Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison This forum is for all those - family, friends, spouses, wives, husbands, significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, and children - who lost a loved one or friend while incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-05-2016, 02:01 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default "It takes God to make a sprinter, distance runner succeed through stamina,

Its absolutely gorgeous outside , you can smell the springtime so close by. The fur babies are all sleepy in the sun but oooooo how i miss him today.
Within the limited access he had, he showed me he loved me rather writing to tell me. Had he been out he would have gotten the new cars, worked all the hours in multiple jobs, gotten the new house, paid the bills, managed the dogs but his reckless history caught up to him. So he made the best out of the hand he was dealt and instead he showed me how much he love me by encouraging me. One of the greatest gifts (ok so it was a gift by necessity but a gift is a gift right?) he gave me was a bunch of new skills, and building my self esteem because I accomplished the task he set before me.

Would I rather him been less dear to me so that I would grieve less? Yes I wish he could have lived longer and gotten out and we could have .......accomplished our dreams together. But maybe the good he did behind the walls gave someone else hope. I'd like to think so.

He died knowing he was loved and cared for in some small way. Yes, it would have been great for his family to have know the man I always knew he could be. But maybe it was a gift only meant for me. If he had lived longer he could have done more good things behind those walls. But if he died sooner, those of us in his tight circle would have grown less because he would not have been there to encourage us along the way.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."

Last edited by jadah; 03-05-2016 at 02:06 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (03-30-2016), AnarchyHeart (03-06-2016), bumblebee37 (03-29-2016), fbopnomore (03-06-2016), LifeTraveler (03-05-2016), Lordbew/us (03-08-2016), marco1969 (03-06-2016), marie8899 (04-09-2016), nimuay (03-05-2016), Sarianna (04-02-2016), shs76 (04-02-2016), tatonkawia (04-09-2016), tglsmom (03-06-2016)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 03-05-2016, 08:19 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,315
Thanks: 6,706
Thanked 29,780 Times in 10,761 Posts
Default

Jadah, I think that he knew that he was loved in some great way. And he loved you greatly in return. That's not a small thing at any time or any place.

The love shows in every word you write about your memories of him. So, from him to you to us....it spreads. We may not have been the original circle, but we profit nonetheless.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (03-06-2016), jadah (03-05-2016), Lordbew/us (03-08-2016), shs76 (04-02-2016)
  #3  
Old 03-06-2016, 02:49 AM
AnarchyHeart's Avatar
AnarchyHeart AnarchyHeart is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 1,619
Thanks: 975
Thanked 1,717 Times in 908 Posts
Default

That gave me goosebumps. No really! I hate saying there are reasons things happen when so much pain is attached. I dislike everything it makes me question when I search for more. Which is why there is just simple beauty in the knowledge of what is.
All we ever have right now is what we have in the moment.
I just had a friend leave. He lost everything he loved and wanted in life when his wife died 25 years ago. Tonight was one of those nights he went there. I can't look in his eyes at that moment. It hurts. But what hurts almost more is he closed himself up after that. He was only 30.
You are the part of your husband that never left. The true gift of love.
Thank you! I needed that.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to AnarchyHeart For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (03-06-2016), jadah (03-06-2016), Lordbew/us (03-08-2016)
  #4  
Old 03-06-2016, 08:13 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 26,619
Thanks: 40,035
Thanked 19,542 Times in 11,457 Posts
Default

His memory will always be with you to cherish. Losing a loved one much too early is terrible, but remembering all of the good times can sometimes make the loss more bearable. The pain will eventually become duller, but it will never go away completely.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to fbopnomore For This Useful Post:
AnarchyHeart (04-05-2016), jadah (03-06-2016), Lordbew/us (03-08-2016)
  #5  
Old 03-06-2016, 12:46 PM
tglsmom's Avatar
tglsmom tglsmom is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: CA
Posts: 1,662
Thanks: 4,251
Thanked 3,893 Times in 1,225 Posts
Default

Your post is a beautiful way to look at the loss of your husband, jadah. I admire you and your strength. Thank you for sharing with us.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tglsmom For This Useful Post:
jadah (03-06-2016), Lordbew/us (03-08-2016)
  #6  
Old 03-29-2016, 09:59 PM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,166 Times in 3,687 Posts
Default

I just wanted to tell you that your posts inspire me to believe everything is going to be ok for us all. You have a gifted way of writing that makes me feel it's ok to talk about missing our loved one's and it's alright to grieve.
Personally, I've shares more on PTO anonymously then I've shared with friends & family. If they knew how broken I was inside they would have been concerned when my son left this world. I just wanted to thank you for letting me see inside your hurt and sharing with us all. bb
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (03-30-2016), AnarchyHeart (04-05-2016), fbopnomore (03-30-2016), jadah (03-30-2016), LifeTraveler (03-30-2016), shs76 (04-02-2016)
  #7  
Old 03-30-2016, 05:45 AM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default

BB37, I am glad I can be of some help to you but truly I have you to thank. You are the one who inspired me.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
AnarchyHeart (04-05-2016), bumblebee37 (03-31-2016), fbopnomore (03-30-2016)
  #8  
Old 03-30-2016, 07:16 AM
+VERDE+'s Avatar
+VERDE+ +VERDE+ is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Italy
Posts: 478
Thanks: 658
Thanked 296 Times in 180 Posts
Default

Jadah, the love you had was special and the way you share it with us is special. I can feel you struggling to make sense of what would beat up most people and I greatly admire you. Hugs.
__________________
Everyone is calm and collected but I am telling you something. I am not calm and I am not collected. It’s a sick world out there.
Clive Stafford Smith over Edward Johnson’s execution.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to +VERDE+ For This Useful Post:
bumblebee37 (03-31-2016), jadah (12-31-2017)
  #9  
Old 04-01-2016, 08:45 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default

Bless your heart VERDE. I appreciate your sentiments.... Especially since I just filed my first set of taxes without him. I mean I know by the numbers his contribution to the family annual income was zero, is he always JUST REDUCED to numbers?
DOC number,
TAX ID numbers,
financial contribution numbers,
life insurance numbers,
number of years he spent behind bars,
number of years he had left,
number of years we loved each other...number of days my heart has stopped because I miss him so with each new mile marker of life
number of dollars his family constantly asks me for ( and I now refuse)...
Why are our family members reduced to JUST A NUMBER? I know we start off that way but... Our family members, my husband was so much more than just a f%king number.
He was a smile, and chuckle, the early morning growl as he waked up, the way he hummed as he fixed some rotor in his truck motor and (Chevy) truck hood slam, the whistle when he called the dogs, the rythm of his accent , the lilt in which he spoke,, the punctuation when he swore, the sound of his stride, the pattern of his breath, the shadow of his eyelashes on a sunny day....the days he suffered
At least he is free. So glad he is healthy now. I know it's not all about me, but my life is just so drab without his special light. The glow that I knew was him is gone. I am just so blessed to have been the one he picked to be his wife. A candle is much more comforting when its lit. His is snuffed out. Numbers I won't forget 9/20/15.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."

Last edited by jadah; 04-01-2016 at 08:50 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (04-04-2016), AnarchyHeart (04-05-2016), fbopnomore (04-02-2016), LifeTraveler (04-02-2016), marie8899 (04-09-2016), sass4221 (04-02-2016), shs76 (04-02-2016)
  #10  
Old 04-01-2016, 09:54 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default

Another of our milestones I want to accomplish is to go back to the sanctioned dog sports we did. There is a competition tomorrow and another in three weeks that I am training for.....The post show phone calls ...the pictures, the play by play, the rehash, the tips, the advice.....My husband loved going to the shows and seeing his dogs work....I'm trying ya'll I really am. I know he will be there...In fact he'll have the best seat in the house. The babies miss him too. He always talked to them on the phone, They knew his voice for sure...sigh
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."

Last edited by jadah; 04-01-2016 at 09:57 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (04-04-2016), fbopnomore (04-02-2016), LifeTraveler (04-02-2016), marie8899 (04-09-2016), Sarianna (04-02-2016)
  #11  
Old 04-02-2016, 06:57 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default

Well I am back from the dog show. I teared up a bit when I set up my crates but it was good to see old acquaintances and be in the sun and wind again and snuggle on our baby boy. It was good to be eye to eye with our baby boy and to hug on him after his turn to impress. We got to just share the quiet time while we waited our turn again. I was so proud of him. He was pooped in the car on the way home.
I watched the show too with a different set of eyes too. Since it is on me now. Once I got back home and fed everyone else, I realized, my husband has been a great resource, but I was the one to actually follow through. Considering a lot of dog handling in the sports we have done has been about physically watching and seeing the dog's response to a training technique..I realized my husband missed all that with this dog I took today and a lot of the others too. I guess he gave me the potential. It is up to me to encourage it to blossom. Sort of like what we brought out in each other. Today was a good day.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (04-04-2016), AnarchyHeart (04-05-2016), bumblebee37 (04-12-2016), fbopnomore (04-03-2016), marie8899 (04-09-2016)
  #12  
Old 04-10-2016, 07:28 AM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,226
Thanks: 2,922
Thanked 3,247 Times in 1,248 Posts
Default

Just a note to say thank you . Going through some stuff and appreciating agin all the support.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (04-11-2016)
  #13  
Old 04-11-2016, 02:13 AM
+VERDE+'s Avatar
+VERDE+ +VERDE+ is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Italy
Posts: 478
Thanks: 658
Thanked 296 Times in 180 Posts
Default

Prayers and blessings your way Jadah
__________________
Everyone is calm and collected but I am telling you something. I am not calm and I am not collected. It’s a sick world out there.
Clive Stafford Smith over Edward Johnson’s execution.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-12-2016, 08:00 PM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,166 Times in 3,687 Posts
Default

This grieving is the pits. One day you're ok - the next day you're back at square 1. Bless your heart, I hope you are ok. Mary
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
jadah (04-16-2016)
  #15  
Old 04-15-2016, 07:59 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 556
Thanks: 782
Thanked 858 Times in 334 Posts
Default

The ones we love never truly go away. They are with us in our hearts and our memories forever. I'm still thinking and praying for you Jadah. Just know that you are never alone. He's with you and we are with you.

I've questioned many things in my life. I've searched deep for answers to things that just maybe aren't meant to be explained. At least, not to my human mind. I still get angry at my husband for taking his life. When he took his life, I watched my children suffer and know there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. But, I have to forgive him. That's the only way I'm free.

Just know grief comes in waves. One day you could be doing fine and the next you are barely able to move. Everyday you push through until the next day. And as long as we keep their memory alive, they are never really gone. I always admired the love you had for your husband and I still do. Your brutal honesty is what I've always adored the most about you.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (04-17-2016), jadah (04-16-2016)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
he takes the week off now "Grandma" pulls out the "dagge"r soleharmony1123 Now That Your Loved One Is Home... 5 03-03-2010 10:13 PM
How do you make parole "work" long-distance/out of state? J&D7 Coming Home 7 12-20-2009 05:35 PM
Compare Telephone "local" prices vs "long distance" rachelb_ Valley State Prison (VSP) - California 0 12-28-2008 10:12 AM
George Runner "prisoners to get credits for breathing" 2sleepy California Prison & Criminal Justice News & Events + 3 Strikes 19 08-26-2008 05:57 PM
the loneliness of the long distance runner alais PTO Lounge 3 09-09-2007 07:34 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:19 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics