Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old 06-11-2018, 11:01 PM
Wallflower78me's Avatar
Wallflower78me Wallflower78me is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 179
Thanks: 49
Thanked 92 Times in 59 Posts
Default

A cell phone will get him more time. I would never support that. I look at this situation like he’s definitely using you even if he does like you. My guy would never make those demands, act like it’s my problem & then still not call often. I would look at it like you dodged a bullet.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Wallflower78me For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-12-2018)
Sponsored Links
  #27  
Old 06-12-2018, 04:19 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,002
Thanks: 2,772
Thanked 3,083 Times in 1,381 Posts
Default

My earlier post was deleted because I was defending someone's post on here so... never mind... but here it goes OP:
in my opinion you are in urgent need for open, true and somewhat harsh words. You have put up with too much of your "boyfriend's" shit.
Not even getting into that illegal cellphone he uses to screw with you but all of your posts so far have been about you being screwed over big time but this guy... he's not your boyfriend, he's a user. He's using you and you are getting sucked into his games.
I'm not wrapping you up in cottonballs so you feel better about it all, you are currently laying in the bed you've created for yourself. You have to get out of that crazy, insane and sick situation.
If you'd be my daughter/friend/sister I'd be shaking you until you get it...
You are in a shelter, get more help, ask around for help and dump this guy immediately and block him from contacting you. Stop sending money, paying for stuff, visiting and contacting his wife or whatever she might be. Get out!
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
Raf's Girl (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-12-2018), xolady (06-13-2018), yuliya1991 (06-12-2018)
  #28  
Old 06-12-2018, 06:12 AM
Raf's Girl Raf's Girl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 323
Thanks: 209
Thanked 223 Times in 144 Posts
Default

Same happened here Mizzymuffling.
So here it goes OP, get help please because you're depending on someone that doesn't deserves your attention.
You obviously don't give it any thought about what they told you in your other posts so be prepared to get the news in a less friendly way. If you feel you know better than those with less emotional attachment to the guy don't ask for advice because you will get hurt.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Raf's Girl For This Useful Post:
MizzyMuffling (06-12-2018)
  #29  
Old 06-12-2018, 11:42 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 6,440
Thanks: 5,981
Thanked 8,400 Times in 3,608 Posts
Default

Ok the OP hasnt made the best decisions but who deserves more blame her or the POS that is taking advantage? You only have to read the when the relationship is over forum to see how many people get taken in by con artists like this guy.
Some inmates and some free world people are masters at conning people.Its a very powerful thing when someone is lonely and down on their luck to hear that someone cares. The promises of a relationship, marriage even children can make the most sane people act out of character in low moments.These con artists are experts at spotting those potential victims.
OP you sound vulnerable please do yourself a favor block this guy from contacting you and start working on your health and your future. You dont need this guy feeding off you , you have problems of your own so make them your priority.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army

Last edited by maytayah; 06-12-2018 at 01:18 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
AndyS (06-12-2018), BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), S.Barnett (06-12-2018)
  #30  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:15 PM
Briele619 Briele619 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: CA US
Posts: 39
Thanks: 11
Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Ok the OP hasnt made the best decisions but who deserves more blame her or the POS that is taking advantage? You only have to read the when the relationship is over forum to see how many people get taken in by con artists like this guy.
Some inmates and some free world people are masters at conning people.Its a very powerful thing when someone is lonely and down on their luck to hear that someone cares. The promises of a relationship, marriage even children can make the most sane people act out of character in low moments.These con artists are experts at spotting those potential victims.
OP you sound vulnerable please do yourself a favor block this guy from contacting you and start working on your health and your future. You dont this guy feeding off you , you have problems of your own so make them your priority.
Yes, I know...I am not offended by any of the blunt comments. I've told myself that in my head the past two days. I think the confusion is I came on here and posted about a guy I was with for a while. Then that ended and I met this other guy and I shouldn't have done that. I should've taken time out constructively to do healthy things to forget the first one and move on to a healthy place. But I couldn't stand the agony, emptiness, so I replaced it with this other person who did me more damage as I was already broken. I read all his letters and he was the one who made all these promises and pursued me persistently. I ripped every single letter minus my resume that he did for me and a card I like. I sent him a goodbye message telling him that even though I did invade his privacy by checking the cell account and calling one number, that it's more of WHY it happened than what happened. I apologized but also said I felt there was very little communication and it just felt like he utilized me. He had sent one text that said "I said I forgive you. Just chill and give me time." SO I have made no more effort to reach him or try to work it out. I should've known when he asked me that favor to say NO and it should've been my warning that the true him didn't match up with the guy he described who was such a God-fearing religious guy. If he was, he wouldn't have done the cell phone thing. Either way, I'm very depressed. In the shelter I'm in, numerous women get calls from their boyfriends/husbands from prison/jail and I just think that's all I asked for a call every other day or whatever the norm is. It wasn't much. But I guess too much for ME to ask for. I give up. I have my failed marriage, the one ex, now this guy. 1 -2-3 strikes, you're out. I'm bottling my emotions in the prettiest vase and putting it up on the highest shelf. NO more sharing myself and being vulnerable.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:23 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 6,440
Thanks: 5,981
Thanked 8,400 Times in 3,608 Posts
Default

OP you need to get some support to work on yourself and your self esteem. You should stop trying to find men to plug the gaps you are feeling just now. You owe it yourself to get help to get stronger and get yourself into a much better place emotionally and physically. Who cares what the other women are doing?
You need support and when you are feeling stronger and more confident you will see your worth and you wont tolerate vermin like this guy.
As for he forgives you well he can forgive my a$$.
Good for you having nothing to do with him , now be strong and keep it that way.
Make your health and welfare your priority just now and then you can find a relationship that is equal and supportive.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018), sidewalker (06-13-2018), xolady (06-13-2018)
  #32  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:36 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is online now
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 9,535
Thanks: 12,442
Thanked 17,690 Times in 6,485 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Briele619 View Post
I'm bottling my emotions in the prettiest vase and putting it up on the highest shelf.
Briele, if it wasn't so painful I would think that was the most beautiful metaphor. You express yourself very well and to think that someone took advantage of your vulnerability is incensing. I don't think you need to be beat over the head with your circumstances, but as you seem to be gaining clarity, perhaps it's time to take those bruises and turn them into something beautiful, as well.

I understand the hurt and envy that can spring from being in a space where it seems everyone has something or someone that we think would bring us one step closer to happiness and stability. For those of us with an incarcerated partner, hearing from them is the unparalleled expression of their love and commitment. It's not a bad thing to want that. It's unfortunate that the person was unable to give that to you. But this does not define you. It speaks volumes about them.

You are capable, you are intelligent, you are worthy of good things. I hope that one day you do find stability-- in health (in as far as we are afforded), in home, in friendship and in love. Maybe now is the time for a little tougher exterior, but one day in the future when the scars are a little less tender, I do hope you find that person that treats you like the resilient and deserving woman you are.
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (06-12-2018), maytayah (06-12-2018), onedayatatime13 (06-12-2018), patchouli (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018), She'sMyAngel (06-15-2018), sidewalker (06-13-2018), yuliya1991 (06-12-2018)
  #33  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:43 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 581
Thanks: 9
Thanked 666 Times in 344 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Briele619 View Post
Yes, I know...I am not offended by any of the blunt comments. I've told myself that in my head the past two days. I think the confusion is I came on here and posted about a guy I was with for a while. Then that ended and I met this other guy and I shouldn't have done that. I should've taken time out constructively to do healthy things to forget the first one and move on to a healthy place. But I couldn't stand the agony, emptiness, so I replaced it with this other person who did me more damage as I was already broken. I read all his letters and he was the one who made all these promises and pursued me persistently. I ripped every single letter minus my resume that he did for me and a card I like. I sent him a goodbye message telling him that even though I did invade his privacy by checking the cell account and calling one number, that it's more of WHY it happened than what happened. I apologized but also said I felt there was very little communication and it just felt like he utilized me. He had sent one text that said "I said I forgive you. Just chill and give me time." SO I have made no more effort to reach him or try to work it out. I should've known when he asked me that favor to say NO and it should've been my warning that the true him didn't match up with the guy he described who was such a God-fearing religious guy. If he was, he wouldn't have done the cell phone thing. Either way, I'm very depressed. In the shelter I'm in, numerous women get calls from their boyfriends/husbands from prison/jail and I just think that's all I asked for a call every other day or whatever the norm is. It wasn't much. But I guess too much for ME to ask for. I give up. I have my failed marriage, the one ex, now this guy. 1 -2-3 strikes, you're out. I'm bottling my emotions in the prettiest vase and putting it up on the highest shelf. NO more sharing myself and being vulnerable.
Please don't look at life like that. You are not a loser and it is not 123 strikes and you're out. There are many great guys out there. Give it a chance. Do NOT give up, but do NOT go looking for people who already have baggage. You have enough of your own baggage, and then looking for someone in prison, is just adding to that baggage. Who needs it?

In light of all the recent suicides this past week or so, if you are feeling like life is hopeless, please know it is not and reach out for help and call the National Suicide Hotline. Call 1-800-273-8255.

Trust me though, give it some time, things get better. When you are out of this funk, you will look back at this period in your life and just say "wow, what was I thinking". We all want to be loved and happy , but it is not instant. It takes some time and patience. My father always says life is full of peaks and valleys, and there are a lot more valleys than peaks. This is true. You just have to ride out those peaks (lows) to get to the peaks. My husband and I have literally been dealing with one thing or another for our entire relationship. His crazy ex (still dealing with that one), his kids that don't talk to him, 2 back surgeries for me soon after we got married, a DOJ civil lawsuit, then a year later his criminal indictment which lasted 3+ years before he finally SS, and now prison and a huge civil lawsuit against him that is older than any of the other legal cases (going on since 2010). I'm sure he'll come out and we'll deal with some other shit storm besides his ex and kids, but it seems neverending and we just want to move on and be happy. Eventually that day will come. We just patiently wait. Your day will come too. I don't let it bother me, I live life to the fullest, enjoy what we do have, enjoy my friends, kids, family and do what I can to be happy. So hang in there and find something that does bring you joy. It should not only have to be being with another human being getting a phone call from that does that. Get involved in something fun.

Can I ask how old you are?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-13-2018)
  #34  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:56 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,623
Thanks: 324
Thanked 1,969 Times in 947 Posts
Default

Sweetheart, after my divorce I met someone who broke me. It was a very dark time for me emotionally. Makes this seem like going to the beach. We have all been there and what happens when we put our hopes and dreams in another. I tortured myself for a year.

But as broken as I felt, I was being cracked open and came out a stronger and better person. When you love yourself, youll attract friends and relationships that do the same.

When it comes the feeling empty inside, no one can fill that but you. The old mantra of I'm deserving if someone loves me or I am validated if someone loves me needs to be worked on. I'm deserving because I love me.

And you are deserving. We all are! From the darkest times, comes the most brilliant stories of redemption. You are highly reflective and honest with yourself. Dont go to the past too much. Focus on moving forward. Your reality doesn't have to be this way. There is a big beautiful world waiting for you to be a part of it. There are people who will face the same things as you who will need your guidance in the future.

I'm pulling for you.
__________________



Last edited by onedayatatime13; 06-12-2018 at 02:17 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (06-12-2018), Hurley123 (06-13-2018), LookingforLight (06-12-2018), maytayah (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018), WeepingWillow (06-12-2018)
  #35  
Old 06-12-2018, 02:51 PM
Andy&Me Andy&Me is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 38
Thanks: 34
Thanked 52 Times in 24 Posts
Default

If someone treats you like shit, Just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.
That is one of my favorite quotes, I had this as my screen saver on my phone for a very long time.
you need to know how very wonderful and special person you are and that you should be treated as such. You will find the right person one day, but you could also miss that person hanging onto the wrong one.
and just for the record when you said he said " I said I forgive you just chill" made my blood boil . you have nothing to be sorry for at all. it seems to me, as he found out, you are the only one he can get to pay that bill so he going to need you around for the next month. send him packing sweetie.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Andy&Me For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), Fridyrr.Likn (06-12-2018), maytayah (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018)
  #36  
Old 06-12-2018, 03:44 PM
Revenwyn's Avatar
Revenwyn Revenwyn is offline
Married May 27, 2017!
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California, USA- Husband in Colorado
Posts: 675
Thanks: 526
Thanked 475 Times in 248 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
You need to look after yourself and your health. I dont know if this guy is the same inmate that said he would rather eat crap than have anything to do with you. However, if it isnt the same guy you seem to have fallen for the same type again.
As others have said he has an illegal cell phone and telling you to pay for it but he cant be bothered to call you.
He is pestering you for money even though you live in a shelter and you are unwell.
This guy is a piece of work , do yourself a favour. Leave this guy in the dirt , walk away focus on yourself, make your health your priority so you can move on a find a place to live and use your money for your benefit.
And no more prison pen pals or relationships!
__________________

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Revenwyn For This Useful Post:
safran (06-12-2018)
  #37  
Old 06-12-2018, 04:23 PM
Briele619 Briele619 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: CA US
Posts: 39
Thanks: 11
Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockchalk1 View Post
Please don't look at life like that. You are not a loser and it is not 123 strikes and you're out. There are many great guys out there. Give it a chance. Do NOT give up, but do NOT go looking for people who already have baggage. You have enough of your own baggage, and then looking for someone in prison, is just adding to that baggage. Who needs it?

In light of all the recent suicides this past week or so, if you are feeling like life is hopeless, please know it is not and reach out for help and call the National Suicide Hotline. Call 1-800-273-8255.

Trust me though, give it some time, things get better. When you are out of this funk, you will look back at this period in your life and just say "wow, what was I thinking". We all want to be loved and happy , but it is not instant. It takes some time and patience. My father always says life is full of peaks and valleys, and there are a lot more valleys than peaks. This is true. You just have to ride out those peaks (lows) to get to the peaks. My husband and I have literally been dealing with one thing or another for our entire relationship. His crazy ex (still dealing with that one), his kids that don't talk to him, 2 back surgeries for me soon after we got married, a DOJ civil lawsuit, then a year later his criminal indictment which lasted 3+ years before he finally SS, and now prison and a huge civil lawsuit against him that is older than any of the other legal cases (going on since 2010). I'm sure he'll come out and we'll deal with some other shit storm besides his ex and kids, but it seems neverending and we just want to move on and be happy. Eventually that day will come. We just patiently wait. Your day will come too. I don't let it bother me, I live life to the fullest, enjoy what we do have, enjoy my friends, kids, family and do what I can to be happy. So hang in there and find something that does bring you joy. It should not only have to be being with another human being getting a phone call from that does that. Get involved in something fun.

Can I ask how old you are?
Old enough to know better. There had to be red flags I missed. I was all caught up in illusion. He spoke of sad pigeons in the rain and one was dead and the mate wouldn't leave its' side and he said "I wanna stand out in the rain & not leave your side, Love." And he spoke of giving me a fireworks show as a gift and holding me close and surprising me with it. I'm telling you, it wasn't just normal correspondence. Another line.."I can't even breathe sometimes when I think of how much I want you near me, by my side."
I still can't eat, I feel like a gutted fish. I shared things with him I've never shared (I can share here cus it's anonymous) like how when I was a newborn my mother put me in a box and left me on someone's step. My poetry, poems I wrote about growing up without a mom, losing my grandmother, the birth of my daughter-things that were very deep within me. He once asked me "what does love mean to you?" I said "Giving & sacrifice. It's like the blossoms fall for the fruit to come." He sighed into the phone and whispered "That's so beautiful. I didn't know you were like this" Just a lot of stuff that comes to mind and I feel so stupid. I should've listened when he said "you know if we stop now, no one gets hurt. Or it can grow with time." and I said "I want it to grow. And if you repeat something to yourself it will be true in your heart." He said "umm....Everyday I'm going to repeat..." I said "That you love (my name).." And he said "I love....(my name)" laughing. and I said "I love you" and he got silent. After that his calls dropped off from every other day to once a week then once every two weeks then this.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 06-12-2018, 05:11 PM
Marseille's Avatar
Marseille Marseille is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,579
Thanks: 629
Thanked 2,902 Times in 946 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Briele619 View Post
Old enough to know better. There had to be red flags I missed. I was all caught up in illusion. He spoke of sad pigeons in the rain and one was dead and the mate wouldn't leave its' side and he said "I wanna stand out in the rain & not leave your side, Love." And he spoke of giving me a fireworks show as a gift and holding me close and surprising me with it. I'm telling you, it wasn't just normal correspondence. Another line.."I can't even breathe sometimes when I think of how much I want you near me, by my side."
I still can't eat, I feel like a gutted fish. I shared things with him I've never shared (I can share here cus it's anonymous) like how when I was a newborn my mother put me in a box and left me on someone's step. My poetry, poems I wrote about growing up without a mom, losing my grandmother, the birth of my daughter-things that were very deep within me. He once asked me "what does love mean to you?" I said "Giving & sacrifice. It's like the blossoms fall for the fruit to come." He sighed into the phone and whispered "That's so beautiful. I didn't know you were like this" Just a lot of stuff that comes to mind and I feel so stupid. I should've listened when he said "you know if we stop now, no one gets hurt. Or it can grow with time." and I said "I want it to grow. And if you repeat something to yourself it will be true in your heart." He said "umm....Everyday I'm going to repeat..." I said "That you love (my name).." And he said "I love....(my name)" laughing. and I said "I love you" and he got silent. After that his calls dropped off from every other day to once a week then once every two weeks then this.
They are unbelievably slick... the sad part is there was probably one particularly loquacious guy in the block coming up with things and then all the guys wrote that stuff in their letters. I see it every day... they pass letters around and copy them.

Words are just words though. Take the pretty words away and what has he done for you? He clearly was unable to continue the ruse- even coming up with the pretty words got to be too much work for him.

It sounds like you’ve romanticized this “boyfriend in prison” thing (based on what you said earlier about other people getting phone calls) and maybe you aren’t in the right frame of mind to be seeking out a relationship in that particular mine field right now.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Marseille For This Useful Post:
Briele619 (06-12-2018), MizzyMuffling (06-12-2018), safran (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018)
  #39  
Old 06-12-2018, 05:32 PM
WeepingWillow's Avatar
WeepingWillow WeepingWillow is offline
Southern Fried Site Moderator on Leave

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,716
Thanks: 2,936
Thanked 2,927 Times in 1,073 Posts
Default

I can tell you have a beautiful soul just from your posts here.

You’re right...take your heart and put it in a beautiful vase on a high shelf. But please, take it down and share it, but only when you find someone who truly deserves it. You are worthy of more than flowery words and platitudes. You deserve to be treated like a goddess, not used and abused like you’re nothing. You are worthy.

You have so much to give, but right now the person who needs you most is YOU. You need your love, your kindness, your forgiveness, your understanding, and yes...your money. At some point, once you’ve nurtured yourself fully, you’ll be in a place where you’ll attract someone who has as much to share with YOU as you do with them. But right now...you need you.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to WeepingWillow For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-12-2018), Briele619 (06-12-2018), miamac (06-12-2018), rockchalk1 (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-14-2018), sidewalker (06-15-2018)
  #40  
Old 06-12-2018, 06:24 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 581
Thanks: 9
Thanked 666 Times in 344 Posts
Default

We are all romantics at heart and all love with the idea of being in love. But it’s the substance that counts more than the words. I had joked with my husband that while he’s gone he will now have time to send me love letters, since he’s always been so busy and and never sent did anything like that. Well once a month I would get a poem from him. In January... Then In February... But by May they were so cheesy and not of substance, because he worked so hard on writing the poems and getting them to rhyme. I finally told him to stop. This month for June he wrote me the best letter ever. Thoughtful and genuine about what our relationship and my being there means to him. That is substance and I realized the poems/love letters while nice are not what counts at the end of the day.

So again, it’s ok. You want the fairy tale. Who doesn’t want to be saved like Julia Roberts was by Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? Heck I have 4 kids and when I was a single divorced mom and they were all under 10, I wanted the fairy tale. Love is hard, life is harder. But if you’re patient happiness will come. My husband may have made a stupid error in judgment 12 years ago, that landed him in prison now, but it is a small blip in time that once past this we will be able to move ahead. You will find that joy, work on yourself, your self esteem and find someone who is deserving of you and your love. Not some Schmuck who doesn’t know how much you have to offer and will squeeze you all he can.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
Briele619 (06-12-2018), maytayah (06-13-2018), nimuay (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018), WeepingWillow (06-12-2018)
  #41  
Old 06-12-2018, 07:24 PM
Briele619 Briele619 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: CA US
Posts: 39
Thanks: 11
Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
They are unbelievably slick... the sad part is there was probably one particularly loquacious guy in the block coming up with things and then all the guys wrote that stuff in their letters. I see it every day... they pass letters around and copy them.

Words are just words though. Take the pretty words away and what has he done for you? He clearly was unable to continue the ruse- even coming up with the pretty words got to be too much work for him.

It sounds like you’ve romanticized this “boyfriend in prison” thing (based on what you said earlier about other people getting phone calls) and maybe you aren’t in the right frame of mind to be seeking out a relationship in that particular mine field right now.
Oh my goodness, duh! You're probably so RIGHT! It all makes sense now. Gosh, I'm so dumb to have fallen for it. Oh well, I'm leaving it to God. I know I was sincere and didn't lie or pretend to be anything other than myself. Not everyone you lose is a loss. I have to repeat those words to myself. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Briele619 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (06-13-2018), nimuay (06-12-2018), Raf's Girl (06-12-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018)
  #42  
Old 06-13-2018, 02:15 AM
Sarianna's Avatar
Sarianna Sarianna is offline
Midnight Sun Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Swinging from the chandelier
Posts: 2,134
Thanks: 10,884
Thanked 2,560 Times in 1,205 Posts
Default

I can't really add much to what has been said above, but I wanted to say two things: first, sorry for thinking that this was the same guy you were writing about in March - my bad.

Secondly: I am glad you saw this guy's true colors and are moving on. Please take care of yourself and if you have the chance, seek therapy. Not saying that in a condescending way - sometimes we just might need outside perspective & help in order to move away from our unhealthy patterns. You clearly are a compassionate and loving person, but also probably so desperate for love that you aren't always able to see those red flags, you know? The things you describe here from his letters, the things he wrote; those would've been an immediate turn-off for me; people who jump into sweet nothings and declarations of love after writing you a couple of weeks > not genuine (in most cases).

In any case, don't beat yourself up about this...it sounds as though you probably know better from now on. I saw this quote the other day: "it wasn't a waste of time if you learnt something".

Good luck to you!
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sarianna For This Useful Post:
Briele619 (06-13-2018), fbopnomore (06-13-2018)
  #43  
Old 06-13-2018, 03:08 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 6,440
Thanks: 5,981
Thanked 8,400 Times in 3,608 Posts
Default

There is no shame in being taken in by a con artist it happens to lots of people. You are not at fault the blame lies with him. You are a kind decent woman and you need support so you can know your worth and accept nothing less than honourable and respectful treatment.
Flowery words mean nothing I could write you a fluffy romantic letter and I don’t know you. It’s actions and actions alone that show a persons real intentions .
If his actions back up his words then that’s a good sign. However this guys actions say the opposite.
So glad you are going to look after yourself and move on.
Wishing you all the best
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), Briele619 (06-13-2018), fbopnomore (06-13-2018)
  #44  
Old 06-13-2018, 06:44 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is online now
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 29,949
Thanks: 52,227
Thanked 27,296 Times in 13,860 Posts
Default

I think that the song that Garth Brooks sings is a good one.
*Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers* (not sure if that is the title but....)


Op you will be fine. Let this guy go, and never look back. You are deserving of someone good. He's not.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), Briele619 (06-13-2018), miamac (06-13-2018)
  #45  
Old 06-13-2018, 03:36 PM
Briele619 Briele619 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: CA US
Posts: 39
Thanks: 11
Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Thank you. I'm extremely depressed; I wish the crying spells would stop. I had to use a counseling session just to vent. I read my Bible and prayed for the strength to heal and never repeat the same mistake. I feel bad about checking the account and calling one of the numbers. The thought that I offended and invaded someone's privacy makes me feel bad. I wish I hadn't done that but I guess I was so needy of his attention and felt I paid monetarily for the privilege of daily conversation. I should have squeezed a plastic bag into the receiver to create static and said, "what? I can't understand what you're saying? What do you want? I'm having bad reception." and hung up the phone when he called asking for that financial favor. Hindsight always 20/20.
I don't think he will ever contact me again. Maybe a Dear Jane letter but that's it. He might've strung me along but I think eventually I wouldn't have been able to keep giving and not receiving anything. Don't narcissists do this? It was all about him, never us or me. When he didn't write me or call for weeks, he blamed it on his severe depression. To quote him he said he shuts down mentally and that means he may not be able to be there for me when I really need him. Then upon more inquiring, I found out he's bipolar. So I don't know-maybe he started this whole romance thing with me during a manic phase and now he regrets it in his depressive phase. Either way, I'm the one who got hurt and used. No more jailbirds for me.

Last edited by Briele619; 06-13-2018 at 03:51 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 06-13-2018, 05:12 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 581
Thanks: 9
Thanked 666 Times in 344 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Briele619 View Post
Thank you. I'm extremely depressed; I wish the crying spells would stop. I had to use a counseling session just to vent. I read my Bible and prayed for the strength to heal and never repeat the same mistake. I feel bad about checking the account and calling one of the numbers. The thought that I offended and invaded someone's privacy makes me feel bad. I wish I hadn't done that but I guess I was so needy of his attention and felt I paid monetarily for the privilege of daily conversation. I should have squeezed a plastic bag into the receiver to create static and said, "what? I can't understand what you're saying? What do you want? I'm having bad reception." and hung up the phone when he called asking for that financial favor. Hindsight always 20/20.
I don't think he will ever contact me again. Maybe a Dear Jane letter but that's it. He might've strung me along but I think eventually I wouldn't have been able to keep giving and not receiving anything. Don't narcissists do this? It was all about him, never us or me. When he didn't write me or call for weeks, he blamed it on his severe depression. To quote him he said he shuts down mentally and that means he may not be able to be there for me when I really need him. Then upon more inquiring, I found out he's bipolar. So I don't know-maybe he started this whole romance thing with me during a manic phase and now he regrets it in his depressive phase. Either way, I'm the one who got hurt and used. No more jailbirds for me.
Heck, you’re too nice and give this guy too much credit! You really didn’t know the “real” him so who knows if he really is bipolar! If it were me and he did this to me, I would be so pissed I probably would call the warden and report him and the con job he I did and mention he had the phone. You’re a victim. God knows how many other victims of his are out there! Do NOT feel sorry for this SOB!!

When life gets you down, you have to pick yourself up! It will get better!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t let this asswipe be an example of what is out there! There are tons of good people out there!! Some of us pay it forward so others feel better. Someone will pay it forward for you so you can feel happy again. Just please hang in there.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-14-2018)
  #47  
Old 06-13-2018, 11:00 PM
WeepingWillow's Avatar
WeepingWillow WeepingWillow is offline
Southern Fried Site Moderator on Leave

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,716
Thanks: 2,936
Thanked 2,927 Times in 1,073 Posts
Default

Oh honey...you caught HIM in lies and yet you’re the one feeling guilty. I don’t know much about this guy, but it sounds like he caught you in his narcissist web. It’s not your fault...they’re sneaky as hell and you don’t realize it’s happened until it’s too late.

But seriously, YOU paid for that phone to be turned on. As far as I see it, you had every right to look at his records when he was clearly being dishonest. If he hadnt been lying he wouldn’t have been so crazy over you “invading his privacy” because he’d have had nothing to hide. You followed your gut and your gut was right. Screw him and and his emotional manipulation.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to WeepingWillow For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-14-2018), sidewalker (06-15-2018)
  #48  
Old 06-14-2018, 03:53 AM
Raf's Girl Raf's Girl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 323
Thanks: 209
Thanked 223 Times in 144 Posts
Default

Had a "friend" like that he made me almost lose faith in people behind bars, wrote him a dear John email, blocked him from ever answering me, I picked myself up dusted off whatever guilt I was feeling, wrote again and met the most wonderful man you can imagine. He is very dear tome now
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Raf's Girl For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (06-14-2018), maytayah (06-14-2018), Sarianna (06-14-2018)
  #49  
Old 06-14-2018, 08:53 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,623
Thanks: 324
Thanked 1,969 Times in 947 Posts
Default

When you are feeling this way, it is going to come in waves. You did nothing wrong. You trusted your gut. Youbare going through motions. Grieve a little bit not too much. Focus on what really needs your attention
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-15-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help! Fiance was at the wrong place at the wrong time! stacienoelle California Legal Help 1 12-05-2011 12:03 AM
Examples of how the government is so wrong, death penalty is wrong Joolz Death Row & Capital Punishment Discussions 6 03-08-2010 05:12 PM
fiance with wrong person at the wrong time prayfortim Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 9 03-12-2006 01:18 AM
What can happen when your caught at the wrong place @ wrong time on parole & probatio flores Probation, Parole & Supervision 10 09-17-2005 10:49 PM
Bexandshs from AZ - wrong place, wrong time--but we're gonna be ok bexandshs Introduce Yourself! 23 06-06-2003 11:41 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:27 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics