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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 11-28-2015, 09:04 PM
starbright31 starbright31 is offline
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Default Feeling sad and hurt

Recently, my friend had been released from prison. He vows to stay clean from using drugs and stay on the right path. I'm happy for him that he's doing well so far. Now he trying to rekindle his relationship with his ex-gf who is an alcoholic. At the time they were together, his drug use spiraled out of control that led him to stealing thousands of dollars from his ex and cheating on her.

The ex-gf is a family friend of mine. Almost as soon he was released, she left her husband to get back together with him and now trying to work things out. He has only been out for several weeks. I'm happy for them. And great if they do. Although, the ex-gf doesn't want much to with me anymore. Not since they broke up the first time 5yrs. ago. I know I've made some mistakes in our friendship and still won't forgive me but will take her ex back. She's desperate to have a man in her life. Apparently, I need to be a guy for her to forgive me. That what is making me feel sad and hurt.
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:42 PM
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JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
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Originally Posted by starbright31 View Post
Recently, my friend had been released from prison. He vows to stay clean from using drugs and stay on the right path. I'm happy for him that he's doing well so far. Now he trying to rekindle his relationship with his ex-gf who is an alcoholic. At the time they were together, his drug use spiraled out of control that led him to stealing thousands of dollars from his ex and cheating on her.

The ex-gf is a family friend of mine. Almost as soon he was released, she left her husband to get back together with him and now trying to work things out. He has only been out for several weeks. I'm happy for them. And great if they do. Although, the ex-gf doesn't want much to with me anymore. Not since they broke up the first time 5yrs. ago. I know I've made some mistakes in our friendship and still won't forgive me but will take her ex back. She's desperate to have a man in her life. Apparently, I need to be a guy for her to forgive me. That what is making me feel sad and hurt.
If he is really trying to stay clean/sober, he is not making a wise choice in taking his ex back.

It doesn't sound like she is a true friend, if she is not willing to forgive you. I would say you are better off without these types of people in your life. Let them do their thing and hang themselves. We all know that when people are active in their addiction, they are not thinking rationally. She certainly is not, so try not to take her taking some dude over you personally.

It is really hard to see people we care about deal with addiction. They sometimes become an addiction to those of is who love/care about them. I believe that having our own recovery program allows us to detach from them and their addiction.

I hope your heart heals and can can realize this is happening for a reason.
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by starbright31 View Post
Recently, my friend had been released from prison. He vows to stay clean from using drugs and stay on the right path. I'm happy for him that he's doing well so far. Now he trying to rekindle his relationship with his ex-gf who is an alcoholic. At the time they were together, his drug use spiraled out of control that led him to stealing thousands of dollars from his ex and cheating on her.

The ex-gf is a family friend of mine. Almost as soon he was released, she left her husband to get back together with him and now trying to work things out. He has only been out for several weeks. I'm happy for them. And great if they do. Although, the ex-gf doesn't want much to with me anymore. Not since they broke up the first time 5yrs. ago. I know I've made some mistakes in our friendship and still won't forgive me but will take her ex back. She's desperate to have a man in her life. Apparently, I need to be a guy for her to forgive me. That what is making me feel sad and hurt.
It is a very poor choice on his part trying to stay clean and sober to be with someone who is a current addict. Surrounding yourself by poisonous people that use/drink is a quick way to get pulled off your sober wagon and back into addiction.

Unfortunately there are many people like your friend they will drop a friend quicker then anything and never forgive them for making a simple mistake. But if there is a man involved it does not matter how dirty he does her they will always take him back. Your friend has addiction problems and needs someone that will accept her and allow her to continue her bad behavior that is why she goes back to him because he is accepting her and has no expectations for her to change. Addiction changes people and no matter how good of friends you once were she no longer exists as long as she is an alcoholic. I would lose hope for any friendship with her because as long as she is drinking and in that state of mind she has programmed herself into believing you are the enemy and will not forgive you.
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:05 AM
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+1 with the thoughts above. Your friend’s ex-GF is alcohol-dependent and left her husband to get back with your friend, who’s walking out of prison and straight back into the old relationship that was the launchpad for his getting into self-destructive alcohol/drug abuse? Wow! This should develop into a total disaster with surprising speed. Keep yourself safe and in the clear by keeping your distance from this explosive situation. Your friend will IMO undoubtedly end up back inside for a PV (if not with a new charge/case/sentence) and the ex-GF will probably end up getting divorced and then reaching a new height of alcohol abuse. I believe people are going to self-destruct or at least get hurt here. Don’t let yourself get sucked into this developing tragedy and be one of the ones who does. Stay safe and good luck!
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:26 AM
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This is a beginning to a story that more than likely doesn't have a pretty ending, unfortunately. People that spiral out of control together need to stay away from each other, no matter how strong that codependent draw is. My LO was clean and sober until he reconnected with an on again off again gf who never cleaned up and now he's sitting back in jail.

I'm so sorry your friendship is struggling. It's tough dealing with someone who only seems to care about their (almost always destructive) relationships. Maybe if she's able to get and stay sober she'll be able see things more clearly. We ALL make mistakes in friendship and love and healthy long time friendships are worth saving.
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Old 11-29-2015, 09:24 AM
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This is a beginning to a story that more than likely doesn't have a pretty ending, unfortunately. People that spiral out of control together need to stay away from each other, no matter how strong that codependent draw is. My LO was clean and sober until he reconnected with an on again off again gf who never cleaned up and now he's sitting back in jail.

I'm so sorry your friendship is struggling. It's tough dealing with someone who only seems to care about their (almost always destructive) relationships. Maybe if she's able to get and stay sober she'll be able see things more clearly. We ALL make mistakes in friendship and love and healthy long time friendships are worth saving.
She won't ever get sober from alcohol. It's her way of coping with life. Always has been. Her life revolves around drinking and the man she has in her life. She comes from a family of alcoholics so it's already ingrained in her mind to use alcohol as a way to cope.
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Old 11-29-2015, 09:40 AM
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Well you need to just stay out of it. He's a fool and so is she, a match made in hell but they are adults. I know how it hurts to see people you care about make mistakes but really there's nothing you can do except be there as a friend. Sometimes the best of friends are the ones who aren't telling someone what they should and shouldn't do. They listen with no judgment. For your own peace of mind just back away.
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Old 11-29-2015, 11:49 AM
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Well you need to just stay out of it. He's a fool and so is she, a match made in hell but they are adults. I know how it hurts to see people you care about make mistakes but really there's nothing you can do except be there as a friend. Sometimes the best of friends are the ones who aren't telling someone what they should and shouldn't do. They listen with no judgment. For your own peace of mind just back away.
Exactly. Great advice there.
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