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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Waiting
How many of you will wait the sentence full term? 215 88.84%
Have you cheated? 9 3.72%
Are you thinking of about to cheat? 10 4.13%
Do you already have someone? 8 3.31%
Voters: 242. You may not vote on this poll

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  #126  
Old 03-24-2013, 03:14 PM
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I can't even imagine not waiting for her. There was a moment I realized I was in love with her and that I loved her more than anything else in the world. My life was changed forever from that moment forward. There just isn't anyone else for me. She's the one!
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  #127  
Old 04-18-2013, 12:13 PM
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I will wait for him a million yrs if I had to. He's my soulmate and it will be stupid of me if I didn't wait or cheated on him.
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  #128  
Old 04-18-2013, 02:20 PM
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i wait because i love him plain and simple and noone could ever compare to him in my eyes <3
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  #129  
Old 04-19-2013, 06:15 AM
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i wait because i love him plain and simple and noone could ever compare to him in my eyes <3
Exactly what I was going to say.
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  #130  
Old 04-24-2013, 01:04 PM
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I wish you the very best in what ever happens with you and yours. I am sure this is probably an older post as there are alot of them are on here and it makes me wonder how you are doing and if it is working out with you waiting on him? only time will tell.
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  #131  
Old 04-24-2013, 01:17 PM
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I think we wait for these men because we love them but one thing for me is that i have had normal relationships on the street and they didn't work, I found I was the only one that would go out and work and bring home money to take care of the house and bills and I don't need a man to do that. I am used to doing it alone. I take care of my 83 year old Mom and if it weren't for her I would not be in this state I am not close to my family to start with and i am an only child. In the next ten years I will get on my feet, work on getting my drivers license back. pay off my house, I am currently writing a book on domestic violence and hope to work on more books. It gives us time to get close to each other and really know each other and in ten years I will be waiting at that gate for him and have us a home somewhere. He is everything to me and yes I do love him.
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  #132  
Old 05-18-2013, 08:08 AM
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I'm a fiancé as well and we are RWI. We trust that God bought us back together. I would never leave him. We also feel that our love is extra special because of the spiritual and intellectual emotions that we share. I don't have a desire for any man other than my love. I believe there is something to be said about a person who is willing to wait on the promise of God has for them. I've been in a few bad relationships and that has lead me back to where I am now. For once in my life I feel complete!
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  #133  
Old 05-18-2013, 08:05 PM
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I wait for him now because when I left before he was still always in the back of my mind. No matter who I was with or what was happening he was who I was missing. I could only deny it for so long but I had to come back and see if he still missed me too. I didn't want this life. He is my soul mate though and I know that no one else will ever be it for me. I'll wait as long as it takes now, even if it takes forever
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  #134  
Old 11-18-2013, 06:54 AM
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Because he's worth it
Besides that, I love him, I know he is the one for me and he makes every day I live so much better, even now that he's there.
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  #135  
Old 12-17-2013, 12:52 AM
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we wait becuz true love knows no boundaries. Love....loyalty....respect....
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  #136  
Old 12-18-2013, 08:29 PM
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I'm not "waiting."
1wait verb \ˈwāt\
: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.

: to not do something until something else happens

: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon
~ Merriam Webster Dictionary

Live your lives, including your LO in what you do and who you are.

Grow, expand and celebrate life. Why would you remain stagnant, "stay(ing) in place" when you can continue to explore & learn?

I don't think that this is just a matter of semantics. I see women (primarily) who lock themselves away, and in many ways are more incarcerated than their LO. This cannot be the wish of their loved one--who would wish incarceration on someone they love? If I could give my man freedom, I would. While I cannot literally open the cell, I can invite him into my world and make him a part of it. He can venture out with me, exploring new things and learning along with me. If he were free we would want to be challenged and growing. The same is true for us now. His body may be incarcerated but his mind can travel with me. I much prefer this to "waiting."
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  #137  
Old 01-18-2014, 07:55 PM
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Because I know that no one else could ever even try to compare to him in my heart if we were to end up apart id be alone cause no one else could ever match up
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  #138  
Old 01-27-2014, 08:00 PM
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I've been waiting so far and want to continue waiting with no cheating.
Because I really love my man. I'm 37 and I'm not married to
my man. He has 80 yrs. I would ride the whole bid for
my husband. For my man I would really
try.
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  #139  
Old 01-28-2014, 02:57 AM
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He is: My blessing from above, my soul mate, my past present & FUTURE, The father of our beautiful children, My rock & so much more! I could/would never give up on someone I love... We're in THIS together, till the wheels fall off!!!
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  #140  
Old 01-28-2014, 03:11 AM
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I wait for my man cuz he is the best thing to come into my life. My true love. My soul mate. The one God brought to me. He keeps me grounded. Loyalty and love forever. True love has no boundaries.
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  #141  
Old 01-31-2014, 11:51 AM
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Why do I wait? Because I don't have anything better to do.
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  #142  
Old 04-03-2015, 11:44 AM
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I'm not in the same position as most of the people posting in this thread, as I'm lucky enough to be living with my other half out here in the free world. I have a brother currently serving a life sentence and a few friends & pen-pals all serving various amounts of time, but I've not been put in the position of having to make the choice to 'wait' or not. I can only try to imagine what it would be like to find myself suddenly needing to make that decision, should my other half one day become incarcerated for whatever reason.

Someone further up in the thread seemed to think that it is incorrect to somehow differentiate between the types of crime a loved one was incarcerated for; as if somehow all crimes are illegal and carry the same amount of problems or gravitas. I disagree with this idea. For the most part, if my other half was sent down, I would stick by him, remaining faithful to him, however long it took. I kissed a fair few frogs, before I finally found my prince and I understand that people who commit crimes, aren't always horrible individuals for whom there is little hope of change or rehabilitation; so I wouldn't drop him unless the crime he committed was something that one could not reconcile with a loving relationship.

Crimes of a sexual nature for instance. Sex is a big part of the physical and emotional intimacy most of us share in a committed relationship. If he cheated on me in a regular hook up, I'd kick him out. Likewise if his crimes involved a sexual element, whereby he gained some kind of sexual fulfillment from them, I would also have to walk away. There is no space for that in any normal, loving relationship. Not in my eyes anyway. Also, if he were found to have psychopathic traits that had caused him to commit crimes, that diagnosis would give me reason to look at why I would want to be in a relationship, with a man who didn't feel the same way as I did. Psychopaths can learn to mimic behaviours but they lack empathy. If it came to light that the man I'd spent 7 years with, had somehow just been pretending the whole time and was in fact a cold, heartless psychopath, then I would demand some more conclusive medical diagnosis and if confirmed, would have to accept that a relationship was impossible and end it.

Having been with my guy for quite a long time, I feel pretty confident that I know him. If he ended up being sent to prison for some other crime, I think I'd be able to see the reasons why he did it. If I could understand his motivations and there was nothing that could specifically threaten our relationship, then without a doubt I'd wait for him - in the sense that I would remain completely faithful to him during his time of incarceration. I would still live my life as best I could on the outside, but I'd keep some experiences back for him to enjoy with me, once he got out (we no longer have 'whole of life' sentences where I live) to give him something to look forward to upon release.

It's easier for me to be so sure about my own actions because of my having been with this guy for so long. We already know we're in it for the long haul, so if either of us were to become incarcerated, we know we'd remain faithful to each other. I find it harder to understand the MWI's who wait, purely because they have no idea what it is they're waiting for. All the letters, phone calls, visits and communication in the world will never give you a true idea of what it is going to be like, to be with that person on the outside, once they're released, so it's a huge gamble to wait for them. You don't actually know what it is you're waiting for. I'm not saying it doesn't ever work out, because it does in many cases; but in many, many more it doesn't. For precisely that reason.

No one really knows what the future will hold; but I'm pretty sure that neither myself nor my other half will end up incarcerated at any point in time. If he did go away though and his crime wasn't something that I couldn't live with, then without a doubt I'd stick around until he got out. For better and for worse and all that.
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  #143  
Old 04-03-2015, 02:29 PM
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I wait for my boyfriend because he is truly an honest man about his past and we are able to talk about our inner most personal feelings to each other without judgement. I love him with everything inside of me. I know he loves me and together we are a team. I have come across guys out here, but none of them are nothing like him. He is something special... Oooh I love this man..He will one day be my covering. That is why I hold on to our love.
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  #144  
Old 04-03-2015, 10:02 PM
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I wait because I truly believe he is the one I'm destined to be with. My soulmate. My best friend. He is the one that occupies my thoughts. The man which my love fills my heart for. The man who is my equal. I wait because a person only finds true love once in a lifetime. Love & loyalty forever
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  #145  
Old 04-04-2015, 08:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bad_girl_bex View Post
I'm not in the same position as most of the people posting in this thread, as I'm lucky enough to be living with my other half out here in the free world. I have a brother currently serving a life sentence and a few friends & pen-pals all serving various amounts of time, but I've not been put in the position of having to make the choice to 'wait' or not. I can only try to imagine what it would be like to find myself suddenly needing to make that decision, should my other half one day become incarcerated for whatever reason.

Someone further up in the thread seemed to think that it is incorrect to somehow differentiate between the types of crime a loved one was incarcerated for; as if somehow all crimes are illegal and carry the same amount of problems or gravitas. I disagree with this idea. For the most part, if my other half was sent down, I would stick by him, remaining faithful to him, however long it took. I kissed a fair few frogs, before I finally found my prince and I understand that people who commit crimes, aren't always horrible individuals for whom there is little hope of change or rehabilitation; so I wouldn't drop him unless the crime he committed was something that one could not reconcile with a loving relationship.

Crimes of a sexual nature for instance. Sex is a big part of the physical and emotional intimacy most of us share in a committed relationship. If he cheated on me in a regular hook up, I'd kick him out. Likewise if his crimes involved a sexual element, whereby he gained some kind of sexual fulfillment from them, I would also have to walk away. There is no space for that in any normal, loving relationship. Not in my eyes anyway. Also, if he were found to have psychopathic traits that had caused him to commit crimes, that diagnosis would give me reason to look at why I would want to be in a relationship, with a man who didn't feel the same way as I did. Psychopaths can learn to mimic behaviours but they lack empathy. If it came to light that the man I'd spent 7 years with, had somehow just been pretending the whole time and was in fact a cold, heartless psychopath, then I would demand some more conclusive medical diagnosis and if confirmed, would have to accept that a relationship was impossible and end it.

Having been with my guy for quite a long time, I feel pretty confident that I know him. If he ended up being sent to prison for some other crime, I think I'd be able to see the reasons why he did it. If I could understand his motivations and there was nothing that could specifically threaten our relationship, then without a doubt I'd wait for him - in the sense that I would remain completely faithful to him during his time of incarceration. I would still live my life as best I could on the outside, but I'd keep some experiences back for him to enjoy with me, once he got out (we no longer have 'whole of life' sentences where I live) to give him something to look forward to upon release.

It's easier for me to be so sure about my own actions because of my having been with this guy for so long. We already know we're in it for the long haul, so if either of us were to become incarcerated, we know we'd remain faithful to each other. I find it harder to understand the MWI's who wait, purely because they have no idea what it is they're waiting for. All the letters, phone calls, visits and communication in the world will never give you a true idea of what it is going to be like, to be with that person on the outside, once they're released, so it's a huge gamble to wait for them. You don't actually know what it is you're waiting for. I'm not saying it doesn't ever work out, because it does in many cases; but in many, many more it doesn't. For precisely that reason.

No one really knows what the future will hold; but I'm pretty sure that neither myself nor my other half will end up incarcerated at any point in time. If he did go away though and his crime wasn't something that I couldn't live with, then without a doubt I'd stick around until he got out. For better and for worse and all that.
As I appreciate your perspective I may not agree with it. It is a gamble whether you are in ANY relationship. I can say with all honesty that you could be in a relationship with an individual out in the "real world" for 20 years and never really know that person. I think that it is up to the two people in the relationship. No one can actually know what the future holds...so whether there are risks in a relationship out here in the "real world" or in a relationship that is MWI I think that there are just that...risks. You put faith and trust into that other person. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that the a relationship really has to be built on trust, faith, being genuine, etc. in ANY relationship. I am willing to risk that it may not work, but what I may also gain (which I already have): my best friend and the person I would like to be with for the rest of my life. It may be incredibly difficult for someone to comprehend that decision, but it is the same as making a commitment to any other relationship. There are pros, there are cons, there are risks, there are gains.

Why do I wait? I wait for my love in terms of being a committed partner. I continue being a mother to my two children, and I continue pursuing my dreams and goals with now someone who supports me and roots me on. I love this man. He is worth my time and worth my smile, and def. worth my commitment to him in a relationship. To each their own!
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  #146  
Old 04-04-2015, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InsomniaCT View Post
I'm not "waiting."
[...]
Live your lives, including your LO in what you do and who you are.
[...]
I thought this exact thing. There's no waiting happening here. Maybe it's because we're MWI, but my life has only grown through this relationship. He's expanded my world and I put forth the effort so he can say the same about me. My world doesn't spin more slowly or feel more stagnant and I'm certainly not putting anything on hold because of his time. This is my life and I'm going to live it. It's just that much awesome because he's a part of it.
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  #147  
Old 06-02-2015, 04:33 AM
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I'm starting to question my reasons why I do this. I love him yes. He is worth the wait yes. He deserves to have a good woman. But at what cost will I continue to wait? Lately things have been rocky. Arguments and harsh words. Accusations and assumptions from him towards me. Questions about his trust for me and my loyalty to him? How much more will I continue to take?
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  #148  
Old 07-01-2015, 08:34 PM
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I wait for my man because I love him..I'm with the man that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. He's my rock as I am his.
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  #149  
Old 07-01-2015, 10:59 PM
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why do I wait? We are like peanut butter and jelly. We go together. We are good separately but even better together.
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  #150  
Old 07-07-2015, 03:01 AM
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I wait because we were friends at first... I fell in love. We fell in love, he hates making me "give up other options" well Istill go out with my friends, I've met other men and whatnot. I can't have intimate relations without a strong emotional bond... And my heart only has that bond with him. I have "permission" but honestly, it wouldn't satisfy me, so why bother. I'll just wait for the man I want and love
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