Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation > Friends & Families of Addicts
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #76  
Old 09-03-2010, 01:32 AM
johnsgirl81's Avatar
johnsgirl81 johnsgirl81 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio, United States
Posts: 766
Thanks: 209
Thanked 223 Times in 158 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by albertablue View Post
Saves the Day,

Before I met the man who is now my fiance, I was with a drug addict for over two years. He was pretty much into everything especially cocaine and crack which were his loves. I never knew until a few months into the relationship that he was on the stuff. After two years of dealing with his addiction, I ended it. And then I found out later, that every single time I even suspected he was on the stuff - HE WAS! Numerous times I would talk myself out of it - tell my self I was being paranoid. But in the end, my instincts were right every time. And he never ever admitted it. If this helps in anyway...trust yourself. Be true to you and the rest will fall into place. much love.
Last year had I read that, I would have blown it off because I wanted to believe so badly that my baby wasn't hurting himself and us like that. However, I know now that I should have trusted my gut. It took him a long time to admit to me that I had a reason to get mad all the times I thought he was high but he denied it...because 99 percent of the time, I was right and he couldn't tell me.

Definitely trust your gut, it won't lead you wrong.
__________________

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

"Love is not blind. It simply enables one to see things others fail to see."
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to johnsgirl81 For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (09-03-2010)
Sponsored Links
  #77  
Old 10-04-2010, 04:50 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

I just wanted to see how everyone was doing?

Things are...well...different for me!

My mom is about 44 days sober, and she's trying VERY hard to make things into what they used to be. Its hard, and for me...I don't know how to act sometimes.

She is making the effort, but I find it hard to communicate like we used to..

Anyone have any advice? Feedback?
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 10-08-2010, 05:29 AM
LifeTraveler's Avatar
LifeTraveler LifeTraveler is offline
Crazy Cajun Super Moderator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 16,308
Thanks: 15,776
Thanked 17,191 Times in 6,855 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BooBoo<3 View Post
I just wanted to see how everyone was doing?

Things are...well...different for me!

My mom is about 44 days sober, and she's trying VERY hard to make things into what they used to be. Its hard, and for me...I don't know how to act sometimes.

She is making the effort, but I find it hard to communicate like we used to..

Anyone have any advice? Feedback?
I would let her talk. Let her lead the way. If she asks you questions, don't hesitate to let her know how you feel.

I've been where you are. My mother was a raging closet alcoholic. I went through some horrific hell with her, especially when she was living with me. The only thing that saved my life and sanity was Al-Anon.

I actually had to put her out of my house. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my life, but it was necessary for my recovery as well as for hers.

I will keep your mother and you in prayer. I truly hope for her recovery and yours. We, who love the alcoholic can become as ill as they are.


__________________
Life Traveler
Super Moderator
LASO, Immigration, Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehab, Louisiana, Ohio











Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LifeTraveler For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (10-14-2010)
  #79  
Old 10-09-2010, 09:56 AM
Cindy C's Avatar
Cindy C Cindy C is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Greeley, CO
Posts: 102
Thanks: 122
Thanked 69 Times in 44 Posts
Default

Hey Boo..congrats to your mom!! ANY amount of sobriety is an accomplishment! But she does have to realize that no one can go back...not you not her. Life Traveler is right, you need to be totally honest with her. She needs to know you have faith in her but she also needs to understand that a level of trust has been lost.

It's a big mistake to just "front" and try to go back to the way it was. All that does is create an illusion that's bound to fall apart. Be honest with her, but even more important...be honest with yourself!! Trust me...it will ultimately make your relationship with her stronger!!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Cindy C For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (10-15-2010)
  #80  
Old 10-14-2010, 11:48 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

Thank you both for your input. Your words are always greatly appreciated.

I'm afraid I have to post that mother has relapsed again, and due to recent events. I have decided that I need a little time and space away from it all. That is my mother..i will always love her, but for right now..I need to worry about my own feelings and emotions.

Has anyone else ever had to cut ties to save their own sanity?

LifeTraveler. I see you can relate. I admire (and envy ) your strength!
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 10-15-2010, 05:18 PM
LifeTraveler's Avatar
LifeTraveler LifeTraveler is offline
Crazy Cajun Super Moderator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 16,308
Thanks: 15,776
Thanked 17,191 Times in 6,855 Posts
Default

Aw, Boo Boo, I'm sorry to learn that your mother has relapsed. I can only imagine how that makes you feel.

Have I had to sever ties? OH YES! It was for the sake of my sanity. I was truly losing it.
__________________
Life Traveler
Super Moderator
LASO, Immigration, Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehab, Louisiana, Ohio











Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LifeTraveler For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (10-15-2010)
  #82  
Old 10-15-2010, 09:03 PM
decoprincess's Avatar
decoprincess decoprincess is offline
Love over Fear
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CaliZona
Posts: 1,763
Thanks: 639
Thanked 1,254 Times in 755 Posts
Default

You don't have to cut the tie to your mom, just make the rope longer and follow it back when you feel the energy again.
__________________
This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
--Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)--
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to decoprincess For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (10-15-2010)
  #83  
Old 10-15-2010, 10:06 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by decoprincess View Post
You don't have to cut the tie to your mom, just make the rope longer and follow it back when you feel the energy again.

I like the visual here.

Which can lead us to our next discussion!


Do you think its better to cut ties with the addict as opposed to distancing yourself?


For me..I think I need to cut ties. As much as I tell myself I have emotionally detached myself...I always wind up crying or "begging" her not to drink. Its sad..because i KNOW she has to want it..I know no one can make her stop...so why do i put myself through the heartache? In a sense I've "relapsed" in my enabling ways. Its damn near impossible for an addict to get clean while living the same old lifestyle. Well..i think the same goes for me. I cant completely detach without cutting the ties..at least for a little bit.


What do yall think?
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 10-17-2010, 02:23 PM
LifeTraveler's Avatar
LifeTraveler LifeTraveler is offline
Crazy Cajun Super Moderator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 16,308
Thanks: 15,776
Thanked 17,191 Times in 6,855 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BooBoo View Post
I like the visual here.

Which can lead us to our next discussion!


Do you think its better to cut ties with the addict as opposed to distancing yourself?
I would have to say that each situation is different. It is possible to detach with love and keep a good distance. I think with mine, I detached, but kept the door open.

I didn't contact my mother, but when she was ready, she called me. Other than that, I stayed away. I couldn't continue to watch her destroy herself. As long as she was still drinking, I wouldn't go around her.
__________________
Life Traveler
Super Moderator
LASO, Immigration, Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehab, Louisiana, Ohio











Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LifeTraveler For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (10-17-2010)
  #85  
Old 10-19-2010, 09:51 PM
decoprincess's Avatar
decoprincess decoprincess is offline
Love over Fear
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CaliZona
Posts: 1,763
Thanks: 639
Thanked 1,254 Times in 755 Posts
Default

I think my concern is if the worse happens and that person is no longer on this earth, how would you handle it?
The "I should'a, would'a, could'a" and guilt that all opportunity is now impossible.
If you or anyone of us can exhaust our feelings and know that if our loved one did die, tomorrow, we wouldn't beat ourselves up that we could of done something, anything then I think detachment is an option.
__________________
This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
--Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)--
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to decoprincess For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (11-19-2010)
  #86  
Old 10-25-2010, 09:40 PM
flowers4 flowers4 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 9
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BooBoo View Post


Do you think its better to cut ties with the addict as opposed to distancing yourself?


What do yall think?
I'm new here but I like the discussion so I will jump in.

I think it depends on the situation and the people involved whether it is better to cut ties or distance yourself. For me, it was a combination of both that I find works best for me.

I tried distancing myself but I still found myself being sucked in and enabling her. So I made the decision to cut her off from my life for at least a while. I did not have a plan and did not know when I would talk to her again, but one day I forgot I wasn't speaking to her and accidentally called her when I found out someone we both knew had died. A few seconds in, I remembered that I was "cutting her out" and ended the phone call as quickly as I could. After that, we started talking on the phone again, but only brief small talk. We did not talk about her problems at all. Just weather and gossip, really. Then, my family gathered at my house because my grandma died, and my mom came over and that was the first time I had seen her in almost a year. She was drunk, of course. I made sure we had time alone so that I could tell her that she could visit me anytime she likes, but she has to be sober, she cannot bring alcohol or drugs, and she cannot bring her destructive behavior. No exceptions. Since she was drunk, she mostly cried and did not respond in a coherent way. After this ordeal, we kept small talking on the phone about once a month or so. I was glad that we could carry on a controlled relationship- meaning that her issues and her drama was not the center of it and actually not involved whatsoever. She still had her issues and drama but I had nothing to do with it. A couple weeks ago, she was arrested on probation violation (stemming from a felony charge of DWI with a minor in the car). I'm still sorting that out...
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to flowers4 For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (11-19-2010)
  #87  
Old 11-19-2010, 11:35 AM
DVNESSA68's Avatar
DVNESSA68 DVNESSA68 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 1,134
Thanks: 2,409
Thanked 648 Times in 464 Posts
Default

I'm here now... I've been in DENIAL about my Boo Bear's drug and alcohol abuse for the longest. I sent him a letter asking for a complete run down on why he is locked up again and there it was in black and white...CRACK & ALCOHOL plus a BB GUN. Please pray for us this is a first for me.
__________________


Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to DVNESSA68 For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (11-19-2010)
  #88  
Old 11-30-2010, 07:28 AM
*waitingon him*'s Avatar
*waitingon him* *waitingon him* is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: ohio
Posts: 57
Thanks: 11
Thanked 39 Times in 16 Posts
Default

im glad i came upon this thread... my bf is a herion addict and the things we went through while he was out well was horrible but in my heart i knew it wasnt him exactly it was the drug hurting us... he will be locked up for months all together and im not ashamed at all more worried about the whole relapse idea and the pain i may endure again.. i stand beside him and will always but it is a scary thing being with an addict bc you have no control over their actions and at anytime they can slip.. but ive deterimened if he slips ( which i pray he doesnt) i will help him up and be there that is all we can do right...thanks ladies nice to know im not the only one who loves not so perfect men but great men
__________________
"In time all things grow old and weak, but my love for you only grows strong and better with every second of every day."


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to *waitingon him* For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (11-30-2010)
  #89  
Old 11-30-2010, 06:05 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

Well Hello again everyone

I'm glad to see that many are still participating..and we are getting new friends rolling in to our little corner of support. Again, I just want to say that if you're new.. just jump right in..tell us your "story" or add on to the discussion. We welcome everyone with an respectful opinion.

DVnessa- you are most definately in my prayers..and im sorry your going through such a hard time right now..i wish nothing but strength headed your way.

*waitingon him*- thank you for your contribution. I'm glad you posted. It isn't easy loving an addict..whether its your boyfriend..your brother..your mother..or anyone else. Its a disease that affects the whole family...but no matter who it is thats abusing the drugs/alcohol we have to remember that it is BEYOND our control. They can only change if THEY want it. We can only control our OWN behaviors. Again, Thank you for joining us, and I look forward to your input.

flowers4- thank you so much for your input. What you explained is EXACTLY what im going through right now. I have not spoke to my mother since...hm..about October. I have cut the ties, because for the longest i just threatened it...but with all the emotional damage she did..there was no reprocussions on my end...I was always right there to catch her...or listen to her even at the expense of my own emotions. "Cutting her off" was probably one of the hardest things ive done...but its been beneficial in a sense....where as i know one day I will allow her back into my life...I have to be comfortable with letting her alone for a while. My only fear is that she will pass (knock on wood)...and the guilt i'd live with would probably literally eat me alive. I'm not sure how to handle that one....I usually just try not to think about it all that much...its like im stuck between a rock and a hard place.


Anyway...


Is there ANYTHING that anyone wants to talk about? Any topics/discussions? Feel free to throw out ideas.





One final comment...


Thank you all for being so open with sharing your experiences. Believe it or not...It truly does give me strength and I'm very grateful.
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 12-01-2010, 07:24 PM
smithdb2008 smithdb2008 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Leakesville, MIssissippi,USA
Posts: 286
Thanks: 94
Thanked 118 Times in 72 Posts
Default

Love survives all things...but hang in there maybe he will see the light i will pray for u
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to smithdb2008 For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (12-01-2010)
  #91  
Old 12-28-2010, 08:42 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

How is everyone doing out there? Does anyone have anything they wanna talk about?
Reply With Quote
  #92  
Old 12-29-2010, 10:13 PM
CaponesLady's Avatar
CaponesLady CaponesLady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 14
Thanks: 8
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Default There's No Hope

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to jump into this post with my story. I was in love with an addict for 4 1/2 years. This man is/was the love of my life. He came into my life when I was going through alot and he made me whole again. He was using (H) when we met so I knew what he was about then and I wasnt planning on falling in love with him it just happened. He's been to jail and prison several times since we've been together, he did a year straight in prison, 6 months here and there in county, etc. I stood by his side, when he was down I heard it all, I'm going to stay clean do this and do that... fuck no. Every single time he slipped. I could do everything in my power to try to make him happy and it was never enough. He's done me so dirty, stolen my car, left me at work, taken off for days at a time, lied and lied, he's a gangster thug addict that will ALWAYS choose his shit over me. This last time I was dealing with a death in my family and was tripping I needed him to be there for me, a week before Christmas he leaves in my car and doesnt come back, left me and my kids walking in the snow, I HATE him, I'm so done with him. He was on suboxone and seemed to be doing better ( one month ), but fell off. fuck him, fuck love. what's the point in always being there and doing good by someone who always lets you down. we have no kids together, he's not my brother, dad, mom etc, so f him. I love this guy so much i would and have done everything for him but there comes a time where you have to face reality, it is what it is and its never going to be anything else. he called me today and is playing the blame game, its my fault he left me and took my car. i'm so done ..... i feel used, hurt and like i wasted almost 5 years trying to make a life with this fool... f it.
__________________





He went...came home...went back...came home...etc etc... now its over ....
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CaponesLady For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (03-26-2011)
  #93  
Old 12-31-2010, 05:03 PM
dp60922's Avatar
dp60922 dp60922 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: orange county, california
Posts: 56
Thanks: 0
Thanked 20 Times in 14 Posts
Default

My fiance is addicted to meth, thats the reason he is in prison right now. He was arrested the day before thanksgiving, took a plea deal a week later and now just got moved to prison. I cant even explain how sad me and my daughter are that he is gone but at the same time, if he hadnt gone to prison, he would be dead by now the way he was going. With the drugs out of his system i actually have him back, its so nice to talk to him on the phone and hear his voice, his sane voice again. My family dosent understand why i still stand by his side, most of my family has walked away from me completly. But they only see the jesse on drugs, i see the other side. I beleive in him and beleive when he comes back home that he can get better. You just have to have faith and be supportive. Everyone says im crazy... i just cant beleive my way of thinking is wrong.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to dp60922 For This Useful Post:
PTO-189145 (03-26-2011)
  #94  
Old 03-26-2011, 03:01 PM
PTO-189145 PTO-189145 is offline
--------------
 

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,632
Thanks: 11,964
Thanked 6,984 Times in 2,108 Posts
Default

I am a little late to this, and I truly apologize.

CaponesLady and dp60922. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, and WELCOME to our discussion. I hope and pray you find comfort within this thread, as well as coping strategies. Through it all, we have to understand that we cannot save them. The decision lies in their hands.

We are in this struggle together. Every minute of everyday.
Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old 08-05-2011, 08:18 PM
TylersGiirl's Avatar
TylersGiirl TylersGiirl is offline
* ride or die *
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 263
Thanks: 0
Thanked 42 Times in 29 Posts
Default

Not ashamed to admit I'm madly in love with a opioid/heroin addict. He is now in prison because of drug induced crimes. He was prescribed to suboxone for appx 6 months but he relapsed in a major way. I can only pray being in jail will save his life, one last time.
Reply With Quote
  #96  
Old 08-05-2011, 08:28 PM
tamieTrue's Avatar
tamieTrue tamieTrue is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana USA
Posts: 82
Thanks: 58
Thanked 38 Times in 21 Posts
Default Addiction

Well my husband is an alcoholic with a taste for cocaine after he gets going...and I guess I am addicted to him.

Addiction is a horrible disease it drain your of life and all those who love you.

My husband is " a dry drunk " right now been in fbop 1 year...he is deep in his bible ACCEPTS what the disease has done to him and his heart and prays that God will fill that void.

I am lost and confused most days...praying for Gods guidance fearing what happens when he comes home in a few more months...
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to tamieTrue For This Useful Post:
lisainengland (08-07-2011)
  #97  
Old 12-28-2011, 10:06 PM
daveysbaby's Avatar
daveysbaby daveysbaby is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 15
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PTO-189145
How is everyone doing out there? Does anyone have anything they wanna talk about?
I do my husband is in jail for assault of me because of alcohol use. Depressed help
Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:14 AM
lisainengland's Avatar
lisainengland lisainengland is offline
English Super Moderator

PTO Ambassador of the Year 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: coventry england
Posts: 14,039
Thanks: 23,410
Thanked 12,562 Times in 6,757 Posts
Default

We are all here to help and support you through this terrible time. Have you thought of attending the local Al Anon groups near you. They can offer you support and advice on dealing with your husbands alcohol problem.
__________________
Still round the corner there may wait, A new road or a secret gate.























Reply With Quote
  #99  
Old 12-29-2012, 12:50 AM
Babygirl....'s Avatar
Babygirl.... Babygirl.... is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 306
Thanks: 178
Thanked 67 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Extremely frustrated and overwhelmed with my finace. He is an addict and I think I have lost hope in him!! I can't believe that I am too this point of walking... I wished he could work through it but my dreams aren't his dreams.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Reply With Quote
  #100  
Old 12-30-2012, 01:24 PM
lisainengland's Avatar
lisainengland lisainengland is offline
English Super Moderator

PTO Ambassador of the Year 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: coventry england
Posts: 14,039
Thanks: 23,410
Thanked 12,562 Times in 6,757 Posts
Default

He is the only person that can beat his addiction and can make the choice to do so. You have to do what is best for you and if he is not willing to fight his addiction then he will never be able to share your dreams.
Do what you have to do to for you and take care of you
__________________
Still round the corner there may wait, A new road or a secret gate.























Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:37 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics