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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 02-05-2010, 12:37 AM
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LETxGO LETxGO is offline
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Default should i just cut my ties with him?

this might get a little long..actually it will be an essay im sure lol. so much drama.

okay i have a friend.. i'll call him D, who is 21, i'm 19. we met in september 2006 for the first time at an outdoor party. his band were playing the party and right before they went on stage he drank a whole bottle of jack daniels straight down in about a minute and i knew straight away that wasn't healthy. he approached me later in the night and we talked and he tried hooking up with me but i said i wasn't interested.

we talked on and off until summer 2007 when we started seeing each other more often. his band were getting more exposure around here and i would go see them play all the time. he asked me out a lot, told me i was pretty, etc. i knew he still had a drinking problem (by this time every single time we would meet he had been drinking) but i just kept saying i wasn't interested in dating anyone.

at the end of 2007 we stopped seeing each other/talking so often. we met twice in the whole of 2008. he moved away for university in a different city and made new friends. he studied for about 4 months then dropped out because he and his "friends" preferred getting drunk and doing drugs. he ended up in rehab 3 times between 2008 and 2009. also a brief stint in prison because him and his friend were really drunk and decided to break into a drug store and steal a lot of drugs.

fast forward to the middle of 2009, he sends me a message on my online profile saying i still look beautiful and he misses me. we talk, catch up, etc. and he asks me out AGAIN! i say i am not interested, he accuses me of leading him on even though i was honest from the beginning. we stop talking until november, he messages me saying sorry for being a jerk and he misses our friendship. that same night i see him at the bar and we end up sharing a kiss. the next day i regret it, i did/do have a thing for him but i could never date an alcoholic. anyways the next weekend we end up kissing again , and every time i seen him out from then we would kiss/cuddle and i won't lie it was really nice. he asked me out a few times and asked me on dates, i explained his alcohol problem needed to be fixed first so he said he would change for me. i said don't change for me, thats just going to be a disaster. change for you, because you want it. and don't do it until you're ready. he said he needed support and really wanted to change so i supported him. we weren't in a relationship but we weren't seeing other people and he even told me he was in love with me.

he stopped drinking for 6 days, to some people that seems like nothing but it was a lot for him. then saturday night came..the night EVERYONE in our group of friends go to the club. he begged me to come in and see him (his town is 15min away), i had no money for a bus in. he said he would go to the bar and not drink. i knew that wouldn't happen. next morning he comes online BRAGGING to me about hooking up with this girl and how it was the best night he had in a long time etc. (and he drank a lot) then i tell him i think we should end whatever it is we have because its just not working out. he freaks out but eventually we get on speaking terms. he calls me saying he only kissed that girl because he missed me etc.
then monday..that girls bands were having a concert with some other bands. my bff and i had bought our tickets 2 months before and didn't want to waste them so we went. well that i was seeing was there with the girl he kissed and ignored me the whole time! he even cuddled and kissed her right in front of me. then he tried to grab me later and talk to me and my bestie told him to stay away, i broke down in tears and cried for ages. on the train home he came up to me saying he was sorry, just trying to make me jealous, etc. i was having none of it. then he pulled the "i f*cked up because of you. i drank a whle bottle of whiskey today because of this shit with you" i said you f*cked up becuase you're an alcoholic! he said eff you and walked off.

we didn't talk for a few days then new years eve he sent me a message saying we needed to stop being silly and work every thing out. i really missed being around him and agreed. so i got ready and went to the club. he wasn't there so i called him, he said to wait outside he was on his way. waited an hr, never came.. called..he hung up.. called again, phone switched off. my whole night was ruined.
got home at 5am, crawled into bed and cried for being so foolish and falling for hm when i told myself i wouldn't. he calls me at 6am crying saying he was so sorry, he loves me, he wanted to kill himself, etc. i told him i couldn't deal with it anymore and hung up. 6.45am his uncle calls me, he found D passed out on the floor with blood around his head and ecstasy tablets in his pocket, but hes breathing and okay.

next day was new years day.. D called me around 11am crying saying his family hated him..he found out his uncle called me and he got jealous and beat him up over it! none of his family were talking to him. i tried to calm him down..he ended up taking a bunch of pills and overdosing. thankfully i text his sister on time and she found him.
later that day my friend Aaron told me he had a house party NYE and D went, he spent the whole night with that girl he kissed and aarons brother walked in on D, that girl, that girls boyfriend all having a threesome! when he was supposed to be coming to meet me! i confronted D about this and it turned into hell. he told me that girl was 100 times the person i will ever be, he was only using me, i was ugly, i was pretty on the outside but satan on the inside, said he spiked my drink, threatned to beat me!, etc.

i was afraid he would beat me so i went to the cops and filed a complaint, just to make it known i was afraid of him, but it woldn't be added to his record unless he acted on it. my friend and i went to the club, he tried to approach me a few times but my friend kept him away. at the end of the night he comes up to me laughing that i'm all alone (uh no sh*t i was waiting to get a cab to go home and sleep!), i got afraid and went and got my friend to come wait with me. then D attacks my friend for no reason! hits him 4 times in the chest real hard. i was crying and begging to stop and he wouldn't listen.

next day i go to the cops and the cop actually said i deserve better than him. we file a complaint about the assault, again it doesn't go on his record because i don't want to testify against him in court (he was already on a suspended sentence)
later that week i find out hes back in prison, not because of me but because the day after he attacked my friend, he attacked 2 people in his family. so he went to prison for 3 weeks, then the judge let him free because the judge said he needs to get his alcohol problem sorted and prison is not where he belongs nor will it give him the help he needs. so now he has been off alcohol for a whole month and is in a rehab centre getting help.
we have talked twice since he got out of prison, he apologized a lot, but i don't know if i believe him or if i can trust him ever again. he really hurt me. i guess i'm just looking for someone to guide me. i have feelings for him still, and i can tell he still likes me, but i think he needs to work on his own life first, am i right? i know deep down he WANTS to change but WILL he? i don't know..which is sad because i told him i think he can, just to try and stay positive for him, but i know he can stay away from alcohol in rehab but its a whole lot different in the real world.

should i just stop talking with him now before things get complicated again?
should i continue to be there for him?
am i overreacting and thinking too much into everything?


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  #2  
Old 02-06-2010, 09:53 PM
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sunmoon728 sunmoon728 is offline
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yep, save yourself from more painful heartaches! let him go.
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  #3  
Old 02-08-2010, 09:19 PM
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SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
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Honey he isnt ready yet.
He is still blaming everyone but himself for all his woes.
Leave him be.
You dont deserve to be treated like that.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:55 PM
mybabyinjail mybabyinjail is offline
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He needs to sort him self out badly! since yo two arent together anyway i would keep my distance, he will realise he has to change if he ever wants a chance. But to be honest, alcholic or not the fact he threatened ypu.. he sounds dangerous so you are probably better off staying away for good.
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Old 03-25-2010, 08:51 PM
Jane91 Jane91 is offline
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You are an articulate thoughtful woman. Move on. You will find someone worthy of your love and friendship.
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  #6  
Old 03-26-2010, 02:58 AM
chelseagreg1427 chelseagreg1427 is offline
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wow. this isnt healthy at all. his addiction seems to feed off of anything you do. its not your fault at all, but he controls you with it. you deserve much better and he has some serious issues. i honestly think you would be much better off without him. good luck.
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