heal the abuse that this little boy endured for most of his childhood and up into his early teens. None of it is an excuse for the crimes I committed in my past. As an adult, this was my fault for acting out. I am sure though that if this abuse didn't happen to me as a child, my life would have been different. Some people deal with their pain by abusing the world and others use their pain to help change the world. This is just the way life is. Of course, it does hurt my heart very much when some people try to put me down, or hurt me, even after living twenty years crime-free in society. But it doesn't give me a justification to hurt them, or myself. I have to just accept the things I can't change and go on with my life and my freedom. And this is exactly what I will do! I am thankful I never abused any children or killed someone in my times of rage. But I have hurt many people in other ways. I would spend the rest of my life in prison if it would take away their pain I caused them but I can't change my past. I can change myself as I have done and help others not to hurt people. I can only give back.
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Old 12-07-2017, 05:50 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Old 12-08-2017, 05:31 AM
gene-o gene-o is offline
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Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
Welcome to Prison Talk and thanks for sharing your story.
I hope my life can help others on this sight.
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