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  #26  
Old 09-12-2017, 04:06 PM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I have been on this site since February. Gleaning it for information. I have been unable to speak to anyone until now. Your subject line hit me.
It does feel like a death and now matter how much you read or how much you empathize with all the other parents it is still the second most painful thing as a mother, I personally have ever gone through! I have two other adult children as well as my son who is in prison. This has devasted them too. I can't comfort anyone most days. I go from angry to sad to hopeful and back to angry again to start all over. I take one day at a time and I pray A LOT!
All of this is a completely foreign world. The language, the attitudes the entire way of life. I have learned so many things I never wanted to know.
I research (it makes me feel like I'm helping)and I read here how others cope with the situation. Just knowing you are not alone is the biggest comfort some days.
I'm rambling, I apologize. I just wanted you to know you are not alone even though it feels like it and it is a daily challenge.
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  #27  
Old 09-12-2017, 04:52 PM
Mepmom Mepmom is offline
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Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I am so sorry about your son..my prayers are with you! I am here if you need to talk. My son is finally up for parole and in the process, quite the process it is in Texas.. Now the next phase will begin of what is he going to be able to do for work when he is out, he wants to leave the country, I am strongly discouraging this and trying to find him work.. It is a new beginning for him and he has realized over the past few years who is truly with him as a person, those who he thought were friends are not and have had no communication with him. Truly sad but I pray he does not reconnect with them as they are not truly his friends..

Praying for you, your son and your family as this will pass eventually..
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  #28  
Old 09-12-2017, 10:28 PM
GaReform GaReform is offline
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I have been on this site since February. Gleaning it for information. I have been unable to speak to anyone until now. Your subject line hit me.
It does feel like a death and now matter how much you read or how much you empathize with all the other parents it is still the second most painful thing as a mother, I personally have ever gone through! I have two other adult children as well as my son who is in prison. This has devasted them too. I can't comfort anyone most days. I go from angry to sad to hopeful and back to angry again to start all over. I take one day at a time and I pray A LOT!
All of this is a completely foreign world. The language, the attitudes the entire way of life. I have learned so many things I never wanted to know.
I research (it makes me feel like I'm helping)and I read here how others cope with the situation. Just knowing you are not alone is the biggest comfort some days.
I'm rambling, I apologize. I just wanted you to know you are not alone even though it feels like it and it is a daily challenge.
It really is the end of the life you knew & the start of a totally different one. I imagine it must be what a newborn baby feels but can't express- scared, anxious, then eventually finding a way to go along learning their way. What helps is knowing you have a safe place & the support of people to give you comfort. That is what I've found here & why I got involved in advocacy.

It's tough trying to hold your family together when you are having trouble holding yourself together but we do it. When you need to recharge your batteries or just to vent, stop in. We understand & have been or are going through it too.

I saw this & have saved this quote because it really is true.
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  #29  
Old 09-14-2017, 11:10 AM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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It really is the end of the life you knew & the start of a totally different one. I imagine it must be what a newborn baby feels but can't express- scared, anxious, then eventually finding a way to go along learning their way. What helps is knowing you have a safe place & the support of people to give you comfort. That is what I've found here & why I got involved in advocacy.

It's tough trying to hold your family together when you are having trouble holding yourself together but we do it. When you need to recharge your batteries or just to vent, stop in. We understand & have been or are going through it too.

I saw this & have saved this quote because it really is true.
Thank you, that's a good one! God Bless you and yours
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  #30  
Old 09-20-2017, 02:55 PM
lmbarker lmbarker is offline
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Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
I completely understand how you feel as my son recently was sentenced to prison and I have felt the same way.
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  #31  
Old 09-20-2017, 03:07 PM
MJA71084 MJA71084 is offline
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I understand how you feel as my son recently was sentenced to prison recently and I am feeling the same way.
I'm so sorry. Please know you are not alone. This site is full of people in our situation and it has helped me a lot!
The Parent section is very helpful. Prayers for you and yours.
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  #32  
Old 09-22-2017, 01:33 AM
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my son did too. 18 years old manslaughter. email me if you would like to keep in touch for support mimirob73@gmail.com
My son was 19 when he was sentenced 15-life. I feel your pain. We are almost 13 years into this. I moved 100 miles West to be near my son. I've spent the last 9 years having lunch with him most Friday's. He has remained an active member of the family. Luckily this year my birthday falls on a Saturday, my husband and oldest son are coming with me to have a birthday lunch. We will all laugh, have some pictures taken, eat vending machine food and feel Blessed for the gift of sharing a meal and time together.

When this first began I cried every day, I couldn't think of anything else. My son, the crime, the courts, the fear, prison, trying to figure out where everything went off the rails consumed me. I've worked through all of it, I've made the best of a bad situation, If my life was divided up like a pie chart a small piece of that pie would be me having a son in prison. We are starting to think (worry) about going in front of the parole board now. In all honesty the time has gone by much quicker than I expected. It has helped tremendously living 15 minutes up the road from my son, Jpay has helped a lot too~ if you aren't as lucky to live near your loved one video visits are great. My father lives in Florida and visits every other Thursday morning via video.
My son has focused on using his time to take any and every class he can. He has earned his journeyman's papers for carpentry, he's a certified dog trainer, he's taken all kinds of classes and now he is earning credits towards a college degree. When your son is at his parent institution look up their web sight and see what classes are offered, encourage your son to participate and learn a trade while he's there.
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  #33  
Old 09-22-2017, 12:42 PM
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This post makes me feel bad for what I put my Mom through. She has said the same thing about me being in prison "atleast i know your safe". My Mom was the only person who came to my sentencing. Her and my step dad did come to visit but since i was in the Federal system it wasnt very often as i was so far away. Anyways I too was an addict and since my release to halfway house on this same date two years ago I have accomplished quite a bit. I have held the same job for 2 years, bought a new car, and bought my first home. I have stayed clean since my release and was even let off supervision (kinda like parole for the feds) over a year and half early.

So really was just thinking that you guys could use some encouragement that it can get better. Also one of the best things I did was release to a different part of the state. First I had a job lined up here, and some family. But the great part is that all of the people that used to use with are 2 hours away, Im not gonna just randomly run into one at the store. Sure I have seen some old friends when i went home for a visit but its different than being in a small town full of the same people as before.
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  #34  
Old 09-27-2017, 07:15 PM
georgiagrama georgiagrama is offline
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It's like a death, and then again it isn't. When a family member dies people hug you and bring casseroles, call, give support. When someone goes to prison people talk about you ( speculate if you're an enabler is a popular one), drift away, give stupid advice, or act like it didn't happen, when your world's crashing. This forum has been a life saver for me. And I agree with some of the others: the beginning is the worst. Then you learn to accept the new reality and healing begins. One saving grace is that SOMETIMES ( maybe more than not) the prison experience changes your child for the better.And life gets better all around. Keep the faith.
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  #35  
Old 09-28-2017, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by sisnmo View Post
Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
How are you? Seems funny to hear someone say that, doesnt it? Such a routine question, for such an abnormal situation.

I saw so many wonderful responses to your post, and I wanted to just check in with you. You are , and need to , grieve the loss of the "normalcy" of your relationship. There is no time line for grief. You may go thru one stage, progress to another, then go back to one you thought youve been thru. Thats normal. But thru this all, you will create a new "normalcy". Be it a letter, phone call, a visit, a game you play thru the mail-- youll make the new normal. Youll start taking care of yourself, and in turn, when he sees that, he'll develop his normal. As bizarre as this may sound, my son and I have never been closer. This new "normal" for our family, has brought us closer. Thinking of you....
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  #36  
Old 09-30-2017, 09:00 AM
lmbarker lmbarker is offline
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[quote=georgiagrama;7665945]It's like a death, and then again it isn't. When a family member dies people hug you and bring casseroles, call, give support. When someone goes to prison people talk about you ( speculate if you're an enabler is a popular one), drift away, give stupid advice, or act like it didn't happen, when your world's crashing. This forum has been a life saver for me. And I agree with some of the others: the beginning is the worst. Then you learn to accept the new reality and healing begins. One saving grace is that SOMETIMES ( maybe more than not) the prison experience changes your child for the better.And life gets better all around. Keep the faith.[/QUOTE.

When my son went to prison I found out who my true friends were and it wasn't who I thought it would be. People do judge us and talk about us when this happens. I would not go anywhere except to work and back home. You really find out who is here to support you thru everything that is happening and who isn't. They don't understand that it does feel like you have lost someone to death. That is exactly how I felt. It gets a little better day by day and I try not to let it consume my life. Thank you everyone for listening.
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  #37  
Old 10-19-2017, 01:45 AM
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Wow, reading these posts is like a trip through my own experience. My therapist has suggested trauma therapy. Trauma! Who would have guessed - unless you see any one of us parents on a 'bad day' - or even on a normal day in the beginning...

My son was a respected soldier in the army when he was arrested last January. Had never been in trouble. Now he's in a state prison. Still asking myself how this could have happened.
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  #38  
Old 12-07-2017, 02:15 PM
Mepmom Mepmom is offline
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Wow, reading these posts is like a trip through my own experience. My therapist has suggested trauma therapy. Trauma! Who would have guessed - unless you see any one of us parents on a 'bad day' - or even on a normal day in the beginning...

My son was a respected soldier in the army when he was arrested last January. Had never been in trouble. Now he's in a state prison. Still asking myself how this could have happened.
I am sorry to hear about your son..my son was also a respected soldier in the Army for many years until an accident occurred. He served 3 years in prison and is scheduled for parole. Meeting with parole officer tomorrow to begin the process. Another new normal...

I am here if you need to talk. My son is is prison in Texas and I live in Arizona . He will be transferred to AZ to complete his parole. prayers...

Laura
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Old 12-30-2017, 07:18 AM
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[quote=sisnmo;7646147]....You know that I recall a time awhile back when I welcomed the news to know that he was in jail and I can't stand the fact that I really felt that way and feel so guilty.

Sisnmo, here is the source of a great deal of your pain. Guilt is destructive. You might be surprise about what I have to share: 1. It is very common and normal for a parent to feel relieved when a child who is self-harming is arrested because the arrest puts an end to the very real possibility that it might have stopped an accidental death. Yes, there are some potential risks associated with any incarceration, BUT they are not "a sure thing" as the spiraling down into real danger of a child who is drinking and/or drugging; specially if they own a deadly weapon such as a car.

2. My son has the support of his parents and his siblings. My husband and I are indeed very supportive, know how to talk to him, provide him with a little cottage of his own in an area he loves, do not get angry at him but set proper boundaries. He still gets into trouble due to self-medicating because of traumatic brain injury. We remain constant with our emotional support but we do not ever bail him out and he knows it. Please, do not feel guilty if you at one point got angry and "let your son have it." We did not do that and it made no difference :-) No child will get better and seek help to that end UNTIL he or she wants it. The motivator to that is usually the fact that the consequences they are suffering are much worse than not having the very temporary relief to their torment that self-medicating brings. Or if self-medication is not involved, the consequences are much worse than any benefit they get from the behavior that gets them into trouble.

3. The first time my son was arrested and received a 2 year prison sentence, all of us were terrified because we had read about what can happened into prison. Problem: we read accounts by a former lawyer who had been incarcerated in two of the worse prison systems in the country. This book of about 50 pages or less is for sale online. It is very well written and among other things, it tells the inmate how to stay safe in prison. We sent a paper copy to my son and he followed the recommendations to a "t." His life was never in danger, prison rape was never an issue -- it also helped that he is 6' tall and strong, but mind you, he never had to defend against any attack to his person -- he was released early for good behavior. However, one factor was that the prisons in the state of Washington are considered "soft," (whatever that means) excluding maximum security at Walla Walla, of course. Our son never looked so good upon his release. At the end of probation he slowly started using alcohol and pot. It took 7 years after his first arrest and prison experience for the other shoe to drop.

3. The first time he was arrested, he was blaming me for once having called the cops on him (not in relation to the crime he served time in prison for -- he was attacked, could have called the police but decided to take revenge instead. Not a wise idea for it was no longer self-defense.-- He refused to be medicated while in jail and prison and was edgy during most of the time served. However, he developed a taste for reading good literature, including the classics. He was placed in minimum security after spending 3 months in medium security.

4. This time his attitude was totally different. It happens that the jail offers very good care, medically, to inmates with mental health issues (head trauma is one of the 4 most common causes of mental illness). Our son was very stable, we had to work at his having to stop being too hard on himself and through our letters and weekly visits we were able to instill hope for the future and have him use the time he was in jail (7 months) to his benefit instead of letting the time do him, as we say.

5. The first time, we did not hire a private attorney. It just happens that the public defender assigned to him was young, smart and hungry. We were actually afraid that he would get our son released with only a slap on his hands for we firmly believed that would place our son right back into harm's way: no consequences for his behavior would have done just that. Remember, the first time we were all very scared at the prospect of prison and we could not sleep well. It was torment visiting him twice a week in jail and worrying about him. But we still did not bail him out.

6. This last and second time, we hired the best attorney we could get. Why? He was facing 26 years if the prosecutor made all charges stick. Our son had not even touched anyone but he was driving erratically while intoxicated, four men stopped him. He apologized (it was in the police report) but one of the men would not "let it go." So our son drove away, got home, got a sharp garden tool that was in his yard, and made threats while chasing the four men. Although no one was harmed at all, the charges of "attempt to cause harm" were serious and multiplied by four. He is now in the receiving facility. We already got a brief call from him and he seems to be in good spirits considering the situation. Washington is a third strike state and our son is determined to stay out of trouble. We believe him for the very first time he is eager to receive the treatment I know (professionally) is the gold standard care for his condition. It involves western and Chinese medicine (alternative medicine -- acupuncture and diet is proven to help with addiction, anxiety and depression while allowing for western medication to be titrated to a minimum and in some cases not used at all. We will have to private pay for a good part of it since the county medical help is beyond worthless. None of it will work without his cooperation. And now it is the first time he is fully cooperating and taking full responsibility for his actions and involvement in his treatment.

What is my main message to you? Despite it all, at no point, we felt guilty at wanting to see outrson behind bars. We felt RELIEVED! We just did not want for his incarceration to be so long that it would destroy him.

I hope our story gives you some comfort. Please, busy your self with writing to him and helping him find out what he can do while incarcerated that will help him. Research projects and programs available to him where he is.
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  #40  
Old 01-03-2018, 11:43 PM
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What is my main message to you? Despite it all, at no point, we felt guilty at wanting to see outrson behind bars. We felt RELIEVED! We just did not want for his incarceration to be so long that it would destroy him.

I hope our story gives you some comfort. Please, busy your self with writing to him and helping him find out what he can do while incarcerated that will help him. Research projects and programs available to him where he is.
I second your message. I believe my son being incarcerated saved him from being dead in the desert from an overdose. As you stated, incarceration needs to be long enough but not so long as to kill his spirit and hope. He is clean. He is taking college classes. He is helping others get their GED. His perception of others, including me, has changed, and his attitude is completely different. He has watched others leave and come back because of drugs. He doesn't want that to be him.

I applaud and encourage the changes he has made. They didn't happen overnight, but after a year in prison, changes happened and he overcame many of his demons.

Within the first year, he told me not to feel guilty, that I had taught him right from wrong and it was his choices that put him in prison. As a parent, it is difficult to balance doing the right thing when consequences are severe. One of my son's comments was that he knew I had always done the best I could for him with what I had available to me. That is really all any parent can do.
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Old 01-05-2018, 03:19 PM
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Hi. My son just got sentenced to prison. I feel as though I am going through a death in family. I just cant not dwell on this..
Hello parents,
I just wanted to reach out to all of you and tell you how much i thought of us all as we crawled through the Holidays. My son has been in about 2 years and i still miss him so much. I unpacked his stocking and sadly put it aways because in my mind one day i will put it up and celebrate he is with me. I cooked his favorite meal and baked his favorite cookies with tears in my eyes, he is my only child so i don't have other children to celebrate holidays with. But what gives me peace is prayer and faith and praying for all of you to have some peace in your hearts as we are dealing with not having our imprisoned children with us. I told my sister i had my "happy mask" on through the holidays and i had to attend all festivities with it on. i hope it gets easier with time. To top it off my sons mental health has deteriorated so much since he started his prison term. . May God give us strength and peace through this heartbreaking situation.

XOXOXO
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Old 01-06-2018, 10:49 AM
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Hello parents,
I just wanted to reach out to all of you and tell you how much i thought of us all as we crawled through the Holidays. My son has been in about 2 years and i still miss him so much. I unpacked his stocking and sadly put it aways because in my mind one day i will put it up and celebrate he is with me. I cooked his favorite meal and baked his favorite cookies with tears in my eyes, he is my only child so i don't have other children to celebrate holidays with. ....XOXOXO
I completely understand how you feel. My son is our middle child but we had the worse Christmas ever. The only positives are that he is not scared, for this is his second time under DOC custody -- so he knows what to expect --, and he is responding well to meds (low dosages) that have been carefully prescribed to him at the county jail where he spent 7 months in solitary. During the last two weeks he confessed at feeling depressed before sentencing. He called very briefly from the receiving facility and I could tell he was OK.

What made this Christmas difficult is that during the last three months of our son's incarceration my husband became almost incapacitated with a case of shingles and my 98 1/2 year old mom's health started to sharply deteriorate. Because of my husband's temporary poor health, I had no help at all with taking care of a large home and huge yard, and being completely busy with my mom, even though he had help aids 4 hours daily, I started suffering from exhaustion after my beloved sweet and kind mom passed on Dec 20th. Our daughter came with her baby and toddler from across the country for 10 days to see her grandma before she died. She decided to decorate a Christmas tree we had lying down on the front porch for a week but with my husband sick, I pretty much living at the hospice, and our daughter having to attend to a toddler and a nursing baby, the household was as chaotic as you can imagine. My mom died the day before our son, and her grandson who was always so good to her and she was thankful for his frequent visits, was sentenced. So my emotions, which I managed to control, were pretty raw. But, there is always something positive. Our son's sentence was very light and with good behavior he might be with us next Christmas.

Are you able to visit your son? I am sure you do everything possible to help him. We were able to visit our son weekly and write him very frequently. Our letters became scarce the last three weeks I was helping care for mom but he understood. I now again write every other day. Inmates live for mail: I write about everyday events, even very inconsequential ones. Just day to day life and I also write about neighbors and people I meet. I send him a lot of books and put money on his account. That way I feel I am doing something besides just missing him. Wishing things go well for your son and please accept a big hug.
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Old 01-06-2018, 11:57 AM
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xolady so sorry for your loss! Our family is and has also experienced both heartaches having our middle son in prison and then losing a son to drugs. I would never wish this reality on any parent.
I was devastated when our middle son went to prison but it never rose to the level of grief that I experienced and live with today losing our youngest son.
I would do anything to have him in a safe place, even if it was prison. I would have never said this years ago but I would shout it from the roof tops today.

I just read this post. I can only imagine the pain a mother experiences when she lost a child. To truly comprehend it and place myself in the mother's shoes I would have to have lost a child, too. In the "normal" realm of things a parent dies before the child. And it is hard enough to lose a parent. It is imaginable the pain and grief of losing a child. I can see you find comfort in your faith. [[[hugs]]]
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Old 01-07-2018, 08:09 PM
Itshardtowait Itshardtowait is offline
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My son is in transport to FMC Springfield, In county he could call, I haven't heard from him since before Christmas. I too feel as there has been a death, I haven't left the house at all since the 22nd of December, I can't seem to get myself together, My husband is tired of the "way I acting", and I can't stand that it doesn't seem to bother him much, My son has late on set Schizophrenia, and I know he will not do well anywhere, I just want to curl up in a ball and die, I am so worried that he will get hurt, I pray all the time, I just can't go on like this.
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Old 01-08-2018, 04:18 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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You need to take care of yourself so you can continue to support your son during this awful time. Listen to your husband and get help for what the bop's mistreatment of your son is causing you.

Being in transit often blocks, or greatly reduces the ability to contact loved ones, and each temporary stop will have its own phone and snail mail rules. I hope the reason for him not contacting you is because of the bop, and not his own choice. Once he arrives in Springfield, and settles in, he will be allowed to contact you unless he is placed in secure housing.
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Old 01-08-2018, 06:55 AM
CC'sMom CC'sMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itshardtowait View Post
My son is in transport to FMC Springfield, In county he could call, I haven't heard from him since before Christmas. I too feel as there has been a death, I haven't left the house at all since the 22nd of December, I can't seem to get myself together, My husband is tired of the "way I acting", and I can't stand that it doesn't seem to bother him much, My son has late on set Schizophrenia, and I know he will not do well anywhere, I just want to curl up in a ball and die, I am so worried that he will get hurt, I pray all the time, I just can't go on like this.
I am compelled to reply to your posting because on December 2010 I was exactly where you are right now. It was the first time our son had been in jail and then sent to prison. His diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder due to a Medical Condition. The medical condition is Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) confirmed by Cat Scan and MRI. If you wonder how his behavior is from time to time, just think about football players who have gotten into trouble. In our son's case, with the TBI made it very difficult for medicine to work because as a rule they tended to cause the symptoms they were created to treat. This resulted in many years of our son self-medicating with alcohol and cannabis. The former made him aggressive and the latter made him paranoid. With TBI the brain often responds in different ways to any psychotropic substance, including prescribed ones. Anyways, in 2010, the stress made him very paranoid while in jail. He got better when transferred to prison but was edgy the entire time he was incarcerated. He refused any medication and did not use any drugs while in jail and prison. He never looked so good when he was released 2 years after his arrest. During his probation he stayed off his self-medication of choice (alcohol and cannabis) so he was OK most of the time. Once the probation was over, he went back to self-medicating and his medical care was not helpful at all because people involved were not competent (I can professionally assert that for I spoke to his so called counselor when he called me.) His decompensating resulted in his arrest last Easter. This time he fully cooperated with the medical treatment he received in jail and because he was now listening to me, he was fully participating in his own treatment and asking important questions. As soon as a prescription showed detrimental, it was properly stopped and the others were properly titrated. He got better care because he was actively involved in his own medical care. Since he is not as stressed as during his first time in the prison system, he is doing much better. He is actually normal! and taking responsibility for anything that happened to go wrong.

Everybody is different, but if your son was self-medicating and he stops doing so in prison, chances are that he can only do better. It also helps that my son is older. Brain disorders -- that is what mental illness is -- tend to respond positively to hormonal changes as the individual ages. Write to your son a lot. Inmates live for mail and visits. Hopefully you can visit him soon enough. In Washington, the approval process for visitors take about 5 weeks. I check with the visiting desk every Friday to see whether we have been approved for sometimes the approval comes through faster. You will feel a little better if you find out what the process is like in your state, if you have not already done.

As for your husband. 1. People grieve in different ways. Men (not all, mind you) tend to internalize their grief. They do not talk about it and might even become a little moody or irritated in general. Trust me, your husband is worrying about your son. He puts up a front. Situations like the one you and I experience can bring at times some depression. Men tend to show depression differently than women: they become angry, irritable instead of acting like most of us women do: we worry openly, we cry and become very sad. 2. There are two main reasons your husband wants you to stop "the way your are acting." a) Most men are "fixers" and he cannot (no one can) fix your worry, your pain. So seeing you worry and be sad, makes him uncomfortable because he cares about you and he does not know how to help you ease your worries. b) Many people, specially men (because they tend to be fixers) do not know how to sit with someone else's pain. What does "sitting with someone's pain" mean? It means literally sitting next to the grieving or worrying person, letting her know that he knows you are hurting and also hugging you, holding your hand. but mostly just telling you, I know how you feel and it "sucks!" I am here for you; talk to me anytime you want. Then he listens to you and lets you know that he understands. He does not try to take your pain away (for that is what he wants to do) or give any advice about how to "fix it." This is very hard for anyone to do.

I think your husband is just as sad as you are and is feeling helpless for not being able to make you feel better. Maybe you can tell him that all you need from him is a hug.

I should tell you that my son spent 7 months in solitary at the jail. At times I noticed he was depressed during our weekly visit. Because I am trained I was always able to pull him out of it. Then I would go home and write educating him on how some of the meds being tried could have been causing that, and asked him to discuss with the jail doctor what meds we thought might help and the ones he should stay away from (and why) and then ask for the doctor's opinion. Also I always normalized it by letting him know that it would be ABNORMAL for him not to feel depressed from time to time while being incarcerated, specially in solitary confinement. I let him know that EVERY inmate experiences depression while incarcerated at various degrees and times. I always helps to know he is not the only one.

During my son's first incarceration in 2010. I was a nervous wreck for I only knew the worst about prisons and not all of it was true or a sure thing. I called the medical department and talked to a nurse. She seemed caring. Also, when he was not doing well, I called the chaplain and ask him to go see my son. Perhaps you can call the medical department where your son is and let them know what meds helped your son when he was outside and which ones did not. You may also try getting hold of the chaplain and see that he goes talk to your son. Let me know how things develop. Best wishes to you and your family
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Old 01-08-2018, 07:52 AM
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Wow, that is insane. I can't believe you'd need to pay for a background check. I just have to submit my information to visit B in PA.

I don't even have to pay for this service and it upsets me. So many people who are poor or in abject poverty and when a loved one goes to prison every one is punished by this sort of scrap. Phones need $25 MINIMUM added to them each time you reload. What if someone just can't afford that? You have to pay outrageous prices for sub par processed unhealthy food... this just gets to me so bad. How much is the background check?


Quote:
Originally Posted by lizlizzie2 View Post
So many things vary by state. The idea of automatically being on a visitation list would not occur to me. In AZ we have to apply, pay for a background check, await that check, and be on the inmate's list of people he is willing to see. We can't do anything until they have been assigned to their "home" prison.

Jail, we could go visit without any of the hoopla, but that was on the other side of a window with a phone. Prison, we get to give them a hug. It had been 9 months between my son being arrested and my first in-person visit when I could finally hug him. And that was a plea deal with no trial intended.
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