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New Jersey General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in New Jersey that do not fit into any other New Jersey sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 11-25-2007, 01:13 AM
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Unhappy S.O.S.,SO,so,SAD:( He is facing 30 years in prison

Somebody please help...I am 26 years old and so is my man. He is my soulmate, the love of my life, and we have a beautiful family together. Our whole world has been ripped apart because he has been in jail for the past 6 1/2 months awaiting sentencing for a crime he did not commit .He is a firefighter and USAF veteran. He has no prior record yet he was accused of being involved in the assault of a local drugdealer.He was tried and found guilty of the charges the state brought against him and He is facing 30 years in prison. I cry every single day and I am severley depressed because of our situation. I feel like I'm in mourning him but he isnt even dead.....PLEASE somebody, anybody, tell me how to cope with seeing a man that has been your rock, your, soul, your EVERYTHING, being railroaded by a corrupt legal system and there's nothing you can do to help him..... I feel like my lfe is over. I'm so miserable and lonely. I visit him every weekend faithfully and speak to him on the phone several times a day but I still feel defeated. Like I've lost the only thing in my life that matters. 30 YEARS!!! thats the rest of our lives...By the time he comes home our children whoa are only babies, 4yrs and 3 months, will be 31 and 34, he and I will be 56!! There's got to be an answer for the poor working man..I have no clue how the law works or even what direction I should go. If anyody can give me advice on how to cope with my depression and be strong for my man and children please tell me because I feel like I'm falling...FAST... I'm in a permanant haze it seems...I've basically dropped out of school and was fired from my job recently and I dont even care.. This is really bad...I need some advice/support on hpw to deal with this situuation and I need it fast... I know I'm not the only one going through this...please help...
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Old 11-25-2007, 03:40 AM
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First things first - get yourself some help --- either talk therapy or meds. This kind of depression can become a brain's habit if you don't do something about it. See if you can find a local agency that works on a sliding scale for therapy and meds. Second, do not allow all of this terrible stuff to steal your children's lives! Or yours. It is horrible, it is devastating, but if you don't start letting go of the hurt then you will have 4 lives destroyed instead of one.
Start to do some breathing exercises. Start to release some of the tension in your gut and your throat consciously.
Most of all, realize what kind of strength it will take to get through. It's time to cowboy up, because there's nothing else to do. If you lose it, then he and your kids all lose it, too.

Yeah, that means it all hinges on you and you'd rather run from the responsibility, and you can. But the better alternative is that you become a full adult, not a weepy, Victorian, handkerchief-waving, weak "lady". Lady just doesn't work for some situations.

We don't know the strength we have until we use it in the challenges life hands us. Start finding yours, hon.
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Old 11-25-2007, 03:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay
First things first - get yourself some help --- either talk therapy or meds. This kind of depression can become a brain's habit if you don't do something about it. See if you can find a local agency that works on a sliding scale for therapy and meds. Second, do not allow all of this terrible stuff to steal your children's lives! Or yours. It is horrible, it is devastating, but if you don't start letting go of the hurt then you will have 4 lives destroyed instead of one.
Start to do some breathing exercises. Start to release some of the tension in your gut and your throat consciously.
Most of all, realize what kind of strength it will take to get through. It's time to cowboy up, because there's nothing else to do. If you lose it, then he and your kids all lose it, too.

Yeah, that means it all hinges on you and you'd rather run from the responsibility, and you can. But the better alternative is that you become a full adult, not a weepy, Victorian, handkerchief-waving, weak "lady". Lady just doesn't work for some situations.

We don't know the strength we have until we use it in the challenges life hands us. Start finding yours, hon.
I couldn't agree more......
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Old 11-25-2007, 08:17 PM
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I live in Philly and work in mental health. There is a great local therapist who is nationally recognized for her work with families who have a loved one who is incarcerated. I have her name and contact information. If you are located close by she may be of help. Even if you don't live in the area, she may be able to refer you to someone who would be more accessible to you. Feel free to PM me if you would like this contact info.
BTW, I noticed you list PA as your location; is your husband incarcerated in NJ or PA? I'm asking b/c the rules for prisons, the cj system, etc....differ a lot between the two states.
Keep breathing....this does get easier eventually.
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Old 11-25-2007, 09:44 PM
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WOW!
I can certainly feel your pain as my husband has been down for 26 months and 18 we havent even had contact as he lost his visting priviledges and we have window visits. The situation seems really harsh and my advice would be to look into an appeal!! There has to be something that can be done.........was this in NJ or PA?

Last edited by dangerouslyinlo; 11-25-2007 at 09:54 PM..
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Old 11-25-2007, 09:47 PM
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Yep I agree. There are so many decent meds now who do help somewhat! It is not an easy path and if he hasn't been sentenced to
30 years then think positive. Message me if you want to anytime.
My bf is in until 2012. It does get easier....I know how horrible and depressing it is. My life is just a mess. But there are alot of women here who will help you. Hang in gf!!!
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Old 11-26-2007, 01:38 AM
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My man is incarcerated in NJ but I live in PA. I've been trying to avoid meds and I really dont think talking to somebody who has never been through what I'm going through is going to help anything. I was just looking for advice , like things you do to ease the pain...I guess I;'ll have to end up popping pills eventually
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Old 11-26-2007, 05:36 AM
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Thing is, hon, that we do simple things like put one foot in front of the other and breathe. We write letters, we make visiting plans, and we put one foot in front of the other again.

If you need meds to do those things, then get them! If you need someone to talk to then find 'em. Talking can indeed help, if you find the right therapist, because whether they've been there or not, they have a map of where you are and how to get out.

Think of the things you have to do to get through life as juggling balls. Work - that's made of rubber and it bounces back if you drop it; family, friends and spirit are the other three, and they're made of glass - if you drop those they chip, or sometimes shatter.

Don't wait to move on this anguish you're feeling. It's gone on long enough, if you've lost your job over it and stopped your schooling. You've stopped living your own life and being in your own body. You MUST get back. So do something NOW! We will be here to help every step of the way - you asked what we do, and that's it, we will support you and urge you to get the help you need.
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:57 AM
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Bottom line...it SUCKS.....and it SUCKS BAD....Some days are better than others, and in the beginning, most days are bad, I'm not gunna lie...I"ve only been dealing with this for six months...and I just had my baby three months ago..my bf has been locked up for six months...I freaked out, and still freak out...but you just have to take each day as it comes...like all the other people posted just go minute by minute if you have to, but "keep putting one foot in front of the other" and it'll subside...When you have kids, you HAVE to cope with things that you never in a million years thought you'd be able to handle...for their sake....I"m finding this out now...I fell apart....but I realize that my daughter is depending on me for stability, love, and a good home environment so she can grow up and prosper....I have to provide that for her...all the weight is on my shoulders now...it's my responsibility to do that for her...she deserves it....it's hard being both Mom and Dad, especially when you feel like crawling into a hole and burying your head....Write letters, visit when you can, talk on the phone...this stuff really puts relationships to the test...it'll make ya stronger in the end....Talk about it if you can with someone that knows the situation..talk don't talk..do whatever u need to in order to make it thru the day...Lots of nice knowleadgeable people on here that want to help....my bf is in for seven years....it's helping me to deal with this and process the situation....hang in there...msg me if ya want...
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Old 10-13-2016, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by egs View Post
I live in Philly and work in mental health. There is a great local therapist who is nationally recognized for her work with families who have a loved one who is incarcerated. I have her name and contact information. If you are located close by she may be of help. Even if you don't live in the area, she may be able to refer you to someone who would be more accessible to you. Feel free to PM me if you would like this contact info.
BTW, I noticed you list PA as your location; is your husband incarcerated in NJ or PA? I'm asking b/c the rules for prisons, the cj system, etc....differ a lot between the two states.
Keep breathing....this does get easier eventually.
Hi, I know it is literally 10 years later but do you have the contact information for that therapist... we could really use it.
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Old 10-13-2016, 07:16 AM
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Hi, I know it is literally 10 years later but do you have the contact information for that therapist... we could really use it.
Hey schoolgirlb, you might want to send egs a private message That way, hopefully, she'll get your message in her email too.
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