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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 04-10-2019, 09:28 PM
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Unhappy It's Over, We're Getting a Divorce

I have not visited this site for awhile. I hoped that I would never be here writing this. But My Happily Ever After didn't last very long. I had known my husband most of my life. We got married while he was incarcerated. He did close to 12 years. I was there for him the whole time. I was dedicated and faithful. The Whole Time....We got married after the 7th year. He was released one year ago. Right away we began to have trouble. I knew that he was headed back to his old ways. He spent first few months in Halfway House and on Home Confinement and would barely make the curfew. Once he was off Home Confinement it went downhill from there. He was a good husband to me in many ways, cooking, help out around the house and taking care of other things but he never had any time for me. He was unemployed but always had money. I would question him about where money came from and he refused to tell me. He would stay gone all day. I had no idea where he was, who he was with or what he was doing. Refused to answer any questions. Spent a lot of time of the phone and Facebook with his friends many of them female. I got tired of him dodging my questions so asked him to leave. After he left I found evidence in Facebook of him entertaining many women. About a week after he left discovered he was in a whole other relationship. New woman inboxing calling him Bae, saying how much she loves him, etc. Then he starts a new Facebook page and is in a relationship. Saying he finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with. Tells me he fell in love. Well anyway, I have filed for a divorce. Trying to remain "friendly" with him. Fighting the urge to feel used. I do all the hard work and she swoops in and he's In Love. Oh well on to the next chapter. I believe he has returned to the criminal life so I don't want him now anyway, but still sad and hurt. Over a decade of my life went into being his support system while in jail and in a blink of an eye, he moves on as if I never existed.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:27 AM
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You are better off. Im sorry you are hurting a bit. That is quite a normal way to feel.
Soon enough you will have forgotten all about him. (hopefully)
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:44 AM
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Im sorry that happened to you.
I personally dont know about the jail relationships aspect but im going to assume he will be back one day after realizing everything you didnfor him but you will be long gone & happier !

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Old 04-11-2019, 08:17 AM
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I'm so sorry, sweetheart Pain like this....words probably cannot do much but I can see that you have a strong soul and your fire is burning despite of this man letting you down - I've no doubt you will heal & head for much, much better things
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:16 AM
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You are better off. Im sorry you are hurting a bit. That is quite a normal way to feel.
Soon enough you will have forgotten all about him. (hopefully)
Yes I agree. She did me a favor. He's her problem now.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:25 AM
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Im sorry that happened to you.
I personally dont know about the jail relationships aspect but im going to assume he will be back one day after realizing everything you didnfor him but you will be long gone & happier !

Stay up
Thanks so much. We had a relationship before he went to jail so I thought our connection would be strong enough to handle this. Of course he promised to do the right thing when he got home. I feel that he just cannot stay away from the criminal lifestyle & almost immediately decided to go back to that. I told him the whole time he was in jail that I was not going to deal with that. So he just chose not to communicate with me about what was going on (but I knew). So he went behind my back and found someone that will support him in that lifestyle. So next time she can do those jail visits. I have no doubt he will do her the same way. I will definitely not be available when/if he needs me again. Thanks so much for your support. The situation has been so hurtful.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:26 AM
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I'm so sorry, sweetheart Pain like this....words probably cannot do much but I can see that you have a strong soul and your fire is burning despite of this man letting you down - I've no doubt you will heal & head for much, much better things
Thank You. I am taking it day by day, but already feel like I am healing and moving forward to the next chapter.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:49 AM
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I'm sorry your happily ever after didn't turn out how you truly wanted it be. Just know you did the right thing getting yourself out of this marriage with him. He doesn't deserve your love or what you stand for as a good woman/wife!! If he moved on that quickly it's possible he was already talking to that woman. What he did for you is help you dodge the biggest bullet of a lifetime - for you and your heart. Now you can find a good man that's worth your time, energy and effort. He'll regret it how he did you when the woman he says he love/etc ends up doing him wrong as well. Karma has it way of finding you and making your life a repeating hell. When he's caught up in trouble again and get locked up let's see how his boo boo handle everything! Guaranteed she will never go over and beyond like you did for him when he was locked up!!!! Some of these dudes are so ungrateful for all you do for them and at the end the way you're paid in return is cold/dirty..which you don't deserve at all. He'll get what he deserves hun! When it happen I would be sipping on some wine and laughing!
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Old 04-11-2019, 02:18 PM
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I am sorry to hear that you have been let down. However you have lost an untrustworthy man , let her have him. Karma is that he will be dishonest with her too.
You have made space for the right person to come into your life.
Good luck to you.
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:00 PM
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I'm sorry your happily ever after didn't turn out how you truly wanted it be. Just know you did the right thing getting yourself out of this marriage with him. He doesn't deserve your love or what you stand for as a good woman/wife!! If he moved on that quickly it's possible he was already talking to that woman. What he did for you is help you dodge the biggest bullet of a lifetime - for you and your heart. Now you can find a good man that's worth your time, energy and effort. He'll regret it how he did you when the woman he says he love/etc ends up doing him wrong as well. Karma has it way of finding you and making your life a repeating hell. When he's caught up in trouble again and get locked up let's see how his boo boo handle everything! Guaranteed she will never go over and beyond like you did for him when he was locked up!!!! Some of these dudes are so ungrateful for all you do for them and at the end the way you're paid in return is cold/dirty..which you don't deserve at all. He'll get what he deserves hun! When it happen I would be sipping on some wine and laughing!
Thank you so much. I really do feel that I am so much better off. I definitely believe he was probably involved with her in some way before I found out about it. I think they deserve each other. Like you said I definitely don't think she is going to be there for him in his time of need. She is just enjoying all the material possessions he providing her now. He certainly seems to be ungrateful. I was kind of embarrassed at first because I feel like everyone knew what was going on except for me. I am sure his friends and his family knew about it. Here I am fighting for our marriage and he is stepping out behind my back with her and probably others. Oh Well. On to bigger and better things. I just hope that the divorce goes smoothly so I can close this chapter and move on.
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:04 PM
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I'm sorry your happily ever after didn't turn out how you truly wanted it be. Just know you did the right thing getting yourself out of this marriage with him. He doesn't deserve your love or what you stand for as a good woman/wife!! If he moved on that quickly it's possible he was already talking to that woman. What he did for you is help you dodge the biggest bullet of a lifetime - for you and your heart. Now you can find a good man that's worth your time, energy and effort. He'll regret it how he did you when the woman he says he love/etc ends up doing him wrong as well. Karma has it way of finding you and making your life a repeating hell. When he's caught up in trouble again and get locked up let's see how his boo boo handle everything! Guaranteed she will never go over and beyond like you did for him when he was locked up!!!! Some of these dudes are so ungrateful for all you do for them and at the end the way you're paid in return is cold/dirty..which you don't deserve at all. He'll get what he deserves hun! When it happen I would be sipping on some wine and laughing!
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I am sorry to hear that you have been let down. However you have lost an untrustworthy man , let her have him. Karma is that he will be dishonest with her too.
You have made space for the right person to come into your life.
Good luck to you.
Yep that's what I am realizing that he is untrustworthy and really not worth my time. I don't doubt that she will eventually meet the same fate. She's on Facebook gloating about it. But any women that take's pleasure in another woman's pain will certainly have her turn.. Payback, Karma, You Shall Reap What You Sow.
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:09 PM
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You did what you felt you had to do. I'm proud of you for deciding to move on from a man that is going back to old behaviors. Please do not fault yourself for loving and supporting him. You felt love and you showed it through your actions. I am dealing with my own heartbreak but I stumbled across some words of solace that I would like to share with you: All the love you gave away will find it's way back to you. I screenshotted it and saved it as my phone's wall paper. It's a great reminder. I wish for you to find someone that helps you forget him.
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Old 04-11-2019, 08:17 PM
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You did what you felt you had to do. I'm proud of you for deciding to move on from a man that is going back to old behaviors. Please do not fault yourself for loving and supporting him. You felt love and you showed it through your actions. I am dealing with my own heartbreak but I stumbled across some words of solace that I would like to share with you: All the love you gave away will find it's way back to you. I screenshotted it and saved it as my phone's wall paper. It's a great reminder. I wish for you to find someone that helps you forget him.
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your support. I told myself I will have no regrets for loving him. I feel that I did all I could do to make it work. He would rather live life dangerously and pacify a woman with material things who is not going to hold him accountable for his actions. I would not accept his gifts. So he had to find someone who would. I need so much more than material things. It's not worth my peace of mind, safety and security. I am not going to feel bad about demanding the respect I deserve. Definitely hurts to feel tossed aside and watching him move on and just start a whole new life within a matter of days. But I just keep telling myself apparently he was not as invested in our marriage as I was. I mean already talking about marriage with the new girl? It was shocking but I definitely feeling like I did what is best for me.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:11 PM
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Thank you so much. I really do feel that I am so much better off. I definitely believe he was probably involved with her in some way before I found out about it. I think they deserve each other. Like you said I definitely don't think she is going to be there for him in his time of need. She is just enjoying all the material possessions he providing her now. He certainly seems to be ungrateful. I was kind of embarrassed at first because I feel like everyone knew what was going on except for me. I am sure his friends and his family knew about it. Here I am fighting for our marriage and he is stepping out behind my back with her and probably others. Oh Well. On to bigger and better things. I just hope that the divorce goes smoothly so I can close this chapter and move on.
You're welcome! You are BETTER OFF! The type of woman you are is rare and dude's like him don't cherish that blessing that's given to them. It's a once in a life time opportunity that's not always given nor found. Yes, he was involved with her before you found out. Both deserve one another indeed. She's not going to be there for him when he's low and she's only there for him now in his high's. What goes up must always comes down!! The ones that was aware of him seeing this woman should of came to you as a woman or man and told you the truth! Sometimes family and friends be that shady like that instead of letting you know. Especially, after all you did for him someone could of been truthful to you about what he was doing in the dark way before it came to the light. If he can mistreat you he can mistreat her and others she isn't going to be his only one! I'm praying that your divorce goes smoothly as well so your able to close this chapter in your life and open newer chapters. A good woman with your good heart always will come out on top. Your king is out here hun. Stay strong sister.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:27 PM
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You're welcome! You are BETTER OFF! The type of woman you are is rare and dude's like him don't cherish that blessing that's given to them. It's a once in a life time opportunity that's not always given nor found. Yes, he was involved with her before you found out. Both deserve one another indeed. She's not going to be there for him when he's low and she's only there for him now in his high's. What goes up must always comes down!! The ones that was aware of him seeing this woman should of came to you as a woman or man and told you the truth! Sometimes family and friends be that shady like that instead of letting you know. Especially, after all you did for him someone could of been truthful to you about what he was doing in the dark way before it came to the light. If he can mistreat you he can mistreat her and others she isn't going to be his only one! I'm praying that your divorce goes smoothly as well so your able to close this chapter in your life and open newer chapters. A good woman with your good heart always will come out on top. Your king is out here hun. Stay strong sister.
Awww thanks. That made me Smile
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Old 04-12-2019, 12:40 AM
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I am so sorry you're going through this, it is such an unspeakably painful thing to experience. But one day you will find someone who can love you truly and will stand by you, give you what you need and deserve. You will be better off and stronger without him.
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:51 AM
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Yes so hurtful. I feel that I have reached the acceptance stage but there are some days where I still find myself wondering what really happened, when did he start up with this woman and why did I not even know....I definitely knew something was not right but contributed to him doing illegal things that he didn't want to tell me about. I actually did suspect another woman at some point but he denied it. I couldn't figure out how he thought we could have a marriage but live completely different lives. Turns out he never wanted a marriage at least not with me. Wondering why he even bothered to marry me. I realize it will take some time to be completely over it. Just taking it day by day.
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:56 AM
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I am so sorry you're going through this, it is such an unspeakably painful thing to experience. But one day you will find someone who can love you truly and will stand by you, give you what you need and deserve. You will be better off and stronger without him.
I appreciate your kind words. Some days it still seems so unreal. The first couple of months I was in complete denial thinking he was going to come back, then he tells me that he "fell in love with another woman". I was devastated. All I could do was tell him that I will file for a divorce so that he can go be happy with his new life and you know what? He said, "Thanks". Told me what we had was over. Like it was so simple.
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Old 04-12-2019, 06:30 PM
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I appreciate your kind words. Some days it still seems so unreal. The first couple of months I was in complete denial thinking he was going to come back, then he tells me that he "fell in love with another woman". I was devastated. All I could do was tell him that I will file for a divorce so that he can go be happy with his new life and you know what? He said, "Thanks". Told me what we had was over. Like it was so simple.
It's such a surreal feeling to have the rug ripped out from under you isn't it? It's hard for anyone to wrap their mind around someone just suddenly leaving them. I think people who do that, jump from one person to another, are just really emotionally lost and looking to fill some kind of void within themselves. It's a very unstable, unpleasant way to live, for them and those they hurt. I hope you're soon able to put this hurt behind you and live your best life.
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