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  #1  
Old 10-23-2015, 05:43 PM
riversidecali riversidecali is offline
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Question Nephew in California County Jail sex play/Update

I don't know how to start. My Nephew has been in County jail system since he was 18. He was moved to protective custody when was beat up real bad. Since then he was moved from jail to jail till he came to some Tank that he tell me once you are in there they don't move you. He has be come more and more distant on the phone. Saying I wish I could tell you what goes on in here but I can't. I started looking around and trying to find things out. I have heard that they wrestle naked. He calls me drunk on the phone. All the other people in that tank with him are all in their 30's and 40's all older than him. I have heard that there is one person that lies on top of him naked. Others giving hickies as jokes. When I asked him he just called it sex play. I warned him it sounds like someone trying to cop a feel and playing it as a joke. He is young and does much in regards to how people can play off things. Like some one stripping naked and jumping on you he thinks its a joke. He tells me Oh I jsut grab his balls till he gets off me. I ask think about it how long do you have to squeeze his balls till he stops. I am guessing for awhile. He wants you to do that to him that is why I tell him. All the stories I hear sounds like casebook molester touchy feel person. I tell him please leave that place, he says no he is comfortable there. I suspect drug use. He is always tired and had bags and dark circles around his eyes. He says it is because of lack of sun light. He also has been demanding money more and more often. Last conversation I had with him was. I gotta do what I gotta do to survive in here. I don't know what to do. I am so powerless. Do I stop sending money. If I do will he get hurt. Is he being manipulated and tricked into doing this sex play as he calls it. Perhaps he is discovering himself. Or is it as he says I am tripping.
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Old 10-23-2015, 11:15 PM
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I see this is your first post. I don't have an answer for you exactly, but wanted you to know this is a great place for answers and such. Sometimes it takes longer for harder issues to find an answer. How long has he been in and how much longer does he have? Is he staying in county? The county jails have been increasingly overcrowded because of new laws to stop prison overcrowding. So now the jails are playing catch up and dealing with inmates with longer sentences and more issues. Protective custody sounds great if you are new to this whole thing. Years back it really was more protective. But now it is much larger, and it has become a new problem itself. It is supposed to be gang drop outs (but now there are new gangs in PC), sex offenders (you see the problem already?), snitches, and ones who can't fend for themselves. And yes, now they are all lumped together.
My advice for now would be to go see him personally in a visit if you can. For now don't stop sending money because many times the money is already spent when they ask for it (drugs or debt). Follow thru with finding out anything and everything you can. Sometimes calling the prison to speak with their counselor can even backfire if word gets out he is telling someone or asking for help. But from what you are saying this is a serious problem he should not have to deal with. He may be playing it off because in a way he has a new norm. But it's not acceptable. Stay on here, there are people with legal backgrounds who will know more than I. But you are right with being concerned. Stay on it for him. You will find the right people to call. You can also go straight to the warden, the district attorney, check out the Prison Law Office, but don't give up on him. Go to the top on this one, they have counselors (misleading title) and those counselors have supervisors also.
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Old 10-24-2015, 06:13 AM
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Anarchy sex offenders (you see the problem already?), Hey way to go joining the stereotypers and haters. I thought we were supposed to be giving supportive advice without adding to the hate?
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:58 AM
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Anarchy sex offenders (you see the problem already?), Hey way to go joining the stereotypers and haters. I thought we were supposed to be giving supportive advice without adding to the hate?
You definitely misunderstood what I was saying. But if you want to pick on that one line I will explain better. In the OP she was saying he is being sexually assaulted. And protective custody is not protecting anyone like it was originally intended for. If someone is new to all this protective custody sounds safer and I was only giving my opinion on the situation. So if it was offensive maybe you are ultra sensitive, maybe I just don't word things nicely. Either way it is still my opinion. Is he being assaulted by sex offenders? By some weird gang ritual? Don't know. But he is being sexually assaulted and it's not normal and it's not ok. My opinion is also that with everyone asking for or needing protective custody... There now needs to be seperate classifications of protective custody. I said nothing negative about sex offenders. So this is not an apology but an acknowledgement that this whole thing is a problem.
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Old 10-25-2015, 01:04 AM
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Default Still Worrying

I thank you all for your replies. I was desperate and honestly did not think anyone would read my post. I really do not know what to do. He is currently in Riverside county and has been in there for four years. He is fighting a case that looks to net him 10 to 17 years for armed robbery. I have been finding who was in that tank with him. The things I have heard is alarming. He tells me that it's all games. I just feel like that I am blowing things out of proportion. Posting here has giving me direction and confirmed my worry. I recently met someone in there who he "sent" to me that he claimed was his best friend. If I could help him out with a large amount of cash as a favor to him. The friend later let it slip that he was going back in with a delivery and that was what the money was for. When he failed to do the deed, he did not go back to that tank as he feared he would get hurt. When I confronted my nephew about what he had asked me to do he simply said it was just for others not him. It was a favor he asked of me. I was hurt by this that he used me as a tool. As time went on I befriended this person he had sent to me, a keep your enemies closer type of deal. Through this person I found out more details about what goes on in there. As I found out, people roll out of the tank if they don't want them there forced out so to speak. Through this change of people in the tank I have asked them to talk to me about what goes on in there. The stories are all a bit different but all follow the same lines. Jerking off in front of others by the two key people in that tank. That because I funded him so much he was seen as the prize. All the store and packages I sent him. I was told no one had it that good ever. I felt like I made him a target by helping him so much, $150 a week I sent him. I sent him that much because in my mind I thought. He has money and books he does not have to worry about asking for favors. Asking to barrow anything. Books to read to keep him occupied form engaging in the bullshit. 200 pictures a month to remind him of what is waiting for him out here. All of it seems to have backfired on me. The correctional officers even comment that I have sent the most pictures since they have worked here. I feel that if I press the issue with him he will stop contact with me. Stopping the money has already caused a communication black out with me. I am going to go visit him tomorrow to see how he looks physically. I am afraid he might deny my visit. My boss tells me. You are truly powerless. I refuse to believe that. His bail is at 1 million if it was back to the original $150,000 I would bail him out. I talked to his lawyer, she told me that when she talked to him he wouldn't have anything of that. That he simply said I just want to know about my case. I am going to follow up with her Monday. I would like to say thank you to all. Praying and worrying.
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Old 10-25-2015, 12:33 PM
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I don't mean to sound callous but if he's been in county for four years, he's playing you. Big time. It doesn't take four years to learn the game...most young inmates take the worst of it right off the bat and learn quickly how to keep themselves safe.

I know you want to keep him safe, but he closed that door to you when he made a choice that landed him in jail. Bail at $1M doesn't happen because he robbed an old lady of her purse. He's 22? Let him be the man he thinks he is.

I'm sorry this is hurting you, but please...do not enable him any longer.
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Old 01-03-2016, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by riversidecali View Post
I thank you all for your replies. I was desperate and honestly did not think anyone would read my post. I really do not know what to do. He is currently in Riverside county and has been in there for four years. He is fighting a case that looks to net him 10 to 17 years for armed robbery. I have been finding who was in that tank with him. The things I have heard is alarming. He tells me that it's all games. I just feel like that I am blowing things out of proportion. Posting here has giving me direction and confirmed my worry. I recently met someone in there who he "sent" to me that he claimed was his best friend. If I could help him out with a large amount of cash as a favor to him. The friend later let it slip that he was going back in with a delivery and that was what the money was for. When he failed to do the deed, he did not go back to that tank as he feared he would get hurt. When I confronted my nephew about what he had asked me to do he simply said it was just for others not him. It was a favor he asked of me. I was hurt by this that he used me as a tool. As time went on I befriended this person he had sent to me, a keep your enemies closer type of deal. Through this person I found out more details about what goes on in there. As I found out, people roll out of the tank if they don't want them there forced out so to speak. Through this change of people in the tank I have asked them to talk to me about what goes on in there. The stories are all a bit different but all follow the same lines. Jerking off in front of others by the two key people in that tank. That because I funded him so much he was seen as the prize. All the store and packages I sent him. I was told no one had it that good ever. I felt like I made him a target by helping him so much, $150 a week I sent him. I sent him that much because in my mind I thought. He has money and books he does not have to worry about asking for favors. Asking to barrow anything. Books to read to keep him occupied form engaging in the bullshit. 200 pictures a month to remind him of what is waiting for him out here. All of it seems to have backfired on me. The correctional officers even comment that I have sent the most pictures since they have worked here. I feel that if I press the issue with him he will stop contact with me. Stopping the money has already caused a communication black out with me. I am going to go visit him tomorrow to see how he looks physically. I am afraid he might deny my visit. My boss tells me. You are truly powerless. I refuse to believe that. His bail is at 1 million if it was back to the original $150,000 I would bail him out. I talked to his lawyer, she told me that when she talked to him he wouldn't have anything of that. That he simply said I just want to know about my case. I am going to follow up with her Monday. I would like to say thank you to all. Praying and worrying.
Didn't you say in your first post he is only 18? I may have to go back an look at the first post. Mam' you have been way to generous with your son. I suggest you back off. Sending 150 per week for canteen or ? is way to much. For armed robbery, yes he is facing a long sentence maybe even a strike. If he is in Ag seg for protection, and then there's the issue of sex play, it isn't sex play its ....oh boy .....tough one, its rape. Why is he still in county? Does he have a private attorney or a PD? If you are paying for a private attorney for him then by all means you do have the legal right to follow up with his attorney. But with PD's, or public defenders under the law they don't have to tell you squat. If his bail is set at 1 million, that should tell you how serious this crime is. Armed Robbery with other innocent people who may have been at the wrong place at the wrong time, is a very serious felony. He is acting like a child if mommy doesn't support him while he is in county. Tough love girl. He committed this act. YOU although you love your son, and I get that, seeing how I have dealt with many case's as a criminal paralegal, taking care of him by way of money is not the correct way to handle this situation. He is an adult. Let him handle his problem. You can't change it for him. and if you did bail him out as I said in another post what makes you think he wouldn't take off ? You would be stuck with the entire bail, and at 1 million that is a lot of bucks to be responsible for. As for phone calls, limit them. Seeing how I read he is blacking you out. That should tell you something. I am a parent too, but I do know the laws here in CA pertaining to serious felonies. Believe me persons in cj or state prison once they get wind of what the family has been doing for their son, daughter, husband, wife etc.....they become a target. And that is surely not what you want. Even though we do many cases here all high profile ones that are serious felonies there is no guarantee how they will fair in state prison. Once they are sentenced, we still do follow ups, its not just the case or the ruling. I would suggest sending only 30 bucks every two weeks, talking here and there and visit every other weekend if all possible. You have to stop doing all these things for him while he is in county jail.....It doesn't make him look good, as I said it makes him a target for what is yet to come. Good luck to you. and to your nephew.

Last edited by Benjaminsbaby; 01-03-2016 at 08:39 PM.. Reason: Its her nephew not son
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Old 10-24-2015, 06:55 AM
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You've totally mis understood what she meant!

She wasn't adding hate to anybody, merely stated that there's no longer room in jails to keep inmates separate and like it or not there ARE predatory sex offenders in custody that DO prey on young boys.

While not all SOs are evil monsters there are a few that are.
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Old 10-30-2015, 08:35 PM
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Normal behavior for a inmate is to keep to themselves and not get that touchy-feely. There is a federal law call PREA which stands for (P)rison (R)ape (E)limination (A)ct. There is a number you can call and report it. Unless he says that he likes sexual contact which means both him and the other are in trouble, the other person will get into trouble and will be kept away from the offender. However the problem remains that then you boy will be stigmatized as a "Rat" and will be forced into PC. Second is the money thing. Have you ever heard of extortion? The usage in jails/prisons means that he will be left alone if he pays in canteen a set about or they will do many bad thing to him. The rings under his eyes can be because he is reliving something that has already happen. In that case when he gets out don't take excuses from him and get him to talk to a person that he can trust to sort out what happen to him. I was raped in prison and I know. BUT IF HE IS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE SEXUAL CONTACT he may not let you know that as well. Either case technically per PREA no one can consent to sexual contact. There are two levels this problem has: 1. He likes it and get and gets disciplinary actions inside the jail system only or 2. he reports he didn't consent and the other person gets charges filed per the California codes. I am in Oregon and have seen it. PREA is Federal law not state law and the States much obey. An accusation must be investigated. You can contact the Attorney General's Office.
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Old 10-24-2015, 07:39 AM
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I dont know. This does not sound right to me.
I will say this....if you suspect drug use, I'd probably stop sending money.
Or at least tell him you cant afford to send whatever it is he's asking for.
Pick a number and only send that much.
Is this a county sentence? or will he be eventually going to prison? Or do you know?
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Old 10-25-2015, 12:37 PM
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I agree 100% with Mia.
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Old 10-25-2015, 04:00 PM
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I just want to reiterate that he is a grown man who's been down long enough to know the ropes. Any "help" you've given has had the opposite effect of what you intended, and that will continue to be true. He's been using and manipulating you and will continue to do so.
He's aligned himself with some unsavory people and that will continue to be the case. Nothing will change unless he decides he wants something different.

Bailing him out will not help. He was clearly no saint before he went in and he hasn't shown he's interested in making better choices yet. Be careful of painting him as a victim who needs to be saved - based on your posts, the things he's doing are upsetting YOU, not necessarily him. He doesn't want it to stop...he's flat out told you he's comfortable there.
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Old 10-25-2015, 04:27 PM
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Hi , you are going to make yourself ill with worry. Just remember that you can only help someone so much before they need to start helping themselves.It seems like your nephew is happy where he is and doing what he is doing.
He has made you feel that if you stop with the money and pictures he will stop contact with you.Well my response would be let it be. As others have said he is a grown man and he has made his choices.By all means care, but stop enabling this lifestyle he seems to think he deserves in there.
Good luck and take care of yourself before you wind up exhausted and ill.
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Old 10-30-2015, 12:43 AM
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I'm from riverside and caught most of all my cases from there, now I maybe a woman but I do know this county, which jail is he at? Robert Presley, "old county" or Indio? Old county is where some of the tanks are but Indio has tanks also. The other jails are mostly 2 man tanks where I doubt they are playing like that. I have been housed where the "men" use to be due to overflow of women. Southwest I don't think have open tanks. Banning has dorm settings where it maybe possible for things to happen but I have my doubts. I have to agree he may have been young going in but after 4 years nah he has learned a few things. Plus, the kind of case you say he fighting right now, nah he already knew a few things before going in. In county no one needs that much money, a $150 per week? they can only spend $50 per week. And, the so called friend, that was a drug run or he owed money to someone. I'm sorry if you are now going through all of this. It is sad but he maybe into much deeper things. Yes, he is a man and when I have had even my own son in county, I don't send money, I tell him what my dad told me, you got yourself there, own up to your own crimes and deal with the consequences. Plus, he would say, where are your "homies" now????? I tell that to my son. Sure it hurts to see him there but my other kids learned from seeing me in and out but this one son had to follow in my foot steps, sad. And he is now in North Dakota Prison serving time, all I can do is write. This time though he won't ask me for nothing, he told me, mom, I understand now what you have been saying all along. I only hope and pray maybe this will be his last time, he will be 37 in a few days. So, I hope you can find some solutions from on here to help you.
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Old 10-30-2015, 05:01 PM
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From what I have been able to gather he is in a cell that has at least four to five cells I think, that house 8 people in each one so there are anywhere form 20 to 30 people in there.
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Old 10-30-2015, 12:45 AM
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I'm having problems with this whole thing. While I do agree with what others have said I also believe that just because he is comfortable does not mean he is ok. He may not be. Maybe at least he's not getting beat up but he is accepting things none of us should accept. He is probably asking about his case mostly because he knows he will be moved. If he has set himself comfy as the victim it doesn't mean it's ok.
So are you sending money in other ways than regular books? And yes the cash flow should be cut down. But he needs to be honest with you. 4 years is enough time to figure things out. But we all know there are the ones on the losing end. And it's not ok. Family pressure can make changes. It's rare. But it's not impossible.
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Old 10-30-2015, 04:30 PM
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I am so glad for all the responses and it does hurt. The $150 a week comes from Commissary twice a week and Riversidepackages.com once a week so, $50 twice a week and $50 once a week for website. I have sent Books and Magazines as well as photos. As to the armed robbery it was because some one asked him to try to impress he so called friend. The increased bail was a result of someone from his family planning on intimidating and the DA felt if he was on bail he was a flight risk. I talked to his lawyer and she said agreed with all the advice and I have stopped putting money on his books. I have been hearing this 25 stuff and I am at a loss to what that means. I did see him face to face and he looked a bit tired and worn out. Some of the others behind the glass made comments of hot cheeto to him in visiting which seemed to bother him. He said he is good. I told him I was mad that he used my trust and love the way he did. I told him I am only going to write him. I will visit as long as I am able to. I told him that takes time, the most precious think I have more than the money. He did apologize but I don't want to accept it just yet till I see some change. I hope I am not being to short with him on that. I told him just like others have said. Where are your homies? Even your family, brother sisters have not helped you. You lost your father to this life do you want to push me away as well? He said if he could he would cry, but he says I can't in here. It really broke my heart. He just said I wish I could just go live with you and go to school like you wanted me too. I told him I wish for the same but here we are. I told him that I want to help you but I cannot help you any longer if I am going to feel, and honestly, being used. He swore he did not need my money just my support. I told him he has always had my support. You guys are right. He got himself there now has to face the consequences. I just don't want him destroyed even further by those who have been there most of their lives. Molding him into what they want or need him to be. That is why I sent him books to remind him of life out here and to try to educate him in there. I told him if he wants me to help him financially ever again he must send me his GED. I hope that is not asking too much, in the end in my heart I know that is not asking much at all. He says that the GED teacher only comes every two weeks. I told him I would look into that. I promised him a visit next week hope it gets better. I have asked other relatives who might be able to start visiting him, so that he is always in contact. I told him just be good. This is a train stop in your life. This place is not and should be a part of your life and don't let it. You have spent four birthdays there do you want to spend any more there?

Last edited by riversidecali; 10-30-2015 at 04:53 PM..
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Old 10-30-2015, 04:52 PM
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It sounds like you're doing the right thing, which I imagine can't be easy. If he is being abused, encourage him to ask for a visit with mental health and get it documented.

When I said you were being used, I meant that in a bigger picture sense. It's taxing physically, financially, emotionally and you seem to have conveyed that to him. But most importantly, you didn't withdraw your love and support and that's really what gets our LO's through. They have a roof, a bed and food in there. What they need from us is to know they are loved and supported while they grow. Good on ya for making some tough choices. Now it's his turn.

Best to you, auntie!
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Old 10-30-2015, 10:44 PM
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The he is in an 8 man tank, that sounds like the old county jail downtown Riverside. It is not easy not to enable our loved ones. The visits help and that is true, the GED Instructor most likely does come only twice a week and is volunteering his time to come in. I know about the packages, as I have ordered for someone from them. Commissary may well too come twice a week still. If he goes state that is a different story but still he should learn to be a man, even at 20 something. Give him the emotional support as all of us who have done time understands that, letters and visits mean so much. I completely understand your situation and feelings. It's hard lesson for him at such a young age.
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Old 11-01-2015, 01:11 PM
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Default I applaud your efforts.

I've heard about things like this going on in jail. It sounds like your nephew is messed up, so please, the last thing he needs is to be completely lost. It's likely something has snapped inside him, and he's dealing with it the only way he can. If it's not killing you to support him, then don't stop. Keep visiting him. Don't get angry with him because he will just withdraw. Being kind to him is what will make him slowly reveal what is going on.

What it sounds like is there is a guard who is fostering all this behavior. That would be the bottom line. He is surreptitiously advocating the gay behavior because he's closeted, and is using one or two "top dog" inmates to create a circus to his liking. It is unlikely you can stop that. What needs to happen is to have your nephew's case processed in the courts so he can be moved out of county and into state. But don't give up on him. Being a hard-ass works about 10% of the time.
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Old 01-03-2016, 06:39 PM
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It has been awhile since my last post. It seems I am an idiot. Thinking like it was the movies and looking for track marks at his visit or injection points only to notice his red irritated nose. Talked to some people in the know and was told he is doing heroin mixed with water and snorting it. Ugh I need to press the issue and have get him to state and finish his term ugh. So hurt. Disappointed and betrayed.
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Old 01-03-2016, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by riversidecali View Post
It has been awhile since my last post. It seems I am an idiot. Thinking like it was the movies and looking for track marks at his visit or injection points only to notice his red irritated nose. Talked to some people in the know and was told he is doing heroin mixed with water and snorting it. Ugh I need to press the issue and have get him to state and finish his term ugh. So hurt. Disappointed and betrayed.
It does hurt when you're lied to and the one trying to help him. Did he finally go thru sentencing? And know what he's looking at? It's amazing the amount of drugs that get in there, and prison. Not to mention the price they pay. At least someone was able to fill you in, I do hope he didn't get caught and extra time, and that he can get into drug classes of some sort in there. At least now you know. Also, just in case. No matter what he or some people say they don't need much if anything for commissary money. Many do go without anything. They can get packages for extras and even $50 a month can go along way for treats. I'm just giving you this in case you did still want to help a little and he keeps asking for a lot. I am very glad you found out now. Side note. There is so much still available anywhere. Some places ridiculous amounts somehow. I do know one guy who ODd on heroin in prison. Died, luckily he had guys around him who actually cared and got him out of it.
Thanks for the update.
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Old 01-04-2016, 06:28 AM
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He has not get caught. Yet. This Tank and jail do not have cameras and this particular tank is a cell that is hard to monitor visually by the CO's They have to go into the Tank to check on things. That is why I am told that is why all the 25 gang actives like to go back to that tank. That they even have the power to suggest to CO's hey move this guy from this jail here and it happens. I am still flabbergasted at how that is possible. I am so upset at this system that I want to write the sheriff and tell him him what is going on right under his nose ugh.
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Old 01-04-2016, 05:59 AM
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Thanks for you all I also found out that because of the financial assistance I gave him. The whole reason I gave him money was to avoid him getting into. Instead that is what made him a target. This 25 Gang or PC gang took him in because of all the money and mail he was getting. I was told that if he becomes documented on paper with the jail that he is actively in this 25 gang that anything that happens in there and he catches a case could possibly carry a gang enchantment. I will take the tough love road on this one. It seems that I did all the wrong things. Start to make the right decisions. As this person tells me. "All I can say is I feel sorry for the kid. He was young and he got manipulated. This gang is going to chew him up and spit him out. No matter what you do in the end he has to decide." God that made me sick to my stomach. All will do what you guys suggest $30 dollars every two weeks. Write him every so often. I will only write if I get a response. and if he doesn't block me out visits every other weekend. God I hope I find the strength to let it go. Put in Gods hands.
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Old 01-04-2016, 08:55 AM
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Don't write the sheriff. If jail staff is involved in the heroin trade, your complaining is very likely to fall back on your nephew, deputies? gang? both?
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