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Old 09-13-2018, 06:59 AM
Milky001 Milky001 is offline
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Default Brother arrested

Hello all
I just came upon this forum. I guess Iím looking for a community because there is no one in my life I can talk to about this. My brother was recently arrested on a serious charge. He is in jail awaiting next steps but a lengthy sentence is expected, and we canít afford the bail nor a private attorney for him. Iíve cried but mostly Iím in shock and forced to be the strong one because our mother is not dealing with this well. She doesn't know the details of his charges. I learned from one of the investigators and am keeping it to myself because she wonít cope. She will find out eventually. I donít live in the same state and am in town just for a brief period. I worry I wonít be here to comfort her when she hears. Iím a pessimist in general so trying to be hopeful in these circumstances is impossible. I donít know what to do, think, or feel. Itís only been a few days so I think it will get better from here as we will all get used to it to some degree, will become our new normal, but then I think about all the case details coming out and how that will play out. And how Iíll have to return back home and be alone and wonít be able to confide in friends. Just wanted to get some of the above out but if anyone here understands me, would love to hear from you. Thank you
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Old 09-13-2018, 09:10 AM
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jordan321 jordan321 is offline
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I'm sorry you are going thru this.

IF you know your mother will not cope with his charges, maybe you can talk to her about going to therapy together, and break the ice there? I'm not sure what she thinks he's charge with or the details she knows

But i know my mother would want to know sooner rather than later so it doesn't hit her like "WTF" i thought it was this or that.

I hope you find a way to help her in that area and I hope she copes well and over comes this mentally.
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:07 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what your family is facing.

The beginning is always the hardest time for everyone because the situation he is facing can, and often does change over time. How you and your Mom decide is the best way to deal with the uncertainties of this nightmare is always difficult too.

You both need to take care of yourselves first so you can continue to support your Brother as his court case progresses, often over a lengthy period of time. He is alone with his thoughts, so staying in frequent contact with him through letters, phone calls and visits is very important.
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:46 AM
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Hi there I think the begining can be the hardest part as there is no certainty and you dont know what you are dealing with. Your brother will have a public defender appointed by the court and they will be able to give your brother his options.
After his sentencing things should settle and you can hopefully get into a routine of visits and calls.
Your brother is still going to be in your lives. In a different way than you would choose but still with you. He can still have a life in prison.
Take care and know that things do get easier although there are difficult times ahead with court dates etc make sure you support each other as a family.
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

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Old 09-13-2018, 11:13 AM
Free At Last 5 Free At Last 5 is offline
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Hello! Please just try to keep the perspective that it is NOT the end of the world, and that you will all find the strength to make it through this. Many thousands of people have experienced what you are going through, and even long prison sentences come to an end. There will be many things in this journey that you will be powerless to change. Practice acceptance of this and focus your time and energy on those things you can contribute to bettering, such as helping your family. I’m glad you found the forum. There are many people and resources here to help you through these troubled times, and help your brother prepare for his time in prison. Just take things one day at a time. Best of luck to you.
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Old 09-14-2018, 06:36 AM
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Welcome. You've found a soft place to land filled with people who have been there, done that, and can relate without judgment. Everyone here is either here because we've had someone we care about in prison, or because they went to prison themselves. We get it.

And for those who watched our loved ones go through the system, we all understand where you are now. The initial stages of this journey are the absolute worst. At times, you will feel like you're losing your mind. You are not. Insanity is a perfectly sane response to an insane world. And it will get better.

As for your mother, since you have such a short period of time, I would break it to her now, while you're there to absorb the initial impact of her reaction, then prepare to have a lot of phone calls with her. The longer you wait, the more she will feel that you were hiding things from her, which is not going to make things better. Trust me, breaking the news will only get harder the longer you wait. I ended up getting a bluetooth headset because of the frequency of calls from my mom (who has dementia and really didn't process the information well at all, I think she was in shock for about a year).

You're going to have times when you swear you are losing your mind. Come here and vent your spleen. You will find nothing but support here. And we will repeatedly remind you to breathe. PTO saved my sanity. I had never met as many caring, respectful and genuinely helpful people as I have met on this forum.
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