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  #101  
Old 09-13-2020, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by ambermarshall11 View Post
So sorry to hear that what a douche bag how did you find that out don't worry hell be contacting you again i guarantee it your a good women he will regret losing you
I am so sad. I canít even find closure cause deep down I know that if I could have found a way to come see him things would have been different. He needed me during that tough time of getting released and I failed him.
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  #102  
Old 09-13-2020, 01:56 PM
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Default MWI is out of prison & it hurts like hell!!!

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I am so sad. I canít even find closure cause deep down I know that if I could have found a way to come see him things would have been different. He needed me during that tough time of getting released and I failed him.

Thatís a very unlikely story line.

In this story you are not the hero meant to rescue him , and heís not the victim that just got sucked back into a bad life because you failed.

If that was the story, it wouldnít be just you hurting. Heís not hurting. His ex wife isnít hurting. YOU are hurting.

I canít 100% tell you what the real story line is, but I do know itís not as youíve imagined it.
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  #103  
Old 09-13-2020, 01:59 PM
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[quote=WeepingWillow;7826616]Thatís a very unlikely story line.

In this story you are not the hero meant to rescue him , and heís not the victim that just got sucked back into a bad life because you failed.

If that was the story, it wouldnít be just you hurting. Heís not hurting. His ex wife isnít hurting. YOU are hurting.

I canít 100% tell you what the real story line is, but I do know itís not as youíve imagined it.[/QUOTE



It is such a waste. He is ruining his life here. Are u implying that he was planning on getting back with her for a while? I think that the initiative to talk to a prisoner can be seen as a way to Ďrescueí or at least Help! Them.
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  #104  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:01 PM
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I know he will be hurting and will likely go back to prison with her as an influence, just like in the past!
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  #105  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:01 PM
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He has moved on and whether it works with his ex wife or whether he returns to prison are no longer your concern. Its your time to move on now. He has given you an answer through his actions. Good luck to you.
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  #106  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:05 PM
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I know he will be hurting and will likely go back to prison with her as an influence, just like in the past!

Itís no longer about him.

He made his choice.

Youíve been through a LOT. A lot of heartbreak, heartache, and betrayal and then put all of your focus onto another person, from what Iíve read.

Maybe this is a gift. Maybe itís an opportunity to focus on you and heal. Itís weird to take your energy and turn it inward when youíve been focusing it all outward. It feels wrong. But it isnít.

Heíll have to do his own work on him, and youíll have to take care of you. Take time to grieve, but beating yourself up is incredibly unhealthy. You could never save him no matter what you did. There is no storyline where that is the truth.
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  #107  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:06 PM
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Thank u... I can’t stop idealizing him and our relationship somehow and the fact of never having met him prevent me from getting closure. I know we would have been great together. I had a gift for him that I was planning to give in person. I want to ship it along with a letter. But I don’t want to sound bitter and talk bad abt his ex. I don’t know if he really realizes that I love him.
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  #108  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:13 PM
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Itís no longer about him.

He made his choice.

Youíve been through a LOT. A lot of heartbreak, heartache, and betrayal and then put all of your focus onto another person, from what Iíve read.

Maybe this is a gift. Maybe itís an opportunity to focus on you and heal. Itís weird to take your energy and turn it inward when youíve been focusing it all outward. It feels wrong. But it isnít.

Heíll have to do his own work on him, and youíll have to take care of you. Take time to grieve, but beating yourself up is incredibly unhealthy. You could never save him no matter what you did. There is no storyline where that is the truth.

Thank you a lot for your thoughtful message. It leaves me speechless. You are probably right. I guess what feels hard for me to move on is because I only picture myself fulfilled once I would be with THe One. Iím a hopeless romantic and I would do anything out of love. Without it I feel empty and with no purpose. But I will be thinking and re reading that message of yours over and over again to try to really go towards that healthy direction you are alluding to. Thank you again, it moves me u took the time to comment with such generosity
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  #109  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:20 PM
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[quote=Diamond4u;7826618]
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Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
Thatís a very unlikely story line.

In this story you are not the hero meant to rescue him , and heís not the victim that just got sucked back into a bad life because you failed.

If that was the story, it wouldnít be just you hurting. Heís not hurting. His ex wife isnít hurting. YOU are hurting.

I canít 100% tell you what the real story line is, but I do know itís not as youíve imagined it.[/QUOTE



It is such a waste. He is ruining his life here. Are u implying that he was planning on getting back with her for a while? I think that the initiative to talk to a prisoner can be seen as a way to Ďrescueí or at least Help! Them.

I have no idea.

The reality is, no one does but him because you were oceans apart with very limited or no contact.

All I know is you are, in essence, saying that his ex-wife abandoned him, but he was SO alone he had no choice but to go back to the person who hurt him.

But youíre also saying you feel you abandoned and hurt him, so he could not, in principle, go back to you. He couldnít call you when he got out, couldnít get over his hurt, couldnít continue to call you after you reconnected.

But he could call her and, in fact, be with her.

That doesnít make any sense. Youíre going around in circles and itís not your fault.

He made a choice. Be it a good or bad one. And itís possibly the choice he wouldíve made NO MATTER WHAT
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  #110  
Old 09-13-2020, 02:40 PM
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You are grieving the "could've-beens" but you'll never know but the big plus in this he's not your problem, really wasn't your "problem" even you just kind of "adopted" him including all his problems... He does what feels right for him no matter if you begged, waited and begged a bit more.
Time to shake this off and move on and try to live YOUR life and not his life...
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  #111  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:13 PM
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You are grieving the "could've-beens" but you'll never know but the big plus in this he's not your problem, really wasn't your "problem" even you just kind of "adopted" him including all his problems... He does what feels right for him no matter if you begged, waited and begged a bit more.
Time to shake this off and move on and try to live YOUR life and not his life...
Thank you so much for your wise words! I will. I felt the happiest the past weeks when he used to phone me all the time. It felt so easy. I enjoyed my life with him in it. Now I have to accept he is gone from it. A friend of mine who used to write to an inmate as well is saying we canít trust them, they are all liars. What do u guys think about it? Despite everything I donít think my inmate is a liar. I think he is just lost and not as mature as we would expect from someone the same age in the outside world. It feels like he didnít grow to a man and is instead still keeping the state of mind of the guy he was when he got locked up. Did u guys notice that with ur pps too ? I am sad for us and sad for himself too. I know for a fact this will end bad with his ex wife who is an addict. Iím gonna focus on myself and try to achieve my goals.
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  #112  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:22 PM
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Thank you so much for your wise words! I will. I felt the happiest the past weeks when he used to phone me all the time. It felt so easy. I enjoyed my life with him in it. Now I have to accept he is gone from it. A friend of mine who used to write to an inmate as well is saying we canít trust them, they are all liars. What do u guys think about it? Despite everything I donít think my inmate is a liar. I think he is just lost and not as mature as we would expect from someone the same age in the outside world. It feels like he didnít grow to a man and is instead still keeping the state of mind of the guy he was when he got locked up. Did u guys notice that with ur pps too ? I am sad for us and sad for himself too. I know for a fact this will end bad with his ex wife who is an addict. Iím gonna focus on myself and try to achieve my goals.
Honestly, I think he is more focused on the world that is in front of him right now. Long distance is hard especially overseas long distance. Im not sure you guys even met in person.

This doesn't make him a liar. It makes him human. When you communicated regularly it was enough. His heart was broken. He could have met someone else during that time. He may have met someone since being out of reconnected to someone.
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  #113  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:29 PM
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Honestly, I think he is more focused on the world that is in front of him right now. Long distance is hard especially overseas long distance. Im not sure you guys even met in person.

This doesn't make him a liar. It makes him human. When you communicated regularly it was enough. His heart was broken. He could have met someone else during that time. He may have met someone since being out of reconnected to someone.
I understand him. I don’t hold hard feelings at all. I know he feels lonely and vulnerable and that I’m not enough for him because I’m not physically by his side. I get it. If there was not that pandemic and travel restrictions I would even have been there for the day of his release! No we never met in person sadly. He chose to go back to his ex wife, an addict that never offered any support for his 5 years of prison. I know I didn’t show support for the 5 years straight but I was there with him for a good part of it. And he thanked me for having waited for him not later than few days ago again. I’m scared he gets into trouble soon again cause of that poor decision.

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  #114  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:34 PM
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Not all are liars... just like the men on the outside... you have good and not so good ones so it does not necessarily have to do with prison.
If I may... you are making excuses and looking for some kind of explanations that would make it hurt any less. Stop doing that. You were a means to an end and it hurts now but stop it. He did it for himself and you are not part of his decision. You need to see it for what it is, he dumped you. You had this idea of him and you 2 together which probably never excisted.
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  #115  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:47 PM
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I don’t think he was a liar. I think he meant what he said when he said it. We existed otherwise he would not have tried. But it turns out It was not enough, which I can understand.
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  #116  
Old 09-13-2020, 03:59 PM
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Yes, my husband was a grown man but also stunted in a lot of ways. Thatís why he ended up in prison to begin with.

Itís easy to dream of changing, of starting a new life, of doing right. But doing is totally different. And you canít know how hard it will be until youíre actually out and living it.

Iím not saying people canít change themselves in prison, but thatís changing within that world. They have to come out and change again to fit into the world out here and somehow do everything completely different. Thatís a giant undertaking. I donít know how to well I could do it.

My husband dreamt of a new life and he got it and he struggled immensely because it was new and it was foreign, and the amount of change it required was mind blowing. He never lived a normal life. He didnít know how.

I was there his entire incarceration. I was there the moment he walked out. I never faltered. But it still wasnít enough to protect him from his own demons and falling into the same old choices. Nothing I could do was enough and eventually I had to accept that. He wasnít just a wounded puppy who needed to be loved back to health. He was a broken man who needed to wake up and decide he was done making bad choices, no matter how hard it was.

Itís so hard watching someone you care about go down the wrong path. So. Hard. But itís their path, and steering someone into your road when they arenít ready is just going to destroy you.

It hurts like hell, but he was making poor choices long before you - heíll continue until he wants better for himself, even if it means being lonely or tired or struggling. I had to come to that point for my own peace. Because thereís very little peace in watching someone you love head back to hell.
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  #117  
Old 09-13-2020, 04:13 PM
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Also, no, they arenít all liars. Donít get me wrong, pen pal scamming is big business and they arenít a Boy Scout troop so expecting a bunch of nice, well adjusted guys would be naive.

But there are also genuine people who mean what they say when they say it - and it just doesnít hold up in the long run. I meant it when I told my ex i loved him, but almost 39 years later I donít anymore. I didnít lie.

And said it before, but when you take into consideration that prisons here are full of addicts, they can be amazing humans sober and mean everything they say, but one drink or hit once they get out and theyíre a different person. Thatís a whole tribe of people who probably meant what they said and then it all changes.
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  #118  
Old 09-13-2020, 04:25 PM
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Not all are liars... just like the men on the outside... you have good and not so good ones so it does not necessarily have to do with prison.
If I may... you are making excuses and looking for some kind of explanations that would make it hurt any less. Stop doing that. You were a means to an end and it hurts now but stop it. He did it for himself and you are not part of his decision. You need to see it for what it is, he dumped you. You had this idea of him and you 2 together which probably never excisted.
I understand what u say now. It probably would not have been any different if I made it to the US while he was in prison or for his release or even for both. The only difference would have been me hurting twice more!
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  #119  
Old 09-13-2020, 04:33 PM
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There are going to be lots of could have beens, but you won't know because things have changed and he has moved on. Things may have been different but all you can do is deal with the here and now.
Its time for you to heal and move on. Its not easy but one day at a time and it will get easier.
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  #120  
Old 09-13-2020, 05:00 PM
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My ex got out and ghosted me for a month . Turns out he went back to his ex. He has tried contacting me numerous times since trying to "make things right "

It hurt at first but I will tell you my life is so much better now without him than it would have been with him.

Just try to remember the good things about the relationship and focus on getting the life you deserve.


I am having so good of a life now. I don't regret the relationship we have but I also don't miss it at all
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  #121  
Old 09-13-2020, 05:01 PM
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It hurts like hell, but he was making poor choices long before you - he’ll continue until he wants better for himself, even if it means being lonely or tired or struggling. I had to come to that point for my own peace. Because there’s very little peace in watching someone you love head back to hell.
I think comparing your history to hers is a big stretch. You lived it. Diamond never even met this guy. This entire "relationship" was built on a fantasy land in one's own mind. Despite what people want to convince themselves of, you definitely don't know a thing about someone who you've never met. Believing this guy was going to do this, is just naive. One day we're together! And the next it's, back with the ex wife. There would be many less stories if people would be honest with themselves and their situation.

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  #122  
Old 09-13-2020, 05:14 PM
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I think comparing your history to hers is a big stretch. You lived it. Diamond never even met this guy. This entire "relationship" was built on a fantasy land in one's own mind. Despite what people want to convince themselves of, you definitely don't know a thing about someone who you've never met. Believing this guy was going to do this, is just naive. One day we're together! And the next it's, back with the ex wife. There would be many less stories if people would be honest with themselves and their situation.

It was in response to her question about our experiences. I canít even begin to guess what was really going on in this situation because they never met, communicated through letters, and werenít even together when he got out. I know people can be genuine and it not work out. I know people can lie like the devil and use you for all your worth. Donít know about this guy. All I know if the narrative that itís somehow her fault that he might go back to prison is a false one.

I think itís fairly obvious he wasnít being forthright, but at the same time, he didnít really owe her much other than a ďIím not interested in pursuing this any furtherĒ whenever he decided to call her.

But youíre right. The lies we tell ourselves run deeper than any lies anyone else can tell us.
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  #123  
Old 09-13-2020, 05:39 PM
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Still though, I donít think it matters if it was real or fake or one giant hallucination. The emotion is real. The fear and anxiety and desire for control are real. No matter what are storylines are, the truth remains that we are not responsible for other peopleís choices, we canít control them, and we have to accept that we didnít cause them.

Those truths transcend any details, Lisa, or truths that are missing.
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  #124  
Old 09-13-2020, 07:01 PM
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Also, no, they arenít all liars. Donít get me wrong, pen pal scamming is big business and they arenít a Boy Scout troop so expecting a bunch of nice, well adjusted guys would be naive.

But there are also genuine people who mean what they say when they say it - and it just doesnít hold up in the long run. I meant it when I told my ex i loved him, but almost 39 years later I donít anymore. I didnít lie.

And said it before, but when you take into consideration that prisons here are full of addicts, they can be amazing humans sober and mean everything they say, but one drink or hit once they get out and theyíre a different person. Thatís a whole tribe of people who probably meant what they said and then it all changes.
You are so correct with the addiction part omg that is so true i think they really feel that they are gonna change and start believing it till those doors open then it's a different story in the ball park
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  #125  
Old 09-13-2020, 09:51 PM
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Still though, I donít think it matters if it was real or fake or one giant hallucination. The emotion is real. The fear and anxiety and desire for control are real. No matter what are storylines are, the truth remains that we are not responsible for other peopleís choices, we canít control them, and we have to accept that we didnít cause them.

Those truths transcend any details, Lisa, or truths that are missing.
I can't think of another relationship type that forms more false narratives than prison ones. Its the undivided attention from/for the forgotten ones. MWI, MBI, doesn't matter. Not really anything else to think about between communications than the perfect image in our head. Diamond is just one of countless stories where the bad/truth was right there front and center, but was ignored to form something that wasn't and really, never was. I never discount the emotion involved with it, I'm sure that's real. Breakup or betrayal or deceit is the worse. Much more when you wait for someone to get outside of a prison. I hope more people see things for what they are.
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