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  #1  
Old 08-25-2013, 01:08 AM
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Question Have you ever Not been able to put money on your man's books?

Has there ever been a time (or two) that for some reason, you weren't able to put money on your Man's books? In my case, he is in ad-seg and we have no phone contact and we deal with snail mail.

I've been with my man for a year, and this is the first time this has happened. I had $20 to my name for a week. I wasn't able to put money on his books until pay day on that next Friday.

Canteen is usually on the 18th or 19th. I got paid on the 16th and knew his slip had already been turned in, but I felt bad, because on Monday (the18th), there wouldn't be money on his books.

Now, today, I get a letter from him. He was writing me being all angry that I' wasn't his #1 and that I wasn't backing him up. I now that's totally a bad reaction for him to have. Not thinking of anyone but himself. Little does he know, that I had written him probably 3 letters since the incident, explaining the reason, and apologizing. I'm so confused, and a hurt.

Can anyone relate, and, or help me out???
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  #2  
Old 08-25-2013, 07:52 AM
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I can't relate on the money thing because we take little financial responsibility for our friend in COR... but I can totally relate on the mail issues. It's just not possible to keep up with my friend when things suddenly happen because it takes my letters up to 12 days to reach him, even though I live one hour from the prison. Grrr....

That said, my buddy NEVER responds like that to his sis, mom, or us over things like missing letters or visits. He immediately chalks it up to slow mail, or if one of us says we'll come and then doesn't show, he feels let down but NEVER acts out on us, just waits until the word of explanation eventually gets to him.

Hopefully this boyfriend isn't typically like that, and follows up promptly with a letter of apology. We can all make the mistake of rashly sending out a letter saying things that, looking back, we regret saying; but if he's not sorry, that's a problem!
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Old 08-25-2013, 11:28 AM
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my husband is a spoild brat because of me . for yrs I have put 500mo on his books well over the last yr. I have had some problems financially and he couldn't believe that I couldn't do it, I got some really rude comments and fights over it. I explained but he felt that because he was in prison he should come first as long a the kids and I had food and what we absolutely needed but that's it. I wound reminding him that I am the only ne who has ever been there for him and I would not tolerate it. I know it is hurtfull and upsetting when they act like that, hopefully h will apologize to u
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Old 08-26-2013, 06:45 AM
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Thanks to you both for your replies. I do so HATE snail mail, and I do HATE when my man acts like a spoiled baby and whines. Whining about a letter or two is fine, but he knows I've always been there for him. Hope he realizes what he wrote and apologizes!
Thanks again ladies. I feel a bit better
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Old 08-26-2013, 09:06 AM
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since 98 there have been about 3x that I remember. I was fortunate tho, I always knew ahead of time and told him I just wouldn't be able to send anything. for that month, but I was planning on resuming it the next month. I would remind him in a letter that he should get before the money due date and also the day after, just in case. But we are fortunate to only have at the most 2 day mail delivery. Sorry you are having such a difficult time with the delivery of mail. Better days ahead for you both.
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:02 AM
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Default Still mad ???

I guess he's still mad, and probably dumping me...I can't believe he is doing this. This is totally out of character !!!

And the real kicker is, he just asked me to marry him August 3rd.
I swear, everythng was fine. Then Bam, he tells me his married friend is trying to tear us apart. Told me to stop writing everyone, unless he asks me. Tells me to not doubt him and to be on his side cuz I'm his woman. Says he doesn't want to loose me, and that he wants to be with me. Without me he is nothing...Tells ME to figure out... what I want and to let him know, cuz he ain't goin' no where, and I know where he is.

I had written him at least 5 times since I received his letter, explaining the money situation..over and over. What is his problem? All over $30 on his books.???, with loving supportive words. The last letter I sent him was August 28th. The last letter I received from him (the one I'm refering to here), was received on the 24th. Almost 3 weeks ago. WTF?
Does he not want to be with me now? Is this his way of dumping me? I'm really upset, cuz if this is how he REALLY is, this sucks!!! We've been together for almost a year....maybe he's scared. Maybe he has someone else that I don't know about...But why would he say all that love stuff to me??? OMG. I'm so confused....HELP!!!!
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Old 09-06-2013, 12:21 PM
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Breathe Sweetheart...
In all honesty he needs to chill out for a second..
YES He is your number #1 but he also have to remember that you have other obligations. He has to be understanding and know that Sometimes ish happens.. If he does decides to break up over something petty like this then you just have to chuck it up as a lost. I know easier said than done but he has to learn to appreciate you. I know some guys who don't get financial support from anyone.. so he needs to be grateful and understanding..
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Old 09-06-2013, 12:56 PM
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Default Yes...breathe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trainsbackbone View Post
Breathe Sweetheart...
In all honesty he needs to chill out for a second..
YES He is your number #1 but he also have to remember that you have other obligations. He has to be understanding and know that Sometimes ish happens.. If he does decides to break up over something petty like this then you just have to chuck it up as a lost. I know easier said than done but he has to learn to appreciate you. I know some guys who don't get financial support from anyone.. so he needs to be grateful and understanding..
Thank you for your advice. I LOVE my #1. But, I do think he needs to chill. He wasn't getting any financial help when we met. I just started doing it to be nice. Then, we fell in love. I'm really not sure what he's feeling or going through right now, because we have had no correspondence.

I don't like to doubt him, but what if he found someone else, and has been playing me? I know his heart, this is not like him at all. I was going to make an appt. for a Sunday visit, but a friend of mine told me not to. She said; I would be using my time and money, and he does not deserve that right now.

I have explained numerous times ( which I shouldn't of had to in the first place) and apologized as well. So, if he found better....I feel sorry for that woman. If he just needs time to realize what's actually happening....then I just Need to Breathe, be patient, and keep the faith....
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Old 09-06-2013, 01:42 PM
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Sometimes they need a reality check. When my Hubbear and I reconnected , his family fell back financially and at that time I was only just an ex girlfriend who still had feelings for him. It got to the point I was doing everything. I just stopped cold turkey and checked him real quick. Like who was doing it before me well maybe you need to ask them! I didn't financially plan for that type of situation.. He apologized and realized that he was wrong! He will make due with what he has... now that he's back in on a bogus violation. He's been in for 45 days now and not one time he has gone without.. yeah he maybe had to wait a couple of days but he knew I had other financial obligations.

The reality of the situation is.. if he can replace you like that! You didn't mean as much to him as he did to you. Stay strong and prayerful. If it's meant to be it will be.. I'm walking proof of that! Lol we definitely have a story to tell our kids.. known each other for 11 years.. been dating on and off since we were 16. Now we are married
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Old 09-06-2013, 06:01 PM
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Default That's Cool

Thank you so much for all your comments. You have given me some more to think about. (like I needed that!!! LOL) Things I need to decide and realize. I hope it works out in the end, but...I've learned a lot if not. As they say..."you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" Apparently my horse
Thanks again,
God Bless You and Yours!
Tina
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:44 PM
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