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  #76  
Old 09-07-2020, 01:12 PM
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Can we get this thread back on track, please? This post isn't about social media and relationships. It's about the original poster's issues.
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  #77  
Old 09-07-2020, 04:46 PM
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If I were the dude in this situation and I heard she left for another guy, I'd never consider for a second going back. If I wasn't good enough then, I'll never be able to be convinced I am good enough now.
It didn’t happen that way. When we first were corresponding he was talking about getting married to me. I wanted that too, felt in love with him! I started looking for forums and persons to talk to about how it is doable. Then everybody laughed at me like come on u never talked on the phone and u want to marry him?!’ Or īwhat if you could not even get what he is saying’ ? And my family and friends started to talk me down abt it too. And then we could not find a way to talk on the phone, it was just letters. All that accumulated and I gave up and talked to another inmate. I almost instantly understood my mistake and begged for his forgiveness but he could not. Then time passed. And maybe one year later I met someone. It became very serious to the point we were engaged. I was not happy tho. I was missing him. My fiancť broke up with me. I reconnected with my pp. He asked me to call off the wedding. But he said when we love someone we accept to let them go so he said he would let me go if it is my desire to.

Last edited by Diamond4u; 09-07-2020 at 05:06 PM..
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Old 09-07-2020, 05:08 PM
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Thank you guys for taking time to show me ur point of view about that. I really appreciate. And commenting keeping a cordial tone first and foremost always make your guys’ point even sharper! U rock guys��
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  #79  
Old 09-07-2020, 09:54 PM
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It didn’t happen that way. When we first were corresponding he was talking about getting married to me. I wanted that too, felt in love with him! I started looking for forums and persons to talk to about how it is doable. Then everybody laughed at me like come on u never talked on the phone and u want to marry him?!’ Or īwhat if you could not even get what he is saying’ ? And my family and friends started to talk me down abt it too. And then we could not find a way to talk on the phone, it was just letters. All that accumulated and I gave up and talked to another inmate. I almost instantly understood my mistake and begged for his forgiveness but he could not. Then time passed. And maybe one year later I met someone. It became very serious to the point we were engaged. I was not happy tho. I was missing him. My fiancť broke up with me. I reconnected with my pp. He asked me to call off the wedding. But he said when we love someone we accept to let them go so he said he would let me go if it is my desire to.

There's a lot to unload in this statement. No one should think this is easy. Those that think that are either in the very beginning, or they really don't care that much. You'll find it pretty difficult for anyone to agree with marrying someone you've never talked to on the phone. But hey, to each their own. Many people told me to quit on my wife, and my response always been the finger that's on the middle of my hand.
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  #80  
Old 09-08-2020, 03:23 PM
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I want to do the same now and show my family I stick with my pp. It’s been 4 days tho and I don’t have news from him. I don’t understand.
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Old 09-08-2020, 04:19 PM
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What should I do? Should I message him or wait?
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Old 09-08-2020, 04:42 PM
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What should I do? Should I message him or wait?
Do what you feel is right in your heart and go with that i mean 4 days i might give him a ring or shoot him a text message if anything if he doesn't answer the phone than you no you tried good luck sweety
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  #83  
Old 09-08-2020, 11:40 PM
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If he’s not talking to you I think the advice in this thread when you were waiting to hear from him still applies. I hope you hear from him soon.
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  #84  
Old 09-09-2020, 02:52 AM
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I think so too. That’s why I’m waiting. I think he is confused. The distance is too much on him especially in that time when he needs support. I can’t give him what he is looking for.
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Old 09-09-2020, 01:27 PM
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He used to phone me everyday and several times a day upon his release. Now it’s been several days with no news at all. Did he get tired of the relationship?
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Old 09-09-2020, 02:28 PM
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He used to phone me everyday and several times a day upon his release. Now itís been several days with no news at all. Did he get tired of the relationship?
None can answer that for you except him.
From just the background story you shared with us this is not a healthy "relationship" with lots of ups and downs and who knows where he's at mentaly right now... If he doesn't communicate you'll never know.
It's up to you to make a decision which will make YOU feel good. If you want to hang in there and stick it out, then this might be what you have to live with.
It's all guessing at this time...
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  #87  
Old 09-09-2020, 02:31 PM
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Honestly this sounds like a waste of time. I'm encouraging you to live your life and find someone who will actually put effort into the relationship. Right now he have not made the effort to come see you and better yet call consistently. You're much better than this and you deserve better. Stop being concerned about what he's doing. And find someone who will be concerned about you Period.
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  #88  
Old 09-09-2020, 02:34 PM
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Honestly this sounds like a waste of time. I'm encouraging you to live your life and find someone who will actually put effort into the relationship. Right now he have not made the effort to come see you and better yet call consistently. You're much better than this and you deserve better. Stop being concerned about what he's doing. And find someone who will be concerned about you Period.
He was talking about coming to see me but he still has a monitor on his ankle. He canít go far. But you are right there is no consistency. Maybe Iím the one to blame. I failed him while he was in prison maybe thatís why he is not that committed to me now.
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Old 09-09-2020, 02:37 PM
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None can answer that for you except him.
From just the background story you shared with us this is not a healthy "relationship" with lots of ups and downs and who knows where he's at mentaly right now... If he doesn't communicate you'll never know.
It's up to you to make a decision which will make YOU feel good. If you want to hang in there and stick it out, then this might be what you have to live with.
It's all guessing at this time...
Thank you for your input. Maybe he is waiting for me to show more interest and ask how he is feeling. I donít know if he trusts me. Iím scared to talk about it with him in case he tells me what I donít want to hear. After the videochat he was showing me a lot of attention and messaging me a lot, he said he would call me at his work break but Iím still waiting. I donít want to rush him.
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Old 09-09-2020, 02:45 PM
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I want to do the same now and show my family I stick with my pp. Itís been 4 days tho and I donít have news from him. I donít understand.

There isnít any nobility in sticking by someone who isnít sticking by you. You wonít prove anything by being a martyr.

His actions will show you what he wants. They always will. Some relationships are wonderful for a period of someoneís life and sometimes they just reach an ending point, even if we donít want them to.

He might just be busy and overwhelmed and a million other things, and itís okay if he just needs space. It doesnít necessarily mean itís over. But if it is, thatís also okay. Neither of you have an obligation to stay just because once upon a time you said you would.

You could send him a text just checking in to see how heís doing, but I wouldnít blow up his phone. If he wants to talk to you, heíll make the time. If he doesnít, you know where you stand. I personally want to be with someone who desires the same making of time and attention as I do - whatever that is for you.
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  #91  
Old 09-09-2020, 03:02 PM
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Thank you for your input. Maybe he is waiting for me to show more interest and ask how he is feeling. I donít know if he trusts me. Iím scared to talk about it with him in case he tells me what I donít want to hear. After the videochat he was showing me a lot of attention and messaging me a lot, he said he would call me at his work break but Iím still waiting. I donít want to rush him.
I don't believe that and that saying came into my mind: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm".
You've done enough. You've begged and waited and were ready and available. It takes 2 to tango and the ball is in his corner.
Sit this one out and stop begging for something that might not happen after all... Just be prepared.
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Old 09-09-2020, 03:45 PM
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There isnít any nobility in sticking by someone who isnít sticking by you. You wonít prove anything by being a martyr.

His actions will show you what he wants. They always will. Some relationships are wonderful for a period of someoneís life and sometimes they just reach an ending point, even if we donít want them to.

He might just be busy and overwhelmed and a million other things, and itís okay if he just needs space. It doesnít necessarily mean itís over. But if it is, thatís also okay. Neither of you have an obligation to stay just because once upon a time you said you would.

You could send him a text just checking in to see how heís doing, but I wouldnít blow up his phone. If he wants to talk to you, heíll make the time. If he doesnít, you know where you stand. I personally want to be with someone who desires the same making of time and attention as I do - whatever that is for you.

Thank you for your wise words! I 100% agree with you ! I donít want to chase him after what I have done already. If he wants to talk to me he will. I respect that. I think he needs more considering that though transition time he is going through. When we write to someone for years we tend to idealize them in a way. And now I kinda see that the man I was fantasizing over may not exist. That may what hurts the most. I think you guys can relate since you have experimented corresponding with inmates as well. We kinda have to īgrief ī for the relationship upon their release. It canít be the same after they are released. It can be better. It can be worse. But not the same. And thatís what disappoints me I guess...
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Old 09-09-2020, 03:53 PM
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I don't believe that and that saying came into my mind: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm".
You've done enough. You've begged and waited and were ready and available. It takes 2 to tango and the ball is in his corner.
Sit this one out and stop begging for something that might not happen after all... Just be prepared.
Thank you for your smart reply! I understand and fully agree with that. I told him that he had to step up too while we were videochatting but he was kinda referring to the distance. And then he was showing me some jealousy tellin me not to talk to any other guys. It was never a problem while he was locked up but now it seems like it is to me. But then why did he reach me then? He didnít have to reply after all. I find that contradictory and confusing. One week upon his release I get that text message from an unknown number saying īSorry for being distant lately. I had to collect my thoughts. I need you. I canít spend another minute wondering what if about usí. And now the guys doesnít talk to me anymore lol. It is hard to live my life because he is my life! He asked me to call off my wedding, to wait for him to have kids. And now Iím feeling like a fool. I canít resign myself thinking he was not sincere. Did it happen to u too? There is that hope deep down that makes me think He just needs me to be around him to believe in us. I just need to find a way to come to him so that we can be both happy! We say love is about timing well it is about location too lol.
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Old 09-09-2020, 08:24 PM
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It is hard to live my life because he is my life!

Don't EVER make a man your life! That is why you're hurting so bad. Your life is about YOU, not about that man. Anyone that comes into your life as a partner will compliment your life, NOT become your life.
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Old 09-09-2020, 08:47 PM
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Don't EVER make a man your life! That is why you're hurting so bad. Your life is about YOU, not about that man. Anyone that comes into your life as a partner will compliment your life, NOT become your life.
Life is speaking truth 100%. This sounds more obsessive than love. Im not sure if you bhave even met in person. You fell in love with words on a page. Actions speak much louder. Your life is yours. It's doesnt belong to another. You will be disappointed 10000% of the time. Someone is not responsible for your happiness. It is way too much pressure to put on anyone.
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Old 09-09-2020, 09:26 PM
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A man will do whatever it takes to be with and make happy the person they love. This man is doing the bare minimum.

Side note: you can make your significant other your life. That in itself, isn't wrong either. You just need to choose the right one.
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Old 09-10-2020, 05:48 AM
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Don't EVER make a man your life! That is why you're hurting so bad. Your life is about YOU, not about that man. Anyone that comes into your life as a partner will compliment your life, NOT become your life.
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Old 09-13-2020, 12:49 PM
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Hi guys just a quick update: I finally talked to him. He is back with his ex wife!!!! A woman that never supported him while in prison. Now I’m scared he falls for the same traps again and ends up in prison soon again.
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Old 09-13-2020, 01:41 PM
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Hi guys just a quick update: I finally talked to him. He is back with his ex wife!!!! A woman that never supported him while in prison. Now Iím scared he falls for the same traps again and ends up in prison soon again.
So sorry to hear that what a douche bag how did you find that out don't worry hell be contacting you again i guarantee it your a good women he will regret losing you
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Old 09-13-2020, 01:46 PM
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Hi guys just a quick update: I finally talked to him. He is back with his ex wife!!!! A woman that never supported him while in prison. Now Iím scared he falls for the same traps again and ends up in prison soon again.

Iím really sorry to hear that. Thatís incredibly hurtful.

I wouldnít worry too much about him. Heís not been honest with you - for all you really know, nothing he told you about her was true

He didnít care enough about you to be honest. Heíll make his own choices and they will lead where they lead. Heís his ex-wifeís problem.
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