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  #1  
Old 04-10-2016, 05:02 PM
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Default Kids affected by mother NOT getting hard time

Okay, I am not sure if this is the place to post this or if this is even the right topic, but I could use some advice.

My brother and his girlfriend are total deadbeats. If anyone was in need of some hard time; it's these two. The mother is CONSTANTLY being arrested for heroin, prostitution and other things. When my youngest nephew was born he was born addicted, and still has problems because of it. My brother is no better. Arrested by the FBI, almost always has a warrant... the two of them were investigated by Child Services 5 times because of neighbors and loved ones calling, but someone inside always gave them a heads up. We know the persons name and contacted the supervisor, but nothing came of it.

Yet, every time she gets arrested, she is only held in county for a few days or at most a couple of weeks. She keeps getting around hard time and sent to rehab, which she either leaves or forgets about as soon as she is out the door. It's the same for him. Probation and nothing more.

My parents have been raising my nephews for the better part of 3 years (the kids are 4 and 6), and now these people want the kids back! They do this intermittently. Take the kids, let them starve, neglect them, do drugs around them, have sex in front of them, give the kids back, repeat.

Why is it that people who deserve lessor sentences don't seem to receive them, yet the people that should be locked up to protect others (in this case, children) are left to run free??? Is there anything that can be done about this?
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Old 04-10-2016, 05:15 PM
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I feel for you as i just happened upon my cousin this last week. 3 kids she doesn't raise except she does use them as pawns or dor money from family. Long story short i thought she was addicted to pills we r the last in the family who was willing to help as she spent the night before behind someone's house. We told her this is a clean house. My mom has terminal cancer which she gets pain pills for yes i hid them. She stole pills she found took money out of my moms purse and had her dealer come to my house to deliver caps which i now know is heroin. She went back to her boyfriends and i went there to get my bike and phone which was only good if u had wifi. She told me it was at my house she was planning on coming back. I told her no. When i found the phone i found the pipe and brillo pads etc. I saw all her fb texts she never planned on getting clean. U cant help people who don't want help. As for u can u go higher up to a DA..find out if ahe violated anything. Keep records and apply for custody of the kids. Good luck and God bless. I agrer some seem to akate by and others r made an example of sucks!
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Old 04-10-2016, 05:56 PM
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There are a few members on here who might be very helpful, hopefully they come around and see this. Lots of good resources here. Lawyers and dept of child services and more.
I saw this years ago, by the time I met the family they had custody and parents were gone. All 4 kids had some degree of mental/physical affects of heroin mostly. That was a heartbreaking story and forever stuck in my mind. But anyways...
Can your parents file for custody on their own? Bringing it in front of a judge if it hasn't already? Get a consultation thru a good family lawyer who is willing to fight the system on this (ask before the consult because some will not fight dept of child services in some areas). Sometimes it doesn't cost as much as we think a lawyer will. Payments can be accepted. And if there doesn't seem to be another workable option it would be worth it. The kids going back to neglect/abuse has got to be gut wrenching. Then back to a stable environment almost starting all over at that age with a schedule etc. is chaotic for the kids and adults.
It's been a sad fact at times CPS has gone thru periods of bad publicity and procedures. Some workers seem over zealous and then others seem to over look to much. And as always ... Here is my shout out to anyone who ever calls CPS out of anger at an adult with false claims and accusations... That's total bullshit because the result is more kids who do need help slipping thru the cracks. (Not at you Missy Lector, it's just that type of thing is adding to your difficulty with getting help for the kids).
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Old 04-10-2016, 06:00 PM
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You can go Al-anon to learn how to step back and take care of you in all this.

As for anyone "deserving" prison. PTO is NOT the place for this conversation per policy:


PTO Community Purpose
The purpose of the Prison Talk Online community is Prisoner & Family Support, Information and Assistance.
While we encourage interest from people with a range of viewpoints seeking to learn more, anything beyond a genuine, friendly dialog is not welcome.

People who are (or were) involved with the Prison System find that they encounter a wide range of difficulties and challenges.
PTO was founded as a forum to help family members cope with these experiences; through the provision of non-judgmental support and the sharing of information.

PTO is not the place to debate whether or not anyone should be in prison, should prisoners and their families have rights or what kind of punishments should be meted out to the guilty.

We look forward to seeing you posting in the forums and hope that we can help you with any issues that you may be experiencing.

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=667727

How about I move this thread to Family & Friends of Addicts sub-forum, which can be found in the Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation forum

Edited to add: It isn't that I don't empathize with children born into addictive situations...my daughter is a heroin addict, 2 of her 3 children were born addicted; all three are with a paternal grandparent; the father is an addict as well, recently released from prison. Does she deserve prison? Nope. She deserves a normal life with her kids; Hell, her kids deserve a normal life. But I have come to understand that I have no control. I can't make her get clean and/or stay clean. Its all on her (and the father)...Oh how I wish I could wave a magic wand and give my grandkids the life THEY deserve, but I can't
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Last edited by patchouli; 04-10-2016 at 06:09 PM..
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Old 04-10-2016, 08:11 PM
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I want to amend somethings. I NEVER meant to upset or offend anyone with this post, and I really am sorry if I have. I understand that there are many situations out there like my own, and I never intended to imply that they should all be treated the same or that everyone should feel the same way about them. I am strong in my opinions because of very personal reasons, as I am sure everyone else it, but that does not negate the fact that I should have phrased them differently. I like this community, and have found most of the people in it to be very nice and supportive, so I do not want to make waves of a negative variety. I apologize if I have done this, or upset anyone.

Thank you to the people that have given advice on the best ways to handle the situation. I have shared each suggestion with my family and we have already started looking into each one.
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Old 04-12-2016, 12:41 AM
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There's a lot that can be done. What are you wanting to happen?
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Old 04-12-2016, 08:31 AM
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Gosh, I need to quit leaving remarks that look snide when I'm browsing threw and in a hurry. I apologize, that didn't look right in the light of day...
You say they have been called 5 times and keep getting their children back. Who keeps returning them? Because that's a bold statement against the department and if it's on point then someone in your state & county really are not doing the job they took an oath to do & protect.
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes grandparents have a hard time going head to head with their own children over the grandchildren so instead of dragging it threw court, saying hurtful things and having CPS/DCFS all up in the mix they (the grandparents) agree to take on the children threw family placement so CPS/DCDS backs down. Once that case is closed believing the children are protected threw the grandparents they return the children without department knowledge. Is this the case?
I'm just trying to get a better understanding before I give advise.
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Old 04-12-2016, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
Gosh, I need to quit leaving remarks that look snide when I'm browsing threw and in a hurry. I apologize, that didn't look right in the light of day...
You say they have been called 5 times and keep getting their children back. Who keeps returning them? Because that's a bold statement against the department and if it's on point then someone in your state & county really are not doing the job they took an oath to do & protect.
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes grandparents have a hard time going head to head with their own children over the grandchildren so instead of dragging it threw court, saying hurtful things and having CPS/DCFS all up in the mix they (the grandparents) agree to take on the children threw family placement so CPS/DCDS backs down. Once that case is closed believing the children are protected threw the grandparents they return the children without department knowledge. Is this the case?
I'm just trying to get a better understanding before I give advise.
No worries. Most people understand how hard it is to convey tone through a typed message.

Yes, Children services has been called against them 5 times for many things; neighbors found my 3 year old (at the time) nephew wandering the halls of their apartment building looking for his parents at 3 am because the children had been left alone, and other such (sometimes worse) things. In each case; the woman that they know within the agency not only called to warn them so that they could clean, stock the fridge, hide the drugs, but she also revealed the names of the callers to them. When it wasn't anonymous of course. In each instance the cases were dropped.

The children started being left with my parents, or myself for DAYS or WEEKS on end, which was fine with all of us because we knew that they were safe and cared for, but when it came time for them to go home there was nothing to be done because none of us had legal rights, and we wouldn't see the kids for up to weeks at a time.

Finally, about 8 months ago my parents were able to get temporary custody, but the judge would not listen to anything that the lawyer had to say about the unstable and unsafe environment that the parents of the kids provided. The judge outright ignored any physical evidence that we had such as pictures or video recordings, and made it so that we are required to take the children to a neutral location for visits with the parents even though the children insisted that they did not want to see them. Yes, even at 4 and 6. When the parents aren't in jail or rehab and bother to show up, they are usually stoned, stay for a few moments, beg for money, begin screaming and yelling in front of the children when they don't get it, literally cry to the children as they beg them not to hate them causing the children to cry and become confused (the 6 year old honestly thinks that he HAS to tell his parents what they want to hear. If he doesn't then the parents will cry until he feels bad or yell at him until he is scared. We have had to cut many visits short because of this), they tell the kids that they will be coming "home" soon and leave. EVERY TIME. Both boys have nightmares after EVERY visit, because they think that they will be taken from Grandma, Grandpa and Auntie.

Now that it's tax season, my brother attempted to claim the kids, which my parents already did. He got himself into a slight amount of trouble over it, and is now trying to take my parents back to court for custody of the children. He admitted that the kids are where they need to be, but says that he needs the money and assistance. He flat out said that he needs the money from the taxes and the public assistance that he gets because he has children.
Meanwhile, none of the money or assistance went to the children. They had never been to a doctor, they were dirty, they were starving (to the point that they would run to us when we would visit or pick them up, literally crying and begging for food), the 6 year old was not allowed to go to school out of fear for what he might tell a teacher what went on at home (he is enrolled now and excelling! ) the house was filthy, drugs laying around everywhere, random users crashing there at any given time, I'm being 100% that the children did not even receive Christmas presents unless they came for Gpa, Gma, myself and other select family members, and they kids were not allowed to keep them! Their parents would sell their gifts for drug money! We had to make it a rule that whatever the kids received had to stay at our houses so that the kids could have them when they came over..... It's a new apartment, but everything is still the same. Minus the children of course. I could go on, but I think that I have vented enough. I'm starting to get mad again.

So, yea... that's what we are dealing with. I'm sorry that this went on so long. It's an infuriating situation, and I don't talk about it to many people, so I just kind of started rambling. Thanks for hanging in there.
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Old 04-12-2016, 08:49 PM
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You know, if I was you, I'd file a grievance within CYFD that whomever passed that information along to the accused parents of abused children be reprimanded and fired. Not only is that against department policy but it places those children in eminent danger. I have to say in my 30+ years in that department I never ran across anyone willing or stupid enough to do that. They can be charged with child endangerment themselves, if in fact, they made that call as you described. I don't have any understanding why or how a worker for the state would warn ANYONE that they were coming to investigate an alleged abuse situation when those calls come into a 1-800 state ran call center and are flagged accordingly and randomly passed out to CPS/DCFS investigators within the area. Investigators while working for CYFD are different then caseworkers - we actually have the authority to remove children on the spot, with police back up, without a court order and we do not correspond with workers unless we need a saftey plan put in place. In my state (Texas) no one knew we were coming until we got there accept the call center. I assumed all agencies were the same, we all have basically the same guidelines for investigations. It sounds like the department failed your family, I apologize.
It doesn't sound like CYFD is involved now. If they are you need to call that 1 800 number, ask for a supervisor, and explain what is being done in your county (information being given about anonymous callers & to clean up their acts) so another county can intervene and put a stop to that shit. Our oaths are to protect children not drug addicted or addiction.
It's hard in a court of law to terminate parental rights. I hope you & your family document every missed visit, everytime they make the kids cry, everytime they show bad parenting because judges LOVE documentation . I can't imagine a court of law giving children back if the parents are documented drug addicts without somekind of life changing efforts such as a rehab certification, months- maybe even 18 months of clean urinalysis...its hard to pass the courts rulings on proving you're a good parent if you're still using. Tell your parents to tell their attorneys they want proof their sober. The court will agree with your parents.
I need to run right now but I'll be back to stalk this thread. It really makes me mad if the department let these children fall.
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Old 04-12-2016, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
You know, if I was you, I'd file a grievance within CYFD that whomever passed that information along to the accused parents of abused children be reprimanded and fired. Not only is that against department policy but it places those children in eminent danger. I have to say in my 30+ years in that department I never ran across anyone willing or stupid enough to do that. They can be charged with child endangerment themselves, if in fact, they made that call as you described. I don't have any understanding why or how a worker for the state would warn ANYONE that they were coming to investigate an alleged abuse situation when those calls come into a 1-800 state ran call center and are flagged accordingly and randomly passed out to CPS/DCFS investigators within the area. Investigators while working for CYFD are different then caseworkers - we actually have the authority to remove children on the spot, with police back up, without a court order and we do not correspond with workers unless we need a saftey plan put in place. In my state (Texas) no one knew we were coming until we got there accept the call center. I assumed all agencies were the same, we all have basically the same guidelines for investigations. It sounds like the department failed your family, I apologize.
It doesn't sound like CYFD is involved now. If they are you need to call that 1 800 number, ask for a supervisor, and explain what is being done in your county (information being given about anonymous callers & to clean up their acts) so another county can intervene and put a stop to that shit. Our oaths are to protect children not drug addicted or addiction.
It's hard in a court of law to terminate parental rights. I hope you & your family document every missed visit, everytime they make the kids cry, everytime they show bad parenting because judges LOVE documentation . I can't imagine a court of law giving children back if the parents are documented drug addicts without somekind of life changing efforts such as a rehab certification, months- maybe even 18 months of clean urinalysis...its hard to pass the courts rulings on proving you're a good parent if you're still using. Tell your parents to tell their attorneys they want proof their sober. The court will agree with your parents.
I need to run right now but I'll be back to stalk this thread. It really makes me mad if the department let these children fall.
I have shared your reply with my parents, and they are going to discuss things again with the lawyer. We are hoping that a hair test may be done for the drugs, as my brother has used fake clean urine kits in the past. I'm not sure if they will work for heroine or any of the stuff my brother is on though (pot, acid, mushrooms and other things), so I am going to look into that.

According to my brother, the child services agency went to his house and they did not answer the door. After the agency representative left he found a card on his front door saying that Child Services wanted to speak with them and that they needed to schedule an appointment. I did see the card for myself. He then called the woman that they know at their local agency to get information about the complaint. In the instance I mentioned; he was told that the neighbor called, and went above and beyond to make this woman's life a living hell. Always calling the cops on her about noise, complaining to the landlord of the building over nonsense; things like that. This continued until he was evicted. I personally went to Child Services when my brother began to brag about all of this, and I spoke with a supervisor. He said that so long as the home was clean, the children appeared healthy and fed, and they didn't appear to be in danger that there really wasn't anything that could be done. He then assured me that the situation would be looked into but nothing ever came of it. My mother later spoke with someone about the entire situation, and was told to be careful, because situations like this are how children sometimes "get lost in the system". The last incidence with child services was a year ago before my parents got temporary custody... should we still talk to someone about filing a grievance?

We document everything and always make sure that there are at least three people present at the visits so that we have witnesses in case anything happens. I'm just worried that the judge will ignore it all like before. The stipulation in the temporary custody agreement was that they may apply to get the children back if they secured gainful employment and found a stable residence. My brother has done these to the extent of being permissible, though she has not, and they are both still using.

Thank you SO SO SO much for all of the advice and input. I know that this site is for the support and education of people in contact with those that are incarcerated. That's how I found it (I have a pen pal), but I needed advice (and to vent honestly) about this matter and so I took a gamble. Thank you again.
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Old 04-13-2016, 04:10 PM
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Honestly, it happened so long ago that it would be hard to prove but I'd appreciate it if you would call the 1 800 number in your state and report it. Someone in that office could get a child, the person reporting abuse or worker killed passing out confidential information. That's some crazy shit (excuse my language)
I wish you and your family luck in court. bb
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