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  #1  
Old 03-08-2008, 11:34 PM
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Default Twelve Stepping.

If a member of AA/NA calls and says he is suicidal, and you ask them if they would like to hang out and talk about it, they say yes, and you ask another member to come with you,then the person who said they were suicidal says well that's cool even though im not ready to stop yet, would you still go on a twelve step call or would you say,hey..call me when you are ready to quit?
I'm asking because this happened to me today and it was everyone's opinion that he needed to go bang his head against the wall some more and i felt like i was deserting him in a time of need.
Aye! i know im very co-dependent, but i was also feeling manipulated by this guy.
So, im kind of torn on this...did i do the right thing?
I dont even know if i presented this clearly.
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Old 03-09-2008, 12:54 AM
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You presented it very clearly.

I attend meetings on the other side, Al-Anon, so you know I am co-dependent.

My initial reaction is this: He made the call. Do the 12th Step Visit. If he isn't responsive, well then, you have done your part and can walk away.

Who's opinion was it to not do the 12th Step Visit?

JJT
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:26 PM
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3 other people i was having lunch with who are on the program said because he wasnt ready to stop, admitted he was still drinking and using, and one who knows this guy,and said he is a total manipulator...like i said it's hard for me to let go when someone asks for help. just when i think i truly realize i cant fix people,i think i can! aye!
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Old 03-10-2008, 06:12 PM
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It's not a 12 step call if the individual has not yet reached the stairwell.
Refer people to the local crisis hotline when you know they're still using and save your precious energy for those who will actually benefit from talking program at whatever hour (I've NEVER gotten one of those calls at noon on a spring day- always at 3 am or in the middle of a brutal storm)
Wendi, my sweet friend, you have a heart two sizes too big and I love that about you, but you mustn't try to salvage people who won't grab the rope when it's thrown to them.

Curiousity strikes- What does your sponsor think of the situation?
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:57 PM
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Hey Wendi.........is the thing that you are hung up on is that he said he was suicidal?......cuz that is what would get my attention. Maybe the other people that you were hanging with do know this guy to be manipulative, yada, yada....but one really never knows how serious a person may be when they use those words. I may be jumped all over on this one, but here is my way of handling this situation. First, if the guy would not agree to not harm himself and allow an intervention, I would call the local suicide hotline and ask some questions or the social service response team in that area, to have him assessed for suicidality. But that is just my two cents.....I feel ya gurl....~Cat
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Old 03-10-2008, 11:01 PM
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good question my good friend LeBeau! i have to call him...it was funny, the night before he told me to read step 12, and i said why,im still working on step 4. he said he wanted me to read about where it is i will be heading to. Im sure he will agree with what you said, and what my friends suggested. I am learning that if someone isnt ready, they just simply are not ready.
It's just new for me not running right out and saving folks! lol! and all this time i needed to save myself first!
thanks LeBeau...i luv thee McGee! lol!
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Old 03-10-2008, 11:13 PM
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Thanks cat...always slippin in here on the sly....
YES! The suicide threat is what alarmed me, and yes the others do know him and say he is a manipulator...i even put two and two together later after i remembered he told me he had a construction job in San Francisco, back two weeks ago and i gave him money to get up there.
im always gettin the wake-up wendi two weeks later! lol!
AND we got disconnected during our call, lost the signal, i called him right back, got his voicemail, and i told him to call me right back and he text messaged me a nasty text...a half hour later! So, no, he wasnt serious about suicide(i hope!) and i did tell him i would take him to a hospital if he felt like he was a threat to himself...he said no. so, i think in the end, i did the right thing. I know any suicide threat is serious.
Im just greatful it's not me on that side today ya know? Oy vay! God bless all of us!
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Old 03-10-2008, 11:33 PM
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Wendi........sounds like it's all good......soooo scary when someone leads with a zinger like that, but it doesn't sound like a problem....hope he wants sobriety sometime soon......The program says, we just need to be willing and of course you were, and he wasn't ready.....See ya my friend..~Cat
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Old 03-10-2008, 11:38 PM
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Thanx cat!
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:18 AM
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In the basic text is says its very abnormal for an addict not to use. By the addict saying he wants to use after 12 call is key cause its like hope that maybe u all could be the sunshine he needed. I believe that any cry for help needs to be answered. In that moment the person is giving what they can. Now on the other hand if dude is still engaging in his pleasure upon arriving for 12 call, then other interventions are in order. Sometimes we judge people by their outsides. surrender is a heartfelt decision which takes lapses and relaspes for some to recover. Did you do the right thing, yes because it is suggested to not do 12 call alone. Had someone volunteered I would have been the vessel.
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