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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 01-14-2020, 01:36 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Default Did your incarcerated wife or LO try to push you away?

Did your incarcerated wife or LO try to push you away?
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  #2  
Old 01-14-2020, 02:28 PM
Born Born is offline
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Try very hard not to take it too personal. She's probably going through some emotional depression and probably feels like she's holding you back from living your own life. She's also probably feeling remorseful. I would just give her some time. Just remember this won't be the first or last time that she's going to feel this way. I know it hurts because she doesn't realize that her incarceration also affects you on the outside they never do whether it be men or women. Remember too that women are very emotional beings and depending on her age she could also be going through some menopause changes too. To to stick it out and good luck
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  #3  
Old 01-14-2020, 02:40 PM
studebaker71 studebaker71 is offline
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heh we were just talking about that.... Yup as I said before she did try and push me away. And she still does in small ways to try and take stress off me. She just recently tried to tell me not to bring food to her on Sundays when I was stressing during a call to find the appropriate ingredients.

It seems to be that she has not many tools to help support me, one tool she has is expectations. She can control something and if she can tell me something like to push me back, it in her mind takes some stress off me.

But I wont have it. I want to be there for her and I'm with her for a reason. I love her and will get through any small stresses. But if things were worse, I can see her pushing me away for sure.
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  #4  
Old 01-15-2020, 12:49 AM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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Originally Posted by WaitingWilkes View Post
Did your incarcerated wife or LO try to push you away?
She did when she fucked up and went back. The wife I know now, is nothing like the one before. Frustrates me at times. We both know there isn't anyone else in the world for each other. Besides, if she goes back when we get through this, she knows it will be in a box.
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  #5  
Old 01-16-2020, 04:21 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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heh we were just talking about that.... Yup as I said before she did try and push me away. And she still does in small ways to try and take stress off me. She just recently tried to tell me not to bring food to her on Sundays when I was stressing during a call to find the appropriate ingredients.

It seems to be that she has not many tools to help support me, one tool she has is expectations. She can control something and if she can tell me something like to push me back, it in her mind takes some stress off me.

But I wont have it. I want to be there for her and I'm with her for a reason. I love her and will get through any small stresses. But if things were worse, I can see her pushing me away for sure.

Life's awfully complicated when your LO is down. Little things always seem to come up and turn into big things.
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  #6  
Old 01-16-2020, 04:26 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Try very hard not to take it too personal. She's probably going through some emotional depression and probably feels like she's holding you back from living your own life. She's also probably feeling remorseful. I would just give her some time. Just remember this won't be the first or last time that she's going to feel this way. I know it hurts because she doesn't realize that her incarceration also affects you on the outside they never do whether it be men or women. Remember too that women are very emotional beings and depending on her age she could also be going through some menopause changes too. To to stick it out and good luck

I stuck it out for a year, during which she had my letters sent back unopened, refused my visits and never called. Her mom told me what was happening and kept me focused. We changed our relationship after she took me back. Things are different, better in some ways, a little more complicated at times in others. All relationships have to evolve to keep going. Changes in an outside/inside relationship can be hard.
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  #7  
Old 01-16-2020, 04:28 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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She did when she fucked up and went back. The wife I know now, is nothing like the one before. Frustrates me at times. We both know there isn't anyone else in the world for each other. Besides, if she goes back when we get through this, she knows it will be in a box.

They change inside. We change out here. Growing apart is a real problem unless you find a way to grow together.
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Old 01-16-2020, 10:14 PM
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They change inside. We change out here. Growing apart is a real problem unless you find a way to grow together.
Growing apart is what i fear the most. My husband and i will only have letter writing for communication.

At the moment my husband is on house arrest and will be going in any time now.

We are working very hard on trying to organize everything for him for when he gets out so that he has an easy transition when he gets out and goes to the halfway house. We are trying to learn everything we can about the prison system, pay all his Attorney bills, Credit Card Bills, Taxes etc so as his credit rating doesn't take a hit. Considering everything in the us is heavily relied on credit history and ratings.

I've had to with a heavy heart relinquish my green card and move back overseas because i don't drive and have no family or friends in the states for any type of support. We live in rural USA and i cannot get around nor do i have any medical insurance should i need it. I'm a city girl and find living in the states very hard without public transport.

At the moment i'm calling him everyday and we talk for 5 hours or more. pretty soon we won't have that. We are trying very hard to talk about our future and about starting over again. I'm finding it hard because he was supposed to move overseas with me but now because of his incarceration and for the length of time he's to spend behind bars that will never happen.

The sad truth about his case is that he never did the crime that he's been accused of and even though we've given proof of such to his attorney to prove my husbands innocence and even though we had witnesses to corroborate his innocence and whereabouts, for some reason his defense attorney chose not to show it nor to pursue it as he's friends with the prosecution Attorney and had worked along side the prosecution Attorney when he was still a public prosecutor for the courts. In other words the defense and prosecution cut a deal between them and coerced my husband into taking a plea.

I am worried for his health and safety and what being behind bars will do to him and what it will do to me being in another country and not being able to see or visit with him. My health isn't the best at the moment and i'm on a waiting list for surgery and to get it all sorted out . Even still i'm not sure that i'll be alive by the time he gets out and if i am i'll be too fragile to travel. This time of our life is meant to be our senior years, we should be spending these years together and creating happy memories not morning each others loss. I also worry about him wanting to break up when he gets inside due to the fact that he doesn't want to burden me along with him. He's already stated on several occasions that he wouldn't hold it against me if i were to cut him lose.

How on earth can you give up on a person that you love? how can you leave the love of your life to defend for themselves when the going gets tough? Especially when he has no one other than you as his family. For anyone to abandon someone whom they say they love would be inhumane. At least that's what i believe. The other problem was that i moved over to the US to marry and be with my husband. I gave up alot by making that move both financially and socially to go live in a rural area because i loved him. Now I'm not sure that that love is enough for me to go through that all over again.

I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my happiness and comforts to go back to rural living. I've already told him that when he gets out it will have to be him doing the sacrificing this time and will have to move to a city.
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  #9  
Old 01-16-2020, 11:24 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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They change inside. We change out here. Growing apart is a real problem unless you find a way to grow together.
She has changed, for the better, but its not going apart. I see her 5 days a week for multiple hours, phone calls, Emails. Whatever, its money. Were married, being apart isn't an option. 1955 days left.
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  #10  
Old 01-16-2020, 11:29 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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Originally Posted by Born View Post
Growing apart is what i fear the most. My husband and i will only have letter writing for communication.

At the moment my husband is on house arrest and will be going in any time now.

We are working very hard on trying to organize everything for him for when he gets out so that he has an easy transition when he gets out and goes to the halfway house. We are trying to learn everything we can about the prison system, pay all his Attorney bills, Credit Card Bills, Taxes etc so as his credit rating doesn't take a hit. Considering everything in the us is heavily relied on credit history and ratings.

I've had to with a heavy heart relinquish my green card and move back overseas because i don't drive and have no family or friends in the states for any type of support. We live in rural USA and i cannot get around nor do i have any medical insurance should i need it. I'm a city girl and find living in the states very hard without public transport.

At the moment i'm calling him everyday and we talk for 5 hours or more. pretty soon we won't have that. We are trying very hard to talk about our future and about starting over again. I'm finding it hard because he was supposed to move overseas with me but now because of his incarceration and for the length of time he's to spend behind bars that will never happen.

The sad truth about his case is that he never did the crime that he's been accused of and even though we've given proof of such to his attorney to prove my husbands innocence and even though we had witnesses to corroborate his innocence and whereabouts, for some reason his defense attorney chose not to show it nor to pursue it as he's friends with the prosecution Attorney and had worked along side the prosecution Attorney when he was still a public prosecutor for the courts. In other words the defense and prosecution cut a deal between them and coerced my husband into taking a plea.

I am worried for his health and safety and what being behind bars will do to him and what it will do to me being in another country and not being able to see or visit with him. My health isn't the best at the moment and i'm on a waiting list for surgery and to get it all sorted out . Even still i'm not sure that i'll be alive by the time he gets out and if i am i'll be too fragile to travel. This time of our life is meant to be our senior years, we should be spending these

How on earth can you give up on a person that you love? how can you leave the love of your life to defend for themselves when the going gets tough? Especially when he has no one other than you as his family. For anyone to abandon someone whom they say they love would be inhumane. At least that's what i believe. The other problem was that i moved over to the US to marry and be with my husband. I gave up alot by making that move both financially and socially to go live in a rural area because i loved him. Now I'm not sure that that love is enough for me to go through that all over again.
No idea how you would even start. Some people are just meant for each other, and having any piece is better then none at all. I can't even look at another woman.
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  #11  
Old 01-17-2020, 12:07 AM
Born Born is offline
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No idea how you would even start. Some people are just meant for each other, and having any piece is better then none at all. I can't even look at another woman.
That's what my husband and i keep telling each other. We've always said that if anything should happen to either one of us. The other would find it very hard to move on. I think we would both just die of a broken heart should anything happen to either one of us. we know each others thought process, finish each others sentences, think alike and even sense the others feelings and emotions when we're apart.
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  #12  
Old 01-17-2020, 12:28 AM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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That's what my husband and i keep telling each other. We've always said that if anything should happen to either one of us. The other would find it very hard to move on. I think we would both just die of a broken heart should anything happen to either one of us. we know each others thought process, finish each others sentences, think alike and even sense the others feelings and emotions when we're apart.
Then you fight and defend it. Even you know you won't find that with anyone else. This is what the cards have in store for some of us. It is what it is. Tomorrow is one day closer.
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