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  #1  
Old 07-05-2003, 05:11 PM
roarklyn66 roarklyn66 is offline
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Default I feel guilty when I feel angry :(

My husband entered prison on June2'03 and the range of emotions on any one day get to be overwhelming..I cry alot; feel gealous of his cellmate that he looks to for advice and help; but the past few days I am ANGRY at him..For not helping himself..We on the outside are jumping though hoops with the appeals motion, working fulltime, raising the teenagers. His attitude is negative, he says he won't take classes,won't go to the library because he doesn't want to have to deal with the guards. I feel so sad and alone and this is only the first month..I love with my entire being;he's my best friend. Do they(inmates) ever snap out of it and when?
roarklyn66-Idaho
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Old 07-05-2003, 05:19 PM
aprilcat aprilcat is offline
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roark ~ i think it's very normal for you and your husband to run a gammit of emotions during this "adjustment" period. remember, as angry and upset and sad as you are, he's probably feeling the same things. he's angry and pissed off he landed in prison ~ he's probably scared and disappointed, too. he has a wife and children he let down. hang in there...i have a feeling things will look up for you both. it's a tough situation, and you probably need to resign yourself to the fact that it's going to be hard on you both at the moment. *hugs* ac
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Old 07-05-2003, 07:33 PM
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Your anger is appropriate and although I don't know your whole situation, its probably justified.....but now you both need to take one day at a time.

Yes, as Aprilcat says, there is a period of adjustment and it all depends on Him and YOU as to how long it will take. I think the most important thing for prison couples and families is to make sure the lines of communication stay open....talk, talk, talk. Set ground rules for venting and complaining.

You may want to let your husband know - when a window of opportunity opens - that if he doesn't take the classes the DOC wants him to, he won't get a parole!!! That's a given in almost every state!

Believe me....you WILL get stronger and it WILL get easier. And now that you have found PTO.....you have a whole new understanding family!!!

mrs. d
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Old 07-05-2003, 08:50 PM
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Be aware though that if he takes the classes depending on what they are and what the appeal is for they could hurt his appeal.... Think it all thru and talk to your attorney first...

Deb
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Old 07-05-2003, 09:14 PM
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IT IS OVERWHELMING, BOTH FOR YOU AND HIM. THE ADJUSTMENT PERIOD IS A DIFFICULT TIME TO EXPERIENCE AND THE EMOTIONS ARE ON A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE. HOPEFULLY HE WILL GET A BETTER ATTITUDE BECAUSE HE PROBABLY NEEDS THOSE CLASSES AND HE'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THE GUARDS. KEEP ENCOURAGING HIM AND DON'T GIVE UP. THEY SOMETIMES BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN YOU KNOW UNTIL THEY LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE INSIDE...
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Old 07-05-2003, 09:26 PM
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Please know that the anger you feel is common and really you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You have every right to feel however it is that you feel. As far as him not wanting to do anything like take classes and such well I hope that he does change his mind. My husband acted the same way in the beginning but as denimblue said I just kept encouraging him and now in the fall he will be graduating with honors in psychology. Things can change so hold onto that in your heart. I also wanted to say continue to let the emotions that you are feeling run it's course because that means that means you are still alive. I hope things get better for you and know we are all here for you.

Kristen
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Old 07-05-2003, 09:52 PM
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I wish you the best of luck. Steve&kids
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Old 07-06-2003, 12:26 AM
roarklyn66 roarklyn66 is offline
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Thankyou everyone for all the kind words of encouragement and for letting me vent.. I wasn't quite sure Deb what you meant re: the classes; We are filing an appeal to suppress evidence obtained through an illegal search/seizure.
It seems like the past few times we've talked I always manage to not say any of the "right" things and we both end up crying..It is strange to me that before he went in, I took over a month off work to get our affairs in order and we never ran out of things to say..Now I don't know what To say..I miss him sooo much, I sure hope this hopeless feeling eases up soon
Again thanks,
Roarklyn66-Idaho
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Old 07-06-2003, 10:40 PM
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My son was told that if he didn't take the classes they were offering, he would be unable to get out when his time was up. How screwed up is that? He has to take courses that will do absolutlely NOTHING to help him when he is released, but they told him he has to take as many as he can. Also, they told him that when his release time gets near, he has to have $100.00 in his account there or they don't have to let him out. Why are they able to do that? It makes no sense at all.


Signed,

Confused in Kansas
(son in Missouri)
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