Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison This forum is for all those - family, friends, spouses, wives, husbands, significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, and children - who lost a loved one or friend while incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-25-2016, 08:52 PM
dawgzalley's Avatar
dawgzalley dawgzalley is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: upland, CA
Posts: 116
Thanks: 10
Thanked 22 Times in 11 Posts
Default The EX-Sister In Law fr 21 yrs ago GET'S HIS ASHES

Im about ready to go postal, my fiancee Robert Mark Lundberg and i had been together 16 yrs on 10/18/2015 he "killed himself" at west valley detention center he is the 4th death out of 11 since May 2015. We weren't legally married but he put me down as his wife so they notified me first, when the realized we weren't that was it no contact nothing.. two days later I was admitted in the hospital I had a serious infection in my blood that almost killed me, I was released 5 days later not knowing anything I was the one whom told his mom so when I called her when I got out she told me no service no obituary OH and there was a 15 min window opportunity to say good bye WHAT!!!! I asked why she said she was " Im sorry i guess I should have told you " So I flipped out not on her in my mind I couldn't even speak any recognizable words I spoke in tongue any way so I who didn't have a dime put together a service for him the only contact from his past relationship was from the sister in law Jacqui she was fighting on facebook with my 17 yr old daughter saying some really messed up stuff she doesn't want to believe it was suicide I had to but in my daughter even apologized but she still is a hateful person the EX-SISTER IN LAW he divorced his wife and 5 years later met me so thats 21 years ago any way I was going crazy cuz I didn't know what happened to his ashes and the other day she made a memorial facebook page for him and she has the Urn next to his picture HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN I know his oldest daughter gave them to her but why I have never had any problems and Jacqui bad mouthed me and all his low life friends but I paid for the service and she came to it and brought poster boards for us to sign my kids didn't even know who the bleep she was cuz Bulldogg never mentioned her name ooooooo Im so mad my hands are shaking I cant type any more sorry Thank You for allowing me to vent I hope I didn't offend anyone
__________________
Stay Happy Allison
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 05-25-2016, 09:05 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 39,017
Thanks: 39,403
Thanked 32,288 Times in 14,839 Posts
Default

You're rambling a bit, but I get the gist and emotion in your post...and I understand why you're so hurt I'm so very sorry for your loss and for the heartache that is being amplified by the turn of events.

Is the Ex the oldest daughter's Mom? Are you sure the oldest daughter "gave" the urn to the ex? Is it possible that the ex and the urn where in the same place at the same time, hence the picture?

Try not to stress over the ashes.....you have the last 16 years of memories.

My condolences on his passing
__________________




Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to patchouli For This Useful Post:
dawgzalley (05-25-2016), Dobbie_Elf (06-03-2016), fbopnomore (05-26-2016), jadah (06-06-2016)
  #3  
Old 05-25-2016, 09:38 PM
GingerM's Avatar
GingerM GingerM is offline
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator Staff Superstar Award 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 4,761
Thanks: 5,539
Thanked 6,360 Times in 2,584 Posts
Default

With no wife, his remains should have gone to his parents if they are still alive, and if not that, then to his siblings.

But it sounds like one of his siblings turned them over to the ex-wife and she turned them over to her sister. Which is all kinds of wrong.

I'm sure you realize that legally, you have no standing since you weren't married, but I agree with you that anyone with a reasonable moral or ethical compass would have let you be part of this process.

Christmas, weddings, and funerals - people lose their damned minds and behave in ways that they would never behave at any other time.

You've got my sympathy. I hope that you can find it in you to hold the moral high ground and not let their (abhorrent) actions control your actions. There's nothing like being gracious to people who are behaving like horses behinds to show everyone else just what kind of people they are.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to GingerM For This Useful Post:
dawgzalley (05-25-2016), jadah (06-06-2016), patchouli (05-30-2016)
  #4  
Old 05-25-2016, 11:23 PM
dawgzalley's Avatar
dawgzalley dawgzalley is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: upland, CA
Posts: 116
Thanks: 10
Thanked 22 Times in 11 Posts
Default

Hi Thank you , yes the Ex is her mom however the Ex wife and the sister (the one who has the ashes) don't speak haven't spoken in years but she is the daughters aunt so they're relationship obviously wasn't effected by it. And his mother is still alive but I really just leave it all alone out of respect for Mark it's his mom like Im gonna curse her out Not that I haven't in my mind believe that. I have spoken privately to the Ex Sister I didn't say anything about the ashes because I in no way wanted her to think she has any power or control of my life or feelings. She keeps talking crap and I hit her up and said whats up You dont even know me what have I done to make you hate on me so bad and she said it's because I believe that he did in fact take his own life, I replied that there was an eye witness whom Mark gave a message to give to me before he jumped. I've known this person for many years why would he lie, you know.. She act's more like an girl friend I told her so and then I was a b and a this and a that but I didn't bite my dad taught me long ago when in a fight of any kind if you cuss in any way Even if You Win you really Lose because you went to a level that lacks integrity. As for the picture i don't know I would never do something like that let alone thinking someone else would Im too trusting this is the first time Ive even talked about it since I saw the picture not even to my kids my son is Marks he has some rights too he's 16 and going threw it I just don't want him to come at me years from me asking why I didn't stand up for him but I don't even know if he would even want me to My heart hurts so bad
__________________
Stay Happy Allison
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-30-2016, 08:19 AM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,167 Times in 3,687 Posts
Default

Memorial Day. What an always sad day for me.
I am so sorry for your loss and the issue's you're going threw. My son was also cremated a few years ago and I set him free over the cliff's in San Pedro, Ca.
It was a hard place for me when my boy died. Trying to find closure, trying to understand, trying to grasp and hold on to everything he ever owned. I snapped one day and burned the barn down with everything he owned. I probably looked like a maniac cry, laughing, cursing God...
Joe has been gone some time now. It has taken me some time to understand & accept this. I hope you understand -if not today- that within that urn is only the remains of what once was. His soul, it's in the air, it walks beside you and looks upon you...but he isn't in the urn.
I don't know why when someone dies people try to cause more chaos going into vulture mode and hurting the one's who truly loved that person. Fights begin over material things, sometimes even the body or urn. It's not right and my heart truly hurts for you. People can be mean, hell cruel.
But you know what? No one can take from you what he gave you in your heart or mind all those years. I don't know the laws of your state- maybe you are considered his common law wife and they will have to return him to you. But if not, cherish your memories. Not another human being has control of that.
Mary
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
AnarchyHeart (06-24-2016), dawgzalley (06-04-2016), Dobbie_Elf (06-03-2016), dtmom2013 (07-03-2016), fbopnomore (05-30-2016), GingerM (05-31-2016), jadah (06-06-2016), LifeTraveler (06-06-2016), patchouli (05-30-2016)
  #6  
Old 06-04-2016, 11:42 AM
dawgzalley's Avatar
dawgzalley dawgzalley is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: upland, CA
Posts: 116
Thanks: 10
Thanked 22 Times in 11 Posts
Default

Awe thank you so much, what you said broke threw the numbness I felt warmth and I smiled and right now that truly means a lot. I'm sorry for your loss also. I can completely relate to the burning the barn down. I feel like a walking time bomb ready to explode at any second, I know what that madness feels like. I need to enroll in one of those classes where you wear that big protective suit and you beat all your anger out. Im just thankful Im not a hateful person so this too I know shall pass my feelings are hurt and in my world I'd rather deal with physical pain any day you know. And your right no one can take our memories away. Those are all mine. Thanks again
__________________
Stay Happy Allison
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to dawgzalley For This Useful Post:
bumblebee37 (06-29-2016), dtmom2013 (07-03-2016), fbopnomore (06-04-2016), GingerM (06-11-2016), jadah (06-06-2016), LifeTraveler (06-06-2016), patchouli (06-06-2016)
  #7  
Old 06-06-2016, 08:20 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,254
Thanks: 2,962
Thanked 3,290 Times in 1,264 Posts
Default

I am so very sorry for your loss dawgs....really
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
dawgzalley (06-08-2016)
  #8  
Old 06-29-2016, 06:47 PM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,167 Times in 3,687 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dawgzalley View Post
Awe thank you so much, what you said broke threw the numbness I felt warmth and I smiled and right now that truly means a lot. I'm sorry for your loss also. I can completely relate to the burning the barn down. I feel like a walking time bomb ready to explode at any second, I know what that madness feels like. I need to enroll in one of those classes where you wear that big protective suit and you beat all your anger out. Im just thankful Im not a hateful person so this too I know shall pass my feelings are hurt and in my world I'd rather deal with physical pain any day you know. And your right no one can take our memories away. Those are all mine. Thanks again
Made me laugh. I beat the crap out of blow up Christmas decorations.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Picking up my little angel's ashes today bamboo'swife Pets & Animal Discussions 6 07-03-2012 01:41 PM
Intro--Ashes Ashes Kentucky General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat 15 02-18-2011 10:30 AM
How Does The Parole Board Decide?? Who Get's Parole and Who Get's Work Release? danas_gal IOWA Prison & Criminal Justice Discussions 2 10-20-2006 10:24 AM
Got my father's ashes this week. dad_a_lifer Loving a Lifer 6 07-19-2006 09:53 AM
Out of the Ashes <--- Just thought I would share FrozenInMinn PTO Lounge 13 01-02-2005 10:20 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:06 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics