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Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison This forum is for all those - family, friends, spouses, wives, husbands, significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, and children - who lost a loved one or friend while incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 09-23-2014, 05:41 PM
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This morning at 0730, I received a call from the head of the hospice program at the Pen. She told me that my dad was unresponsive and that she wanted me to come down to Salem by 9am. I told her I was on my way.

At 0815, while I was just a little north of Salem, I received another call from her. Dad did not manage to hold out until I got there. She said he remained unresponsive until she told him to "hang in there, Ginger's on her way." At that point, he made vocalizations (not verbalizations) as if he were relieved. I will never know what he intended to say with certainty, but knowing my dad as I do, he was probably trying to say "Good."

Now comes the attempts at settling the estate, including getting all of his stuff back from DOC. Even with his death, I will not be free of DOC for some time yet.

Last edited by GingerM; 01-01-2018 at 09:10 AM..
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Old 09-23-2014, 05:52 PM
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I am deeply sadden to hear of your father's passing, I wish you peace, love, and strength during this very difficult time. I don't know you're father personally but I am sure he was comforted by the knowledge that his daughter loved him despite everything. Thinking of you with nothing but love.
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Old 09-23-2014, 06:00 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you take comfort in the fact that you did all humanly (and super-humanly) possible for him. He knows that and is free of pain and bondage.
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Old 09-23-2014, 06:03 PM
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I am sorry for your loss. I was wondering how you and he were doing. I hope that the arrangements and anything else with the DOC go smoothly.
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Old 09-23-2014, 06:56 PM
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strength, love, and peace, Lady. You are not done with DOC, but you are playing the end game with them. Bury you father with the same dignity you've shown throughout this process and know that I'm still thinking about you wishing you strength, love, and peace.

And remember to breathe.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:18 PM
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Not a bad death, all in all. Take comfort in that, Ginger. And in how well you've dealt with him, and your Mom. And find peace in that.

Blessings on you, luv. It's been a difficult path, but you'll make it through to the end of DOC yet.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:41 PM
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My condolences, Ginger. You and your family have been going through a lot, and now the time for finding your peace, as your dad has found his, has come. *hug*
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Old 09-23-2014, 08:33 PM
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I know that its been struggle, the whole process of arrest, sentencing, the divorce, estate, family, your father's illness and subsequent death....now more estate, family, still having to deal with the DOC (may that process be swift) etc etc. Please please tell you're going to do something really special for yourself once you get space enough and time enough to think of yourself. You've earned it, you deserve it. Take a cruise, a sabbatical, sit on a mountaintop and scream. Whatever you feel you need.

My deepest heartfelt condolences on the passing of your Dad
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Old 09-23-2014, 09:18 PM
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Ah Ginger , I am so sorry you are having to go thru this . It's so hard to lose a parent . My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Stay strong
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Old 09-24-2014, 02:22 AM
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So sorry for your loss. I hope and pray everything goes smoothly with DOC. Praying for you and your family.
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Old 09-24-2014, 04:02 AM
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My thoughts and love are with you at this time Ginger.
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Old 09-24-2014, 04:56 AM
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You brought him peace while he was here, Ginger, and comfort. He was a lucky man to have been loved so steadily by you. May his soul rest in peace.
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Old 09-24-2014, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
I know that its been struggle, the whole process of arrest, sentencing, the divorce, estate, family, your father's illness and subsequent death....now more estate, family, still having to deal with the DOC (may that process be swift) etc etc. Please please tell you're going to do something really special for yourself once you get space enough and time enough to think of yourself. You've earned it, you deserve it. Take a cruise, a sabbatical, sit on a mountaintop and scream. Whatever you feel you need.
Hubby and I usually take our anniversary trip in February. I'm hoping by things will have settled down a bit and we can take a nice trip to somewhere pleasant. Maybe somewhere with sun.

Between the divorce and his diagnosis and subsequent death, I have no vacation time left this year and am having to take unpaid time off to handle everything.

Next year, I'll start off the year with 18 days of vacation. I plan on using them! Whooboy, do I ever need one.
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Old 09-24-2014, 07:00 AM
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Yes, you do Ginger.
A much deserved vacation is in order.

Im very sorry for your loss. Im glad this was not prolonged too much. Im sure it probably felt like a long time. It sounds like he was at least getting medication to help him.
Your a good person, Ginger. Your family is very lucky to have you as a daughter, sister, wife and you have been a good friend to many here in laso and on pto.
((((((ginger)))))))
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Old 09-24-2014, 07:52 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss, be sure to take care of yourself more now than you were able to do during his last illness.
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Old 09-24-2014, 07:58 AM
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So sorry for your loss
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:07 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to get things settled with the DOC quickly and painlessly.
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Old 09-24-2014, 01:02 PM
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Many thoughts and prayers as you go to the next step. Death is a freedom from the pain and suffering, sometimes for all involved. You're super strong for all you've done. God bless
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:57 PM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Ginger. Now that your dad is free , I wish you much peace and healing. As we learned in the beginning of this journey that we've all been forced to take, we could sink or we could swim. You didn't only swim Ginger, you did so with grace and compassion, all the while helping and encouraging others along the way.
Please check back in with us as you can and take good care.
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Old 09-26-2014, 06:47 PM
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Sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. He is in a much better place now.
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Old 09-27-2014, 02:40 AM
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Ginger, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. It's been a difficult ride for you and hopefully some peace will come your way now.
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Old 09-27-2014, 07:01 AM
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Ginger, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. It's been a difficult ride for you and hopefully some peace will come your way now.
Thank you, LT. Some peace has already come my way. Being able to see my dad at the mortuary here in town brought a great deal of peace to me. The day my dad died was the same day my best friend from 8th grade finally located the remains of her father-in-law from FBoP - 2 months after he died. I know where my father's body is, and that is a huge relief.

And a few days ago, I fired my dad's utterly incompetent estate attorney and brought my own attorney on to help me with the estate settling. Knowing I have competent legal help is also a huge weight off my shoulders.

The bureaucracy of settling the estate will be yet one more thing to plod through, but knowing I don't have to have a legal fight to get his remains back and knowing I have competent counsel have taken a great deal of strain off of me, which, in turn, gives me the room in my head to grieve.
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Old 09-27-2014, 10:49 AM
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Ginger, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. Please take care of yourself.
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Old 09-27-2014, 10:51 AM
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So sorry for the loss of your father, I will be keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 09-27-2014, 12:04 PM
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So sorry hun. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
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