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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 02-13-2020, 02:31 PM
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Default The One Thing We Disagree On Most

If at all, what do you and your partner disagree or fight about most?
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Old 02-13-2020, 03:05 PM
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He is an institutionalized ocd neat freak. I am not a slob by any means but I am more lax about dishes, or laundry etc. he also has to pay a bill the second it hits the mailbox I’m more procrastinating than that. These are really the only two things we disagree about and it’s not really that often. It funny because we never really discussed these issues when we were writing. We are mwi and for some reason it never came up.
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Old 02-14-2020, 08:58 AM
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His health. I swear, the man wouldn't go to the doctor with a gushing jugular wound. He would probably slap some duct tape on it and call it good.
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Old 02-14-2020, 09:14 AM
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When to get things done.
I like to get cleaning done right away so then I can just relax. He thinks I should relax and clean later. He likes to take many breaks between cleaning but I just don't want to be cleaning all day.

Its never really a fight but me just telling him to leave me be so I can do it the way I want. Which he usually will do the dishes and go take a smoke break and come back and fold the towels or something.
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Old 02-14-2020, 09:19 AM
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While he's been in the biggest disagreements have been about money.
When I know I can give him extra money and we will be ok out here, I will.
He doesn't like this. He tells me I shouldn't have and blah blah blah. I take it the wrong way and tell him he should just appreciate it. Which he says he does but he doesn't want me giving him anything extra. He then brings up all of my expenses and I tell him not to stress me about MY money and MY bills. Let me do something thoughtful for him since its about all I can do.
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Old 02-14-2020, 02:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimimi View Post
He is an institutionalized ocd neat freak. I am not a slob by any means but I am more lax about dishes, or laundry etc. he also has to pay a bill the second it hits the mailbox I’m more procrastinating than that. These are really the only two things we disagree about and it’s not really that often. It funny because we never really discussed these issues when we were writing. We are mwi and for some reason it never came up.

Paying the bill immediately usually means you are giving them the ability to earn interest on YOUR money earlier and denying yourself the ability to earn the same.
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Old 02-14-2020, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by cal1927 View Post
Paying the bill immediately usually means you are giving them the ability to earn interest on YOUR money earlier and denying yourself the ability to earn the same.
I totally get what you saying!!

He can’t sleep if he owes anyone anything. When he bought his Harley he made double payments and then more, he had it paid off in a year. He just bought a bigger one, same thing Already doubling up on the payments. I’m not complaining really it’s nice we never worry about bills and are able to save. I just sometimes want to be like wow look at our big savings and he likes to say wow we have a moderate savings and low debt. I have heard it could be another form of institutionalization where you don’t want to owe anyone. He also hoards stuff like toilet paper, toiletries, cough drops etc.
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Old 02-14-2020, 05:40 PM
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We are always arguing over where to live when he comes out. I need to be in the city and have shops, transport and people around me. He on the other hand is a country person and wants to be far away from people as possible.
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Old 02-14-2020, 06:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimimi View Post
He also hoards stuff like toilet paper, toiletries, cough drops etc.
My husband did this prior to prison. He hoarded food too. I found it immensely annoying to have a wall of toilet tissue or boxes of toothpaste.

In regard to the main question:

Prior to his sentence [when he was @ home], we argued about a lot of emotional things & differences in lifestyle. Now I understand his headspace was in a rotten place, so, I should not have argued. It continued into the early months of his sentence.

Now, with time still to go, we argue about where to live [which country] as well as his wish for me to quit / reduce working hours. We do not really argue at all now but discuss to a point of frustration. I mean, he knows what needs to be done, he is financially astute and „mature” but he has strong opinions.
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Old 02-14-2020, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ne Plach’ View Post
My husband did this prior to prison. He hoarded food too. I found it immensely annoying to have a wall of toilet tissue or boxes of toothpaste.

In regard to the main question:

Prior to his sentence [when he was @ home], we argued about a lot of emotional things & differences in lifestyle. Now I understand his headspace was in a rotten place, so, I should not have argued. It continued into the early months of his sentence.

Now, with time still to go, we argue about where to live [which country] as well as his wish for me to quit / reduce working hours. We do not really argue at all now but discuss to a point of frustration. I mean, he knows what needs to be done, he is financially astute and „mature” but he has strong opinions.
Please do your home work on the country bit because you will find that if your husband has been imprisoned for more than 12 months and depending on his crime he will not be able to leave the U.S.
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Old 02-14-2020, 06:45 PM
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We are not in the US [Canada] and know he will be deported to his home country unless he chooses to blow substantial $$$ to keep it running through the courts, which is even more impractical cause those with „serious criminality” do not get the same process [nor should they]. Been dealing with this issue since his arrest and have the aid of a great immigration law firm.
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Old 02-15-2020, 09:56 AM
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