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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Waiting
How many of you will wait the sentence full term? 215 88.84%
Have you cheated? 9 3.72%
Are you thinking of about to cheat? 10 4.13%
Do you already have someone? 8 3.31%
Voters: 242. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 05-25-2012, 02:21 PM
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Like a lot of people said previously, my life is not hold, I am not waiting. We are in a relationship. I see him 16 hours a week. Both visitation days, Saturday and Sunday. Then we talk on the phone during the week. If we don't have money on the phone, we write letters. I am the happiest I ever been. At the beginning, I felt like I was putting my life on hold a little bit, but as time went on and he continually proved himself to me that he truly loved me, I felt safe and comfortable in a relationship for the first time in my life. He gets out in 2023, unless he somehow gets out early. He has no hope in getting out early, but me and a lot of other people do. I would rather be with this man who I KNOW loves me, then find a man out here on the streets who I have to constantly wonder, does he really love me? In my experiences with dating guys out on the streets, I have been nothing but miserable, and then I find a man doing 15 years in prison and I am happy every day of my life, and it has been two years and it feels like we barely still met. I still get butterflies, he still excites me to this day.
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  #102  
Old 05-25-2012, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTisMe

First and formost, we as women and men see things in diffrent lights and ways. as you have stated that you would not wait for your man IF he committed a robbery. Knowing all the ins and outs of a crime that your loved one committed is important, you say that you could understand if he could not pay his child support then you would wait, well a crime is a crime and if you turn it so it looks good for you, hey thats ok - but the bottom line is this, coming to a deeper understanding of where these women and men come from plays a significant part of there being, when you love some one, it is unconditional, it is personal, it is between the two parties.

When it comes to waiting on a man or women and keeping your self for your that one, that my friend shows honor, that shows charactor, that shows a person his displine - Real SEX is based on true love - if you can not control your body memebers, maybe you need to take a closer look at your self. You can live a life of fun with the opposet sex - you don't have to sex every women or men that comes into your life, some people do not cheat some people have full lives.

Before you speak, sit down and learn what make a real person tick, what true love is all about.
Unconditional love can lead to abuse. I'm not going to stay with a man who would treat me badly no matter how much I love him.
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  #103  
Old 05-26-2012, 08:06 AM
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The only thing I can say I have put on hold is the sexual aspect of my/our life. We have only been dealing with this for almost 5 months now. I don't think I could ever leave him for many reasons. One being that he didn't make a bad choice or decision to wind himself where he is. Unfortunately it is the doing of my own blood as a means for revenge. I don't let that be a reason for staying with him either(as if because this has happened I must stay). We love eachother very much and it has made us grow a whole new appreciation for eachother. All of the everyday family routines that seemed so well...routine are now so missed and cherished. We have 3 beautiful kids, we have known eachother since childhood and have been a couple for 5 years..married 2 out of 5 We had an excellent relationship prior but we are re learning eachother all over and it makes me love him more and more. Sure there are days when I want him in other ways but I cannot see myself ruining what we have to satisfy a superficial need.

Everything else in my life keeps moving forward. It must. I must raise our kids to be up standing citizens and I must be a good example to them to accomplish that. He is still involved in every decision and so far while he is not here physically he is here mentally.

He is one awesome dude!
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  #104  
Old 05-26-2012, 04:29 PM
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Yea I have to agree....we are just missing the sexual part. Man I miss it! Another thing though....is the fact that he is missing out on our kids growing up. Our 20 month old is going to visit him next week...she has seen him one time in 6 months. I don't think she remembers him. It hurts my heart because both of our kids were daddy's girls

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  #105  
Old 06-11-2012, 08:20 PM
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Why wait? if that person is worth your time,effort and love then you would be able to answer the question as fast as you asked it. We don't have controll over why the people that come into our lives,leave the impact they do. Whether its positive or negative. We only have control on what we do in the situation. Its hard to ask another person to wait, and you do have to think realistically because if its not something you can handle then let your other half know what it is dont lead them on,just be there as the support they need and if your not strong enough to hold that relationship then the best thing is to be honest with yourself and that person. If they are worth the wait like my BF then sometimes you have to put your "wants" to the side.As much as i want a physical relationship i don't need it, he told me he respects if i went out and handled my "needs" just as long as i didn't get attached but what he fails to realize is that he is the only one i "need" its like a natural high im on when im with him,so ill just have to work around my "desires" and "temptations" but that all comes in time nothing in life is easy. wish you guys the best never doubt your true feelings if its meant to be dont let go.
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  #106  
Old 06-14-2012, 05:10 AM
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...y do we wait... I can only speak for myself and from personal past experience. At the age of 19 I stood in a courtroom (because of actions I can only blame myself for) next to my p.o, and was found guilty of three felonies, my probation was revoked and my suspended sentence began, not one person family or friend was there that day. For the next 18 mos i busted my ass running a chain saw fighting wildfires and other miscellaneous manual labor so that I could buy my hygiene products to hopefully get me through the month. I made one dollar a day adding up to about thirty bucks give or take. If dispatched to a fire it's a dollar an hour.. EVERY MINUTE of that 18 mos was hard time made even harder by people that I thought were gonna b people in my life forever forgetting and giving up on me! Not one visit, letter, card, phone call or even a fuck off. IT MAKES ME SERIOUSLY WANNA PUNCH PEOPLE IN THE THROAT when they even begin to start with the "well ya know it's just gonna keep being the same shit" and I've even had a supposed friend and roommate that was here to help me financially for the time being, tell me that if I married my fiance (I've already sent my papers in! Yay us! :-) she would stop helping me because since I would be married it's my husband duties to do that. It is unbelievable how many people would choose to just walk away. No one ever sees the bigger picture. I have always told Nicholas that contrary to his "promises are meant to b broken", actually they are meant to b kept, and he's just never had anyone show him that. After standing by his side for his first lil prison visit of a year he has changed so much for the better! HIS KIDS MOTHER IS SO ANGRY she is determined to knock on all the doors in my area till she finds me because "he's changed and she wanna know Wtf!?" He apparently felt the need to put hands on her among other past relationships, but in the three years we have been together he has NEVER ONCE even raised his voice, hit, threatened to hit, grab, slap, punch, shove or try to emotionally damage me in any way. He is the only man my children know as daddy and is AMAZING with them! Positive reinforcement goes a long way, and it's no wonder the inmate return rate is so frickin high, it's because they have no hope, and no reason to want better when everyone turns they're back and walks away... i mean would u? My soon to b husband has recently been arrested and we are getting ready for a long haul, just today I am thankful the D.A. has taken into consideration an offer we made of 120 mos. It was 180-150, at 150 that would put him and I both at 40. Ladies, it's definitely far from easy and there are days, Ok weeks sometimes that my kids look like ragamuffins my house is unbelievably torn to shit and I don't care, I can't stop crying in my bed in my room with the door locked because I dont want company and no one is coming in! WE ALL GO THROUGH IT and if not then plz tell me how I'll pay by the minute! Giving up is a waist of memories, effort that has paid off, allowing yourself to fail and proving to b a piece of crap when ur best friend and someone u are supposed to love needs u more than ever! Love is supposed to b UNCONDITIONAL... so if ur not ready for that then start thinking twice b4 u start something with someone u might give up on! "LOVE SOMEONE WHEN THEY LEAST DESERVE IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THEY REALLY NEED IT!" Nicholas will never face anything alone again....I PROMISE! :-)
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  #107  
Old 06-14-2012, 06:48 AM
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Well said!

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  #108  
Old 06-14-2012, 06:55 AM
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We are 8 years into a 15 year sentence without the possibility of parole. But I wait simply because I love him and my life is better with him in it, even this way than it was when he wasn't here.
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  #109  
Old 06-14-2012, 07:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msprettijackson

this thread is here because of the question being asked. If you don't understand why it's being asked then 1) why respond and 2) your in the wrong thread. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion not to judge why's and why not. Some people on here are really sharing there true feelings on this hard long journey while others tell a story of this lifestyle being a piece of cake which at some point certainly is not true or else they wouldn't be here for support. If women would spend more time being a support system and not a judicial judge then you'd be alright. Whatever a person chooses to do whether its staying faithful, walking out, cheating or whatever they choose at the end of the day is their choice. You have not walked the path in their shoes to understand the place of where their coming from. You never know when the shoe will be on the other foot and you'll be asking something and somebody will be questioning you not knowing your story. So respect these threads and what people has to say even more so if your love one is locked up. We are all here because our loved one is in prison for a crime they committed and noone ever said this road would be easy.
this was great, we need more people like u in the world!
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  #110  
Old 06-14-2012, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smok3yzGurl&lt View Post

this was great, we need more people like u in the world!
Thank you so much. I try to speak the truth as much as I can. I don't judge but people don't know the story til their in your shoes
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  #111  
Old 06-15-2012, 07:07 PM
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I am a fiancé and plan to marry him as soon as possible. He is eligible for parole in 2014 but worse case scenario he has 81/2 to go. I wait because he is the love of my life. We are RWI and I refuse to let this man go again despite his being in prison. Years ago we didnt place enough value on our relationship always believing we would have the chance to get it right and we almost didn't get that chance. I don't take having him back in my life for granted. We both cherish every phone call, letter, and visit because we know what it's like to live without each other. I don't see other people because I love only him and want only him. I won't ever settle for less again and being with anyone else is settling. What it says about me is I know what love is and I am willing to endure waiting to have true love. It says my word has value because I told him I would wait faithfully. In my professional life it is not appropriate to tell where he is. But in my personal life I have decided to tell the people who matter where he is and whatever their feelings about it are their own and not my concern.
Your story is so much like my own! We also are RWI and it is not appropriate for me to share where he is in my professional life, I do share with those that I know, love and trust and have received tremendous support. Although it is difficult at times because he is not out here with me...this time has been a lesson and a blessing. It has allowed us to connect on a deep and emotional level. We know what it is like without each other and we do not take each other for granted. We cherish every moment we have on calls and visits and we do know that there will be a day when we will be together always! We were married in November 2011 and although this is a difficult life at times, I would not have it any other way, because no one else can compare to him and I deserve happiness and true love with my soul mate and best friend. Thank you for sharing!
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  #112  
Old 06-16-2012, 07:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TxTornado
Your story is so much like my own! We also are RWI and it is not appropriate for me to share where he is in my professional life, I do share with those that I know, love and trust and have received tremendous support. Although it is difficult at times because he is not out here with me...this time has been a lesson and a blessing. It has allowed us to connect on a deep and emotional level. We know what it is like without each other and we do not take each other for granted. We cherish every moment we have on calls and visits and we do know that there will be a day when we will be together always! We were married in November 2011 and although this is a difficult life at times, I would not have it any other way, because no one else can compare to him and I deserve happiness and true love with my soul mate and best friend. Thank you for sharing!
So true! We took each other for granted before he was arrested. This time apart has allowed us to work on our issues so we can have a better relationship when he is released.

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  #113  
Old 06-24-2012, 11:17 AM
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My brother first introduced us in 1990...during his frist incarceration...7 years..
I did not know I was supposed to wait....
We spoke on the phone three times a week and wrote each every day...
I did not realize that I was waiting...
5 years later he came home and we were 1...
It struck me..
I HAD WAITED.
Eventually we parted but GOD has a way of taking us back to starting points...fast forward to today...
8 year sentence....3 years in...5 to go...
we speak and write daily....all of the things he did on the outside...he does while hes inside...he still makes me laugh, smile from deep within and cry...he still sends cards and flowers and tells me that he loves me...we still share our dreams, secrets and fears...we plan for our future...we are
committed to one another but more importantly to our vow that we made before God. The first time around I waited without knowledge of waiting and no ties. This time I serve the time with him as his wife. I'm committed to him and to our relationship. He's a good guy that made a bad decision. People that are not in this situation will never begin to understand why we wait. We wait for so many different reasons. You just need to discover or maybe rediscover your reason for waiting.
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  #114  
Old 06-24-2012, 03:47 PM
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My man Ray is doing a 15 year sentence he is a VO and has 4 years left. I have not "waited" or promised him to wait. We have a son together and all these years I was kinda a witch with a capitol "B" on Purpose. I wanted him to hate prison. Yes I would write him only on special occasions. Throughout these years my heart did belong to him but I never told him just let him think whatever he thought. He always wrote his son even if we did not respond our son is now 11. I took our son to see him a couple of weeks ago and my heart melted. I felt sorry for him, he aged, he was not upset about my lack of being a good prison girlfriend he was very humbled. We had a good time and I remember thinking this is the man I'm in Love with. What I do know is I still love him and always have. For his last four years I will be more supportive. I saw nothing but love in his eyes and he never expected me to "wait". (That alone tells me his love for me) My heart has always belonged to him, and although I didn't "wait" for him, maybe I set off a message that I was not available because in all these years I have not wanted another man, only him. We have written each other almost everyday since our visit. Our son calls it "OLD WRINKLY LOVE" and laughs at us. I Love him today as though we were just starting. Every situation is different but this is our crazy Love Story.
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  #115  
Old 07-18-2012, 02:22 PM
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I wait because he's the only guy who can make my heart beat fast and slow at the same time....he takes my breath with just a smile. I wait because our son and I love you!
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  #116  
Old 07-18-2012, 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted by ccarr4591
I wait because he's the only guy who can make my heart beat fast and slow at the same time....he takes my breath with just a smile. I wait because our son and I love you!
Oops my phone auto corrected me I meant we love him!
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  #117  
Old 12-31-2012, 02:11 AM
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I don't wait FOR my husband, I wait WITH him. The vows I took were "for better or for worse" this is just "the worse" part. Our lives will be greater later God willing.
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  #118  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:07 PM
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Well so far, i've been waiting for the past year out of a possibility of 25 years. He hasn't been sentenced yet, but thats the possible sentence he's getting. I tried to date and tried to see other people. But while in the process of trying to find someone else, my heart kept going to the guy i fell in love with a long time ago. we have such history together and he's truly an amazing person. The crime he committed definitely does not define who he is. Theres a quote i found that says "We're a perfect couple in a difficult situation". Which is so true. He is everything i want in a guy. I really couldn't ask for anything more. He loves me more than any guy ever has, and i love him just as much. Just the fact he's in jail, people assume he's a bad person and he's not worth it, when in all actuality, he is. I may not be able to kiss him and hold him and be with him any time i want, but i feel lucky. I feel lucky that i have someone who loves me as much as he does. and i know once he's out, he will try his very hardest to give me everything i need and make up for lost times. I have the upmost faith in him and I cant give up on that. I love him too much. and i don't feel it as waiting. im still living my life, going to school, going out on weekends and seeing friends. of course, i do have my days and moments where i'm sad because i want to be with him, and when he's sad i cant comfort him with a hug or a kiss... but it gets easier and i get through it. This truly shows the strength i hold within myself. God is with me and with him. He wouldn't be putting me through something i couldn't handle. and i thank God that He lead me to my guy, because i truly believe he's my other half. He's a lost soul... he was adopted, he had many traumatic things happen in his life, and he went down the wrong path. But his heart is as pure as gold. and i love him and i don't care what others opinions are on it. They're just following societies judgment. But it's okay. I'll just continue loving him.
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  #119  
Old 01-05-2013, 03:26 AM
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Well update.... I am no longer going to wait this 15year bid because its no guarantee he will be home in 2018 when he comes up for parole. To keep it simple our 2 year anniversary is may 31st so on June 1st I'm filing for a divorce.
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  #120  
Old 01-16-2013, 01:08 AM
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Honestly i'm not gonna sit here and lie but nor do I wish to be judged. This is my story and what I think. I met my LO when I was 16 years old pretty young. I already had a bf at the time but in the short amount of time we knew each other he just stuck to me for some reason. We only knew each other for about 2 months maybe. Well one day he just disappeared and I never heard from him. Time went by but I thought about him all the time still. One day I decided to look for him on the internet. Finally I found him in prison. Idk how he stuck to me this bad for me to find him even though he grew to be my best friend. Any way we started writing and he was shocked that I found him. We planned on being together when he got out. He got 7 1/2 years btw. Well he also said if things don't go the way we plan I understand cuz I know that a lot can happen through these years. Needless to say I ended up pregnant at 18 with an on and off again bf. That's a whole different story. Well I still wanted to be with him and planned to but then at 20 got pregnant again. Now i'm left with 2 kids first one, my daughters father commited suicide so isn't around and the second one my son's father is hardly around. So because of me being an idiot my kids don't really have a father. And every single day I regret what I did to my LO and can't apologize enough to him. He takes me back and honestly truly does love me and for that I am greatful for it. He accepts my kids and wants to be with me and be a family when he gets out he also has a daughter. So my point is we stand by our men cuz we love them and we want to stay strong for them and don't want them to feel alone or abandoned. Honestly we're all they have while they are in there. Sorry that this was kinda long! lol
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  #121  
Old 01-21-2013, 08:31 AM
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I wait for my man cus he is my best friend. We have two babies together and when we got engaged, i promised to spend my life with him and i very much intend to do that.
My parents have been married 28 years. Yet they are citizen and dont necessarily live the life me and my man live (i strayed a little bit), they have instilled some serious values in me that i will never lose. You never turn your back on someone when they need you the most, being mad at someone for a bad decision or a mistake doesnt mean you dont love them. And if you really truly love someone then you work your ass off at making it work. For you, your SO, and your families.
Yes my man hurt me when he did what he did. Im now raising two children on my own, but i am a hell of a lot stronger woman than i used to be. Yes, i was hard headed and thought the life i lived made me a tough bitch, i didnt know then what a tough bitch was.
My life has changed, instead of waking up every mornin and hearing his voice and his handsome face, i get to look forward to those two or three days a week with him. Sometimes i go alone, and sometimes i bring my boys. And were that loud family they put at the back of the visiting room and my boys crawl all over their dad and they wrestle and sing songs and my little one love to do itsy bitsy spider with his dad.
Yes i get mad. And yes we argue. And sometimes i throw my hands up in the air and say i give up this sucks. Then i see him at 29 years old, six and a half feet tall and he gives me that boyish grin and it takes me back to bein 16 and i fall in love all over again
Thats why i wait for my man

1 year 4 months 11 days in
6 years 7 months 20 days to go
Not including good time and parole.


Hurry up and come home daddy. I need you.
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  #122  
Old 01-23-2013, 05:16 AM
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I wait simply because I love him! I loved him for eleven years before this nightmare began. I am going to continue to love him UNCONDITIONALLY! He is my world! It does not define who I am as a woman to be in love with a man incarcerated! My personal life is my business!
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  #123  
Old 02-01-2013, 03:22 PM
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i guess it depends on the dynamic of the relationship at the time a loved one is incarcerated.... i was in MAD love with my honey, had his baby and oh my sooo head over heals in love, BUT i was so very young and he was sentenced a very long time...
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  #124  
Old 02-06-2013, 11:18 PM
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Maybe this sounds odd for some, but I'm really not pressed about the fact that I'm not having actual sex. For those of you who say you cant and wont wait is the actual sex that important to you? If anything changed my mind about "not waiting" its that I sit at home alone with 2 children an no adult interaction at night besides maybe calls from him or friends. Now maybe to a lifer this would apply differently, but mine is coming home one day and that is enough alone to keep me going. That man is my world and I love him more then any other man I've been with before including the father of my children. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I have way more respect for him, myself, and our relationship to even consider sleeping around.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:35 PM
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MrsHunt MrsHunt is offline
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My LO received a 35 year sentence when we were kids--20 and 22, respectively. I just turned 33 and he's 35. He isn't up for parole until 2017.
Since he went in, I have been married twice-once to another man and then to my LO inside.
He doesn't want me to wait for him. He wants me to live life--he says, why should two lives go unlived because of my mistake? He just doesn't want to know about my relationship.
So I'm waiting. And when he gets out, maybe he will just live two doors down from me and be my best friend...or maybe we will be together. We don't know what the future holds, but we know that we absolutely love one another more than any other person either of us has been with and that we absolutely trust one another and are each other's best friends.
Nobody makes me as happy as him. Period. It's not purposeful or mean-spirited to my significant other or a choice--it is that our souls are bonded and it causes physical pain to be apart. When I go see him, for the next month he consumes my thoughts and drives me to distraction. I get depressed and want to self-destruct. Then I remind myself that I have to keep it together. But I miss him.
Gods, do I miss him.
I dream about him, sometimes. I would every night, if I could control it.
We met when I was 15. He knows me better than anyone. ANYONE. And I know him better than anyone.
It makes me smile to write about him, and that is followed immediately by despair.
But time passes.
And as long as we are still alive, one day I will get to run up to him outside of prison walls and hug him in the free world.
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