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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

View Poll Results: Cell phone in prison,or in a halfway house,smoking,drugs.What would you do?
I would tell her,him if he does NOT stop, i am leaving for good and NOT coming back. 25 31.65%
i would understand since he or she has been incarcerated 4 so long,and i would support it(for now) 5 6.33%
I would help her or him realize the huge risk they are taking by having a cell phone,drugs etc., 40 50.63%
I would leave BEFORE it get worse.If he change 4 the better,we can then talk about reuniting. 8 10.13%
Other(Please comment below) Thanks Pto'ers! 1 1.27%
Voters: 79. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 01-04-2018, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
A cellphone may not be a big deal but it’s still against the rules. It shows that they haven’t learned especially after only being out a month. You shouldn’t pick and choose what rules that your mate breaks is ok if it would send them back.
My thoughts exactly. If they can't follow ALL the rules in order to stay out, it must not be important to be free.
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  #27  
Old 01-04-2018, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by nancyginnm View Post
My thoughts exactly. If they can't follow ALL the rules in order to stay out, it must not be important to be free.

hola & you're 100% accurate with what you're citing. That's just why i am glad i have not (yet)picked up the phone calls, as he has continued to call. I am doing what is right,and hope he realize the error of his ways for which will cause him to violate his probation sooner or later... Now, if he 1 day get rid of his illegal cell phone,throw it out, stop with the drugs(weed)or so he says only weed, and can prove to me, as he was doing for long time, years in prison(inside)through ACTION and not any negative, if he can prove himself and is ready to accept some serious -therapy that he is in need of and dedicate one's self to getting better, et.al., then all with us shall be ok. Must not be too relevant to remain, at almost in his thirties, a free man. .Time will tell.Thank you for your post. Hugs and Blessings...Adios... G-night...
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  #28  
Old 01-04-2018, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear View Post
Rare, forget everything I wrote before. I was at the Barbershop and did not read past him getting a cell phone. I commented prematurely.

Enough of the sweet talk. He needs to show it in his actions he's about the message he brought to you.

Rare, you've never been a fool/sucka for the bullish anyway. You have always kept a level head and not fall for the prison talk lingo.


If he straightens up good if not you tried. We both know we are taking a gamble dealing with guys fresh out. They only know what the knew before going on unless they want to change within.


Keep your head up!!

Bear, check your pm. and yep. I had to underscore in bold colors a few more things in your wonderful post again! I sure won't ever fall for Jail Talk and such lingo, you're 1000000% right, as you are able to tell by mi post to others, and thank you SO much. I live STRONG/FIRM/FOCUS and let God lead the way as this works for me since early 20s so 17 years just about and i am not going to go back to how it was with prior D.Violence relationships, drugs (the guy)never me.Even weed i am cautious of and he know this, so i am going to be ok either way, and til mi fiancee/bff realize what he is doing wrong here, and want to secure his place in my good life,praise God, til he realize what and who he can lose i am going to keep enjoying mi bien vida,(my good life)praise God, without or with him.As stated last week, i have not dumped him yet. I have not done that. But we have not spoken for a minute now and i am fine with that...No.As i already advise all here and time will tell what happens next in our long five year journey.I pray for him to realize it sooner than later. (WHEN)i decide,not him,but when i decide when we will speak next. I am sure it will be soon. Thanks again Bear, so much.
G-night.
Adios.
Hugs -n- Blessings.
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  #29  
Old 01-04-2018, 06:04 PM
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I get that you're upset about this. I would be too. But have you at least answered once and told him how you feel about the situation? I think he deserves an explanation as to why you're not going to be answering his calls for a while. Let him know that you are not completely done with him, but he needs to reflect on what he wants and that you deserve a man who will take his own life seriously. Until he does that you won't be in contact and maybe tell him to only call again when he does not have the cell anymore and has stopped smoking.

If you haven't had a conversation like that and have not answered any calls, how will you know. What if has already gotten rid of the cell and stopped smoking? If I recall correctly, you said he still is just calling from the HWH and not the cell phone. So you really don't know at this point if he got rid of the phone.

I don't know... just a thought... Good luck with everything, I hope the best for you. I've read a lot of your posts and you deserve goodness.
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  #30  
Old 01-04-2018, 10:29 PM
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I get that you're upset about this. I would be too. But have you at least answered once and told him how you feel about the situation?

I think he deserves an explanation as to why you're not going to be answering his calls for a while.

Let him know that you are not completely done with him, but he needs to reflect on what he wants and that you deserve a man who will take his own life seriously.

Until he does that you won't be in contact and maybe tell him to only call again when he does not have the cell anymore and has stopped smoking.

If you haven't had a conversation like that and have not answered any calls, how will you know. What if has already gotten rid of the cell and stopped smoking? If I recall correctly, you said he still is just calling from the HWH and not the cell phone. So you really don't know at this point if he got rid of the phone.

I don't know... just a thought... Good luck with everything, I hope the best for you. I've read a lot of your posts and you deserve goodness
.

-
oh yes.
we spoke. not long,but we spoke 2x monday, ergo, mi fiancee/bff know why i am not talking to him.
He said "I thought i lost you last time, when you're not answering." That frightens me, I can't lose you. I will change.I am sorry i did this by messing up with getting high, and all the time, day by day night by night ma. Yes. I even went to work a few times high,but they didn't know."My boss is not there but friday/saturday night. I am yes getting high but i need you. Please don't stop talking to me. .I need you.. You're the only"normal in my life."But, i am still working doing"great ma"I love you so much."I did not want to lie about this."So yes, i am getting high, and not doing my programs at all at the HWH."

I (last monday) had answered as i said on a Monday.(Didn't reach me all weekend) yet, when 'working'he usually was calling me daily still(night time from work borrowing so many cell phones, number was not private.) He would call and tell me how work was going/how happy he is with me/how he is so glad "in few months"or less we can do the transfer, etc.al., and again the calls were always from work during week, and NONE on 2 weekends straight, but then he called last monday "explaining"that he still want to give me his "pay checks, for all i've done for him, and he love me 'so much and he is going to keep showing me as said in prison, when he home to give me his pay, for all i've done for him, and been in his life, BEST thing, he has ever met, focus,clean, "very smart"hard working business woman, godly woman, great mom, and best friend to him, the 'only "real friend/real family he has ever had." His own STEP-FATHER(clean)never use drugs said, "IF HE IS BY YOU" he is going to be "OK." Simple as that. .He told his step-pops, "thank you for telling her this over and over because it is true and how he said, "he was happy"i was at the time believing him,and his step-dad, who is no longer with drug addicted bio-mom for 18 yrs." My fiance/bff is damaged.(mentally a long time)then institutionalized since 18 in the big-boy jail, but was making beautiful progress his own counselor said and CO's for years to me, at visit; and again he is damaged and spent YEARS in Seg; SHU (no counseling entire life)in S.H.U., all the time, til me. Yet he found god, and he found me, at the same time, and has been doing so well. I shared much of it here gladly,and empower others by pm and i was happy about that and in public forum a long time.
-
I am sad for him,but i know he need help clearly."so yes I DID SPEAK to him, and again last convo was Last Monday or the prior monday,but about 12 or so dys now we have not spoken, because i am afraid if i do, when i do he is going to say same thing, and just "Expect me to always answer his collect call" without any real change on his part. THAT does scare me, because i know deep down he love me,behind his demons, and i do not want to be there "each time when he call me if he is not going to get help/change, and then again people tell me mi familia that, "He might already be doing it, meaning trying to change for you and the relationship you build with him for years, IF you're answering the phone,and he called dozens of time so maybe he is."I don't know,however, yes, i am going to answer. and YES he is calling'from HWH day time only, not at night anymore,"each time."Never the illegal cell phone that he is bought with 1 of his paychecks.(I still DONT' have the number)he said he will call me "from it,and as i said in this thread, he never sent me the number,not once."I told him i do NOT want it at all)however, he still has not called me from it.

-
Maur:

tu eres,toca mi corazón esta noche.(i said you touch my heart tonight)with last part of your post.)Yes, i deserve such good and i was always receiving it from him, when he was not around his old "drug addicted biological mother/entire family/bad area where he was so scared(he said this days prior to going back to DE.,)that he was afraid,frightened to go back there. But he said "I will be ok because i have you."So,HWH is only temporary and i will do "all therapy etc. and i will be transferred to our home, where i can start over, when i finish." He always seem to been doing so well, in prison.(He cut em all off knowing they are toxic as his own counselor at James T.Vaughn in Delaware told me, few x a year how "[b]he simply did not want them to visit,[/B confided in her, that they are too "toxic" and will work hard to "ruin"all that is good in his life, finding christ/god, by becoming a christian and then being sent a gift from GOD, and that was me, for so many years."
Now, look at him. I guess it happened. He is weak, even if he told me he is no longer "weak."'He has changed at twenty nine years old, but i know better than that."
-

I'm going to pick up,finally, in a day or two. .I had to give it a week or longer and now i have done that. Thanks. and chica i highlighted this, because i agree, and tu eres esta noche toca mi corazon, esta noche gracia muchas muy.(I said, you're touching my heart tonight, by saying that.) and i thank you so much, yes i deserve/will get/will NOT settle for anything but good from a man. Drugs (if only weed)would not make him act this way. I think it is more. and that is a huge fear inward, his mother turned him on to drugs while still a pre-teen child."SMH.

He always said, if i see my biological-mother, i will be destroyed and he said he was not going to see her and that she is not too far from the hwh,and been trying to see him face to face for a while now."Since he been out.He banned her from visits, and found God, became a Christian and him living in the same area for five long months at a HWH is not good and he warn me of "that part."he was scared to go back but said, "I can do it because i know i HAVE YOU,and we will live together after HWH, even in 3 months IF he "complete programs in HWH.But, counselor recently again told me, "He has missed EACH therapy session for substance abuse.Overslept each time, after working night shift or "supposedly working the night shift" at labor place...His counselor said, "You're the only listed as his emergency contact, and he has me as his "wife." All my info she has and he still want to "transfer to my home near DELAWARE."But COUNSELOR said, he has to do his programs,or it will not be approved et.al., nevertheless, i will talk to him, once again.
-
Thanks so much for caring. I also no matter what shall continue to give my advice respectfully to others, as i have done. Drugs is really powerful. .I believe him when he said, he is stronger than what"the past had in-store for him when out, " and he can do the hwh time in the same bad hood area that tore him down outside in for a long time since age 12 yrs.young. I think he "tried"to believe that wholeheartedly about stronger than his "past age eighteen and under," and prior to entering the big boy adult prison for 11 years almost, then returning this old hood, and around addicts again etc.al., but in reality?If you're not strong enough to fight your demons with counseling and or without, then it's going to creep up and snatch you back down. This is what has happen to him.I will hear him out because i love him. However, he need help and i hope he get it,before it's too late and lose me and our years together(LAST NOTE)He said, Monday,"I am not losing years with you, all we invested, not going to happen and you think i am "that stupid?"I am not losing you, there is just no way. I messed up but i am not losing you, and i get high but i am not losing you, you will see. You will be "so proud of me again."I will NOT let you down. I will keep you all posted, thank you so much. God bless us all.
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#TAAS ...(There are always signs.)
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Do NOT ignore the signs. Don't let the "I love u's,cloud your better judgement."
-
Do not give your "all" to some guy who is not showing you through "action."
-
Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 01-04-2018 at 11:17 PM..
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  #31  
Old 01-04-2018, 10:55 PM
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Listen, I get that you are disappointed that he is jeopardizing his freedom and your relationship but ignoring his calls is not the way to deal with it. You keep saying that you haven’t ended the relationship yet you won’t take his calls. Now it seems like you are trying to punish him. At the very least answer the call and tell him you need time and to call you in a week or a month or whatever time you think you need. Its like you won’t take his calls because you don’t want to have to make a decision. If I continued to call someone a dozen times a day eventually I’d stop. Then what? IMO, you are making it worse. He’s been in prison a very long time. This won’t be the only conflict you are going to have. I had a boyfriend at one time that when silent whenever we had an argument. Eventually I got tired of it.
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  #32  
Old 01-05-2018, 01:56 AM
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Well.... as long as he chooses dope and breaking the rules over you then his words are empty... empty promises. Not answering his calls is the least I'd do... I don't know (of course I'm not in your shoes/situation) I'd run for the hills. If Jeff would do this I would leave him no matter how long I held him down. That's one thing I will not accept (no matter how much I love him) is going back to drugs and other things he used to do before going to prison. My life is too short and already more than half over...
Sending you lots of hugs... I can imagine this is really difficult for you
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  #33  
Old 01-05-2018, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
Listen, I get that you are disappointed that he is jeopardizing his freedom and your relationship but ignoring his calls is not the way to deal with it. You keep saying that you haven’t ended the relationship yet you won’t take his calls. Now it seems like you are trying to punish him. At the very least answer the call and tell him you need time and to call you in a week or a month or whatever time you think you need. Its like you won’t take his calls because you don’t want to have to make a decision. If I continued to call someone a dozen times a day eventually I’d stop. Then what? IMO, you are making it worse. He’s been in prison a very long time. This won’t be the only conflict you are going to have. I had a boyfriend at one time that when silent whenever we had an argument. Eventually I got tired of it.
I agree with everything here. I would also watch the word weak. He has no coping skills. He has been in prison his entire adult life. He is deal with the outside world and pressures. I'm not makes excuses, but unfortunately he went back to what he knows. Was it the only way to fit in? His social skills are also going to be sorely lacking. Unless you talk, you will never know.

You have every right to be angry and disappointed, but I think you need to look at this from an outside perspective. Regardless of what you decide, he is going to need counseling and guidance. He does not know how to function in the real world. You could have discussed possibilities and what was going to be all you want, but until faced with them it is not real.
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  #34  
Old 01-05-2018, 01:23 PM
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[quote=AndyS;7690896]Listen, I get that you are disappointed that he is jeopardizing his freedom and your relationship but ignoring his calls is not the way to deal with it.

---


Good luck to you, Andy S. Thanks for your opine.I know what i'm doing and i am sticking with it as it worked for me, not necessarily for you.But, i am PROUD of mi self for not taking his calls, til' I was ready to do so and gave him time to REFLECT. So glad i did this for almost 11 days not 12, about 11 days or so.
-
+
Good luck to you too,with your loved one.I know EXACTLY what i'm doing and glad i did.I counsel others and inmate wives/inmate husbands/familia for years, work in field relevant and soon law school."I know exactly that i needed to do what i have shared here and it worked..Will be updating soon."Also to ALL who have bombarded me with such GENUINE and sincere kind Pm's, you're amazing,for which i have been receiving GRACIA. I have the update coming up soon.But working at mi counseling/consultin ctr right now.
I will update soon. Hugs and Blessings. Adios.
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#TAAS ...(There are always signs.)
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Do NOT ignore the signs. Don't let the "I love u's,cloud your better judgement."
-
Do not give your "all" to some guy who is not showing you through "action."
-
Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

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  #35  
Old 01-05-2018, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Well.... as long as he chooses dope and breaking the rules over you then his words are empty... empty promises. Not answering his calls is the least I'd do... I don't know (of course I'm not in your shoes/situation) I'd run for the hills. If Jeff would do this I would leave him no matter how long I held him down. That's one thing I will not accept (no matter how much I love him) is going back to drugs and other things he used to do before going to prison. My life is too short and already more than half over...
Sending you lots of hugs... I can imagine this is really difficult for you

Hola chica, dulce Miz...
(Sweet)Mizzy. hi chica.and lol @ "would run for the hills." Oh, trust me, the advice i give her that many appreciate is exactly what i live by myself.Simply Run. Don't walk.Run, don't look back IF not showing such action and or messing up to a level that you are clearly not going to be comfortable with and that does NOT fit into your life, and just remember that fond/happy memories and just keep it movin' and you're going to be so much happier/less stressed. I know that + again i will be updating soon. WE SPOKE.More than once earlier.So now, all here know we spoke. However, MIZZY, me and you chica are alike in "many ways and i am again living by what i preach to others, as i will not put up with such drugs.Never ever. I shall not tolerate:

-Heroine.Coke-Crack Cocaine, or pills, et.al., METH, or even a "chronic weed/marijuana smoker"who can't even get the heck up for a "much needed therapy session"so he can make his "TRANSFER"to a peaceful beautiful CLEAN/GOD-loving home, with a woman who work 3 jobs, multiple biz, in college, going to law school soon and who is a great mom,great woman and who love him for just "him"without any stress, and or any disrespect. Mizzy, i'm not a fool who will engage in such and the 'I love you and all that,and how "i will prove myself again,shall be backed by ACTION once again or i am not going to be with him."This man was wonderful to me (barely argued) til now, when he is um "in the old hood, as he call it."But again i will share full update soon as i can today.LOVE your post again. Make so much sense, chica.

Mizzy:
Hoping you are well today praise God, with your beloved Jeff. I have a full update.I will be sharing it in a minute or 3 hours lol (another consulting client)walked in,so i have to wait. -It has been hard, but only, to a point. .You see, i've been doing what i knew DEEP within mi heart would work." Some it work for,others not so much. I am happy i waited and did not "jump" and "answer his phone call when HE expected me to.This worked for me. Shall expound more later. .I needed him to REFLECT. and it worked.

We spoke, and he didn't speak to me only "1 x."I know all he has said was a bunch of words again, however, in prison his words as ALL know here 24hrs.a day was always backed up by ACTION.(He sounded like that)some and i will brief you again in full soon, then we will be seeing each other soon again however, he first open up things as i was hoping he would if he "truly love me/as much as he prove a long time now then i knew he would."So i will go over it with you all soon tonight. Thanks for caring ,chica. hugs and blessings to you and yours."
__________________
#TAAS ...(There are always signs.)
-
Do NOT ignore the signs. Don't let the "I love u's,cloud your better judgement."
-
Do not give your "all" to some guy who is not showing you through "action."
-
Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 01-05-2018 at 01:49 PM..
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  #36  
Old 01-05-2018, 02:36 PM
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[quote=a.rare.love;7690979]
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
Listen, I get that you are disappointed that he is jeopardizing his freedom and your relationship but ignoring his calls is not the way to deal with it.

---


Good luck to you, Andy S. Thanks for your opine.I know what i'm doing and i am sticking with it as it worked for me, not necessarily for you.But, i am PROUD of mi self for not taking his calls, til' I was ready to do so and gave him time to REFLECT. So glad i did this for almost 11 days not 12, about 11 days or so.
-
+
Good luck to you too,with your loved one.I know EXACTLY what i'm doing and glad i did.I counsel others and inmate wives/inmate husbands/familia for years, work in field relevant and soon law school."I know exactly that i needed to do what i have shared here and it worked..Will be updating soon."Also to ALL who have bombarded me with such GENUINE and sincere kind Pm's, you're amazing,for which i have been receiving GRACIA. I have the update coming up soon.But working at mi counseling/consultin ctr right now.
I will update soon. Hugs and Blessings. Adios.
You seem offended by my post. If you didn’t want other people’s perspective then why ask? I’m glad everything has worked out for you and your method worked for your relationship. I hope it works long term and you both have a long and happy life together.
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Old 01-05-2018, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by MrsDeeKay View Post


I believe that we all make mistakes in life but when a conscious choice is made while being in a HWH that jeopardizes his freedom and your happiness....you have choice to make.

Is that the life you want?


It seems pretty black and white to me.

By the way, my guess is that he is offering you money in hopes that you would take it and then find it hard to walk away
.


---- BRIEF UPDATE tonight,for those who are waiting on such update---WE FINALLY SPOKE. Literally, all morning almost five times, and early part of the afternoon.I did finally pick up.I am GLAD i did not rush to do so.It worked for me.Not for all, however, by me not answering he has been "Reflecting-Recognizing-Realizing"as i call in the field i work in for years the 3 R's.and it worked.Now, let's see what happens.
-

MRS.DEE KAY:
Hola...Hi chica.
'Just read your post.
-
I must've bypass it, inadvertently. Yep.Many pm's and off line, and familia said analogous to you, in regards to the "giving me his fiancee/bff his pay check or 1/2 of it, to "make it harder feasibly to dump him and just move on."and or to show me through ACTION(as he always promise) me so much kept EACH 1 for years on end,and he did promise his paycheck to me when i want it each week,bi-weekly,and i will always smile and remember that.It touched me deeply.So many men don't do that, and i see this for years in field i work in,and i was flattered as i said before,however, i would rather, and told him, HE can keep it,save as much as he can,because times are so hard out here,and he know that."I have not left him. We are still a couple.But i talked to him much today..I finally answered,will update later on. Now, mi fiancee know how i live and what i expect. Nothing more. Nothing less. I truly have a blessed by the good lord and hard work. Hence, he either will choose to do what's right, or he is not going to have the best woman for him after this." He again said he is going to change and show me he has changed for the better, and apologize so much today, that i lost count..." He know where i stand fully on doing negative things in life that can rob us of our life on the outside as a long-term couple, in the free world and he saying how he know exactly what he need to do. We are still together."I told him as some mention here(thanks!) and others off line, that i am giving him another chance, as he is asking for (even though we have never "officially ended.) I told him i'm here for him and he is happy hearing this earlier. Spoke five times this morning/early afternoon back to back calls from him today. It was time." But he clearly know where i stand on all of this."
-
Mi bien vida.(My good life)shall remain a focus happy one.I will not be stressed/will not be marrying him (he know this as of today)if he does not get clean and i told him, "You know papi, i will go with you,easily, and pick u up and take you, and sit with you, and or drop you off, and he smile so much when he heard this as i last said it to him while he was inside too after never having help mentally since he was diagnose at 11 yrs old with various mental issues and also bi-polar and other things. Told him i simply can't though set a wedding date in 2018 as planned, til' he is clean/showing me better and doing what is right, and recognize that he has a serious problem/need help et.al., even if it's only marijuana as he puts it(repeatedly saying it's weed)so we will see. He was so happy to hear i am giving him another chance, even if he says, "I didn't leave him and i told him nope. I didn't." With or without a man, I am happy by nature,and help others is the field i work in over 2 decades almost and again, if he can't admit he has a problem, then he know where i stand." I do not believe in shedding tears any longer over a man and or sitting home alone wondering what he is really doing etc.al., i focus on me and living a good cleanno-drama life each waking day and take NOT a minute in life, for granted.But we did speak alot today. I am glad we did and he is over the moon!(that i picked up) and i am glad i did (more for him)because i know he has been calling around the clock and i know it was time to speak again to mi fiancee. But now it is up to him. We will see in time.

Less stress is key to always being happy in this short life we ALL have to live. I intend on living as good as i can, without it." He know where i stand and he know as he say i am the only "sane person in his life/and the only semblence of "normalcy" he has ever had in his dark world he says, filled with negative,and he is not going to risk losing me,for no 1 and nothing and he will do what is right."I told him if so then i am here for you and not abandoning you,he has been struggling he said,
"inside"and it is more harder for him, out here than in prison and he did not want me to look at him as a junkie because of him smoking weed even in a prison(he spent almost 11 years in) and he said,"Nothing with US though has changed, meaning how much he still love me,that has not left his heart and no one has "taken my place and never will."and i believe him (on this part)but again we will see and adds how i "should never think he would cheat(but i never assumed he was) never came up even in this thread)and he said again it's more of the STRUGGLE/being a free inmate, yet still on probation, nand it's so hard for him etc.al., and he says"more harder than you're knowing,but he will tell me it all also tomorrow etc.al., and i said that is fine."But he said, we are "fine."We are going to be "fine."He admit 100x "Just know i am hurtin'deep when you're not picking the fone up/i am hurting 100x more struggling without you on the other end of fone, and when i am not able to see you, waiting on the passes to finally be ok again and now they are (or so he say) and we supposed to see each other tomorrow and or early mid next week.

-
Thanks for all who care and i shall continue to give my own advice to those at PTO, in need.I am happy we spoke so much/he is REAL happy and now?I leave it all in GOD's hands, and will watch/see what happens from here, as i continue no matter what, to have a good quiet drama free happy life, and he again says he will "show me and i will trust that at this point and time,as i know how much love/real love we have shared for just about five years."Time will tell... Good night. Hugs/Blessings
God bless us all. Adios.
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Old 01-05-2018, 05:04 PM
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This is what I like to hear...


You invested years with him. Hes been in since 18. Grew up in prison. Came out to what he knew. Dont give up on him so soon, show him tough love and stand your ground.

Keep me posted!!!




Quote:
Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
Hi and thanks for this. I must've bypass it, inadvertently. Yep.Many pm's and off line, and familia said analogous to you, to "make it harder feasibly to dump him and just move on."and or to show me through ACTION(as he always promise) me so much kept EACH 1 for years on end,and he did promise his paycheck to me when i want it each week,bi-weekly,and i will always smile and remember that.It touched me deeply.So many men don't do that, and i see this for years in field i work in,and i was flattered as i said before,however, i would rather, and told him, HE can keep it,save as much as he can,because times are so hard out here,and he know that."I have not left him. We are still a couple.But i talked to him much today..I finally answered,will update later on.

-Now...
He know the type of life I HAVE is wonderful/blesse by the good lord and hard work.Hence, he either will choose to do what is RIGHT or he is not going to have the best woman for him after this."He know where i stand fully on doing negative things in life.No secret there.We are still together."
-

He will have another chance/1 more as i only give one usually if i really do "love" you. We have years in.So we will see... I know mi worth. .I love who i am so i will not anyone change that,no man.PERIOD.
-
Mi bien vida.(My good God bless life)shall remain so great."I am happy by nature,and help others is the field i work in over 2 decades almost and again, if he can't admit he has a problem, then he know where i stand."

I do not believe in shedding tears any longer over a man. I have not done that for a long time.If it help others, i support it,then remind them in counsel sessions stay strong, firm,focus and move on.Less stress is key to always being happy in this short life we ALL have to live. I intend on living as good as i can, without it." He know where i stand.I shall update later tonight." God bless us all. Adios.
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  #39  
Old 01-05-2018, 05:40 PM
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aw hola again chica,(lady bear)good evening and yes he did grow up (so sad)in a world of drugs/dope/PRISON "both parents are f---ked up and he reminded me of that today, and he never had "normal"til me, and so i am not just abandoning him, if he change and do what he need to do at his age to realize what he can lose(and he said he is not going to risk that)so he will do what he has to do to keep "us" and start by keeping GOD first, and he love that i'm not leaving him(and re-assured him i am not MAD)only was disappointed to learn about what he confess(drug use/weed)skipping therapy in hwh and the illegal cell fone for which he GAVE me the # when i didn't want the illegal cell phone # but i have it now,he said he "needed me"to have it no matter what so i have it now,

and i will of course. thanks aw. and i made more edit and add more(so -read over when you're able.)not giving up. we are still good now. Just feel better layin' down the law (tough AMOR) ya know. mi parents even say, "You're letting him know and was not talking on fone to him helped,it really did."He admitted it helped him with the "3 R's i call it) as i said in the "Brief update post." thanks again. Yes, i sure will keep you posted off and online. TTYL and everyone enjoy the rest of your New Year's week and weekend coming up. Adios.Hugs/Blessings.
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Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

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  #40  
Old 01-09-2018, 08:15 AM
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I believe that this way of growing up was/is hard but I also believe just because he saw what drugs can do to one's life he should stop the cycle. Standing by him is one thing but it's really time for him to grow up and make adult decisions. As long as his mind is tampered with by drugs, he will not follow a good path.
As long as he pulls you into his bad path and makes you "suffer" (to a certain degree), he has to walk it alone mostly.

It might be easy words for me - so my apologies - I've never had that kind of cycle of drugs/prison/bad home/etc... I was probably one of the lucky ones but still... life's too short...
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:56 PM
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The purpose behind most prisoners is that they didn't follow the rules or laws so they are now in prison. If your loved one is still not following the rules or laws then you are probably not going to get too far before he is right back in so maybe it's best if you move on
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Old 01-12-2018, 11:09 PM
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Originally Posted by CorvetteGuy View Post
I mean ... a cell phone inside is NBD. My ex had like 4 (kept upgrading) and so did her friends. If a cell phone meant going back inside, different story.

Drugs inside, I wouldn't support, and I'd watch, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. My ex used occasionally inside, but not at all since she's been out. Drink, yes, drugs, no. And she's doing it right; off paper 3 months now, owns a home (in SoCal that's *huge*)...

I'm not in their shoes, I don't judge, I wouldn't run away w/o more...


Gracia. (thank you)Corvette Guy. And he is on the paper still. Has parole and or the probation going on, for a long 1 year or longer.Thank you for this post. I just seen it tonight. and happy your ex, es doing it right."Cant say same for him.All up to him though.Not me. All up to him."Time will tell."

Adios.
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"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.
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Old 01-12-2018, 11:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Kimmied1105 View Post
The purpose behind most prisoners is that they didn't follow the rules or laws so they are now in prison. If your loved one is still not following the rules or laws then you are probably not going to get too far before he is right back in so maybe it's best if you move on

hola y' good evening chica, gracia. thank u kim for your posts, i am literally just reviewing both." I thank you,and you're so right on many points in both post." Nope. He isn't following the rules but is somehow sustaining his job even saying recently "I've been working thirteen hours a day, like a slave, with minimum wage/no time off really/and i have been "stressed-out"as all of my pay now go toward "living at hwh?" and other half toward the "fines/probation,et.al., and how he DOESN'T even have enough cash left over for "hygiene products?" I am "in here" struggling each day without you Sweetness, i am "hurtin' and i need things"and can't get them because of the hwh fees each week/probation/parole and things i have to pay "victim compensation"from robbing all them gas stations, stores, when i was 18.I am "struggling 100x more without you, and i really didn't want you to know." I wrote more update up top.-He has said, he will change though and he will prove it. (So far, i have not seen NADA.) Only that he has opened up to me, our last interaction/discussion,for which again, i have laid down the law and told him he has to focus/get therapy so he can transfer late feb/march 2018 to me. This was our plan all along as i know the BAD area he from has been a negative for him to be around/he admit this to me, and wish i was 'closer?' Yet, i am just almost 1 hr. away and he know this. He is using i really believe "harder drugs and do not want to say it."Hence, all up to him when he is ready to tell me, however, i was hoping he would BREAK THE CYCLE seeing what dope/drugs/heroine/coke/crack cocaine;pills alcohol has done to his entire (both sides)of the family he was born into,however i am giving him time for now and to see i have not abandon him.The choice is his.
-
I've updated all and again thank you. Time (i always say this to others too so now i am living by mi own advice and that is i will continue to see how he do, what he is able to (At HWH accomplish) as this is a huge step i.e., a mandatory therapy session(a few days a week)and he has NOT at all yet did any of it as i already shared in mi new threads, or his transfer to home with me will be denied,counselor already verified this, so we will see."I just continue to live mi good God-bless healthy life,smiling each waking day/night,because either way i will be just fine. God will continue to see to it and i have a supportive familia and few close friends, that is enough for me to continue to enjoy life, as he is promising "to change/do better et.al., if not he already know the risk of losing me forever."I pray he do what is right."I leave it in the lord's hands as i continue to be happy either way,because LIFE is way too short not to be.Adios. Good night.Hugs and blessings."
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Do NOT ignore the signs. Don't let the "I love u's,cloud your better judgement."
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-
Remember, he is #J.A.M.("Just another man.)

"DON'T let him break you.".God knows what es best for all of us."#Smile #LiveWell #DontSettle.

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Old 01-18-2018, 04:47 PM
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Thumbs down Leaving this situation

I would continue to focus on life and remain clean and sober cuz god I've got a story that will scare the drugs out of you 4 ever... You would never do drugs again.Dont send family to Gateway Program.
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Old 01-18-2018, 09:24 PM
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It's easy for someone to say to leave this man or forget about him etc etc. But when my husband got a dui 8 years ago and did a little time and had to go to a hwh I bought him a phone. He wouldn't have gotten more time because he had it so I didn't see a problem with him having it even though they were not allowed to have them. But by no means would I be ok with him doing drugs. Your man was in prison and he's in a hwh for a reason and not to be falling back into his old ways. He should have done learned his lesson and Be working on staying out of jail not finding ways to go back. I wish you both the best.
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Old 01-21-2018, 01:01 PM
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how he DOESN'T even have enough cash left over for "hygiene products?"
Translation - he doesn’t have enough cash left over for his OWN “hygiene products” after trading his cash (or products) for drugs.
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Old 01-23-2018, 10:52 AM
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I just can't understand this thinking. Most of the people in my husband's unit do drugs and have cell phones. Most of the CO's know. My husband is in there tattooing and running the yard and being stupid. It's the criminal mentality...the "I won't get caught" "everyone does it" "it's not a big deal". For these reasons I DID leave. Because I told him when he was arrested that I was absolutely done with unnecessary risks and he refused to give up the BS.

So, yes, it is easy for some of us to say that we would leave...because we would. Because them continuing to refuse to follow the rules isn't changed behavior and Gods know most of us don't want to be prison wives forever. If someone can't/won't follow the rules in prison/HWH they won't on the street either. Been there done that a time or two.
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Old 01-24-2018, 09:54 AM
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This thread got new and different dynamics... wow...

Personally where I draw the line is when something is illegal and it's been done anyway especially with the excuse "well they all did it"... I've addressed this before and it's not judging, it's my personal opinion.
In the end it does make it harder for those who don't do that and who are trying to do the "right thing" and living by the rules - especially when it comes to prison-rules, HWH rules, whatever. Because of those breaking the rules - even if it's with the excuse "everybody does it" and/or "the COs didn't care" the rules get stricter all the time.

I want my man to come home without any more hitches and glitches and the way I can support that is NOT breaking the rules, not bringing in contraband, not doing whatever is against the rules. Even if some do it, I still won't. He has waited 24+ years to have a cellphone, he can wait a little longer..
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Old 01-26-2018, 02:11 PM
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Alrighty then, this thread has been cleaned up and has now been re-opened. Remember, the topic at hand is "My LO is at a half way house and is breaking the rules. What would you do?"

Now, with all of that being said, some kind of way this thread became derailed discussing things that could have better been said off the boards, and we're NOT going to bicker about it here.

All of us here on the boards are involved with the prison system in one way or another via people that we care about deeply. As much as we hate to admit it, we know they got there by breaking the rules of society. While they are locked up, we hope and pray that they can change their habits and ways of thinking and come out to be productive members of society.

When our loved ones come out, if they still continue to break the rules of society without care, then it is up to each individual involved as to how much and what they will tolerate from their loved ones before they decide enough is enough. All we can do is set the example, and if that is not good enough, then at some point we have to cut the ties in order to live a peaceful life. Each individual's circumstances are different, and some former inmates will reform. Sadly, others will not, and that's just the way it is.
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Old 01-26-2018, 03:40 PM
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I would not be able to handle my husband going back to prison... when he is released he already understands the expectations that I have of him.
My entire soul would be shattered if he made any risks that could jeopardize his freedom and our family.

That being said, other than the one incident that brought him to prison he had a clean criminal record and is a good man and father.
I am fully confident that this time in prison he has 100% learned his lesson with drinking and driving.
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Is it illegal to talk about weed over the phone? jbabygirl113 GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions 7 05-23-2012 03:52 PM
Got a call ON my cell phone! (original title-cell phones in prison) BEAUTIU1976 GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions 24 03-14-2008 11:12 AM
how does the prison determine if an inmate is calling a cell phone or home phone? rairai GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions 22 10-13-2006 04:26 PM


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