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  #26  
Old 01-04-2016, 10:05 AM
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I'm confused...

He's using drugs? He's a victim of extortion? Both?

Tough love means stop sending him money. He will be fed and clothed by the facility, but any money you give is going to go straight to his debt and continuing habit.

Maybe he is involved with a prison gang, maybe he's not. But what drives the whole thing is his addiction. He doesn't need pity; he needs to get clean and start making better decisions.

Have you considered visiting an Al-anon meeting? I think you could gain a lot from hearing and seeing the manipulation patterns addicts exert over their families.

Best to you.
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Old 01-04-2016, 11:33 AM
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Sounds to me he has been in a way both a victim and willing participant in both? If he went in not really knowing what to expect they used what they could from his willingness to fit in, young age, and money coming in. The only reason I throw in victim even though some might disagree is, he may not have been ready for how good some people are at spotting any weakness and using that.
I really hope you can at least get him to understand the importance of not tattooing or admitting any allegiance to this gang. Even though word travels unbelievably fast between facilities he has a chance to clean it up and use what he just learned to go into prison with a different attitude and not becoming a part of this all over again. So glad you found out before he was sent.
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  #28  
Old 01-04-2016, 02:43 PM
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Sounds to me he has been in a way both a victim and willing participant in both? If he went in not really knowing what to expect they used what they could from his willingness to fit in, young age, and money coming in. The only reason I throw in victim even though some might disagree is, he may not have been ready for how good some people are at spotting any weakness and using that.
I[...]
Sure, I can see that if he was a year or so in. But this is happening, per the OP, four years into his stay. So maybe it's been happening for a while and he can't get out? It's possible.
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  #29  
Old 01-04-2016, 08:57 PM
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Question Nephew in cj/sex play/update

I sent you a pm. As one post said don't write the sheriff. I don't think that would get you anywhere. I would talk to his PD. And stop sending him money. I would allow phone calls, and visits, and letters, but you have to stop enabling him. As long as he has you to support him while in CJ, then all is good on his end.......If he is getting drugs in CJ, then he owes, and that is a bad sign too........just my two cents worth.....
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  #30  
Old 01-04-2016, 09:56 PM
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Sure, I can see that if he was a year or so in. But this is happening, per the OP, four years into his stay. So maybe it's been happening for a while and he can't get out? It's possible.
You're right. I had forgotten his case was taking so long. I can imagine it can be hard when you're options are limited. And whether it's county or prison some are way worse than others when it comes to who's running what and the overload of drugs in those. I hate to think about new/young ones who go in, described as accepting of others and maybe a follower, ask for protective custody, and get this. It makes me mad for them. He does need to wake up and take responsibility. For sure. And maybe the picture painted of him is from family love and she didn't know he was capable of using her like that. Cutting him off will fix that fast. Even if he has to get his ass beat a time or two to get it he needs to take responsibility for himself. Gangs were formed to protect each other. First. Then of course money and control. So why does PC have gangs? California should've seen it coming. Was he naive going in and all he knows is what this 'gang' told him? They gave him drugs knowing he could get money to get more drugs? Or did he set out looking? If this happened to my nephew, whom I'm very close with, I would have a pretty good sense, a feeling at least, of which way it happened. I guess that's why I was leaning towards he's been taken advantage of (she gave me that impression) not innocent, but now possibly left in a bad spot. These guys he's with may have no bad intentions currently if he chooses to stop buying, stop using, and just do his time. But now I don't think it matters as much as him hopefully at least watching how this has happened. How it works. And ways he needs to be stronger at his next place. Learn to do it without the drugs. Without claiming this 'gang'. And do it on his terms. I'm also glad she found this website if her experience is so limited. Maybe along with tough love she needs to have a little chat with him about how to use what he's gone thru as a learning experience before he gets to his home prison. He will have reception, possibly being where he stays, and then stay or go to his probable spot he will be for awhile. He can use this to go in stronger and not looking like a target. If she was completely fooled and he was the instigator in searching for drugs and doing what it took to get high including intentionally allowing himself to be at their mercy OR made this all up to begin with and was never in harm and never putting up with anyone's shit, just using emotions to get more money... Well, he blew it. He is now in PC. Has made his biggest supporter question and cut him off, and also will probably get his ass beat quite a few times until it gets thru his thick head how to really get thru his time with integrity especially to loved ones helping out here.
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  #31  
Old 01-05-2016, 08:27 AM
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You're right. I had forgotten his case was taking so long. I can imagine it can be hard when you're options are limited. And whether it's county or prison some are way worse than others when it comes to who's running what and the overload of drugs in those. I hate to think about new/young ones who go in, described as accepting of others and maybe a follower, ask for protective custody, and get this. It makes me mad for them. He does need to wake up and take responsibility. For sure. And maybe the picture painted of him is from family love and she didn't know he was capable of using her like that. Cutting him off will fix that fast. Even if he has to get his ass beat a time or two to get it he needs to take responsibility for himself. Gangs were formed to protect each other. First. Then of course money and control. So why does PC have gangs? California should've seen it coming. Was he naive going in and all he knows is what this 'gang' told him? They gave him drugs knowing he could get money to get more drugs? Or did he set out looking? If this happened to my nephew, whom I'm very close with, I would have a pretty good sense, a feeling at least, of which way it happened. I guess that's why I was leaning towards he's been taken advantage of (she gave me that impression) not innocent, but now possibly left in a bad spot. These guys he's with may have no bad intentions currently if he chooses to stop buying, stop using, and just do his time. But now I don't think it matters as much as him hopefully at least watching how this has happened. How it works. And ways he needs to be stronger at his next place. Learn to do it without the drugs. Without claiming this 'gang'. And do it on his terms. I'm also glad she found this website if her experience is so limited. Maybe along with tough love she needs to have a little chat with him about how to use what he's gone thru as a learning experience before he gets to his home prison. He will have reception, possibly being where he stays, and then stay or go to his probable spot he will be for awhile. He can use this to go in stronger and not looking like a target. If she was completely fooled and he was the instigator in searching for drugs and doing what it took to get high including intentionally allowing himself to be at their mercy OR made this all up to begin with and was never in harm and never putting up with anyone's shit, just using emotions to get more money... Well, he blew it. He is now in PC. Has made his biggest supporter question and cut him off, and also will probably get his ass beat quite a few times until it gets thru his thick head how to really get thru his time with integrity especially to loved ones helping out here.
After I thought about how long he has been in CJ, and he has a PD, what type of deal does he expect he would get for AR? My husband was in reception for 5 months before he was transferred out. And he hated every minute of it. No phone calls, no visits. It took what seemed forever to get approved to Wasco, then he was shipped further down south to a hell hole. She also needs to remember that sending stamps can be used for drugs as well. Hate to say it but she is in a very uncomfortable situation. She wants to help her nephew, but there is only so much she can do for him. He needs to help himself, and while he is in CJ get into N.A. programs, get his GED if he doesn't have a HS diploma, and get his head on straight. BEFORE he goes to State Prison. Yes he is young, and the ones who have been in prison for a long time will prey upon him. He needs to toughen up for his sake, and stop depending on his Aunt to bail him out from his own demons. I have never seen a case like this go on for 4 years in a county jail. Most plead not guilty, with or without trial, or just plead out to get on the road to prison. She mentioned he would get 2 strikes, no not unless he already had a prior strike. How many times has this guy been to State Prison? My guess from reading her posts is this is going to be his first time, and hopefully he will get his shit together while sitting in CJ and lay low. Oddly in CJ inmates that are set to go to State Prison Reception, go to Wasco, if there is any mention in Wasco of how this guy was getting 150 bucks from his Aunt, he's setting him self up for a long haul........As for his PD, allowing him to sit in CJ this many years is bullshit. Or his PD is just a idiot. He can always ask the Judge for a new PD. just saying......
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  #32  
Old 01-05-2016, 09:41 AM
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Benjaminsbaby you are right I sent you a PM. But yes I told him get your GED read the books I send you. But he does not. As to PD IDK if she is an idiot, she seems nice. I have actively begun looking for a paid one though, just one that takes payments. As to the two strikes IDK why the DA is asking for that. He has not been in jail only Juvenal hall. The judge even told the DA that he does not agree with two strikes, one is fine but not two, the DA said no and just walked out of the Judges chambers. At least that is what the PD told me happened. That the DA is an asshole. As of now, when I found out for sure about what was happening and when I confronted him he stopped calling. I could see it in his face that what I knew was true because he had a hard time brushing it off. For now I will just try to sleep at night. Regroup and see what the next step. Obviously not money. How counter intuitive that was. Money root of all evil I guess holds true more so in jail/prison.
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  #33  
Old 01-05-2016, 07:04 PM
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You all seem to live in a Stepford Wives world. You are applying ridiculously impossible demands on this poor soul. When you are in the can, it's good to get drugs. It's one of the ways you can stick to the man. And you can be sure, it really is important to stick it to the man. It's that one little piece of integrity - yes, integrity - that you can hold onto while everything else is stripped away from you. And if he's doing heroin, then lucky him. At least for a few moments he gets to escape from that hellhole. All these ideas of "getting his GED" and "doing without drugs" - are you crazy? Not in county. Maybe if he's transferred to a prison he can get his GED, but while he is in county, anything he can do to make life easier - whether it is being gang-banged by a bunch of men or doing heroin - will make life better. Do you have any idea of what it is like inside these abysmal institutions? Forget god, forget jesus - they are only monsters who taunt you with their absurd notions of rewarding you... when you are dead. Sorry for the abrupt tone, but this holier than thou attitude does nothing but push people further down the hole. Our prison system is wrong. We cannot fix it, but what we can do is love those who we are connected to and do everything in our power to make sure this wretched system continues to fail. History will look so unkindly at the United States and how it refused to evolve and instead chose to incarcerate the ever-burgeoning problems resultant from making money our god instead of compassion.
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  #34  
Old 01-05-2016, 09:08 PM
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You all seem to live in a Stepford Wives world. You are applying ridiculously impossible demands on this poor soul. When you are in the can, it's good to get drugs. It's one of the ways you can stick to the man. And you can be sure, it really is important to stick it to the man. It's that one little piece of integrity - yes, integrity - that you can hold onto while everything else is stripped away from you. And if he's doing heroin, then lucky him. At least for a few moments he gets to escape from that hellhole. All these ideas of "getting his GED" and "doing without drugs" - are you crazy? Not in county. Maybe if he's transferred to a prison he can get his GED, but while he is in county, anything he can do to make life easier - whether it is being gang-banged by a bunch of men or doing heroin - will make life better. Do you have any idea of what it is like inside these abysmal institutions? Forget god, forget jesus - they are only monsters who taunt you with their absurd notions of rewarding you... when you are dead. Sorry for the abrupt tone, but this holier than thou attitude does nothing but push people further down the hole. Our prison system is wrong. We cannot fix it, but what we can do is love those who we are connected to and do everything in our power to make sure this wretched system continues to fail. History will look so unkindly at the United States and how it refused to evolve and instead chose to incarcerate the ever-burgeoning problems resultant from making money our god instead of compassion.
You did play the devils advocate here didn't you? I seem to agree with a lot of your posts. Even this one with a few differences. Most will disagree, I agree but see it different a bit. The prison system is no doubt F'd up big time. And money is the force behind it. Nothing much else moving it a better direction except a few that hope to change it. But it will probably continue to get worse before better. I would say the drugs used inside and especially the heroin for some and pot for others is a mental escape mechanism more so than addiction driven. But it also is known to turn many into addicts who weren't before. Which also brings us to the US is falling behind on being on top and why don't they mirror prison systems in the countries where it is working better for cost, families, and less return trips. Instead it is sticking to what hasn't worked in a long time and is on the same track as the prisons in countries we used to look at in horror. Saved in some cases by judges and court orders.
Where I'm having a hard time agreeing is this isn't about the system but about her nephew. And she is worried and would rather he not come out a man addicted and ready to go back. He is going to extremes and isnt owning up to what he's doing. So he is asking for way to much money and isn't being honest. We all know it's WAY pricey in there. And she can't and won't foot the bill for an unknown number of years. He will (if he wants to continue to use) have to learn some self control or he will end up in debt he can't pay unless he figures it out. Some guys can and should get an education or do something. And some prisons are no better. Like the one I said earlier on, so much heroin in there it was crazy. Pretty much impossible not to use unless something else occupies his time and thoughts. Personally I don't expect perfection. But I do expect control of himself and being able to walk out and not be lost, ready to go back. This kid is young. So his options are either clean up enough to have his head on straight or put in work for someone to earn his place like it is now. I could go on. This is a hard one but it's his aunt, like a mother would want better. And it's not gonna be easy.
I do have to add regarding the 2 strikes. I'm ad the judge is disagreeing and it seems it's the DA holding this up refusing to offer a decent deal or trial. But at least years back, you could get 2 strikes with one case. Which is probably why they are looking at so much time. Hopefully that's it and the judge will refuse the second strike and his time will be almost served if that's what I'm reading into this. I'm hoping.
Again, sorry if I went off topic to much and assumed to much. But I feel for this family going thru this.
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  #35  
Old 01-05-2016, 10:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Vorlon007 View Post
You all seem to live in a Stepford Wives world. You are applying ridiculously impossible demands on this poor soul. When you are in the can, it's good to get drugs. It's one of the ways you can stick to the man. And you can be sure, it really is important to stick it to the man. It's that one little piece of integrity - yes, integrity - that you can hold onto while everything else is stripped away from you. And if he's doing heroin, then lucky him. At least for a few moments he gets to escape from that hellhole. All these ideas of "getting his GED" and "doing without drugs" - are you crazy? Not in county. Maybe if he's transferred to a prison he can get his GED, but while he is in county, anything he can do to make life easier - whether it is being gang-banged by a bunch of men or doing heroin - will make life better. Do you have any idea of what it is like inside these abysmal institutions? Forget god, forget jesus - they are only monsters who taunt you with their absurd notions of rewarding you... when you are dead. Sorry for the abrupt tone, but this holier than thou attitude does nothing but push people further down the hole. Our prison system is wrong. We cannot fix it, but what we can do is love those who we are connected to and do everything in our power to make sure this wretched system continues to fail. History will look so unkindly at the United States and how it refused to evolve and instead chose to incarcerate the ever-burgeoning problems resultant from making money our god instead of compassion.
I tend to disagree with you. If he applied himself in CJ and got his GED or got into a N.A. group, he would be doing himself a huge favor. Yes our prisons and even county jails are a freaking mess. But this young man sitting in CJ for 4 years while the DA and the PD and the Judge argue over what they should do or not do is bullshit. I have never seen anyone who has commited a serious felony like this sit in CJ for 4 years. most of the time they plead out. Go to prison, get it over with, get out and get their lives back. They aren't going to get their lives back sitting in county jail or state prison. Not in a million years. Sure there are programs and schools they offer in prison and re-entry programs to help these people when they are near release. I am a inmates wife too. I know that what my husband did was on his own doing. And I don't enable his situation. Just as this woman whose nephew is sitting and waiting his fate, he put himself in this situation. She can only at this point offer him emotional support and not with money. This isn't a game she is playing here, she is coming to this site for support. And by golly she asks and she recieves. Just saying.....
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Old 01-05-2016, 10:58 PM
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You did play the devils advocate here didn't you? I seem to agree with a lot of your posts. Even this one with a few differences. Most will disagree, I agree but see it different a bit. The prison system is no doubt F'd up big time. And money is the force behind it. Nothing much else moving it a better direction except a few that hope to change it. But it will probably continue to get worse before better. I would say the drugs used inside and especially the heroin for some and pot for others is a mental escape mechanism more so than addiction driven. But it also is known to turn many into addicts who weren't before. Which also brings us to the US is falling behind on being on top and why don't they mirror prison systems in the countries where it is working better for cost, families, and less return trips. Instead it is sticking to what hasn't worked in a long time and is on the same track as the prisons in countries we used to look at in horror. Saved in some cases by judges and court orders.
Where I'm having a hard time agreeing is this isn't about the system but about her nephew. And she is worried and would rather he not come out a man addicted and ready to go back. He is going to extremes and isnt owning up to what he's doing. So he is asking for way to much money and isn't being honest. We all know it's WAY pricey in there. And she can't and won't foot the bill for an unknown number of years. He will (if he wants to continue to use) have to learn some self control or he will end up in debt he can't pay unless he figures it out. Some guys can and should get an education or do something. And some prisons are no better. Like the one I said earlier on, so much heroin in there it was crazy. Pretty much impossible not to use unless something else occupies his time and thoughts. Personally I don't expect perfection. But I do expect control of himself and being able to walk out and not be lost, ready to go back. This kid is young. So his options are either clean up enough to have his head on straight or put in work for someone to earn his place like it is now. I could go on. This is a hard one but it's his aunt, like a mother would want better. And it's not gonna be easy.
I do have to add regarding the 2 strikes. I'm ad the judge is disagreeing and it seems it's the DA holding this up refusing to offer a decent deal or trial. But at least years back, you could get 2 strikes with one case. Which is probably why they are looking at so much time. Hopefully that's it and the judge will refuse the second strike and his time will be almost served if that's what I'm reading into this. I'm hoping.
Again, sorry if I went off topic to much and assumed to much. But I feel for this family going thru this.
I have never seen any Judge in SLO county or DA for that matter hand out two strikes for one case. Unless of course there is more to it then what is really going on. She has come to this site for help and understanding. I feel for her, and her nephew too. He's in for a long haul with what ever sentence he is handed. But this is a decision he did to himself. All we can do is help her through this. She is confused just as we all were at one point or another with a LO going to prison. Our whole system is a joke. I sit for countless hours with the attorney I work for and listen to the DA's bullshit over and over till I am blue in the face. The only thing the DA gives a damn about is how many cases he/she can win over the attorney who is representing the defendant. There is more to her case that meets the eye. And if she is having problems with sleeping she should ask her own M.D. for assistance. All of us that have a LO in State Prison feel for her pain. Just saying.....
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Old 01-05-2016, 11:19 PM
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If her nephews case is in riverside county, that's the same county for the double strike case I know about. It was about 15 years ago. And the guy was close to my family so I knew the case. And he was guilty for the base of the whole thing. But it was a sign of times to come. Completely overcharged. If you look at the writing of the law, they could use what they did, but they knew what happened. How it all happened. And they still turned a simple charge into 3 very serious charges. I'm sure most people will say I'm being biased, but even the 'victim' wasn't for those charges. We all knew each other. Only explaining because I find it scary. He was finally sentenced, 2 strikes, first time offender, not even jail time before. Total time served 8 years. I'm all for if you play you pay. But like you said. It's a win or lose for the DA & PD. And riverside county has played dirty for years, in my opinion.
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:22 AM
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Yes they can hand out 2 strikes on one case it happened to my ex, it was armed robbery but 2 clerks so they gave him one strike for each clerk, it was a liquor store I am from Riverside and they will do that, he appealed it and it was up held. As to his using hard drugs in county, it happens but I would find it hard to believe he's getting it on a consistent basis and lets say that it has then he has a really long run on him. Because to have it all the time then he's got a mean ass dragon on his back, for as long as he has been there. I'm sorry I just find it hard to believe that, I used heroin for over 30 years and never seen it come in on a constant basis. He has been in long enough to know how to play the game with all the hearts and flowers. I don't buy it. Dude, was already knowing about the drugs before he went in and if he is fighting a case for that long there is more to it. I know people who fought their cases almost 10 yrs in county but those were murder or death penalty cases and they will fight and prolong them for as long as they can till the DA comes at them with a deal or they go to trial. Only my opinions and if Tia is going to support him with funds then that is her choice. Sorry, but we all have to learn and hopefully something positive will come of it. My son has been in and out of prison and I will write send pics but not money or stamps. I have always set up some kind of way for him to call but that's it, he knows it too! No one did for me and I ended up doing all those years by my choice and my actions since the age of 14 until I was 51 yrs old. May everything turn out for the best for him though.
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Old 01-06-2016, 03:58 PM
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Thank you for all the info Vorlon007. I admit I do not know what "hell hole" he is in. I will never know. Being stripped of what makes you a person I get that. You mention escape. But then anyone would be using to escape their problems till it kills you. I do not want to lose him. His father died while he was in jail. His mother has been out of the picture since he was a child. He did not live with me but I always worried about him. His brother was never around, but for some strange reason when his brother came around he was always eager to please him, like he looked up to him. His brother used his loyalty to get him to do things just, to be in his brother’s good graces, which his brother did not deserve. That is why I am worried. If he starts here, then he becomes an addict. I have talked to some people that have said that they never used but they got addicted when they went to prison. Misery loves company. Perhaps he is closeted, if he was, I Still Love Him, but these are all men that are 20 years older than him. I see it as a man in his 30’s with a 10 year old because of the age difference. I would not mind him discovering himself but not in there. My nightmare last night was me waiting outside the prison for him when he was released. Only I saw a man sick, skinny, and carrying a bag full of medications because of what he had gotten in there. You mention county, another lady there described perfectly. She said, “Its like they are at camp. They get mail, magazines, books, food, and store. They watch TV all day have the hacked tv so they can watch more channels, they play chess, poker, cards.” Yes I agree with you I may have a Stepford Wives world mentality. That is why I am here. I want to know is this the way it is and why. I want to understand why he is going through this. Yes I know he did a crime that is why but I mean the situation inside. The gangs, the drugs, the other stuff etc. Yes I know he is going to a bad place but I want to help him come out the other side in once piece. I understand that ultimately it will be all up to him. I just want to make sure I don’t make more mistakes. Put myself in a situation to be manipulated again.
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Old 01-06-2016, 06:53 PM
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I just had a question, was his dad in jail when he died? Or was he when his dad died? My husbands dad died in jail. And it had ripple effects. That's why I was wondering.
You are one strong woman. And I give you a lot of credit and respect for doing this with him. It's amazing how many families just drop off until they come home.
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Old 01-07-2016, 11:52 AM
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I sent you a PM with information relating to the charges you gave me in a pm, also the name of defense attorney in your area that takes payment arrangements and their phone number. As I said in my pm one of the Felonies is what they call 10-20-life, use a gun your done. If they offered him 17 years, I would suggest he takes the deal. Because of the seriousness of these charges he won't get much better for this. And he would get credits for the amount of time in CJ. I am not a criminal defense paralegal for nothing. I know the PC's, and what I don't know I look it up. I have been doing this a very long time. If this helps you and your nephew especially, then kudos for both of you. Blessings and let us know how this works out. Have a nice day! Now I am back to work......
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Old 01-07-2016, 01:05 PM
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Love the information sharing, but the thread is becoming a little forked...let's take the legal Q&A to a forum where it can benefit others, too!

Back to the OP...how to cope with nephew in trouble.

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[...] He also has been demanding money more and more often. Last conversation I had with him was. I gotta do what I gotta do to survive in here. I don't know what to do. I am so powerless. Do I stop sending money. If I do will he get hurt. Is he being manipulated and tricked into doing this sex play as he calls it. Perhaps he is discovering himself. Or is it as he says I am tripping.
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  #43  
Old 01-07-2016, 04:23 PM
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I have never seen any Judge in SLO county or DA for that matter hand out two strikes for one case. Unless of course there is more to it then what is really going on. She has come to this site for help and understanding. I feel for her, and her nephew too. He's in for a long haul with what ever sentence he is handed. But this is a decision he did to himself. All we can do is help her through this. She is confused just as we all were at one point or another with a LO going to prison. Our whole system is a joke. I sit for countless hours with the attorney I work for and listen to the DA's bullshit over and over till I am blue in the face. The only thing the DA gives a damn about is how many cases he/she can win over the attorney who is representing the defendant. There is more to her case that meets the eye. And if she is having problems with sleeping she should ask her own M.D. for assistance. All of us that have a LO in State Prison feel for her pain. Just saying.....
Agreed! And ya'll don't think the PD, the DA and the Judge don't all work for each other, ya dead wrong.
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:47 AM
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I just wanted to add one thing. The op mentioned she didnt want her nephew to be an addict.
Its too late. He already is one. Now it will be up to him to stop using.
As another suggested, get yourself to an Nar-a-non meeting. asap. It will help you understand better.
Wishing you all the best!
Glad you have found out how to better help him, but not helping so much.
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Old 01-09-2016, 05:34 PM
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Thank you all for your words and guidance. I have started to feel better about letting go. I received an unexpected large clasp envelope from him today, unfortunately it is without a post mark so I do not know when it was sent. I am still happy he sent it though. It is a collection off 8 drawings mostly I am sorry drawings and cry now cry later type things. No letter in it, so I do not have a more clear meaning behind the drawings. I have a good idea of the meaning but would have been nice to get a letter from him about it. I will write him back telling him I got his drawings. Looks like some are signed by other inmates though. In all perhaps a move in the right direction but at the same time don't want to put rose colored glasses on again so quickly. Sticking to letter writing.
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Old 01-09-2016, 05:41 PM
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I just had a question, was his dad in jail when he died? Or was he when his dad died? My husbands dad died in jail. And it had ripple effects. That's why I was wondering.
You are one strong woman. And I give you a lot of credit and respect for doing this with him. It's amazing how many families just drop off until they come home.
His father died while he was in jail. About two years into his time in CJ his father died. He died from a heart attack. . His father had also been in jail as well. He was the one who gave me this advice that apparently his son has done the opposite in there. "No one in there is your friend. Do not talk about your case with anyone. Do no talk about your family to anyone or mention details. Everyone in there is just an acquaintance." RIP
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Old 01-09-2016, 09:50 PM
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His father died while he was in jail. About two years into his time in CJ his father died. He died from a heart attack. . His father had also been in jail as well. He was the one who gave me this advice that apparently his son has done the opposite in there. "No one in there is your friend. Do not talk about your case with anyone. Do no talk about your family to anyone or mention details. Everyone in there is just an acquaintance." RIP
Guys in their talk a lot! About themselves. Just recently my husband was telling me how sick he is of it because he knows it's all bullshit trying to make themselves look special. The trick is knowing personally where to draw the line. Between bullshitting and saying more than they should. Or if it's a trick getting you to share thinking they just did.
My husband was in prison when his dad died shortly after going to jail, waiting for the trial. First he completely went off the deep end. Was out to hurt or destroy anything and anyone in his way. And I'm sure I only know part of it. It was a huge ordeal, a book was written and people were talking aggravating it more. Finally he ran into the right person who put his mind at peace with it all. An old friend of his dads that gave him a better picture and perspective. Out here we grieve and have our time to mourn our loss. Men in general arent so good at emotions. And inside they have to hold it in more. I'm bringing it up because maybe he was lashing out the only way he found in there. He had to have been angry at himself for not being home for his dad, he couldn't find any way to let it out. I'm just guessing of course because I don't know him. But hopefully he has to slow down without the money coming in and can deal with his thoughts better to find acceptance of everything. Life throws shit at us we don't understand for sure, we do the best we can at the moment and then try to reflect and do better tomorrow.
The pictures he sent I'm hoping represent he is thinking and finding his way to figure it out with your help. Lots of times other guys do the drawings for others and even have their own collection to choose from. Again, you're doing good for him figuring it out with him. Even saying a hard NO is better than leaving him. He might be scared you will. This shows he understands he deserves it and needed it, even if he didn't like it. In my opinion. And if he is sucking up so you will send money again, he will understand when you say no.
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  #48  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:19 AM
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I just went to visit my nephew this past Sunday. I had to leave the visit early. I had no words. The last time I saw him was Christmas. He seemed to be doing better. I walk in and almost start to cry. Some how he got piercings!!! How does one get that done in there for that matter how is there no punishment or investigation to self mutilation from the cops? He had both his eyebrows pierced, his left ear, and his lower left lip. He had makeshift rods to keep holes open. He tried to blame me for him doing it. Every time you don't come I will pierce something else, he said he was joking. No he did this because he wanted. I asked him who did it to you? He said don't worry about it. I was you really want to do that to your face in there? Wait till you get out and do it by a licensed person. You are acting like you are going to stay there forever and quite honestly you seem to making yourself at home. So you spend all this extra energy and time to plan and take care of the wound and find "supplies." I wonder how you dulled the pain I told him. He just said I am tough he said. I didn't need anything. I told doesn't matter. You didn't make this decision on your own, who did you discuss it with. No one he said. He was getting mad that I keep asking to know who. I just could not handle it. I told him that is what you did with the Christmas money I sent you huh. I hung up the phone and walked out. Every one here is right. I am just getting sick with worry. Thought the new year would be different. It seems to be on a rocky start. I told him think about what the judge and DA are going to see when you show up to court with that shit on your face?!? You do things in there not thinking about the future. That is what got all those "friends" you have in there to be there over and over or looking at life sentences. Is that what you want. GOD I AM SO MAD!!!
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Old 01-25-2016, 12:42 PM
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wow 150 a week is alot I dont even send my son that much in a month and that includes care packages and phone payments for him to call me. On our local jail webpage it tells you that if your inmate is using more than 3-4 dollars a day in comissary then they are using it to buy drugs and other items that they should not have. Good luck to you on this it seems you have a long rough road ahead of you. In my thoughts and prayers
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Old 01-25-2016, 01:12 PM
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If the jail hasn't done anything to stop the ongoing "piercings" then they don't care. Most lockups aren't as worried about the mutilations as they are about the diseases, infections and the associated costs to the jail/prison.

Now you know one of the things he is spending your money on. I would be furious too.
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