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New Jersey General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in New Jersey that do not fit into any other New Jersey sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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Old 09-21-2016, 03:00 AM
kuz92 kuz92 is offline
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Default First Post and looking for advice on New Jersey drug court

Hello everyone this is my first post and I'm hoping someone could give me some direction on my situation. I understand I may be posting in the wrong area so feel free to redirect me. First I wanted to say hello and am very grateful there is a forum and discussion for this broad topic considering sometimes the people in charge and who are suppose to give you information lack to or are misinformed. I want to start by saying I am 23 years old and have never been to prison I have been around the block if you know what I mean lol and have a lot of insight on prison. Now I would like to get to my main reason for posting and that is for my girlfriend who is 22 and 5 1/2 months pregnant. See me and my gf have had a roller coaster of a relationship which as soon as I thought it couldn't get any better of course theres another obstacle ahead of us. Before i go any further I just would like to say me and my gf both used drugs a lot. However we are both clean and have no intention on ever doing drugs. I have a baby boy on the way and we both know that we aren't going to put our son thru that. I have never been in trouble which is pretty crazy after everything I've been through. My gf however can not say the same. See we both were doing drugs but heroin seemed to be something that was a problem for her. As for myself I've done it all and found away without any treatment other than god and determination to stay away from it all. I currently work as an electrician making close to 60k a year and am very close to being eligible to get licensed (sorry it may seem like I'm ranting but I'm hoping if I give as much info as possible somebody can help or atleast give some info). Now my gf did use drugs until the day she found out she was pregnant than thankfully she has stopped. She has however been on methadone but what I read is a small dose.Way before she was pregnant she was on PTI(pre trial intervention) for weed, not sure if all states have it but its almost a get out a jail free card if you complete the very simple program in my opinion. However she was in too deep and got another drug charge so she was kicked of PTI and forced to see a judge the judge put her in jail as a result. Talking to the family and respecting there wishes we did not bail her out right away we let her spend 2 months to clean up her act and to realize that this was not the life to live. About 3 weeks prior to her next court hearing we bailed her out because we were told she would either go to an outpatient or inpatient program but most likely for only a month. The entire time she was out she was clean and seemed like a new person, 3 weeks go by and at her hearing which I wasn't able to make because of work she was sentenced to an inpatient rehab. Now not only is this rehab in Paterson NJ which is not only far but not the best area either. We were not told how long she would be there and it would depend on her behavior. Looking into this program it is clear it seems like it is six months to a year rehab. Now as a father I am devastated not only will I not be there for my pregnant gf not be able to talk to her or visit (well barely atleast once or twice a month). I was wondering if there is anything we could do I will attach the link to the place she is going to be admitted too and they do offer outpatient rehab. Seeing that she is on drug court she has mandatory drug testing multiple times a week and many other things. I was wondering if there would be the slightest chance in the world if I wrote a letter to her case manager and explain how she has changed and she needs her family more than anything she is beyond upset so I'm gonna do whatever i have to even if it seems hopeless. I plan on writing her manager explaining how that I would be willing to work with the case manager also submit to drug tests even though i doubt they accept that but I do whatever i could to prove that this baby is going to have the best life and most loving parents who should be together at this stage in their relationship. Im some what in shock that this decision would be made not only will her family not see her the father of her child won't see the baby for 9 full months. It all seems insane to me I had plans to buy a home with help from my family and move in together and start a family. I plan on writing to the case manager that and outpatient program would be best because my gf has no intention of ever using drugs, she can participate in community college classes in the meantime, possibly find a part time job, while also cooperating with drug court and attending meetings and all of that. I also want to include that it be better to have her in an outpatient program because the courts would actually see how far she has actually came. What I mean by this inpatient you have no control of your surroundings for the most part you are told what to do and when to do it. Outpatient would require much more schedule planning she would actually be clean because she would still have access to drugs if she's on the street but she would still be getting drug tested proving that she has actually changed. Im sorry for such a long welcome rant I have just been beyond stressed out working 60hrs+ to make sure my child has everything and his father is for and when I am told the news I may not be able to see my own child's birth I think it would devastate any father who cares. Please I'm hoping some has some insight or opinion We are in New Jersey not sure if all states have drug court and i will attach the rehab below any response would mean the world to me at this point even if you just read this thank you.
www straightandnarrowinc org

Last edited by kuz92; 09-21-2016 at 03:09 AM.. Reason: adding info
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:20 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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Hopefully a mod can edit this into paragraphs to make it readable.
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by CenTexLyn View Post
Hopefully a mod can edit this into paragraphs to make it readable.
Sorry CenTexLyn...even Mods have rules to go by (in addition to the same policies as every other member ) Can't edit for paragraphs, punctutation, spelling, oR aNyThiNg eLSe tHaT mAy bE anNoYInG lOl.

For the OP, it isn't as devastating as you might think. The rehab my daughter was in allowed certain privileges as my daughter moved up through the steps. Eventually she was allowed to have her cell phone, then daytime visits with her kids, then overnight visits and furloughs etc. These have to be earned over time.

Also, educate yourself on the affects of suboxone on your unborn child. He will be born addicted and will withdraw with the use of morphine and spend several weeks in the hospital going through the process. I know, 2 of grandsons were born addicted In other words, your pregnant girlfriend needs to get off the suboxone if it isn't too late.....withdrawal during pregnancy is not advisable unless approved and overseen by medical personnel, and sometimes not advisable at all.
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Old 09-21-2016, 12:05 PM
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If I had a nickel for every client who never intended to use drugs again..... Oh, wait, I have cases with most of them! Hell of a lot more than a nickel. No wonder I have such a good lifestyle!

Listen, crass b.s. answers aside, there are a few things you need to understand. One, and a big one at that, is the suboxone and your unborn baby. Just as Patchouli said, you don't want your baby born addicted. You want your unborn baby off all drug including subox as soon as possible - this way there's the least possible impact on your child's development including his brain. If you want to give your kid the best chance at life, let him start out clean, with a brain that's properly developed. The only way this happens is in a proper, medically overseen detox.

The next thing you need to understand is that the judge already knows the statistics. Addicts relapse all the time. Sometimes before they've had a chance to do more than say they really, really, really want to be clean. Judges know that even motivated addicts relapse an average of 6-8 times before finally getting substantial sobriety under their belts. Addiction is HARD. Relapse is easy. It's so easy that people who KNOW they are going to be drug tested often relapse frequently. Screwing up in one program, one that's so easy even an addict should be able to do it, is a good indication that more direct intervention is necessary in order to help motivate an addict to actually get clean without releasing 6-8 times.

So, you've got a pregnant woman who's an addict. You have great family support, and that's wonderful! Family support will help her stay clean once she's actually gone through rehab. Once she's actually gotten so clean that her baby has a chance at a life without addiction and the problems that addiction creates for neonates (seriously - look up the problems caused by drug use in infants born of drug addicted mothers). You have a judge who knows that this particular addict was unable to meet the requirements of the really basic program. The judge had two real options - put her in jail, or put her in rehab. Jail means she detoxes in jail. You're street enough to know what that means - you've heard the stories. Do you really think that's the best option for her? Rehab means that she detoxes with proper medical supervision, her baby gets proper medical supervision as he detoxes, her baby gets proper pre-natal care. And she has a solid program to work her way through to help her with her sobriety.

Look, having a supportive family is great, but if you don't have the proper internal mechanisms, the proper internal framework to actually stay sober yourself, there's not much your family can do for you. Think of it this way - if you're a runner and you have a great family, they cheer you on, get you to the track on time, buy you shoes and kit in your size - and that's great support. If you don't know how to run? Cheering you on, getting you to the track, and buying you shoes and kit is still great support, but you're not going to be able to run just because of that support. You may actually need a professional to teach you how to run. Some people know how to run (stay sober). Others need help. Your LO obviously needs help. Let her get that help - it's the most supportive thing you can do.

From there, you and your families can start attending Narc-Anon, and talking with the facility about the family meetings and family involvement in the treatment. Most treatment facilities really, really, really want to work with families so that those families can effectively support their LO in their sobriety. Think of it this way - they're helping you to show up at the right track to cheer your runner across the finish line.

All rehabs I've run into (and I've run into a lot in my days) have had tiered systems. Once the patient has detoxed, they put them in the most intensive program they have. Sobriety and structured things consume all of the addict's time. Slowly, as the addict comports herself with the system, those structures loosen and she's given more free time and liberty. As she proves that she can sit with herself and not engage in behaviors or thoughts that have led to her abusing drugs in the past, she's given more liberty.

That more liberty bit includes you - contacts with you, engaging you, creating a life with you that doesn't involve drugs.

It is not a system where the person is kept incommunicado for the duration of the rehab and then dumped directly back into the world and expected to stay clean. They want their patients to succeed - it's a tiered system. The more you are involved with the system, the more you as a family demonstrate that you are not a bunch of addicts coming into the facility to give her a fix or whatever, the more contact she'll have with you.

You need to work with the facility, do the families program, do Narc-Anon (and maybe a bit of NA for you), and be in the best position possible to help her stay sober as she births and cares for an infant.

Don't talk with the Court - talk with the facility. Help her get completely clean for the sake of your son. Learn how to be the best support you can be for her and your son.
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