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  #1  
Old 02-12-2008, 01:04 AM
PrincessSBZ PrincessSBZ is offline
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Default Addict+Addict=DISASTER?

I was wondering what the success rate is for two former addicts having a healthy drug free relationship. Is it possible for two people to carry out a successful drug free relationship (after being apart for a few years, and getting clean) when their relationship revolved around drugs before? Drug of choice is heroin, one person is currently incarcerated for up to five years...is there a chance at living a drug free life with a child...or do two addicts (recovering) = disaster? I really need to know what my chances are of a succsesful marriage, family, etc.
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Old 02-12-2008, 01:13 AM
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Well Ms Princess, this is coming from a recovering addict with a clean time date of 05/17/92. I believe that there is a chance for two recovering addicts to make life happen. Of course I haven't made it happen with someone I used with before only someone who is clean now. I think it will really depend on whether you are both on the same page or not. Successful marriages are uncommon anyway without all the baggage. Only you two know whether you want to make it happen or not. The GREAT thing is...even if you try and it doesn't work out you DONT have to get loaded over it. Life it a process, I am glad your in it now! Congratulations and try not to live in the tomorrow, stay in the today and today is good!
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Old 02-12-2008, 07:49 AM
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I do know of married couples that have made it though drug use but one had more clean time than the other, there were real rocky times. I could not tell you if they are togethere anymore that was a long time ago.
If you both are on the same page then it might work. But if one is forced to be sober and not because they want a better life then that is different.
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:33 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
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2 addicts will not make a good relationship. my opinion no it will not work. if they used together it will not work. if they are just 2 addicts but never got high together they have a good shot at staying straight.
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Old 02-12-2008, 02:07 PM
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Well, I'm a recovering addict and so is my husband. We've only been clean since he went in on 12.25.07. So, the real test will come when we are together again. I'm worried. I can stay clean easily without him, but our relationship revolved around our use too. It's scary. But, if you are both serious, I think it can work, it just takes a lot of strenght, patience, and love.
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Old 02-12-2008, 06:33 PM
PrincessSBZ PrincessSBZ is offline
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Thanks to everyone who took the time to answer...I am not sure if I clarified that we did use together..so it's not just two recovering addicts getting together....I think we both want to have a stable family together with our baby....I'm hoping that we can do this......I will just take it day by day instead of jumping ahead.......thanks! peace and love
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:00 PM
djandchar djandchar is offline
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Hey there,
Sorry im new on here and just read your question. This is my experience with being with the addict that i used with. I've been clean/sober since 8-22-2002....my bf (of 7 yrs) tried time and time again to do the deal with me. However, he couldn't make it. He relapsed over and over....and always ended up in jail/prison. Each and every time he got out, he'd go into another rehab and try it again, but he still could not do it. Nov. 17, 2006 he passed from a heroin overdose!! It's been really hard on me and his children but i can say that i have NOT had to get loaded over it. I believe that it's not impossible for a couple who used together to get clean together too but i do feel it's a much harder thing to accomplish. My suggestion to you is to stay strong, build a good foundation for yourself, go to meetings, and NO MATTER WHAT DON'T GET LOADED!! I love my life today. My man now, is getting out soon. We never used together and i feel we have a really good chance of having a good life together. Hang in there......peace!!
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:14 PM
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Well Honeslty i believe 2 addicts can have a relationship aslong as YOU both work at it...
I been with my fiance for 7 1/2 yrs and 4 yrs of our relationship we used, 3 1/2 yes we been clean we know what it will do to us .. he destroyed us I have lost everything from savings accounts(S), 3br home with land, 3 cars, 1 van, my freedom for 1 yrs being locked up. on felony 3 for fleeing and eluding from the cops busted my butt hard with time over my head and fines and long ass time till i get off the Probation/parole lost my DL for 4 yrs.... my respect , dignity,self esttem, i lost it all..
in 3 1/2 yrs i have ganied most of it all back.. even though i still have 5 yrs over my head if i mess up..
It is a ruff road to live on when you both are addict but you must do what you got to do to stay clean and keep that monkey off your back...

So yes i do Believe 2 ADDICTS can have a relationship ONLY if you both work at you problems....

stay strong and good luck.. if u ever need to talk im ONLy a email away!
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:58 PM
ThatOneChick ThatOneChick is offline
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Princess, I believe 2 recovering addicts CAN make it work when they are 2 rocking peeps with a beautiful little K. I know you guys can make it! Love ya!
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Old 02-14-2008, 07:18 AM
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Hi,
There is a homeschooling Mom in my group that has been straight for years. Ditto-her husband. They both met in church and are very active in their church together. They have 4 boys. She would say, Christ is the glue that keeps them together, and keeps them straight. They are a very happy, stable family. Hope this encourages you! Good Luck!
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:06 PM
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Princess as long as you work on yourself, stay in the moment, dont go tripping on the past, stay out of tommorow, you will do fine.
Hopefully he will do the same.
You have to want recovery above all else, anything or anyone you put above that, you will lose it.
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  #12  
Old 03-28-2008, 10:03 PM
sugarsmack75 sugarsmack75 is offline
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statistically speaking 2 addicts, especially 2 that used together have a higher relapse rate, BUT nothing is impossible. Ive known my best friend for nearly 10 yrs, we had a drug history prior to knowing each other, but met in a relatively "clean" period. We spent most of our 10 years loving getting high together, taking turns falling on and off the wagon. We're both clean now, 3 yrs for me, 2 for him, but the road he took to get there was not fortunate as mine. I left town and went into treatment, and about a year later He kicked cold turkey in a cell. yes, its his habit that landed him there. Its a bitter pill and a hard lesson for us both. Maybe if i hadn't been busy fighting my own private war, i would've noticed, the signs were there. i feel enormous guilt, and am sorry everyday for all those dangerous yes' that encouraged him down this path, for turning him on to the needle, and for not paying attention and taking better care. BUT, I know him, and i know that chances are he'd be dead today if he hadn't been arrested. This is not an unusal consequence of addiction, but we were young and dumb and thought it happened to other people . Now, we're "other people"

I ask him all the time if he feels like using, and always he responds w/such resolve- NO, i'm done. Im still clean, but i'm not sure if I have the same resolve. Of course its going to be a different story when he's free. I know I can't be high with or around him again, i cant be part of him using again i'd never forgive myself. we will miss it, but its for both our good. I remind myself when im feeling weak that its him or drugs- and that makes my choice easier. i know that if i dont have my act together that i can't be much help to him, and he'll need it when he gets out. I think the trick is replacing the old activity w/ a new positive one so you associate your partner with something other than a drug buddy. we are learning each other in a new way, getting to know the sober versions of each other.
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't worried that we may learn we don't click as well sober, or that in a mutual moment of weakness we'll both make an error in judgement. But on the flip-side, its a comfort to have someone who really knows what its like, who's walked that road with me, knows my dirt, and i don't have to explain myself- he just gets it a way no one else can. he knows me at my worst and chooses to love me despite myself. Maybe now that we both have much clearer minds, we can actually be there for each other and give each other the kind of support we never could before. the bottom line is that i think two addicts can be each others greatest support or greatest downfall. you can make it IF- EVERYDAY you make that commitment to sobriety and to each other- and when you're struggling- if for no other reason, choose each other over drugs. Good luck.
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Old 03-29-2008, 08:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarsmack75
i feel enormous guilt,
You were powerless over the drug and thus not responsible. The first step removes the guilt. There was nothing you could have done, nothing you could have said. You cannot change the destiny of someone else.

Yes, two people in recovery can make it. I know several couples in the program that have gone through the ugly and have made it to the other side.

I also know of addict couples sitting in segregated jail cells.

I believe we can give you our experience, strength and hope, but the ultimate test is how you work your recovery. If you keep coming back, anything is possible!!!

JJT <<---- sounds like an AA commerical!! LOL
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Old 04-04-2008, 05:43 PM
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i know of at least 4 couples that were using together before they found sobriety. if you really want to stay clean, great... YOU have towant your recovery though. you can't do it for anyone else except yourself. and vice-versa. HE has to want it just as bad... for himself. I'm having the same dilemna, my husband get's out in a few days, and I truly beleive that we both have the same resolve. We have a baby on the way and lots of fines to pay.... But NOTHING can be as bad as using or being used by the drugs. Make a plan for yourself if he relapses and try to stick to it. Nothing is written in stone, y'know? Keep your head up, and if you're feeling low, go to a meeting. They always help me out.
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Old 04-05-2008, 04:55 PM
sugarsmack75 sugarsmack75 is offline
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making a plan is a good idea- a plan for both of us. i have always been able to be his governor- to the point that the only times he'd "get in trouble" were when i wasn't around. i just don't want it to create a situation where we start hiding stuff from each other. One good thing is that we can set an example for each other, i see him keeping straight, and i think, "well if that fool can do it, i can too" and i know he does the same thing. the one thing i am so thankful for is that we have so many other activities and interests that we enjoyed/enjoy besides dope. while we were using, after a while all those things became secondary to the drug, and eventually dope took more and more of our time and minds, sober, we're freed to pursue those things we neglected for so long. we have plenty of choices of activities that we can make into our new "habit."
I wish i could say i stay sober for me and only me, but im not sure- i don't know, nearly 3 years later and i still have a hard time liking life sober- but i do it. Sometimes i think i stay sober just to see what happens, its the one thing i haven't done- god knows ive done EVERYTHING else. Maybe what im really having a hard time adjusting to, is life w/out him in it, and it has nothing to do with sobriety. we've got lots of time to figure it all out before he gets to reenter the real world, and hopefully, by then, it wont be something that i think about- it will just be the way my life is.
I wish you the best with everything, and the little one on the way. A baby leaves little room for backsliding, maybe baby is a blessing in more ways than one.
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Old 04-13-2008, 10:19 PM
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I've obviously found the right place to be. My husband of almost a year is currently incarcerated due to violating his probation. He failed urine screens, and this has cost him over 1 year and a half of our life. I was married for two months before my husband went to jail. The whole course of our relationship we used together. It was what we did everyday. At times, his drug abuse led us to part ways, because his was a bit more intense than mine. He also suffered from severe alcohol addiction. I loved him, and although we had problems we always made it work. Since he has gone to jail, a lot has changed. We have both now realized that our love is so strong that nothing can or will tear us apart. We really do believe we are true soulmates. I never thought that I would be married for two months and have the one I love ripped out of my life, but it has made my life a better place. I can't say that it hasn't and still isn't inconveincing our lives, and that we aren't lonley, sad, and dealing with a difficult path. But, we love each other so much we will do whatever it takes to stay together. If two people love each other, THEY WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT WORK. There comes a time when reality hits you in the face, and you realize that there are things you have to do in life. We have to remain sober if we want to be together. I don't ever want my hubby taken out of my life again. I have suffered so much, but I do believe that the best days of my life are soon to come. I know we will have to work hard and it's going to be extremely difficult to adjust, but knowing that we will be together: that makes it all seem worth the sacrifice.

I hope I helped you!
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Old 04-14-2008, 01:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessSBZ View Post
I was wondering what the success rate is for two former addicts having a healthy drug free relationship. Is it possible for two people to carry out a successful drug free relationship (after being apart for a few years, and getting clean) when their relationship revolved around drugs before? Drug of choice is heroin, one person is currently incarcerated for up to five years...is there a chance at living a drug free life with a child...or do two addicts (recovering) = disaster? I really need to know what my chances are of a succsesful marriage, family, etc.
Nobody knows what the success rate for recovering addicts' relationships is. But what's the success rate of relationships in general?

The answer is, not very high.

On the other hand, miracles happen. I've seen them, and was even a party to one many years ago (long story).

Follow your (sober) heart. If it's in the cards, it's in the cards. If it isn't, . . .
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Old 04-22-2008, 08:11 AM
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What Can You Do To Help This Person To Get Help. I Really N Eed Help On This I'm A Desperate Wife

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