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  #51  
Old 01-25-2016, 06:46 PM
rmc50 rmc50 is offline
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People are 'herd' animals; they need to belong to a herd, a pack, a group of their peers. The herd can be a church group, a profession group (engineer, politician, etc.) or a group of friends. It can also be a gang or similar undesired group.

People in a herd will mimic the actions of their herd. They will dress similar, talk similar, act similar.

It should be clear by now what pack your nephew would prefer to associate with. Getting piercings and/or tattoos is how he shows his allegiance to his current pack. The fact that while he demonstrates his allegiance to them he also demonstrates to the courts (and to you) that he has little regard for the law should tell you something.

You need to quit funding this young man! The money you have been providing has only enabled this behavior. I sincerely doubt that he has spent $150 a week on himself at the commissary. That money has been flowing into his pack. It is quite likely that it was this source of funds that got him included into that group to begin with.

If he is trying to lay a guilt trip on you by blaming you for his actions then he clearly doesn't respect you or appreciate what you have been trying to do for him. You have done the best that you could so far, but at this point the best thing to do is nothing. No funds, no packages.

Perhaps when (if) he is transferred to a state prison you could reach out to him again. He will likely get separated from his current 'herd' and might make better choices when he has to start over.

I understand that you grieve for him and want to help, but you have to realize that you can't help him. Before you can help him he has to decide to help himself.

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  #52  
Old 01-26-2016, 09:15 AM
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I am going to second, third, and fourth a lot of these posts. If you continue to fund your nephew you are only enabling the very issue you are seeking to prevent. I would caution you to back away and only provide support through letters. It sounds harsh, right?

To be honest I would be furious if someone I loved and cared about sent someone to my door to collect a large sum of money from me for drugs! What the heck. I wouldn't talk to that person again....that would mean that person put you in harms way and not just that but that you could have potentially served time for contributing to that.

My biggest concern is that instead of creating prevention you are seeking information...you are not a detective and do not work for the prison system. You are only getting information from individuals that are probably misrepresenting the information to begin with. Who knows if these people are being honest..or if your nephew is being honest about anything, but the biggest concern I had was that through all of this your nephew was participating and in one post you even admitted that he claimed he liked being involved. As scary as all that sounds I hope you can back away so that you do not become involved any further and can have your sanity. Provide only support.
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  #53  
Old 01-27-2016, 02:46 PM
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I have realized that this is stupid. I was so upset and started looking for answers and well it only made things worse. I read the responses and well this world is different. I cannot change or have influence on it and by looking for answers to questions that I already have had answered hoping that they will change. I was looking for a reason when I will never get that resolved to my satisfaction. I have decided that if anything I will support him by letter and when he gets out help him get back on his feet. I was wrapped up in the have to save him mentality when in fact I don't. He has grown up in this life. He will do what he desires and well if the love of those outside is not enough to get him to make the right choices then so be it. If there is any positive outcome I will update but as it looks like my nephew has to go at it on his own. As is most of life. I have to stop losing sleep over it and let things fall where they will. Time is the only thing now that will make things right.
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  #54  
Old 01-28-2016, 01:14 AM
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The hardest thing to fully accept is knowing you have no control over the prison. And that includes what they do on the inside and how they operate. It's no joke it's a whole different world. They have their own rules, government, and most of all secrets. On both sides. Public knowledge thru the states website is always looking friendly and caring and rehabilitating. But they have their own dirty secrets. If the general public knew the truth they wouldn't be spouting off all their opinions so fast. Another reason why upon release many have their own professionally acknowledged form of PTSD. Or why some become institutionalized. It's like leaving your home country for a completely foreign one. And that is what happens when a problem is ignored for so long. It becomes a monster no one knows how to control.
All that sounds bad. And you're probably wondering how to help then or if it's wise to walk away. I don't know the reality of the new ones going in nowadays. Things are changing but so far it doesn't seem to be any different other than mindset of the new generation. So I will speak for myself on this, but my husband is still there... Many, probably most, do their time without any extra money. A lot of them don't get letters or have anyone who answers the phone regularly. Look at visits. 2000-3000 men inside but only a roomful of visitors. Because many will also do their time with not one visit. Of course we can say some don't deserve it, some don't have it, and some have been cut off. So whenever I hear one of them tell a loved one everyone else gets, so why don't I .... It's bullshit. So that's the biggest thing. Don't ever feel bad for not sending anything. My suggestion would be to not stop communication. Even sending stamps and if you send 10 expect 10 letters or a few less for other letters. Yes stamps can be traded. But 10 can't buy a whole lot especially if he doesn't get more if he doesn't write. If you need to stop writing and visiting, at least drop a card once in awhile so he's not feeling forgotten. But at the same time it can't be held over his head. He knows. And that would be counter productive also. I've unfortunately done this now awhile, took a break for awhile, and before for awhile. For me, the biggest thing I have to understand is that I don't. But I can listen. And be there. And I know that is already more than others get. He doesn't want me to understand just wants me to listen. And not place more demands on him other than basic relationshipwise ones.
Not sure if that helps. I just see a lot of family members keep giving because they feel guilt if they don't. When he is stripped to the core of realizing how much it means to have what you offer in communication, I'm hopeful he will appreciate every bit of the simple thing he will need in there. And that will help him see when he gets out it's all the added bullshit that means nothing. All the glorifying of prisons and the lifestyle show nothing of the reality. As always, my opinion.
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  #55  
Old 07-04-2016, 12:26 PM
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I wanted to update this post with what I hoped would be more positive information. His case has been delayed by the DA recusing himself which started the clock over again and he will not go to trial till the end of this year if we are lucky. The person that I was worried about him being in there with got re-arrested and was put in the same tank because, get this, he requested that tank. These inmates dictate where they can go crazy how that happens!! Riverside County jail is so fucked up I am at a loss of words. As it stands he has done 5 years in county jail for strong arm robbery. They are delaying his case as if they are trying a murder case ugh. So disgusted. There seems to be no end to this.
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  #56  
Old 07-04-2016, 12:28 PM
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Not excusing his crime. No he did the deed. I am just at a loss at the speed of this justice system and the delays and the feeling that they want to make an example out of him for 17 years two strikes.
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  #57  
Old 07-04-2016, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by riversidecali View Post
Not excusing his crime. No he did the deed. I am just at a loss at the speed of this justice system and the delays and the feeling that they want to make an example out of him for 17 years two strikes.
I don't think anyone would disagree with you that 5 years in county waiting for trial is excessive and a god reason for frustration. I'm so sorry he's back in the tank with the unsavory folks once again...

I really hope this nightmare ends for you soon!
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  #58  
Old 12-04-2016, 08:08 AM
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Another update on my nephew. We just had court and they are looking 20 years two strikes. I do not understand the reason for no deal or that excessive amount of time. DA wants to and is ready for trail and will not go lower than 19 years on a Deal! So we postponed yet gain for a new date of February. The Public defender said we are doing this so he earns time credits for prison. I don't really know how to feel about that. I am trying to keep him positive but this last court date really destroyed what hope he had left. It is soul crushing seeing what little light he has left slowly dying. He came to realize I will be 55 and he will be 43 if he gets 20 years. How does anyone expect someone to function if all they know is jail. I need to save money hire him a real lawyer. I hope to see him today. Visting is today.
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Old 12-04-2016, 09:48 AM
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wow. Just wow.

I hope you have a good visit despite the bad news on another delay.
sheesh.
I also hope you have attended a nar-a-non meeting or 20.
It can help you with some of these issues surrounding his addiction.
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Old 12-04-2016, 11:33 AM
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My heart goes out to you, I am sorry. I don't know what else to say, really...other than sometimes life can surprise you and maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way in the future things might change. Don't lose hope... even if it seems hard now. Sending you love and strength
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  #61  
Old 12-05-2016, 06:48 PM
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Well the visit went awful. He argued about money and he wants to be comfortable in jail. I told him no. He said then I will find another way to get money and mentioned someone in there is offering him $200 dollars just because. I told him it does not work that way. Someone offering you money means something else. He said some people just want to help out. So I may be over reacting but I guess this means he is being "taken" care of. I don't know and I think I lost him since he feels he is going away for a long time and is settling in for the long haul. I just I don't know there is nothing I can do.
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Old 12-05-2016, 06:58 PM
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The thing you can do is stay consistent. I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing. He's going to have to figure this one out on his own. And when he does, he'll see that your boundaries and way of loving him were the right thing to do. It may not happen any time soon-- it sounds like he's got some life lessons yet to learn, but you're doing it right. I'm sorry it's so hard.
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Old 12-06-2016, 08:18 AM
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sadly no, there really isnt much you can do for him.
stick to your guns about the money.
Im sorry this hurts you.
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Old 01-10-2017, 01:26 PM
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Update again and still no good news. I do not know the reasons for the DAs strict stance with my nephews case. Asking for any advice. He just went to court and the DA is seeking to treat both victims as two crimes. So two counts of armed robbery with two gun enhancements. The deal is 19 years two strikes almost guaranteeing him to get a third in prison and have him put away for life. If he goes to trial the DA is seeking a maximum of 34 years two strikes. 7 years each for the victims and 10 years for gun enchantments per each victim. He will be 57 years old. What kind of life will a teenager who knows nothing but jail will he have at that age! I most likely might not be around in that time leaving him with no immediate family to support or guide him. I am reaching out to anyone who might have advice as to what I could possibly do or if writing letters will help to any one. DA judges or politicians. It just seems unfair to give him this much time when others who shoot, kill, and hurt people get off with far less time. It feels like a brink of lead in my soul and heart. This young kid at 18 will never live a righteous life. Never having the chance of someone being a positive influence in his life. He was always surrounded by family that were criminals. Now living with criminals, murderers, 24 hours 7 days a week. He will only know crime and evil in jail and prison. I wish I would have know him so much sooner. But that is life. Feeling defeated and lost.
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Old 01-10-2017, 03:48 PM
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This is a prime example why people re-offend. Not saying he will it's just that the system isn't entirely set up for people to make a lasting positive change for themselves when they get out. An obstacle course of hoops and tricks to overcome hoping to have a life after prison. This is the only life he knows now. To put him away until 57 years old, I agree, seems far beyond excessive.

As my understanding they can treat 2 victims as 2 separate crimes. Still, 34 years of time is ridiculous. Sounds like he's being made an example of or just plain being railroaded. I'm very sorry that you are possibly facing losing him for 34 years and him losing his life like that.

I had dealt with a similar DA who wanted to make my husband out to be a ring leader and he ended up getting the max time because of that. They offered the same max time as a plea bargain. Our attorney asked his family and friends to write letters of character to the judge. I even had a chance to speak of his character in court. All of our words fell on deaf ears. Still, if you have the chance to do so it's worth a try when sentencing comes. I'm unsure on the laws of appealing a plea bargain if he were to take one. As far as I know it's very hard to appeal a plea bargain. Usually it means that they have plead guilty (not guilty no contest) to a crime unless it's per the terms of the agreement. I wonder if anyone can comment on a Governors pardon? *This info is only to my knowledge to crimes in CA and what I've found and interpreted the law to be.
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Old 01-10-2017, 06:26 PM
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There is a legal help thread on the site. Some smart attorneys post there. Smart enough that they often respond by saying listen to your lawyer.

I've heard of open pleas? Where you go to court and the plea deal goes to the judge to decide instead of DA to decide. Maybe it is not an option here. Maybe it is a bad idea and makes it worse. Maybe it makes it better if he comes across as an angel to the judge. I don't know. Please do not do anything without asking attorney who actually knows what they are talking about. I'm just spitballing a thought.
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  #67  
Old 04-05-2017, 10:45 AM
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Another update. We go to court Friday. His public Defender is filing two motions in court. One for Dismissal of the the DA's office on the case and another for Prosecutorial misconduct. The fact that the original deal was removed by, at the time DA, who was then fired in 2014 for other misconduct. His public defender feels that the time offered for his crime is no longer fair and that fact that there was a deal on paper just not signed is a good cause. Though she feels no judge would have the guts to grant it. Perhaps a glimmer of hope I do not know. I try not to get my hopes up but it is so hard not to sometimes. I, we, have been down that stressful road. Five long years God I hope even if no deal. Just not 34 years.
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Old 05-02-2017, 07:25 AM
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Yet another update. There is no deal from the DA. They have opted for trail and will be going back June 2nd. I all I can do is pray and hope. They cut the phones off in the the Jail for a whole week. The tank was pepper balled and tear gassed this past monday. No word on the jail as to why. No mail or phone calls. I had to find out at visiting when this happened. He swears he had nothing to do. He told me the tank he is in has most inmates looking at life sentences and one had just got sentenced and went crazy in the jail. I don't know how truthful that is but June cannot get here any quicker.
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Old 05-02-2017, 09:51 AM
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I'm thinking of you, riversidecali. I'm sorry.
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Old 05-03-2017, 02:14 AM
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The only way to really deal with this is to hire a private attorney or find a pro bono attorney not affiliated with the Public Defender. Public Defenders do a great job when you consider the scant resources they have and huge case loads they carry, but they cannot do anything more than simply agree to continue a case. Recently I went through a felony charge in Tuolumne County and I got a good outcome because I'm white, can afford private counsel and have money. I attended at least 10 hearings in the court, and watched in horror as the DA vs. PD sent person after person to prison and jail, always seeking the maximum sentence and rarely ever cutting anyone any slack. I found great irony in the DA supposedly represents the people of the state of California. The people being prosecuted are people of the state of California. The PDs are too swamped to put up any defense, which led me to assume the DAs represent the various prison boards around the country and not the people of the state. How a DA can sit on a prison board and then argue in court about sending people to prison is such a clear conflict of interest, they should be banned from having anything to do with prisons as it is clearly unethical. Your best bet is to get private counsel.
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Old 05-03-2017, 04:18 PM
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The issue with getting private counsel at this point is two fold.

1.) The cost of private counsel at this phase (it's technically in the "pre-trial/trial" phase, past the preliminary hearing) will be easily over $10,000.

2.) The court is going to view an attempt to replace counsel at this time as an effort to delay proceedings, since the new counsel would need all items of discovery and so forth and then time to review that. While the court would be forced to grant it, both the DA and the judge would take issue with it. You'd have to show that the PD was incompetent or had a conflict (which would gather some leniency from the judge on the matter, at a minimum.) By the sounds of it, under the circumstances, the PD has performed at least adequately, if not nobly in face of a DA that doesn't want to compromise.

So in short....at this stage, switching counsel might actually be counter-productive.

I'm a bit shocked that the DA doesn't want to try to offer SOMETHING at this stage.
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Old 06-12-2017, 09:41 PM
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Just another update as I sit here waiting for visiting at 9 pm. They postponed again as both his attorney and his co-defendant attorney did not show up. One had a father in the hospital and his attorney was stuck in another case or something. At this stage I don't know if his attorneys are pouposly delaying his case as a way to earn time credits. Just I don't know. The DA got in front of the judge and proclaimed they are ready for trial. Then the stand in defense states the my nephew's attorney could not go to trial next month because she was going on vacation! That they would have to continue till august when she's back! The judge commented that this case is from 2012 and demanded all attorneys be present the 29th of June. I hope for some light at the end of this long tunnel soon. Wether it's prison or not just some end. I don't know why I keep updating here perhaps to vent to people who might understand. Thank you all for your kind words and advice.
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:06 PM
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Thank you for the update. I'm sorry this is dragging on so long. County time served is rough, but the credited time is a good thing. I hope all goes smoothly on the 29th and you are able to close this chapter soon.
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:30 PM
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SO glad the judge didn't let his atty put this off for her vacation!
I'll be thinking of you [both] on the 29th

I wasn't here when you first started on this journey, but I've been reading your posts and I'm glad that you do update. I'm sending positive vibes your way and hoping for a somewhat happy ending. Hang in there!
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:37 PM
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He ended up moving to Southwest Detention. This has been the only jail facility he has not been to. I hate it so far. The visiting phone line runs a background check EVERY time. The phone call takes 15 mins where everywhere else I get a visit in two minuets. That is not the only issue so far! Mail takes two to three weeks to arrive for me. I just got a letter date June 3rd. Anyone have ideas if there a legal issue with delaying mail like this? Then again he could be lying to me. Got wind of more 25 gang issues but I don't know. Phone time gets expensive. Hate that mail from this faculity is taking three times as long from any jail I have had experience from. Feeling sad and more beat down.
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