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  #1  
Old 07-27-2009, 06:38 PM
mrs. lsmith mrs. lsmith is offline
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Default Just venting about the costs of phone calls

My boyfriend calls me too much. It's not that I don't love talking to him, I do, but each call cost $5. We talk every three days since I'm on a budget saving money to take the cpa exam. Well at least we're supposed to only talk every 3 days, but lately he's been calling a lot more frequently since he noticed that I put the maximum amount of money I'm allowed to put on the prepaid phone account ($300).

When I put that money on the account, I did not mean for him to call me whenever he felt like he missed me so much he couldn't take it (he feels like that damn near everyday). I meant for those minutes to last until the end of September based on the average that we talk every other day and each phone call is $5. When he calls more than he's supposed to, it defeats the purpose and screws with my long-term budget, and I am an accountant so I live by my budget.

He's done it a few times in the past month. He'll call me early, promise to skip the next call to replace it, and then still call when he was originally scheduled to call, not skipping the next call at all. Each time I have accepted the charges and not made a big deal out of it. But this last time I just go so annoyed!

See he had last called me Wed, Jul 22. That was an early call because he was supposed to skip that day for calling me early a couple days before, but I let him slide with no problems because that day marked his first year in prison so I knew he would be calling. After that, he was supposed to call me Saturday the 25th and he did. But then he called me the very next day. I'm like WTF? He said he had called to tell me how to fill out paperwork he was mailing me. Mail that I would probably receive Wednesday or Thursday. Now I'm really pissed because he was supposed to call me the following Tuesday and he could have told me how to fill the paperwork out then, but noooooooo, I have to pay an extra $5 because he never thinks about how this shit is affecting my pockets. He acts like he does, but he can't or else he wouldn't be so inconsiderate. I mean I visit him once a month (he's 6 hrs away, that's a $120 trip for me) and I send him $100 a month. Seriously, this dude is like a monthly bill for me, but I love him so I pay it .

We schedule phone calls so that I can be sure to be home when he calls so that I can talk to him in a private, intimate setting with no distractions. Since the phone calls costs so much and are cut so short (15 minutes), I like to make the best of each one. Well he calls me all off schedule sometimes. Like, I ask him to call at about 8:30p because I know I will be home at that time and able to talk. He'll call me at 6:30p talking about he couldn't wait. I'll still be at work trying to have a good conversation with him while still trying to do my job and complete the tasks I was doing that had me at work late in the first place. And he knows how demanding my job is. He is like my stress relief and I hate talking to him in stress filled situations. Anyway, sometimes it pisses me off when he calls at a time that we did not plan on, then he'll get upset because I'm distracted or not able to focus fully on him.

So I told him the other day, that he really needed to stick to our schedule. I felt bad doing it, but I wanted to let him know. I mean, sometimes he'll call when I'm driving my 13 year old cousins to the mall and they don't need to hear me on the phone telling my man I love him 15 times in 15 minutes (he wears that I love you shit out). Now I feel guilty though because I think I hurt his feelings.

Anywayz, I know this was long and thanks for hearing me out. I just needed to get that off my chest...
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  #2  
Old 07-27-2009, 06:47 PM
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You know you are exactly in the right.

I see by your ticker that you got 3 years ahead of you. And it seems like you are trying to set some ground expectations and trying to budget your money. It is hard for us out here too.

I know you do not wanna hurt his feelings....he is calling cause he misses you and needs you. However, you are not made of money.

Do not threaten him, but tell him, does he wanna talk to you so much that you are forces to cut down the 100 dollars you put on his books.

Maybe talking to you is more important than Ramen Noodles to him....he might tell you, I would rather talk to you then have so much money on my books.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:50 PM
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Caller ID-just don't pick up.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:56 PM
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Caller ID-just don't pick up.
Exactly. I know it hurts but if its costing too much it might be best to not answer occasionally.

I think you've been really smart about it all though. Its so important to have a budget and stick to it! Good for you
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:01 PM
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Yep, I understand completely as a matter of fact I am planning on having the your calling too much talk tonight. We both realize that the calls are important, but him skipping a day or too would really makes us appreciate them more and a little missing each other isn't a bad thing either. Good for you for sticking to your standards even though it's hard.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:02 PM
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Caller ID-just don't pick up.
OMG, that is so hard for me to do. I tried that the other day. He called right back. I couldn't not answer...
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:16 PM
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If he can make it with 50 on the books a month..then that would be 10 more calls a month, or at least 2 more a week.....

I would give him a choice, money on the books or phone calls....

I am sorry, I just felt the need to post 2x on your thread.
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:41 AM
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Been there.. done that but it's usually me wanting him to call back too many times. I try to stick to the monthly budget but when the money is gone I always end up breaking down and sending more money because God forbid I would have to go a week without hearing his voice and knowing that he is ok. My point is I understand what you are saying but ultimately WE are in control of our own phone budget.. WE can set it and WE can make them stick to it. Just because they call doesn't mean that WE have to accept the calls or answer the phone (caller ID is a wonderful feature )

I know how hard it is to not accept them but if it's not a good time and you can't have a good conversation why waste the money?? Just ignore the call and know that he'll call back later when it may be a better time for you. If he continues to call non-stop.. shut the phone off!!

We can all bitch and moan as much as we want on this but WE do have control of this!!! If you can't afford him to call so often just let the phone ring on days the calls aren't scheduled or continue take the calls and do without later... the choice is yours!!
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:46 AM
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Thats what I was going to suggest.. Just dont answer on those days
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Old 07-28-2009, 09:09 AM
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Communication is key to any successful relationship. I would suggest talking to him directly and making sure he understands your financial limitations. Tell him what your bottom line is and be prepared to stick to it if he doesn't and IF he doesn't then have the discussion again but NOT on the phone do it in a letter or at visit.

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Old 07-28-2009, 02:10 PM
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does anyone know how much the phone call will probably be from Mississippi to New Orleans? I set a land line up, and i have to find out what i need to do know and how much its gonna be, he already knows I'm broke as it is, so i hope its not that bad, if the cost is as crazy as there system, then its gonna be a crazy charge. if anyone knows any ifo let me know,

Thank you
Amy
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Old 07-28-2009, 06:29 PM
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All good advice here. I have yet to set up my phone calls but plan to this week.....I too am gonna have to budget and he is gonna have to follow it.....you stick to your plan....I know how hard it is not to pick up but........don't I also know how hard it might be to say the phone or $ on the books for him but stick by your resolutions sounds like you have goals.....
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:14 PM
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does anyone know how much the phone call will probably be from Mississippi to New Orleans? I set a land line up, and i have to find out what i need to do know and how much its gonna be, he already knows I'm broke as it is, so i hope its not that bad, if the cost is as crazy as there system, then its gonna be a crazy charge. if anyone knows any ifo let me know,

Thank you
Amy
calls are cheaper if you have the same area code as the prison. if you can get that you should... iam in ohio and have a pa area code so my man can call me $1.70 a call b4 it was $9.00
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs. lsmith View Post
My boyfriend calls me too much. It's not that I don't love talking to him, I do, but each call cost $5. We talk every three days since I'm on a budget saving money to take the cpa exam. Well at least we're supposed to only talk every 3 days, but lately he's been calling a lot more frequently since he noticed that I put the maximum amount of money I'm allowed to put on the prepaid phone account ($300).

When I put that money on the account, I did not mean for him to call me whenever he felt like he missed me so much he couldn't take it (he feels like that damn near everyday). I meant for those minutes to last until the end of September based on the average that we talk every other day and each phone call is $5. When he calls more than he's supposed to, it defeats the purpose and screws with my long-term budget, and I am an accountant so I live by my budget.

He's done it a few times in the past month. He'll call me early, promise to skip the next call to replace it, and then still call when he was originally scheduled to call, not skipping the next call at all. Each time I have accepted the charges and not made a big deal out of it. But this last time I just go so annoyed!

See he had last called me Wed, Jul 22. That was an early call because he was supposed to skip that day for calling me early a couple days before, but I let him slide with no problems because that day marked his first year in prison so I knew he would be calling. After that, he was supposed to call me Saturday the 25th and he did. But then he called me the very next day. I'm like WTF? He said he had called to tell me how to fill out paperwork he was mailing me. Mail that I would probably receive Wednesday or Thursday. Now I'm really pissed because he was supposed to call me the following Tuesday and he could have told me how to fill the paperwork out then, but noooooooo, I have to pay an extra $5 because he never thinks about how this shit is affecting my pockets. He acts like he does, but he can't or else he wouldn't be so inconsiderate. I mean I visit him once a month (he's 6 hrs away, that's a $120 trip for me) and I send him $100 a month. Seriously, this dude is like a monthly bill for me, but I love him so I pay it .

We schedule phone calls so that I can be sure to be home when he calls so that I can talk to him in a private, intimate setting with no distractions. Since the phone calls costs so much and are cut so short (15 minutes), I like to make the best of each one. Well he calls me all off schedule sometimes. Like, I ask him to call at about 8:30p because I know I will be home at that time and able to talk. He'll call me at 6:30p talking about he couldn't wait. I'll still be at work trying to have a good conversation with him while still trying to do my job and complete the tasks I was doing that had me at work late in the first place. And he knows how demanding my job is. He is like my stress relief and I hate talking to him in stress filled situations. Anyway, sometimes it pisses me off when he calls at a time that we did not plan on, then he'll get upset because I'm distracted or not able to focus fully on him.

So I told him the other day, that he really needed to stick to our schedule. I felt bad doing it, but I wanted to let him know. I mean, sometimes he'll call when I'm driving my 13 year old cousins to the mall and they don't need to hear me on the phone telling my man I love him 15 times in 15 minutes (he wears that I love you shit out). Now I feel guilty though because I think I hurt his feelings.

Anywayz, I know this was long and thanks for hearing me out. I just needed to get that off my chest...
calls are cheaper if you have the same area code as the prison. if you can get that you should... iam in ohio and have a pa area code so my man can call me $1.70 a call b4 it was $9.00
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