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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 08-20-2019, 11:37 AM
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408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
OMG, he's getting out!
 

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Default Estranged & Reconciled or Rekindled

It happens, and it's rare I come across that story.
Life take us through so much! Up, down, sideways, that twist, then this twist, and oh lawrdie the knots! Sometimes we snap, break, fall apart to the point of no return, while others can wipe their hands and knees off, reconcile and give it another spin.

I'm MWI to a term lifer, met him in a holding cell while he was on trial. At the beginning of being pen-pals, I never expected to be in touch after my term completed. 10 years later we got married fast forward 8 years his term is now about to complete ~ he was granted parole on 6/5/2019

In late 2011, I walked out of the relationship to be with my daughters dad who had been my co-defendant when I met Jr in 2000. It's been a few years since the boat with my daughters dad blew up ((thank goodness!))... it all happened for a reason and the way it needed to. Jr forgives me and we're working on what it means to still be married, friends, lovers and free. So wild!!! I can't seem to wrap my brain around how real this is - how being back in touch feels better than ever in the past ((he knows me better than anyone, still has that way of digging into my soul, knows exactly where I tick, how and why)) ~ how on time this ALL is...he's getting out any day between now and October 3rd - just waiting on that confirmed date.

If you've been estranged and reconnected, please share your story, I'd really love to read it out.
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  #2  
Old 08-20-2019, 07:25 PM
Peacefinder Peacefinder is offline
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I have only been with my man for 8 months. Everything is going decent.

I just wanted to tell you how happy I am yours is finally coming home. I hope everything goes smoothly and great for both of you
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  #3  
Old 08-20-2019, 09:30 PM
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408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
OMG, he's getting out!
 

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Originally Posted by Peacefinder View Post
I have only been with my man for 8 months. Everything is going decent.

I just wanted to tell you how happy I am yours is finally coming home. I hope everything goes smoothly and great for both of you
Hey, thank you!! Really appreciate your time and response.

Any number of days being apart from a loved one is excruciating - it's been detrimental for me, probably him more, I don't know, it's really not fair for me to assume one suffers more than the other, in or out - we're apart, it's fu*king awful!

You've found an awesome outlet and support group here
Keep yourself busy and think positive, as soon as negative thoughts pop in to mind immediately replace with positive thoughts.
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  #4  
Old 08-29-2019, 12:23 PM
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JTsBabyGirl JTsBabyGirl is offline
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I met JT when he was 21 and I was 17. We started dating then he got locked up. He received 15-20. I rode with him for 10 years, but things became too much and we parted ways. I went on to have another life. After about 5 years apart, we found our way back to each other. He was released in 2012 on parole, but ended up back in with a new charge. We have a child together...and I just couldn't do another prison bid. So I walked away. This time we were separated for about 6 years...and once again we found our way back to each other.
Now here we are...back together...hoping that he is released in 2 years. I don't know what the future holds for us...despite the ups and downs, he is my best friend. He never cheated on me or abused me...just couldn't keep himself out of trouble. I am hoping that this time, he realizes that he will loose me, our love, everything forever if he goes back in. Three strikes, and we are done...for good. He knows this and is really preparing himself to live a better life when he is released.
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Old 09-01-2019, 12:23 AM
Revenwyn Revenwyn is offline
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Not really estranged. He was my best friend and then he moved away in 2000 and his mom forbade contact with me because, strict homeschooling fundamentalist mother. I was romantically interested in him and he was interested in me but we had never been allowed to date or even talk to each other for more than 5 minutes without supervision.

When he committed his crime his mother told me he was dead. I only found out after he'd been in prison for 7 years that he was alive. By that time I was married, but my husband at that time was terminally ill. Knowing that this guy was my only other friend (I'm on the autism spectrum) my husband let me write him. By three years into our correspondence M had asked me to marry him next and I agreed to it. We did not talk in a sexual manner at all; we wrote letters and had one phone call per month until the last four months of my late husband's illness when they progressed to twice a week just so he could check on how I was handling things. I stayed married to my terminally ill husband and did not visit M until after he died in 2016.

My first husband had actually been writing M too on occasion to gauge the kind of man he was despite the serious mistake that landed him in prison to begin with. In the end he wrote M a letter asking him to marry me.

If it weren't for M's mother lying to me, I would never have married my late husband. We might have met, as I had been interested in going to that university for a long time, and I would have ended up in the same crowd, but I would have basically considered myself engaged to M until such a time as he asked me himself (which we agree would have happened a lot earlier.) But moreover, we both wish that one of us would have been bold enough the last time we saw each other before he moved away to tell each other our feelings. Because we had a lot of missed signals. He loved me but thought I only liked him as a friend back then. I loved him but thought, due to my own self-confidence and insecurities about various aspects of my physical appearance, that he COULDN'T like me that way.

But then again if we had said something we would have likely started out marriage homeless living in a car and me not yet through high school because I was delayed a year. And that's a different kind of messed up.
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  #6  
Old 09-05-2019, 08:03 PM
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408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
OMG, he's getting out!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JTsBabyGirl View Post
I met JT when he was 21 and I was 17. We started dating then he got locked up. He received 15-20. I rode with him for 10 years, but things became too much and we parted ways. I went on to have another life. After about 5 years apart, we found our way back to each other. He was released in 2012 on parole, but ended up back in with a new charge. We have a child together...and I just couldn't do another prison bid. So I walked away. This time we were separated for about 6 years...and once again we found our way back to each other.
Now here we are...back together...hoping that he is released in 2 years. I don't know what the future holds for us...despite the ups and downs, he is my best friend. He never cheated on me or abused me...just couldn't keep himself out of trouble. I am hoping that this time, he realizes that he will loose me, our love, everything forever if he goes back in. Three strikes, and we are done...for good. He knows this and is really preparing himself to live a better life when he is released.
Hiiiii! Thank you for swinging through and posting.
It's soothing, for me, to know / see someone else share the fall out - it's not easy walking away, there is just no aspect of loving someone who ends up in jail, easy - it's all sideways, for both sides / those on the out who love them and them, held in there

Sorry , catching new charges on parole is just way too easy - it's like you've got to be on guard and question everyone along with everything.

Unconditional love is all we can offer at times and accepting that it's enough is alight.

Again, thank you for sharing!

Wishing you three (momma, dad and kido) the best!

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  #7  
Old 09-05-2019, 08:13 PM
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408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
OMG, he's getting out!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Revenwyn View Post
Not really estranged. He was my best friend and then he moved away in 2000 and his mom forbade contact with me because, strict homeschooling fundamentalist mother. I was romantically interested in him and he was interested in me but we had never been allowed to date or even talk to each other for more than 5 minutes without supervision.

When he committed his crime his mother told me he was dead. I only found out after he'd been in prison for 7 years that he was alive. By that time I was married, but my husband at that time was terminally ill. Knowing that this guy was my only other friend (I'm on the autism spectrum) my husband let me write him. By three years into our correspondence M had asked me to marry him next and I agreed to it. We did not talk in a sexual manner at all; we wrote letters and had one phone call per month until the last four months of my late husband's illness when they progressed to twice a week just so he could check on how I was handling things. I stayed married to my terminally ill husband and did not visit M until after he died in 2016.

My first husband had actually been writing M too on occasion to gauge the kind of man he was despite the serious mistake that landed him in prison to begin with. In the end he wrote M a letter asking him to marry me.

If it weren't for M's mother lying to me, I would never have married my late husband. We might have met, as I had been interested in going to that university for a long time, and I would have ended up in the same crowd, but I would have basically considered myself engaged to M until such a time as he asked me himself (which we agree would have happened a lot earlier.) But moreover, we both wish that one of us would have been bold enough the last time we saw each other before he moved away to tell each other our feelings. Because we had a lot of missed signals. He loved me but thought I only liked him as a friend back then. I loved him but thought, due to my own self-confidence and insecurities about various aspects of my physical appearance, that he COULDN'T like me that way.

But then again if we had said something we would have likely started out marriage homeless living in a car and me not yet through high school because I was delayed a year. And that's a different kind of messed up.
I've read your story a few times now and although it does pinch my already aching heart, I am reminded of how nothing is ever a wrong choice, it's living life / a matter of taking the path we're meant to take, to learn and grow from.

Your husband who passed sounded like a special kind soul, bless his resting heart!

And bless your loving heart for having so much love towards your current husband.

I absolutely love loving and LOOOOVE reading all these love stories!!
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