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Old 07-12-2018, 09:27 AM
ToFaswife ToFaswife is offline
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Default I just need to vent...MWI is soooo mean to me

hello i have been in a relationship with my MWI for a year now but we have known each other since 2014 i have never physically met him in person yet because of the distance he's in Florida and im in NC....hes been in prison already 10 years and has until 2039 and honestly i love him alot i fell in love the very first time we spoke on the phone however he was in a relationship when we met so we only stayed friends they broke up shortly after we started talking and the other woman has since moved on and married another man and had another baby so she's very happy and she's not the problem..like i said im completely in love with him and he says he loves me too but im honestly not happy with this relationship anymore hes extremely mean and demanding and he threats all the time like hes going to find someone else and marry them and im gonna lose him and all this other stuff if i dont do exactly what he wants me to do and thats money all the time..im a single mother with no job and all i have is my son's childsupport that takes care of me and him i live with a good friend right now until i can find employment and just a good example his prison is on lockdown and has been for the last month and a half that makes it easier for me to say NO IN letters cause i dont have to hear his voice that he knows makes me weak and always says YES. however in every letter he has demanded money be put on his account and also two other men in the prison hes at because they help him with things when he needs it and now he has to pay them back and he's demanding the money be put on these two guys accounts before lockdown is over or he wont write me or call me when lockdown is over and i havent done it yet cause im saving to get my son's cell phone bill paid and thats the only money i have and i have told him that over and over in every letter and he always says HE should be my first priority why am i worrried about something as silly as a cell phone bill when i'm putting his life and freedom at danger and i love him so much and i dont want to put his life in danger ever however my son is my first priority hes only 15 so he needs me to be his mom and that is what i want to do but the letters just keep getting worse and worse and i always say like now im not going to write him back which i haven't but i know the next letter will be a sweet one and he's going to write a poem and im gonna fall more in love with him than i am now...i have the money to do what he asks and i just want to put all the money on there and make him happy cause thats what i feel like im supposed to do im kind of the reason his last relationnship broke down so i feel bad just abandoning him after he lost everything for me and our relationship he's not this mean all the time in fact hes very sweet as long as i do everything he asks when he asks me too as far as money goes and thats what i have to do what he says so i can have the sweet man and not this monster i just got a horrible letter from today...thats what made me vent like this im so sorry for venting this way i just seriously had to get it all out before i lost my mind thanks so much for reading i guess i'll go put the money on the accounts now i'll figure out something else for my son's phone bill i guess smh
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Old 07-12-2018, 09:38 AM
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hello i have been in a relationship with my MWI for a year now but we have known each other since 2014 i have never physically met him in person yet because of the distance he's in Florida and im in NC....hes been in prison already 10 years and has until 2039 and honestly i love him alot i fell in love the very first time we spoke on the phone however he was in a relationship when we met so we only stayed friends they broke up shortly after we started talking and the other woman has since moved on and married another man and had another baby so she's very happy and she's not the problem..like i said im completely in love with him and he says he loves me too but im honestly not happy with this relationship anymore hes extremely mean and demanding and he threats all the time like hes going to find someone else and marry them and im gonna lose him and all this other stuff if i dont do exactly what he wants me to do and thats money all the time..im a single mother with no job and all i have is my son's childsupport that takes care of me and him i live with a good friend right now until i can find employment and just a good example his prison is on lockdown and has been for the last month and a half that makes it easier for me to say NO IN letters cause i dont have to hear his voice that he knows makes me weak and always says YES. however in every letter he has demanded money be put on his account and also two other men in the prison hes at because they help him with things when he needs it and now he has to pay them back and he's demanding the money be put on these two guys accounts before lockdown is over or he wont write me or call me when lockdown is over and i havent done it yet cause im saving to get my son's cell phone bill paid and thats the only money i have and i have told him that over and over in every letter and he always says HE should be my first priority why am i worrried about something as silly as a cell phone bill when i'm putting his life and freedom at danger and i love him so much and i dont want to put his life in danger ever however my son is my first priority hes only 15 so he needs me to be his mom and that is what i want to do but the letters just keep getting worse and worse and i always say like now im not going to write him back which i haven't but i know the next letter will be a sweet one and he's going to write a poem and im gonna fall more in love with him than i am now...i have the money to do what he asks and i just want to put all the money on there and make him happy cause thats what i feel like im supposed to do im kind of the reason his last relationnship broke down so i feel bad just abandoning him after he lost everything for me and our relationship he's not this mean all the time in fact hes very sweet as long as i do everything he asks when he asks me too as far as money goes and thats what i have to do what he says so i can have the sweet man and not this monster i just got a horrible letter from today...thats what made me vent like this im so sorry for venting this way i just seriously had to get it all out before i lost my mind thanks so much for reading i guess i'll go put the money on the accounts now i'll figure out something else for my son's phone bill i guess smh
Why would you take away From your son for a man who clearly doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of your time..... any man prison or otherwise knows KIDS come first.... he is manipulating you makes you feel bad for him then loves you up.. it sounds harsh but are you really gonna keep dealing with his shit for what the next 21 years ... get away from that shit it's no good for you or for your son
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:02 AM
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Why would you take away From your son for a man who clearly doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of your time..... any man prison or otherwise knows KIDS come first.... he is manipulating you makes you feel bad for him then loves you up.. it sounds harsh but are you really gonna keep dealing with his shit for what the next 21 years ... get away from that shit it's no good for you or for your son
yeah i know but believe it or not its easier said than done im completely in love with him at this point and i cant never bring myself to block his calls or anything
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:10 AM
ToFaswife ToFaswife is offline
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and please one other thing i dont want anybody to get it twisted my son is not neglected at all hes very well taken care of he eats everynight and wears the best clothes and shoes to school...me and his father do a excellent job taken care of him and i do it with no help from family i dont have mother or a father and never have so i dont want that to be mistaken i am not taken anything important from my child it is just a cell phone bill at the end of the day
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:27 AM
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Don't do that to your son.

I think you need to go talk to a therapist tbh.
That is very unhealthy for you.

It's also not 100% your fault about his relationship, that was all on him too. He allowed you to get involved knowing he had a girl, whether it was just friends or not.

Think to yourself, would my son be proud of how i'm getting treated? What if he was in a relationship and he got treated like this??? You do not know this man outside of prison. You do not owe him anything.

Also, from what i've been told and learned that once they ask favor once, 99% of the time they will ask it again and expect the same yes answer.
More then likely it's gambling debt or something like that. Which is not good for you to be apart of.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:33 AM
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How would you feel if your son was treating a woman like this? The relationship you and your son's father have with other people teaches your son what is and isn't okay. I understand being head over heels in love with someone and giving them every penny possible. I had so many people pointing out to me over the years what a POS the guy was. I got lucky and I now have someone else that shows me the love AND respect I deserve. Any person that tells you to take from your child to give to them does not deserve your time, he also has no issue with you taking from yourself knowing that you are unemployed. Plus he's showing that he doesn't care about you at all because he has told you that you are replaceable to him. If you stick around until he's out he's going to find a new woman with more money that he can manipulate and you'll post on here about being heartbroken and question what you did wrong because he left. Stop blaming yourself and seriously get some help. You need to love yourself and realize your self worth. Like you said, you are managing to care for your son without a lot of support. You are a worthwhile person that deserves to be treated with decency. I would say stop responding to his letters, take baby steps to be done with him. There's part of you that wants to be done with him, if you didn't you'd suffer in silence. So break away from him and focus on you.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:34 AM
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Please excuse my French but are you effing kidding me? You call that LOVE?
He’s an ass by treating you this way and demanding all of this and by God you have NO RESPONSIBILITY for him whatsoever.
You owe him NOTHING!
Let this man go and concentrate on getting your life in order first ( job, apartment, etc.).
What you have is not a relationship. It’s another spoiled child who wants you to solve his problems.
You haven’t even met the guy. This is a huge scam.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:36 AM
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My love you are not in a relationship you are being emotionally and financially abused.
You owe this man nothing .You havent even met this man and he is demanding money for him and other men. Of course he is happy when you do what he wants he has got money out of you. He has no right to expect to be your priority.
You are not the reason his last relationship broke up that is between them.
You may not see it this way but this is abusive and I would urge you to go to a local DV centre and see a counsellor and get help to break free of this man and deal with your own issues that are making you accept such treatment in your life.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:42 AM
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I wanted to shout from the rooftops that you were being lied to about his potential release in the other thread before reading any of this. Now I know it.

Time to move on and move up, hun. This isn't love, this is an unhealthy obsession. You deserve better.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:45 AM
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My dear, this is classic textbook manipulation. I bet he loved everything about you in the beginning and then started criticizing everything about you he once said he loved. I also wonder if it’s that beginning honeymoon period that was so beautiful and special that you keep trying to be good enough to get back. It’s never coming back and he will only be kind to you again when he thinks he’s pushed too far and you might leave.

What is it, exactly, the you love about him? It’s not physical affection because you e never been in the same room. It certainly isn’t kindness. So what is it about him RIGHT NOW that you love?

Everything this guy says is intended to manipulate you into doing what he wants you to do. He does not love you and no poem in the world makes up for the abuse.

Run.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:45 AM
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Sounds like he is running the long game on you to be honest. He was willing to wait years to get you to a point where you would do anything for him.

1. Kids comes first
2. Next is you
3. Never put money on another books Nothing good ever comes from it. You have no idea what he is really doing. You could end up in a whole world of legal hurt.
4. I think you fell in love with words and the idea of him.
5. He is comfortable now and true colors are showing.
6. You don't know his out date a d feel he lies to you.

You have a son. How would you feel if he treated a woman this way?

Honey the hairs on my neck are standing up. Please be careful.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:49 AM
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Also, if you ex gets wind that you are using his money for him, you could lose it and custody of your son. That money is for bills, rent, food and your son.

Your own money would be a different story.
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:07 AM
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i appreciate everyone's response i have heard all of this from everyone in my life before but i dont want everyone to get the impression he is all bad he is a really sweet person deep down he's been thru alot in life as i have been and he's been hurt by many people he hasn't had a real home in very long time his mother died when he was very young and he like me has never had a father he was also abused in every way by people he should have been able to trust smh so it has hardened his heart in alot of ways and also the fact he has been in prison for 10 years already and he is only 29 so by the time he gets out he will be 50 something years old so he pretty much lost his whole life in prison so he has lost alot of love but i honestly see thru the hardness and i see below his hardness and i see that he wants to be a loving and kind and gentle person hes just been beat down by everything and everybody and i dont want to be one of those people that abandons him when we started talking i swore to him i wouldn't ever abandon him or leave him no matter what i told him i was strong enough to handle everything after we started dating he put me as his emergency contact if anything happens to him in there and thats what he uses to get to me eveytime that i would be hurt and devastated if he was hurt or something in prison for owing out money he hasnt paid also i love to talk to him and without money on his account he cant call me so i cant hear from him he was already stabbed in one of the previous prisons he was in so if he died i would never be able to forgive myself knowing it was something i could have did to prevent that from happening i mean honestly what kind of person does someone they care about that way?smh
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:15 AM
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He has got you hook line and sinker hasnt he?

He is not a loving kind and gentle person to you. He is an abuser and a manipulator, you are not responsible for him or his past experience.

If he gets hurt in prison that is his fault not yours, he is the one getting himself into trouble.

I am concerned for you as I think you are so blind sided by this abusive man that you are not thinking straight and your making excuses for him and blaming yourself for his behavior.
Please go and see a DV counsellor and tell them what you have told us. Please do allow him to continue abusing you. He does not love you, I dont think he even likes you, you are his mark and he is taking you for all he can get.

But dont take my word for it please go and see someone skilled in supporting women who are being abused.
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:22 AM
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i appreciate everyone's response i have heard all of this from everyone in my life before but i dont want everyone to get the impression he is all bad he is a really sweet person deep down he's been thru alot in life as i have been and he's been hurt by many people he hasn't had a real home in very long time his mother died when he was very young and he like me has never had a father he was also abused in every way by people he should have been able to trust smh so it has hardened his heart in alot of ways and also the fact he has been in prison for 10 years already and he is only 29 so by the time he gets out he will be 50 something years old so he pretty much lost his whole life in prison so he has lost alot of love but i honestly see thru the hardness and i see below his hardness and i see that he wants to be a loving and kind and gentle person hes just been beat down by everything and everybody and i dont want to be one of those people that abandons him when we started talking i swore to him i wouldn't ever abandon him or leave him no matter what i told him i was strong enough to handle everything after we started dating he put me as his emergency contact if anything happens to him in there and thats what he uses to get to me eveytime that i would be hurt and devastated if he was hurt or something in prison for owing out money he hasnt paid also i love to talk to him and without money on his account he cant call me so i cant hear from him he was already stabbed in one of the previous prisons he was in so if he died i would never be able to forgive myself knowing it was something i could have did to prevent that from happening i mean honestly what kind of person does someone they care about that way?smh
What is he doing to improve his situation. "Trying" isn't an answer. Is he in anger mangement/NA/AA, any sort of self improvement course? Is he studying? Is he working? Is he reading and discussing with other folks what he's read? What is he doing to change?

Because hun, you can't save him. Not enough money or loyalty in the world will make a man safe and love you back.

He's not treating you right and you reinforce that it's OK to behave that way because you feel responsible for his well being. That's not a grown man, that's a petulant child that allows a woman with actual children of her own to feel guilty if he's uncomfortable or struggling.

People who manipulate are never satisfied. They're sponges with barbs. They want more and more-- attention, money, sacrifice, self-esteem, ego-feed. They will suck you dry and keep you hooked with small acts of affection and praise. And when you are beat down, penniless and wondering what the hell happened to the last five, ten, fifteen years of your life, he'll be done with you because you can't give him what you don't have to give.

This is on him. You've spent one year investing in someone who berates you for not giving them money when they can't stay out of trouble. You want to spend two? Three? I spent six with mine and seven years later I still run up against scars.
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:28 AM
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Sorry but stop making excuses for him!
No matter how bad someone's life is, they can come out good if they want! Those sound excuses that HE makes to act the way he does. I know people who have had that life, and turned out so kind, nice, and loving, no bad side to them .
He is just manipulating you so bad, you can't see it. LOVE does not do that. LOVE does not make you choose over your son. LOVE is kind and warm. It doesn't matter how bad someone has had it, they would want to make sure YOU are taken care of. You are good, HAPPY, and all that because THEY have never had it, so they would want to make sure the person they feel towards feel it.

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i appreciate everyone's response i have heard all of this from everyone in my life before but i dont want everyone to get the impression he is all bad he is a really sweet person deep down he's been thru alot in life as i have been and he's been hurt by many people he hasn't had a real home in very long time his mother died when he was very young and he like me has never had a father he was also abused in every way by people he should have been able to trust smh so it has hardened his heart in alot of ways and also the fact he has been in prison for 10 years already and he is only 29 so by the time he gets out he will be 50 something years old so he pretty much lost his whole life in prison so he has lost alot of love but i honestly see thru the hardness and i see below his hardness and i see that he wants to be a loving and kind and gentle person hes just been beat down by everything and everybody and i dont want to be one of those people that abandons him when we started talking i swore to him i wouldn't ever abandon him or leave him no matter what i told him i was strong enough to handle everything after we started dating he put me as his emergency contact if anything happens to him in there and thats what he uses to get to me eveytime that i would be hurt and devastated if he was hurt or something in prison for owing out money he hasnt paid also i love to talk to him and without money on his account he cant call me so i cant hear from him he was already stabbed in one of the previous prisons he was in so if he died i would never be able to forgive myself knowing it was something i could have did to prevent that from happening i mean honestly what kind of person does someone they care about that way?smh
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  #17  
Old 07-12-2018, 11:31 AM
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How do you think it would be if he was out? You think there would just be words between you both? Being a felon not being able to get a job, knowing you have money coming in for your son? He's already trying to take it in jail, think of in person.

Honestly it sounds like he would be abusive to you physically if he got mad at you in person.

PLEASE leave him, cut it off.

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Old 07-12-2018, 11:43 AM
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My mouth just dropped at reading this. You mean to tell me you're putting your "MANS" needs in front of YOUR SONS! Please girl open your eyes. This "man" is USING you! He's totally manipulating you. I can't believe this guy. He makes you feel guilty for his gain. He has no problem leaving you high and dry, so he can be COMFORTABLE in prison. WOWWWWWWW!!!!

LEAVE HIM &&&&& NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:49 AM
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no course not thats why i haven't put any money on his account or anybody else's for that matter my son ALWAYS comes first and thats why im getting mean letters from him every week cause i refuse to do what he has asked me to do.....my SON is ALL i have in this world he means everything to me and i would never hurt my son for a a man or anybody else i want to make that extremely clear to everyone here!!!! i am a very good mother like i said my son is very well taken care of and will never go without anything that why i go without so my son can have....and thats what im suppposed to do as a mother and that;s what i'll always do
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by ToFaswife View Post
no course not thats why i haven't put any money on his account or anybody else's for that matter my son ALWAYS comes first and thats why im getting mean letters from him every week cause i refuse to do what he has asked me to do.....my SON is ALL i have in this world he means everything to me and i would never hurt my son for a a man or anybody else i want to make that extremely clear to everyone here!!!! i am a very good mother like i said my son is very well taken care of and will never go without anything that why i go without so my son can have....and thats what im suppposed to do as a mother and that;s what i'll always do
#

You sound like a very good mother and putting your son first is absolutely the right thing to do. You also need to look after yourself get some support and leave this abusive man in the past.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:02 PM
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#

You sound like a very good mother and putting your son first is absolutely the right thing to do. You also need to look after yourself get some support and leave this abusive man in the past.
thanks and yes i am on the road to doing just that...i have looked up counselors and therapists in my area so i can go talk to someone and get all my issues worked out...i have not even answered the letter he wrote me i normally would and express how much i love him and he means to me and tell him i'm sorry and i will do whatever he wants me to do...smh but i havent answered it and im gonna TRY not to answer any other lettters he sends me this lockdown is a gift for GOD.. because hes not able to call me right now however when it's over and he calls its gonna be a struggle not to answer the phone and talk to him but im gonna TRY not too because if i talk to him its gonna be over and im gonna be weak for him all over again
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:03 PM
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"i guess i'll go put the money on the accounts now i'll figure out something else for my son's phone bill i guess smh"

That's what you said which is most likely why people are talking about you putting him before your son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToFaswife View Post
no course not thats why i haven't put any money on his account or anybody else's for that matter my son ALWAYS comes first and thats why im getting mean letters from him every week cause i refuse to do what he has asked me to do.....my SON is ALL i have in this world he means everything to me and i would never hurt my son for a a man or anybody else i want to make that extremely clear to everyone here!!!! i am a very good mother like i said my son is very well taken care of and will never go without anything that why i go without so my son can have....and thats what im suppposed to do as a mother and that;s what i'll always do
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToFaswife View Post
i appreciate everyone's response i have heard all of this from everyone in my life before but i dont want everyone to get the impression he is all bad he is a really sweet person deep down he's been thru alot in life as i have been and he's been hurt by many people he hasn't had a real home in very long time his mother died when he was very young and he like me has never had a father he was also abused in every way by people he should have been able to trust smh so it has hardened his heart in alot of ways and also the fact he has been in prison for 10 years already and he is only 29 so by the time he gets out he will be 50 something years old so he pretty much lost his whole life in prison so he has lost alot of love but i honestly see thru the hardness and i see below his hardness and i see that he wants to be a loving and kind and gentle person hes just been beat down by everything and everybody and i dont want to be one of those people that abandons him when we started talking i swore to him i wouldn't ever abandon him or leave him no matter what i told him i was strong enough to handle everything after we started dating he put me as his emergency contact if anything happens to him in there and thats what he uses to get to me eveytime that i would be hurt and devastated if he was hurt or something in prison for owing out money he hasnt paid also i love to talk to him and without money on his account he cant call me so i cant hear from him he was already stabbed in one of the previous prisons he was in so if he died i would never be able to forgive myself knowing it was something i could have did to prevent that from happening i mean honestly what kind of person does someone they care about that way?smh
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jordan321 View Post
"i guess i'll go put the money on the accounts now i'll figure out something else for my son's phone bill i guess smh"

That's what you said which is most likely why people are talking about you putting him before your son.
yeah i understand that and honestly that was just how i was feeling and it was part of the vent post thats all i didn't mean it literal and i never did it and never will
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:10 PM
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I hope your son isn’t privy to your man’s behavior because if he is you are teaching him that it’s ok to abus you or another woman.
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