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  #1  
Old 11-05-2011, 06:39 PM
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Default Just Venting! He talks to his guys while we're on the phone

He Drives Me Crazy! He Calls Me&Then Starts To Talk To People That Are Around Him! Im Like Uhh Hello You See Them Everyday&You Only Get To Talk To Me For 10 Minutes!&Then He Wonders Why I Get So Mad!&I Also Have A Question For You Ladies. Does You Fiance/Hubby/Boyfriend Act Different When He Talks To You On The Phone, But Then You Get A Letter From Him&He Acts "Normal" Like The Man You Fell In Love With&Also Talks Different!? Maybe Its Just Me But It Drives Me Freaking Crazy! Im Like Im Your Fiancee Not One Of Them Dudes That Your Locked Up With! I Dont Know. Ive Just Been In Such A Bad Mood Lately&I Think A Big Part Of It Is Because I Cant See Him.&Then I Hear Everybody Talking About How Good Of A Visit They Had With Him.&Then His Mom&Everybody Is Mad At Me Cause He Calls Me&Not Them. I Dont Know What To Do. Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Calling Me&To Call His Mom&His Family&Then His Sister Got Mad At Me Cause He Wrote Me&My Sister&Hasnt Wrote Her&He Told Everybody When He Went In,You Write Me First&Ill Write You Back.The Only Person He Wrote First Was Me So I Could Give Everybody His Address! But Then Everybody Gets Mad At Me ! Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Writing Me&Calling Me&To Just Write Our Daughter Whose 4 Months&His Mom&Everybody! Please Somebody Help Me! This Is Driving Me Crazy!
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  #2  
Old 11-05-2011, 06:51 PM
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I personally don't ask or care to know when his family gets a call or letter esepcially if its on the days I don't. Yes, I am very needy I love my calls and letters. As for the phone issue your talking about him talking, yes my husband did that in county jail, not now though. It used to make me so mad. One time he wanted to just hear music the ENTIRE 15 MINS?! or look things up online, I was like look I don't have a problem sending you lyrics, or looking things up but I REFUSE to pay to do that for you. So it stopped! I love my husbands letters, they have more emotion in them then our phone calls. We just laugh and talk about whatever on the phone. I am sitting here all pissed off he hasn't emailed me since 6:30 this morning, GRR! Just don't worry about his family being mad about this, that and the other. As long as your happy & he is doing what makes him happy (calling you, writing you) don't worry about it.
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  #3  
Old 11-05-2011, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted by moeswife216 View Post
He Drives Me Crazy! He Calls Me&Then Starts To Talk To People That Are Around Him! Im Like Uhh Hello You See Them Everyday&You Only Get To Talk To Me For 10 Minutes!&Then He Wonders Why I Get So Mad!&I Also Have A Question For You Ladies. Does You Fiance/Hubby/Boyfriend Act Different When He Talks To You On The Phone, But Then You Get A Letter From Him&He Acts "Normal" Like The Man You Fell In Love With&Also Talks Different!? Maybe Its Just Me But It Drives Me Freaking Crazy! Im Like Im Your Fiancee Not One Of Them Dudes That Your Locked Up With!

I can say no, Frankie doesn't write much, and sometimes he'll holler out to a c/o or one of the other dudes while he's talking to me, but he doesn't act differently. We end each call with I love you and blow kisses at each other, I'm sure he doesn't do that with his dudes, lol.

I Dont Know. Ive Just Been In Such A Bad Mood Lately&I Think A Big Part Of It Is Because I Cant See Him.&Then I Hear Everybody Talking About How Good Of A Visit They Had With Him.

You choose to be in a bad mood. I haven't seen Frankie since July 2010, got denied visitation so we've never had a visit. It'll get to you only if you let it. Stop letting it. Frankie and I look to the positives....like when I see him, he'll be in street clothes, no one will tell him how much or how long we can hug and kiss and when I leave he's coming with me.

&Then His Mom&Everybody Is Mad At Me Cause He Calls Me&Not Them. I Dont Know What To Do. Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Calling Me&To Call His Mom&His Family&Then His Sister Got Mad At Me Cause He Wrote Me&My Sister&Hasnt Wrote Her&He Told Everybody When He Went In,You Write Me First&Ill Write You Back.The Only Person He Wrote First Was Me So I Could Give Everybody His Address! But Then Everybody Gets Mad At Me ! Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Writing Me&Calling Me&To Just Write Our Daughter Whose 4 Months&His Mom&Everybody! Please Somebody Help Me! This Is Driving Me Crazy!
They're adults, they can pick up a pen and write, or send him money to get him a calling card so he can call them. You can't control them, you can't control him, just you. They can get as mad as they want with you, it doesn't mean you have to put up with it, take their phone calls or deal with it. It's just a matter of setting good boundaries instead of letting it all get to you.

You can do this, stay strong & keep the faith.
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Old 11-05-2011, 08:04 PM
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My hubby once in awhile will say something to someone walking by and it annoys me. Like the previous post when we talk on the phone it's good times. Letters is for serious things. But doesn't act different.
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Old 11-05-2011, 08:11 PM
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And if he gets a letter from any siblings then it's a shock. Like fastcar said they are adults and can write. My husband writes once a year to them and they never respond. He says waste of stamps. It hurts him because growing up they were so close and he would do anything for them still would. Their lost and nothing we can do.
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Old 11-06-2011, 01:38 AM
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my friend/penpal who is incarcerated has only a few times said something briefly to someone as they have passed by him but not had a conversation while I have been on the other end of the line (thankfully because I would find it quite rude if he did). I can understand why you would find that a bit frustrating
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Old 11-06-2011, 03:52 AM
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Try something like, if he is so generous to be speaking to you during a phone call, ignore him and if he then asks you after a couple of times of trying to get your attention why you aren't responding tell him "Oh sorry, I was filing my nails. Didn't notice you were there." Maybe he'll get the hint.

And believe me, if it were my guy, he'd hear at least one 10 minute session of a huge b*tching if he wasn't focused on me.
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Old 11-06-2011, 09:00 AM
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I HATED THAT TO. I would ask him if he needed to call me back and continue his heated conversation with the men he sees all day every. He of course got mad but he learned not to do it. Once I even dialed someone on my other phone and just started a conversation while his phone just on my lap.
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Old 11-06-2011, 11:33 AM
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I HATED THAT TO. I would ask him if he needed to call me back and continue his heated conversation with the men he sees all day every. He of course got mad but he learned not to do it. Once I even dialed someone on my other phone and just started a conversation while his phone just on my lap.
Was he mad when you dialed someone on the other phone? Got the point across I assume though right?
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Old 11-06-2011, 11:43 AM
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That's terrible and ridiculous for adults to get upset with you over something that another adult is doing. It's not your fault that he chooses to write you when he does.
Seeing as how the person being called has to pay for those calls, I'd be annoyed too if he talked more to the people that he's with every day than me. We could just stick to letters if that's going to be the case because it would be cheaper.

Have you talked to him about it or asked him not to do that?

When my guy was in county jail, he wouldn't talk to the other guys, but if a guy he knew walked by he would make them get on the phone & talk to me sometimes. It was something that I was used to though because he would do that sometimes when he was on the street. Weird, I know.

Hope things get better for you.

Last edited by GStilettos; 11-06-2011 at 11:44 AM..
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Old 11-06-2011, 11:51 AM
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YEP MINE DOES THAT... Im like listen your conversations with those guys arent timed and they're FREE!!!! Not only that he always has a message I need to pass along to one of the other inmates family members!! I am blessed in that his mother in law provides lots of phone money and we talk a couple times a day. So I think thats why Im always the messenger bird.
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:29 PM
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Luckily when B calls me from the dorm he's in a booth type thing, so he isn't normally distracted. Once in awhile someone will pop their head in and ask how long he's going to be but not a lot of traffic. If he calls from the yard, that is a different story, he's got a "buddy" that comes by and asks if I'll call his sister or mother or someone else and find out about this that and the other. So I'll call later and when B calls I have to relay the message.

When he was in county it was even worse! Dudes always seem to find it necessary to stop and chit chat with him, I'd get PISSED and say Well I'll let you go cause I'm not wasting my money for you to talk to your jail friends, we'll have the rest of our lives to talk, you only have all day everyday for the next few weeks to chill with them, they are more important. I only had to say that a couple times, and he fixed that problem right quick and in a hurry!!!
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:52 PM
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For starters, I'm no longer with him. But I'll think back and answer based on how it was when he was locked up and I was waiting around for him....

We are from Texas and at the time inmates had Zero access to phones. About halfway through his time, they installed phones in TX prisons. I can assure there was not ONE single time when I didn't have his undivided attention while we were on the phone. I can also assure you that if he did call me, on my dollar, only to chit chat with other inmates....it would be the last time. That's incredibly rude and obnoxious.

I don't blame you for feeling like you do.


Quote:
Originally Posted by moeswife216 View Post
He Drives Me Crazy! He Calls Me&Then Starts To Talk To People That Are Around Him! Im Like Uhh Hello You See Them Everyday&You Only Get To Talk To Me For 10 Minutes!&Then He Wonders Why I Get So Mad!&I Also Have A Question For You Ladies. Does You Fiance/Hubby/Boyfriend Act Different When He Talks To You On The Phone, But Then You Get A Letter From Him&He Acts "Normal" Like The Man You Fell In Love With&Also Talks Different!? Maybe Its Just Me But It Drives Me Freaking Crazy! Im Like Im Your Fiancee Not One Of Them Dudes That Your Locked Up With! I Dont Know. Ive Just Been In Such A Bad Mood Lately&I Think A Big Part Of It Is Because I Cant See Him.&Then I Hear Everybody Talking About How Good Of A Visit They Had With Him.&Then His Mom&Everybody Is Mad At Me Cause He Calls Me&Not Them. I Dont Know What To Do. Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Calling Me&To Call His Mom&His Family&Then His Sister Got Mad At Me Cause He Wrote Me&My Sister&Hasnt Wrote Her&He Told Everybody When He Went In,You Write Me First&Ill Write You Back.The Only Person He Wrote First Was Me So I Could Give Everybody His Address! But Then Everybody Gets Mad At Me ! Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Writing Me&Calling Me&To Just Write Our Daughter Whose 4 Months&His Mom&Everybody! Please Somebody Help Me! This Is Driving Me Crazy!
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Old 11-08-2011, 03:08 PM
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I had this very conversation with my man just a few weeks ago. It makes me furious. I told him look this is my dime and my time. Tell those jerks to take a hike they have all day to speak to you and not when you are on the phone with me period. So now if they even try it he says you have to wait until I am off the phone. I told him if it didn't stop I would only accept calls once a week. He got the point real quick.
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Old 11-08-2011, 03:36 PM
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Talk to the guys while we are on the phone?? No way!! And if he did, I would get my point across as to how I felt about it! He once in a while has yelled to someone to get his coffe cup or a paper from his cell to give me info, but conversations no. He doesn't act different when we are on the phone. He is always singing to me, telling me he misses me etc. same as with the first 2-3 pages of his letters then he writes about other stuff. I say ignore his family and he needs to tell them how communication with them will be. Mine let everyone know that I will get 245 minutes a month and his Mom or sister will get the remainig 15. He mainly uses email to keep in contact with family/friends.
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Old 11-08-2011, 03:47 PM
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Okay, this might be an unpopular opinion but I don't especially mind if he has a brief conversation with one of the guys when we're on a call. We're an mwi couple so I haven't seen him interact with his friends. I kind of like their banter. It shows me another side of him. Granted, it's rare and brief. If it became an all the time kind of thing, I'd get irritated.
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Old 11-08-2011, 03:47 PM
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That's a huge pet peeve of mine, if you want to call and talk to me then talk to ME and let those dudes know before you get on the ph that unless it's real urgent they aren't to get in your face til the end of the call.

About his family .. it seems everyone needs to back out of each others business. They don't need to know every time he writes or calls you and vice versa.

I hope things get better for ya'all !
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:59 AM
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When my baby calls i hear people passing by or the come cloae to the phone and say lil stuff like " hes a good man, hes doing good". There was one time when someone on the phone next to him kept on asking him to ask me some questions. So i told my baby to put him on the phone. When he got on the phone i told him i would love to help u but this is MY TIME with my man. Uou can talk to him when hes done talking to me. Every now and then someone will try and talk while were on the phone but he tells him that this is our time and will catch them later. Its a lil different with the Hawaii inmates cuz everyone knows everyone. And whenever you meet someone new somehow along the lines you related to them or know someone that is. Everyone is like family.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moeswife216 View Post
He Drives Me Crazy! He Calls Me&Then Starts To Talk To People That Are Around Him! Im Like Uhh Hello You See Them Everyday&You Only Get To Talk To Me For 10 Minutes!&Then He Wonders Why I Get So Mad!&I Also Have A Question For You Ladies. Does You Fiance/Hubby/Boyfriend Act Different When He Talks To You On The Phone, But Then You Get A Letter From Him&He Acts "Normal" Like The Man You Fell In Love With&Also Talks Different!? Maybe Its Just Me But It Drives Me Freaking Crazy! Im Like Im Your Fiancee Not One Of Them Dudes That Your Locked Up With! I Dont Know. Ive Just Been In Such A Bad Mood Lately&I Think A Big Part Of It Is Because I Cant See Him.&Then I Hear Everybody Talking About How Good Of A Visit They Had With Him.&Then His Mom&Everybody Is Mad At Me Cause He Calls Me&Not Them. I Dont Know What To Do. Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Calling Me&To Call His Mom&His Family&Then His Sister Got Mad At Me Cause He Wrote Me&My Sister&Hasnt Wrote Her&He Told Everybody When He Went In,You Write Me First&Ill Write You Back.The Only Person He Wrote First Was Me So I Could Give Everybody His Address! But Then Everybody Gets Mad At Me ! Im Ready To Just Tell Him To Stop Writing Me&Calling Me&To Just Write Our Daughter Whose 4 Months&His Mom&Everybody! Please Somebody Help Me! This Is Driving Me Crazy!

Ok breathe. Yes my man does that, But then I just simply remind him that I don't like it and he needs to stop it. And then its over end of discussion. They also do that because they're happy someone they love is talking to them and they just want to show off to the boys. Yes, I know thats so immature but thats how it is. Just explain to him that his behavior is rude and you don't like it and if he doesn't stop then they'll be consequences.
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