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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

View Poll Results: Cell phone in prison,or in a halfway house,smoking,drugs.What would you do?
I would tell her,him if he does NOT stop, i am leaving for good and NOT coming back. 18 26.09%
i would understand since he or she has been incarcerated 4 so long,and i would support it(for now) 5 7.25%
I would help her or him realize the huge risk they are taking by having a cell phone,drugs etc., 38 55.07%
I would leave BEFORE it get worse.If he change 4 the better,we can then talk about reuniting. 7 10.14%
Other(Please comment below) Thanks Pto'ers! 1 1.45%
Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 12-29-2017, 09:59 AM
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Default My man is out of prison & has a cell phone.Also has weed in HWH #SMDH

Feliz Nuevo Ano 2018(happy new year's)to PTO'ers,to everyone and i pray for you all good souls to have healthy productive blessed days and nights in 2018 and less drama, less stress and more good fortune,on all positive levels.

Now...

I am not wired like many who i've met, and that mean i am not falling apart from the seams when you're reading so keep that in mind. Disappointed sure. However, I know from here on in what to do and that is stay focus on me, my great Godly-positive wonderful healthy good life and what will be, will be."Que'sera ...Sera.(What will be, will be ...)Life is too short not to think this way."
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Now, some here who follow my threads/post know mi story. I will just share what has happened most recent and i've added a poll.(Serious query)

Would you break up/leave your partner if:

  1. If you're learning he got a cell phone in prison/halfway house,against the rules, policies,that are clearly on each facility entrance/wall/door just about where he sleep/eat at at this facility(has to do months there)prior to being released to me,the house we plan to share et.al., and it says, "You will risk going back to prison IF caught with a CELL PHONE and or use of illegal substance."
  2. If she or he is on PAROLE/PROBATION and yet RISKING going back now to prison.
  3. If he has been doing things he is not supposed to be doing inside or out of prison et.al., such as SMOKING 7 days a week;using drugs,weed, doing illegal things while just being free from 2 to 4 weeks or so,without any regards for all that is good in life, that the lord blessed you with."
  4. Other...(please comment below, thank you.)

I just learned recently that my loved one, the man i love and care for deeply engaged/bff we are for several years now, calls me after work and says, "Sweetness, I got a cell phone." My face literally dropped and he is saying it as in "whispering on the collect/pre-paid GTL phone call line."He then says to me, "Did you hear me,Bebe."I got a new cell, out of the second paycheck a week ago, when i offer you 1/2 most of my paycheck and i just bought one Sweetness."I will call you later from the # okay? So, you can have it now." I was well, quite speechless and i feel bad he is now risking his freedom and I however told those close to me who said, "What an idiot."Why do you need a cell phone when you're NOT supposed to have one, and it is clear as day you're going to violate, and be sent back when you're caught with it? He did tell me prior to coming home, "Sometimes, i feel better in prison."I am afraid of the outside and "without you, Sweetness, i will fail." If i lose you, i am going right back to the "same criminal-life"fast money, weed et.al., drugs, the same way i was from age 12 throughout 18, then adult prison 18 to 29 years old. Again, i did not know he was doing anything but to go to work at night til' 5 in the morning. That's it. and waitingfor our weekend nights together and sharing our goals and interacting much as humanly possible by keeping ALL negative out of his life, til he can transfer to me. I see the bad area/same area he did much crime at, is catching up to him and it's sad. However, i am not comfortable knowing all this and i have not really spoke to him as much this week. I recall warning his new counselor of this prior to coming out.People at his old prison were always offering him "going home weed and pills,drugs et.al., "as a going home present after almost 11 years in, and he said no,however did admit he use it once or "twice."SMH
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I told them i will NOT be part of any criminal anything with that phone.I don't even want him calling me from it,EVER." Even if it is as i am hearing a "burner phone/one of those un-traceable pre-paid phones et.al., i do not want want anything at all to do with him going back to prison, in the new year."I am deeply disappointed in him, that he is falling already so weak to the "game" in the street, and doing things he is feasibly not supposed to be doing.I learned he is also smoking ALOT of marijuana/weed as it is "so easy he says to get in prison but MORE easy to get in a shelter/halfway house that is in his old area in the "hood"as he put it."He is smoking weed/marijuana regularly and has his burner phone/cell phone as he calling it."I don't gotta ask anyone here is he doing crime again and his "old ways."He clearly is,and doesn't want to tell me.I was so happy for 1 month almost he was doing well or as some say, "or he just wanted me to think it."He offer me his paycheck each week or 1/2 of it again for this week but we have not really talk much since i learned all of this days ago. I would love your feedback and i've added a new poll. and he is old enough almost in his thirties to know what he is risking so i do NOT make any excuses for him, and i am continually living my good life because i will not settle "for any nonsense" as i have always said here." I feel just disappointed at all he is risking to lose but i will be fine. He is so weak,(again)and i am sure he is allowing others to yep, lead him down one-way path,as they ALL seen how happy and truly happy he was with me in his every day life.Now?He is in the same bad area he did so much dirt in since pre-teen 12,and up and shared all hard-core drugs and marijuana daily at 12 with his own mother who is still an addict.He talked daily IN PRISON about "never letting all this happen to him."Not being dumb,and not getting a cell phone in prison or HWH et.al.,
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-29-2017 at 10:11 AM..
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Old 12-29-2017, 10:05 AM
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Damn, sounds like he is headed back, sorry. It is really important for you to remember YOU cannot keep him from doing the wrong things and fucking up, only he can. It is not healthy for him to say things like "I cannot make it without you", "I will go back to the same stuff if I don't have you". That is a very unhealthy mindset and sets him up for major failure and it also sets you up for more disappointment.

Hopefully, he will choose to be good on his own and not go back. In the meantime, you take care if yourself and put your foot down.
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  #3  
Old 12-29-2017, 10:14 AM
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NOTE:
He has called three to four times today from same halfway house # collect so he hasn't been caught yet and i again do not want his burner(he call it) the cell phone he has. I want nothing to do with him calling me on that phone but he says, "I want to give you the number" (last said this monday)but he still has not also called me from it.Not 1 x.Those close to me saying, "He is probably back doing hustling/dirt in his old hood and he know if he call you from that 1 cell phone, my # will forever be linked to it if he get into street-trouble while doing his crimes etc. so this is maybe why he has not still given me the #.

I just don't want the headache,drama, whatever he is involved in the street again with. I really thought he was stronger than this with such a strong focus woman like me in his every day life to make things so much more easier for him. Hence, I do not want the # either way. I told him i just don't want to be linked to any phone that he is not supposed to have, whether in prison or in a half way house and i mean that.

For days now, i have decided NOT to pick up my fone. He know how i am so i simply decided, to not put up with it while he is smoking weed in HWH and has an illegal cell phone breaking the rules on probation at the HWH.
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I will not put up with this big risk of his freedom, the years we invested as others tell me should be all that is on his mind, and if STRONG,he will do the right thing and get RID of the cell phone and weed/drugs.However, i know this is easier said than done,so meanwhile i decided to not talk to him as i was regularly, and pray to GOD he do what is right.He is not a child anymore and has much to lose, (not if)but WHEN busted for drugs inside and phone."I love him. YES. All on PTO see that. Pero...(But) i love mi self more to want drama,un-necessary stress in life so i have not picked up the phone for days now and i am ok with that, UNTIL he realize the huge mistake he is making and the significant RISK he is taking involving me, and his freedom.Happy new year to all.Adios.
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If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-29-2017 at 10:16 AM..
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Old 12-29-2017, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBeingMe67 View Post
Damn, sounds like he is headed back, sorry. It is really important for you to remember YOU cannot keep him from doing the wrong things and fucking up, only he can. It is not healthy for him to say things like "I cannot make it without you", "I will go back to the same stuff if I don't have you". That is a very unhealthy mindset and sets him up for major failure and it also sets you up for more disappointment.

Hopefully, he will choose to be good on his own and not go back. In the meantime, you take care if yourself and put your foot down
.

NOTE: and mi size 8 foot es chica ALL the way down. Si... si.(yes)and thank you for that.

OH YES..
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That is why chica i am sharing this #TRUTH
today before new year's come to advise/let others know and many who pm me, DO NOT put up with it. Walk/step/run away to save YOUR soul,heart will be at peace,without such drama/issues et.al., of a man IF he can't understand what he has. GOD will show you each waking day what and who you deserve. I see so many GOOD WOMEN here(and men)who still put up with it.YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.I always said here,"'If i learn anything that is negative toxic relating to my fiancee/bff I am out. I can't bare to go see him at the HWH this new year's eve night and see him high as a kite, while CO's are also in there, and security and others are ready to jack him up for being high.He said he been smoking all month in the HWH.
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I love him sure. However, this is not the 1950s. I will turn away, or at least cut off communication(for now)and see if he get his life right/mind right,and if not? I have NO REGRETS. I tried. and i am smiling now getting ready to record a song or two at studio & write another book ,and study my law studies and help others tonight at a homeless shelter and domestic violence ctr., become more stronger and counsel some through my motivational empowerment helpline in my business, for years. So i will be fine.God is good.:smile:Sadly my fiancee/bff is too weak(still) as in prison to see it even if he wanted me to believe, he is strong. HE IS WEAK. and i can admit that here, and admit that i am NOT the type to put up with it,too much beautiful blue skies out here and good life to see and live and i will continue to do just that.


and JUST BEING ME 67:


ABOUT A BREAK UP:

NO
. We have not broken up ....NO.(not really)He sure hasn't said,"I'm out."It's over.It's a wrap.However, i warned him, telling him with his 1st paycheck if i learn you're using WASTING cash on any type of narcotics/and or doing things you're not suppose to be doing? I am going to have to re-evaluate "us"and i will not be around for such rubbish, you are almost 30s (age) and i am not putting up with it at all. -
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However, i did leave it on the words of (Monday night) "This is your last chance."I give ONE chance. I do not say, "Ok, here is 1 chance. 2 chances, and then 3rd is the last."I am totally against that. However, again we have not "officially ended it."He said, "I will do what is right."I will NOT let you down."However, again he said, "I will call you tomorrow and give you the #" on Tue.He failed to call as i was not counting on it.. Not a fool. I however, did get calls all Thur. Fri.(today)and not picking up. He is "out there."So sad. But i can't live for a man.(Been there.Done that)I am living for me and i love it.Let him fall and my bros.are saying,"He do love you sending you his pay checks easy without issue"BUT he can't be in the "same area"he was so badly hurt in and using drugs with MOM and seeing same broken failing faces, without you."He is f---king up and he know it. He did admit Monday/Tue, "Yes,i have been "messing up."He goes,"But we are still "strong,we are still good."I love you.
I "can't lose you."I will therefore, ,PROVE to you, and you are going "again"to be proud of me, i will show you, you will NOT be disappointed in me, Sweetness. I am going to keep giving you money too etc.al., and i told him, I gotta go now. I HUNG up the phone,not yelling.No screaming,no "dramatics." He know how i live. He know who i am.He know i am going to be fine.I shall hence let him figure it out,or he will yes be BACK in prison.Brothers agree with how i am doing this and family.
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I'm still having a lovely happy 2018 new year. You're able to tell how i am wording such truth now shared, i am going into the NEW YEAR with GOD leading the way with family and a close friend of mine this year coming up. I again am not answering(for now)his calls.I am living happy still.This is the new me since 10 yrs ago(domestic v.)taught me how NOT to be with a man. Still happy with my nice #drama free life ... Mi parents. our familia.

-My biz growth.Adult college education, to get into law school mid summer or so 2018.No one still stop me. I warned him. and you know i have been here supporting more women like me to be empowered, and NOT sit around and put up with any excuses. He has ZERO,Zilch excuse to mess up.I warned him.I am going to just (YES) 67, let him keep doing "him" and that is messing up. Any reasonable man who has everything set up for him would not mess up,they are as my brother call it, the "Strong determined ones."I love him yes. But i love myself more. Hence, i just can't answer the phone at this point. (Days now) and prior he on Monday (after offering me the check from work)excluding 150 for him)He goes,"You will see Sweetness you can count "on me."You will see."I am glad i always said i have "1"foot in and 1 foot out "just in case he screw up i said here for a long time."I will not talk to him.NOT MAD as i am still smiling each waking minute doing me and living my nice positive life.But yes, i am very disappointed but i realize i can not "change him."He has to change himself and sadly he is going the other way and did not tell me, til he started to with mentioning the "cell phone" and getting high.

-
Adios.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-29-2017 at 10:39 AM..
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Old 12-29-2017, 12:26 PM
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I thought they were allowes cell phones. I hsd a friend, recently released and called me from his phone. He did sneak call a few times but realized the consequence of beinv caught was not worth it. He called in the allotted time given.

I wouldnt leave him over that but I would talk to him about it. You stuck by him for 5years dont walk away just yet.
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Old 12-29-2017, 12:31 PM
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Out for only a month and he’s alreadying doing illegal things and taking drugs? Not good. I’d be more concerned about the weed since I think it clouds people’s judgement but the cellphone isn’t good either. I know you are trying to minimize what effect this has on you, but after waiting years for someone and have them f*ck up in less than a month you have to be pissed. If I were in that position I’d have to take a hard line and end things and if it stops and he shows he can succeed for a good period of time (6 mos) re-evaluate the relationship then. How disrespectful to risk his freedom and relationship for these things! I’m sorry this happened. I was hoping you would be a success story.
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Old 12-29-2017, 01:28 PM
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I am so sorry You've seen my posts so you know my MWI is back inside after only having been free for a short while last summer.

All I can say is that I could've easily proclaimed before his arrest that I would do this and that if such and such thing would happen....but when things actually went bad, and I found myself in that situation...I discovered that for me personally, it was not that black & white after all. It was, and continues to be devastating, but I made the decision to give him another chance. I am aware that I have chosen a hard road, but for me it wasn't time yet to give up. I've walked away from people before and will do that again if I'll feel that's the right decision...right now though, it wasn't the right decision for me.

I do think this is highly personal and nobody can tell you what to do. I also believe you will find the answer when you do some soul searching. I am sorry you are in this situation.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:28 PM
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When does he get a day's pass? I think you guys need a real face to face. You cant talk about these things over the phone. He need a therapy as well. I hope things work out, but left to his own devices he is sabotaging.

You do have to protect yourself. Emotionally as well as legally. I'm so sorry
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:43 PM
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If you tolerate this behavior, you’re essentially co-signing that it’s okay. If you, his significant other thinks it’s okay (or acts as if it is) and he thinks it’s okay, there is no reason for the behavior to stop or keep from escalating.

He has choices to make. Being in a halfway house is HARD, as you’re surrounded by people who are heading right back to prison. His conviction to staying out will be continuously tested while he’s there and beyond. I think it’s crazy to expect perfection from people who have probably never lived a straight-laced life, but I do expect a fall to be followed by getting the heck back up and learning from the mistake.

My LO has, Overall, been successful on parole, but far from perfect. However, he’s a grown man. When he’s thinking about/making a a bad choice, I’m highly vocal about the stupidity of it and remind him of the consequences because sometimes he just needs the reminder, but that’s the extent of it. The choice is up to him. Some things I will not tolerate in my life, period. Some things I just say “do you” and let him take his own lumps. I can’t tell you whether or not a cell phone or constant weed smoking should be a deal breaker for you, but they would be for me because it’s incredibly reckless and just begging to be caught when he’s back in a halfway house. I’d put it quite plainly that he needs to decide if a cell phone and drugs are worth risking getting caught and losing a life with you or not. If your future life together is more important, you’ll see it in his changed actions. If he chooses the bad boy life, he hasn’t learned his lesson and that’s all you need to know.

I’m sorry he’s screwing up already. In my experience, the early days are pretty easy because prison is fresh in their minds. The true tests come a little later, be it weeks or months down the road.

Best of luck to both of y’all.
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Old 12-29-2017, 04:55 PM
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Rare, forget everything I wrote before. I was at the Barbershop and did not read past him getting a cell phone. I commented prematurely.

Enough of the sweet talk. He needs to show it in his actions he's about the message he brought to you.

Rare, you've never been a fool/sucka for the bullish anyway. You have always kept a level head and not fall for the prison talk lingo.

If he straightens up good if not you tried. We both know we are taking a gamble dealing with guys fresh out. They only know what the knew before going on unless they want to change within.

In the area of money, do you think he is compensating you for all you done for him over the years? Or something else?

Good Luck with Law School. I start nursing school in July.

Keep your head up!!

Last edited by BearsLadyBear; 12-29-2017 at 04:56 PM.. Reason: Correction
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Old 12-29-2017, 10:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear View Post
Rare, forget everything I wrote before. I was at the Barbershop and did not read past him getting a cell phone. I commented prematurely.

Enough of the sweet talk. He needs to show it in his actions he's about the message he brought to you.

Rare, you've never been a fool/sucka for the bullish anyway. You have always kept a level head and not fall for the prison talk lingo.

If he straightens up good if not you tried.
We both know we are taking a gamble dealing with guys fresh out. They only know what the knew before going on unless they want to change within.

In the area of money, do you think he is compensating you for all you done for him over the years? Or something else?


Good Luck with Law School
. I start nursing school in July.

Keep your head up!!

Thank you so much hola chica,

and *hugs*for you tonight,and si...yes, thank you on law school soon enough 2018. and good luck (NURSE is a great profession all ages.)I respect them so much chica.
+
You're able to tell by mi post i have told ALL:

>Do NOT ever think you have to settle for well,crumbs, and know your worth.


I am proving how much i am worth by not putting up with any of it.Not me. I SAID IT, and i meant it, Lady Bear.I really do, when i say women have to STOP padding their inmate/doing all for him if he is not showing her thru ACTION.Simple as that and he did show me literally from "in-a secured facility" when he was under DOC daily control, more than any 1 i know."
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So again it's when they get out at times, this happens...WEAK ...I have zero-ZERO tolerance for a weak man past 18.Sorry. I can't. I told him.and we were really great together.
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I shared much here. I just always had to keep ONE FOOT IN, and one foot out and it worked for me!I really have had no tears forming in the eyes. and i have not talk(in full)to him since Mon., as i wrote at length earlier.I prepared how i would act IF this happen and i shared it here, so this time?(AFTER 2 FAILED BAD BAD DV relationships)10 yrs ago early 20s, i said no more and i meant it.THERAPY and GOD'S prayer,yoga.meditating alone time really does help a woman who want to be "happy"without drama/stress/agony. I am totally fine.If i get sad?I bounce back + SMILE at all "many happy memories"and Keep it Movin,realizing i have such a great comfy life and it's his loss. NOT mine and people remind me deep down he know it and that is why he is blowing' up the fone and "trying"to reach me so much."

I am in no rush to answer.He has to PROVE himself out in the real world. I know that he claims to be working "til' 5 a.m.,and i asked him 1x where you're working and he only said,come to think of it, 'Labor Express' and i looked online and didn't find it, in DE., but i do know that i did not ask after that. He has called me regularly since being out of prison(as in prison)at least(since becoming employed at least 8 to 15x even from work. He would call from so many "diff" cell phones." However, these phones were his so called " halfway house" buddies on the job site at night/his co-workers at the "labor express." I did verify that much.
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I just don't want to deal with it if he is as he put it"messing up." He know who i am and how long i've been out here waiting for him, completely LOYALTY/FOCUS.I will not do this bid/jail thing again and i will not watch him out here in the REAL world undermine himself. That in fact, would hurt me.So i am not going to do that. There comes a time when a strong woman must realize who their "man truly is"and keep it movin, til God show you a sign through him that our loved one, has realize the error of his ways and not only want to change for the better but has. I sure would reunite(talking with him again/being with him again if he can be honest and keep his word and change.However, right now, i feel GREAT not speaking to him. I really do.I am just fine,as you're able to read/see he is calling me non-stop."

-
If meant to be, he will and i will update you all to say, "We made it!"We reunited, and all is well. I have not "officially ended it."However, i just can't speak w/him yet after learning he hooked on weed and have an untraceable cell fone while ON probation just "waiting" to get busted/sent back.I am not dealing with it. I do not have to re-hash all we share and shared, it's public. So hopefully he will realize what he is about to lose. I hope anyhow.However will NOT crumble at ALL, if he does not. We will see how he does from this week onward.I have not officially ended it, just shocked enough to cut off ALL communication for now."I feel good doing it too."
-

I ignored(after years together) i've totally ignored all his calls literally (more calls tonight)about 5 to 7. I just am not answering. .He is at work (or supposedly) til most times 4 or 5 a.m. or
so he says. I never doubted it. Now by admitting he has "messed up"by well getting high all the time in a halfway house and burner(untraceable cell phone?)Who knows if he is really working til that late til five [/color]in the morning,and i am not picking up and he said, and have offered each week since work his entire paycheck/and or again deducting just some out for him, he told me,

"I want to do this, Sweetness,because of ONE reason,"all you have done for me, and have brought into my life that was so "dark"and still is, "til" i am home w/you, because of our "emotional-level and few dollars you would help me with even without me asking/and or if i needed it. "But more intense-bond, our deep deep emotional connection and how insanely "in love" with me, as he is not seeing (again)crime in the street is going to lead him,as hooked on ANY drug,down a dead-end street and one way trip back to prison."My brothers even said, "He do love you because no man is giving his ENTIRE/almost whole/ and or 1/2 check a week to just "any chick."
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But they also agree, "LET HIM FAIL."He already is, and he will realize it was not worth it. I still love him. Hard not "talking to him"However i know he has to "find his own way now"and if meant to be i know mi dios(MY GOD)shall lead him back to me with out a street-crime related phone as he call "burner phone untraced" and in rehab and therapy."He always talked about getting "intense therapy"and how he will "go if i take him."He never did.Sad.Disappointed in him, so (at this moment)i just can't "be around him like that and i love myself way MORE to not sit around + be disrespected/him disrespecting all promises made and him being dis-loyal to the only 1 in his entire life who gave a fluck. I deserve the best.He has it. If i accept his calls?I would be pamperin' his bull sh---t and his "words" and his false sense of what REAL life is really about.I can't do it.
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What an idiot. Now, If he change, then GOD WILL show me a sign he is and we can talk.Right now?I feel so GREAT knowing i have not answered all his calls.I just feel so relieved being strong like this.I truly feel OK. They are simply well, weak and i will be DAMNED if i sit around crying boo hoo and all sad about it as i am YES, proud to be strong even if again i LOVE him. (Still do)However i feel even MORE now i am doing the right thing. I am ok. If not i would admit it, since i KNOW he still will be calling. However, i have nothing to say til' he prove he changed/realize what he is about to lose IF he does not get his mind right, and realize what he has to lose. God bless you all and Good night.Hugs and Blessings.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

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Old 12-29-2017, 10:34 PM
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Default My man is out of prison & has a cell phone.Also has weed in HWH #SMDH

With drug addiction comes an unbelievable ability to CON everyone! And while I certainly understand your need for positivity and strong faith, sometimes life is not positive and sometimes we have to deal with the negatives of life.

It seems that your being strong and positive is preventing you from dealing with reality. No matter how strong and positive YOU are...will not affect his inner self. I believe that we all make mistakes in life but when a conscious choice is made while being in a HWH that jeopardizes his freedom and your happiness....you have choice to make. Is that the life you want?

It seems pretty black and white to me. By the way, my guess is that he is offering you money in hopes that you would take it and then find it hard to walk away.

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  #13  
Old 12-29-2017, 11:40 PM
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Originally Posted by AndyS View Post
Out for only a month and he’s alreadying doing illegal things and taking drugs? Not good. I’d be more concerned about the weed since I think it clouds people’s judgement but the cellphone isn’t good either. I know you are trying to minimize what effect this has on you, but after waiting years for someone and have them f*ck up in less than a month you have to be pissed. If I were in that position I’d have to take a hard line and end things and if it stops and he shows he can succeed for a good period of time (6 mos) re-evaluate the relationship then. How disrespectful to risk his freedom and relationship for these things! I’m sorry this happened. I was hoping you would be a success story.

Thanks ANDY.
Appreciate reading this before bed. I had to share because i want others to know, how i am able to cope/deal with an idiot who is messing up and as i am admitting yes I LOVE him and our history(five years)together. We were bi-coastal and with thousands of calls(literally) all the visitation(s)we were always looking forward to,then happy once it happens,to all the mail OMG so much CO's were lauding me for being "so strong/being there for him like that" and all the plans et.al., yes i am and or was "pissed/disappointed,yep."Not like "mad."IDK. I am not even mad seriously where i know many would be. I am not.Disappointed yep. I was pissed off when he first shock me with it on Monday yep.No more though. We were bi-coastal.No issue, but the drug-addicted mother, who turned him out/introduced him to drugs as a lil boy, and as i shared here before i have properties, east ... I have (another home)east coast not far from Delaware,we already submit the "Transfer info"to live here,where i am easily.No issue with that at this time and i know that i am not "officially breaking up with him."NOPE.Not yet so i get why he is also still calling and as familia saying, "You're going to yes eventually accept his collect call from halfway house or late night "work call from the job site."I might. I just can't. Not right now.
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However as i said, i am 'giving him space/time to "recognize/realize what he has in his life Andy and in hopes he become strong on his own, that's all. I been strong for him for a long five years, without a regret, but at times i needed him to be "strong for me too, because i need that too in life from mi fiancee/bff and it's only right, Andy and he is not showing me/giving me that now. I never give up on something that es real.I told others here not to either. However, i am also protecting mi heart. It's been through enough in life. Honestly?For years, we were really in a good place, and i thought he got over his severe-anxiety about being released after 11 years almost.
-
I really love him. Never lied about that. He just offered me another pay check,so i know he love me, but it's not currently the right way if he can risk losing his and my freedom,and all we are still planning together in 2018,when he can leave the HWH. I was and am proud to love him.
We are best friends first, ANDY, but it's like he is and or has 'forgotten we are literally best friends and then "when coming off his high,in a few days, he calls and acts as if it is all normal." I started thinking he was getting high when he would call alot one day then "disappear for 1 to 3 days, and call back."I experience this last week, so i kinda thought, UH-OH.Something was not right . . . Now i know the truth.
-
We were best friends though for a minute and IMO? That should never change when you are out of prison but get "stronger" ya know." He is showing me he can't do it. I sure as hell didn't plan to say i can't talk to him anymore.
-
However, I can't watch him fail, then lie about it then "decide"when it is right, to share with me what he is really doing and YES in just four weeks?smdh ONE month?SMDH. I love him and always have.But i love myself MORE, Andy.I been through alot in past relations, and would "never"cut the guy off, ever."I feel good i can do that now after years of therapy and reflection about what i really want out of life.
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."So, no. I am not and have not "permanent/officially dumped him."I love him. and yes FIVE long years of completely happy times, literally.I have no regrets.But he must fall and fail on his own because i will not help him do that, and the enable a bad drug (addiction/habit and or watch him go back as i am sure he is as others are saying to his life of crime. I will UPDATE all here on "if" (fingers-cross)he change and realize/recognize the errors he is making.I sure would stay in his life then IF he does. Time will tell though.
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Meanwhile i have to keep on focusing on familia, my biz, school and living a healthy great life, with GOD leading the way.But,i already prayed each day this week for him to 'realize what he is going to lose."I also pray he stay safe, because he is weak and i am going to keep livin' right and pray he realize he need to do the same.Thanks to all and HAPPY New Year. Hugs and Blessings.G-night.adios.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

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Old 12-30-2017, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
I am so sorry You've seen my posts so you know my MWI is back inside after only having been free for a short while last summer.

All I can say is that I could've easily proclaimed before his arrest that I would do this and that if such and such thing would happen....but when things actually went bad, and I found myself in that situation...I discovered that for me personally, it was not that black & white after all. It was, and continues to be devastating, but I made the decision to give him another chance. I am aware that I have chosen a hard road, but for me it wasn't time yet to give up. I've walked away from people before and will do that again if I'll feel that's the right decision...right now though, it wasn't the right decision for me.

I do think this is highly personal and nobody can tell you what to do. I also believe you will find the answer when you do some soul searching. I am sorry you are in this situation.



Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
When does he get a day's pass? I think you guys need a real face to face. You cant talk about these things over the phone. He need a therapy as well. I hope things work out, but left to his own devices he is sabotaging.

You do have to protect yourself. Emotionally as well as legally. I'm so sorry
ONE DAY ... Gracia. thx chica.
Yep. Legally i can't risk "him calling my # from from "that"phone then my number a cop call back and start asking queries involving a crime happening or whatever.
I have to protect ME first. This is why i still do not have the # as my bros saying, "He has to be then using it for street-crime."He didn't want to tell me he flucking up but he knew that I would know after a week ago or so he was not calling for 1 to 3 days"after"saying he was and he always call daily and then calls for just 3 min?We never talk so fast like that.(and he was not at work)so again, now it all make sense. Emotionally i was a wreck from D.V.,relationships and i just can't become that way again.I am strong now.I love him but i love ME more and i am so happy to be able to say that and stand by it by my own actions chica. I love him but will not sit by the fone "waiting"for him to call anytime he is "coming off of his high."That was not part of our plan.I pray to GOD he realize.He has been calling non-stop so i might pick up next week or new year's.I do not know yet. I will keep all updated if i do."
-

Now...
We have already spent couple times together on the outside.Already touched based on this in up to date threads. and thank you for your response(and ALL responses)thank you ...

Trust me. If i can RUSH up there in my car, as i am living only 1 hr. or so lil longer with traffic (not bad) so if i was able to go and be/see/talk to him, and get a day pass, as he always wanted an ENTIRE day i would, and i would go off on him face to face first, and then talk with him calmly and hold him and tell him he is risking it all for what.For what? It totally make no sense to me at all, after being told this, however...That has not/will not happen because let me explain more One Day @ a time:

(He is ONLY allowed out for a work shift, starting at time i mentioned above) and day time? Therapy One day at a time 13. few hours a day(sometime he sleep in he say and miss it and RISK getting a "write-up/kicked out or sent back.)these are things he is NOW admitting to me, all on Monday.I really assumed he was doing what he is "supposed to be doing"to get his transfer to our home." Nope.and to help himself. NOPE. and again, after therapy he supposedly in school til' work. He has admitted he has not really been "followin' rules,and now the cell fone he has and his "addiction to drugs weed. et.al.,"It's just too much after i wait all these years for him."I had to step back after him admitting all this on Monday to me."
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Thanks so much for your words tonight.As said, i pray to the good lord he change(realizing what he can lose)and he again even Monday saying, "I am not losing no several years of the best woman in my entire life, best "person period."We have so much great history together,and i am going to keep proving to NOT let u down, at all because "i know what i have."His actions (1st time)and those who follow me here know this is the very 1st time he is showing me "non-action."So,i have to see if he do what he is saying about, "Going to prove to me, that i can count on him."and he said, "that start with sending me money/check/pay each week and doing it gladly."Now, i learn he is using drugs/has an illegal cell phone and with his record? Counselor warn him with me on three way call few times, "no cell fone/no drugs/alcohol or you are going back."This counselor even called me recently saying she was very happy "We both are still together and doing well together and how he will have no trouble getting transferred to me, as early as late february. and as late as four months from thanksgiving weekend.and now he drops this bomb on me,and says though we are still "going to be OK?"SMH.I pray for him. and time will tell where both of us end up, and i still love him very much. I will keep you all posted and thanks for caring."

-
SARIANNA:


YES! i remember you and your guy hello dear.
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aw i am sorry about that.I was hoping you're happy in the"real world"with your loved one.I had no idea he went back. I pray he does not get
alot of time in prison, and i pray for you and him chica.
thanks for this post.

I really feel great without hearing from him.I miss him though but i am not in tears as i assumed maybe i would be. I am not. YEARS of therapy really helped me realize so much and i now living by what i've learned.
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I never thought i would say "that." (about feeling great w/out talking to him. I love him so much)a long time. I really am fine w/out tt him at "this" very moment this week after learning this...However, i feel i will be answering 1 call soon.New year's maybe. But "just to keep hearing the same thing will turn me off"and he know it.
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I always said here, "I do not live by words.Only action." I can't settle for less.I just can't.

-
Now, will that change week coming up?Will he do what is right and get help for his marijuana weed addiction, and GIVE UP the (untraceable burner phone as he call it?)
Will he remember ALL he has with me? Will he remember what we have planned and realize he is 1 step away from going back to a prison cell, a place where he spent 5 years almost in SHU(before GOD sent me to him) Will he?I don't know. .I just can't be hanging around"waiting"for him to realize too long."However, i still love him alot and i "hear"the sadness in his voice when he is talking to me on Monday. I hear it and i know he is feeling so befuddled/sad/miserable to a point,however again i am just not going to be one to "SAVE HIM." I've always said here a woman "can't change a man/Save a man."He has to want BETTER and when you're wanting better? You do better,simple as that.Will he realize who he is losing if i walk away for good? I don't know chica.I know i can't "wait"for that to happen as i tell many others, Focus on YOU first. You're the most important here. YOU must put yourself first and protect your mind/heart/soul before anything and i will hence live by same great advice on and off line i give to many for a long time.
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I know he will be calling me for New Year's Eve and after.I will see what i do i guess then. However, when i last seen him it was so nice and we just a couple weeks ago were just glad we can see each other while waiting for the weekend passes to be approved and now this happens, he admits what i did not expect, nor wanted in our present nor future.
I simply want him to realize as i enumerated in my up to date post/thread. I hope he does,as i have not yet dumped him/nor officially ended it.
-
We had new year's planned et.al., and christmas then i hear this smh. and i seen him just 2 weeks prior to xmas holiday.Was SO nice, even if we had to "Wait for a weekend alone pass, as i expounded in another thread over here at such time." I thank you for sharing. I will take heed to what you're saying too.Hugs and Blessings.Adios.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-30-2017 at 12:39 AM..
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Old 12-30-2017, 07:15 AM
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I'm really sorry it went downhill so fast, if I'd be in your shoes I'd. be very disappointed. We all have high hopes for our loved ones in prison once out but we also have to be realistic and prepared. I know I'm trying to be and all I hope and wish for once my man is released is a real and fair chance. I'm not seeing us riding into the sunset just yet. But I'm hopeful.

I so hope you're taking care of yourself and stay upbeat as you are always (in your posts) and take one day at a time. I hope your man will see the light and come to his senses. Maybe it's just some "distraction" to being outside again and he's "compensating" his fears somehow... who knows, it shows you cannot really look inside someone's head.

Stay healthy and sane for your sake, don't loose hope just yet
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Old 12-30-2017, 12:46 PM
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ONE DAY ... Gracia. thx chica.
Yep. Legally i can't risk "him calling my # from from "that"phone then my number a cop call back and start asking queries involving a crime happening or whatever.
I have to protect ME first. This is why i still do not have the # as my bros saying, "He has to be then using it for street-crime."
Maybe not. If it was just the phone, I'd say his biggest issue is that he's still cutting corners and using freedom as an excuse for entitlement. But the fact that he's willing to add a dirty UA on top of it, that's just foolish and reckless. I wouldn't jump off the imagined cliff that he's committing crimes, but he is violating the HWH rules and for that he needs to get a swift kick in the rear. He's risking his freedom and your future together. Not a solid start but it's not too late to turn it around.

Hope he chooses to do that!
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Old 12-30-2017, 02:57 PM
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I find it very unlikely that he’s smiling actual weed. When guys smoke all the time in a halfway house it tends to be synthetic marijuana because of all the drug testing possibilities unless they REALLY want to go back. K2 is another brand of stupid - I’ve taken care of too many people who’ve lost their mind from k2 and probably won’t ever get it back. Some kids only 18 or 19 and have to be permanently placed in group homes.

I agree that he may not be using his phone for crime. He may just want a phone. My big “tell” would be if he seems to have an inordinate amount of extra money. He has to give a portion of his check to the halfway house (usually what? 25-50%?) on top of the expenses of getting back on his feet, so he should not be rolling in dough unless he’s getting money elsewhere or makes a lot of it.
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Old 12-30-2017, 11:50 PM
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If you tolerate this behavior, you’re essentially co-signing that it’s okay. If you, his significant other thinks it’s okay (or acts as if it is) and he thinks it’s okay, there is no reason for the behavior to stop or keep from escalating.

He has choices to make. Being in a halfway house is HARD, as you’re surrounded by people who are heading right back to prison. His conviction to staying out will be continuously tested while he’s there and beyond. I think it’s crazy to expect perfection from people who have probably never lived a straight-laced life, but I do expect a fall to be followed by getting the heck back up and learning from the mistake.

My LO has, Overall, been successful on parole, but far from perfect. However, he’s a grown man. When he’s thinking about/making a a bad choice, I’m highly vocal about the stupidity of it and remind him of the consequences because sometimes he just needs the reminder, but that’s the extent of it. The choice is up to him. Some things I will not tolerate in my life, period. Some things I just say “do you” and let him take his own lumps. I can’t tell you whether or not a cell phone or constant weed smoking should be a deal breaker for you, but they would be for me because it’s incredibly reckless and just begging to be caught when he’s back in a halfway house. I’d put it quite plainly that he needs to decide if a cell phone and drugs are worth risking getting caught and losing a life with you or not. If your future life together is more important, you’ll see it in his changed actions. If he chooses the bad boy life, he hasn’t learned his lesson and that’s all you need to know.

I’m sorry he’s screwing up already. In my experience, the early days are pretty easy because prison is fresh in their minds. The true tests come a little later, be it weeks or months down the road.

Best of luck to both of y’all.

This one i read two times before bed. (Gracia) hi chica. thank you so much.Yep. and god bless your man and yourself, chica. I agree. (on a dealbreaker, et.al.,) and i am one as seen by my many threads/advice i've given here i am not expecting "three piece suit/home/professional man." i have loved/still do his many flaws, and imperfections."I've proven this to him and we been on the same positive-cloud for a while now.But i do expect him to be strong/focus on all that is good and a god's blessings and that is all we have shared together/no drama/no stress, just us. Me and him, and our future life. I think it has ALOT to do with him also being "sent back to same hood area he was used of/doing his dirt since age 12."This is what he said to me inside he "feared most."and i started a thread on this when we shockingly learned he had to "go back rather than transfer to me"sept. 2017 and he admit to me, "I am scared/afraid, and i do not want to f---k up."I wish i can go straight home with you, like we planned,Sweetness."However, he then said, "I will be ok long as i can still see you/be with you/SKYPE and face-time, etc.al., overnight weekends pass and again he was so scared getting out yet so happy and saying, he was strong and ready because he know i will be there for him." First 2 weeks perfect, and now all this.SMDH.
-
Personally?I have not ended it, yet. I repeat, no. Not "yet."I love him. so much. However, i refuse to sit around doing what is right, while he is being weak. I would sure stand by his side, IF he came to me and said,(in 2018)Please help me, get some help.I am addicted to drug of choice(weed) and i am "messing up really bad,and not going to HWH therapy sessions, school in there nothing, so please take me to rehab, i will still work,but i need you to help me, get clean. However, this has not came out of his mouth.It's like he is knowing he is flucking' up out here however, "he is OK with it, long as he is and i am repeating his words, "I've messed up Sweetness, but we are still OK and i'm going to change because i am not trying to "lose you." I am not throwing away "years with you."I love you etc.al., so i will make you "proud of me again"and i will NOT let you down. This young man has suffered/most know his history i've openly shared here. So i will not "give up on him"if i see him at the least making some kind of effort, but i am not.He (again)has everything GOOD set up, to transfer here to me.We spent thousands of dollars on phone talking about it and visits, and letters.He has(as brothers say)to me, "No reason to fail." Unless he choose to and i can't watch him continue to do that, however i hope he will reach me and admit he is (maybe ready to get help)and i will be there for him,but i am NOT being the 1 to "chase"and cry and "offer to save him/help him."He has to WANT to change/prove he is going to get back on track, like he told me on MONDAY. I've now invested years, remained 100% faithful/happily celibate/happy waiting on him and made plans for a long time now et.al., however, i know that HE is aware of the consequences/the risk. .I know when i was there visiting him i see the signs in clear english and spanish all across the halfway house all over as in "almost every door entrance/front/back near his sleeping area and in big "bright red letters" no drug use/no cell phones or "risk"going back to prison. SMH. I just feel like "right now"i can't be there for him as i was for years on end,strong and what not when he is not trying at all to be here and be strong for me. Sure, he has offered me the checks, (Great for some)but i have yet taken the money from his work.I also just wanted him to show me as he promised and did in prison he was a "Strong man."However i also seen and notice a few x he was not as"strong as he was saying." Bottom line you're right. and i have to see a change. Me talking to him day in/day out again, i can't. Not til' i see change. This is such a waste to utilize drugs/weed each day and have yes, an illegal cell doing lord knows what then trying to "prior to telling me smooth it over by making such a great gesture by wanting each fri/bi-weekly to give me his entire/and or half pay check or most to "prove"to me i can count on him and saying, "I am doing this because of how much you've been here for me, to "keep proving to you that you're able to count on me." Yet, the tell me days after he is getting high "regularly?" and he is not going to therapy, part of his probation/and he is carrying an illegal cell phone that he is not supposed to have.smh." so again everyone, and
tonight:
thank you WILLOW and all here at wonderful PTO. I yes, will make the right and the "best decision for me. I have not officially ended it as i said (yet).I do love him. I just can't right now "hear his voice/speak(as of yet) to him."Can't deal with hearing him say, "I am sorry."Will not happen again."Ima call on time/tomorrow then go a few several days feasibly on a drug binge/not call me and or lie about going to work, or "getting therapy inside"then learning he has not entire 1 month so far, but spend time sleepin'in, getting high et.al., and or doing his job back in the "street-crime" the same hood he is from, then when he "feel like telling me he will." I just need some time and he know how i am and i am He has disappointed me, and as of right now, i just will decide i guess after new year what to do and turn as i do to mi faith in the lord above to lead me to the right decision.If meant to be, i know it will be. I truly believe that. Thanks Willow, i love your post. Good night.God bless us all. adios.hugs and blessings. Shall pray for him at a prayer session, in church tomorrow that he do what is right, before it's too late,as he know i love him so much and i hope that is enough for him to do what is right because, as i said, "I've been strong for him five long years, and i need as a woman and a damn good/great woman, i need him to be strong for me and for us too."I deserve it."Time will tell, i guess.
God bless."G-night.
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If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

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Old 12-31-2017, 12:23 AM
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I remember you too hi there, chica, and i hope you and JEFF will yes!(Be all that God means for you and him to be)as
mi fiancee and mi self. I still have not officially called anything off and i told the familia this too who keep asking and saying,
"Give it time, and i am doing that."Not rushing to say it's 100% over. and yes, i will still be here giving good advice from mi corazon(heart)
and show i care for others going through bad AND good cheering you on! I just really needed time away from all this he has told me five or so days ago.
-
I just needed time and giving him too "time"to yes, think about this all himself and yes. I will remain as i do upbeat and trust me, if i was crying/yelling/hollering behind the pto screen here i would share that. I see so many GOOD women here who has done that. I always tell them a short or long cry and keep it movin onto greener pastures and or move on "til he change /prove himself with ACTION and now i am living by the great advice i've given alot of fine folks over here and i give to many of fline.. I sure would admit it if i was devastated/crying et.al.,however, i am not any longer angry/mad at all because i leave it in the lord's hands, as how i grew up with a strong-faith,and i know in time, if meant to be we sure will be as planned(for years.) For now though?
-
I am taking good care of me, and i love my every day life, so much i am doing that is great in life and i am going to continue to achieve each waking God-bless day.
-
I feel great knowing i am able to be extremely-strong, hence, shall keep living each day as a promising one, and just wait to see what happens next concerning him without losing it.I refuse to be that way but yes. I am disappointed(but for some reason the tears) have not fallen and my mom say, and dad, it's because deep down we BOTH are still yes, "together in our hearts" and soul and have still alot of luv for each other et.al., and if meant to be me and him will make this work,but time will tell. We will speak soon i am sure of it. Just not rushin it all last week to hear the same bulls----t. Not living that way. Want him to take "time"and hopefully realize he also need help if we are going to make it and that also start(as i know this and my brothers)a change from that area, to get out of the area that has again somehow easily, so swift-"pulled him back down" after they seen him for years promise me it will NEVER happen, and he need yes some weekly therapy, to remain focus on all that is good and can be great for him in the real world with me.
-
I hope to God he show me change as the "pay check" was such a wonderful beautiful surprised/unexpected as he want to (as he say be here for me as i have while he was in prison be there for him)and how he just "await the day we can both "live together" out of the state that has harmed him so much his entire life 29 yrs and he can't wait and he just really want us to be "together more"so he can't fail (he said this many times) and how he KNOW if that is happening he will not mess up, but i can't make the halfway house move faster on our 'regular weekends together" and he again offered this to me each week his paycheck so i KNOW "deep down'he love me and WANT this to work so this part(right here) i am clear on." I simply was so flattered/happy that i ran here lol and post an update on that to share the great news, (his progress)at the halfway house after prison and our love story/journey et.al., i post about that paycheck he was giving me, for others to keep having hope that it sure can work/men can change when out of prison,for the better, to give more hope here, as i love to do,then shockinglydays later he admit all this bad stuff that i was not expecting. So, we will see and i will keep all PTO posted, and again MIZ, thank you.God bless. hugs and blessings Miz.and yes i have hope(still)yes. and will keep you all posted in due time. Gracia."

Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
I'm really sorry it went downhill so fast, if I'd be in your shoes I'd. be very disappointed. We all have high hopes for our loved ones in prison once out but we also have to be realistic and prepared. I know I'm trying to be and all I hope and wish for once my man is released is a real and fair chance. I'm not seeing us riding into the sunset just yet. But I'm hopeful.

I so hope you're taking care of yourself and stay upbeat as you are always (in your posts) and take one day at a time. I hope your man will see the light and come to his senses. Maybe it's just some "distraction" to being outside again and he's "compensating" his fears somehow... who knows, it shows you cannot really look inside someone's head.

Stay healthy and sane for your sake, don't loose hope just yet
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

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Old 12-31-2017, 12:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Maybe not. If it was just the phone, I'd say his biggest issue is that he's still cutting corners and using freedom as an excuse for entitlement. But the fact that he's willing to add a dirty UA on top of it, that's just foolish and reckless. I wouldn't jump off the imagined cliff that he's committing crimes, but he is violating the HWH rules and for that he needs to get a swift kick in the rear. He's risking his freedom and your future together. Not a solid start but it's not too late to turn it around.

Hope he chooses to do that
!

Oh. i see. Ok, you're feasibly right and i will also take HEED to THIS post too and gracia chica. Yep. Those who are close to me are saying "The man do love you" and it can be "additional stress with his mom also wanting him "back in the projects with her"even though she is getting high on coke'crack.heroine.Or, he is frightened "you will not be able to wait til' he is finished with the halfway house,and or it can be the outside pressure of "really wanting you there with him," in his every day presence but can't be because he has to wait til the "weekend overnight regular passes are approved for him"and that were pushed back for various reasons i.e., "not also doing what he is supposed to do inside the HWH, classes/therapy, etc., and my father was saying at dinner tonight, He has though shown you some change,by just recently offering you, so far while he work his weekly pay. (bi-weekly @ $670.00) not once but offered it 2x, and his third is this week coming up and he want you to have it all and more most with him only taking out $150 each week for him to get around for work, bus, taxi, if his sister near-by(early 20s)in college,if she can't take him to work etc.al., my parents actually was saying this and a close friend to me just about every day we have not talked, (well, each day i have not answered the phone) since he has been calling me alot since Monday and saying, "Don't give up yet but also "remain strong/firm with him, and tell him next call he has 1 chance to do what is right and stick by it,as they all know me best and i refuse to go on and on worrying and sitting around wonderin'what he is doing, in that very bad area he say he "hate so much" and wondering is he high again and or did the halfway house test him as usually on Monday Wed,Fri, and was he locked up already, for violating etc.al., i can't and refuse MIA to live that way.I deserve what i have given him,still do and that is the best of all of me, and then some day in, day out."

Mia:

You're another one whose post i respect much here for long time and will take heed to this. You're making sense,(see bold blue/red.)I will keep this in mind. I know we will speak soon. and i will see how it go. hugs and blessings chica, thank you."G-night.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

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Old 12-31-2017, 11:46 AM
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If he is smoking weed and getting a regular UA he has already chosen to go back. What does offering half his paycheck have to do do with anything? Money is money that's it, it's not love, loyalty or respect. Words are words when they are on the inside what is important is what is he doing now. He is violating his parole. Period.. for me I would say adios until he gets his shit together. You are dealing with a child that grew up in prison and spent the majority of his life there. If he can't follow the rules he will go back if he has more time to serve on his sentence. I just went through the halfway house experience with my man and believe me they cut his stay short because he was doing so good. a halfway house is not that bad we didn't see each other after 11 pm for a month but it was better than prison. At the halfway house he got bus passes, referrals to services he never used because he looked for and found a job within 10 days. I don't mean to be rude but your a smart cookie so I'm. It gonna beat around the bush with you. I would take a step back and hold my ground until he took a step toward positive. I k ow it's hard because you invested time, money, love and loyalty to him please make sure he is worth all that in the present and future. I wish you the best
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Old 12-31-2017, 11:51 AM
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Simple...Because Kimimi, (sadly)who i counsel/speak with/empower/educate et.al., thru business i own, sadly i see that most do not sadly have their guy prove nothing at all, give them anything(help) but keep it all for themselves,do them dirty, cheat and lie and steal and hurt.My guy always would do the complete
anti-thesis, hence, i was very VERY flattered
he offer that to me as he always prove himself inside for long time, and by doing that i believe as others on here and close to me he has already at times shown he want to change/keep focus on us et.al., and offering the paycheck to put toward our future at home was a very beautiful thing he has done, imo it show growth in a man and focus as my brothers agree,NOT all men do that et.al., and i was happy, then he shared with me all of this.Then, he drop the bomb on me on "getting high on supposedly only "weed"and i told him that is ENOUGH to have me walk. I meant it too. I really did when i said it last week to him, and that heroine/crack/cocaine/molly pills/ and or other hard-drugs or weed i do not care, i do not and shall NOT watch him, along with me lose everything, and look like a fool,and or watch him go down by himself, and be back in prison for a foolish idiotic immature outlandish kiddish obtuse behavior for which he has ZERO excuse to be acting this way,and he know it deep down(deep within his soul)he know it, we barely even argued, so as some say DON'T GIVE up yet after five long years, and i did not "official dump him."No. However, this shall come down to IF he does what is right.I'm not one to hang around/sit here and feign as if i can deal with him risking prison time again, and sittin'around crying.Just not me.Got a good life.Not letting any man ever again try to undermine my good life,praise God.
-
As he always was a constant is ACTION, sad to say now that he is out, 1st 2 weeks perfect. But, the last past 2 weeks no and this is why i am doing it EXACTLY as i feel is best for me..."While he try to "sort it all out and realize what he is doing out there and about to violate some say,i will keep on smiling at my nice Godly-good life, of good health, bulding biz(many)and my college studies/for entry to law school soon next year 2018. I am no fool.Nope..No way.
Hence, i am taking it real slow, and letting him "find his way/all on his own and come to me with truth about needing therapy. (intense-therapy)for which he has not gotten his entire sad life and will THROW AWAY the cell et.al., all up to him not me,as no man in a HWH should be breaking rules, and or need a phone where you are not permitted to have one. 1 of my friends out of prison in CT., just said he has 1 but "at his facility he is allowed it,at the halfway house"and if not he would not RISK naturally losing some 1 like me at all and would ditch it. Our casa es set up, one of mi few houses i own, 1 hr. only from where he is so there is no excuse for this. He has the transfer to move to our home in few short months(or so he said)he has everything a man can want, so again as and he has 1 choice the RIGHT choice to make, without pressure from me, mi good life is fine, and as all are telling me, it is all up to him.Not me. All his choice.Not mine.I sure as hell will not ride out another long(long) bid with him IF he choose wrong.Love him so much.HOWEVER as said i love mi self MUCH more and shall continue to, so time will tell. Not here to baby-sit a man almost in his thirties, as he is not the only 1 who has suffered in life. I have to,but i chose to leave the D.V., dysfunction behind, period. No hard thing for me to do when i got my mind right and started to ACCOMPLISH/focusing on me first, and i do not follow "the weak."
That is his issue. Following weak." All up to him now,and i have no doubt he will be calling/trying again new year's day/new years eve all week,and we will speak then."


+
and Kimimi...That is why i am standing so strong, and not at all "rushing to speak."However, we shall speak again as it is not "officially over yet."and to all who are pm'ing me, who i've helped her and still do regularly you're very welcome and i am yes! still as strong as i have been here and STILL yes believe, you are to "walk/run away when they are NOT showing you who they promise to be,UNLESS and only UNLESS same as mi fiancee/bff, unless they change for the better before you're gone forever." Thanks for all responses PTO'ers... Feliz Nuevo Ano!hugs and blessings."Adios.
__________________
If such a love is able to transcend beyond the prison drama/gate, you are meant to be.

Mi fiancee-bff es currently out of prison
@ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve.

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-31-2017 at 12:03 PM..
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Old 01-02-2018, 03:35 AM
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I mean ... a cell phone inside is NBD. My ex had like 4 (kept upgrading) and so did her friends. If a cell phone meant going back inside, different story.

Drugs inside, I wouldn't support, and I'd watch, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. My ex used occasionally inside, but not at all since she's been out. Drink, yes, drugs, no. And she's doing it right; off paper 3 months now, owns a home (in SoCal that's *huge*)...

I'm not in their shoes, I don't judge, I wouldn't run away w/o more...
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:53 AM
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Oh I am sorry but I cell phone NBD, the weed I'd be worried about as it's showing a total disregard for his freedom and your life together. But I wouldn't walk away you've invested a long time and I am sure a lot of emotional baggage is involved. I don't walk away from people I love I tend to stand by when most would walk away. I hope he straightens out before he gets caught and goes back to prison.
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Old 01-04-2018, 11:44 AM
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A cellphone may not be a big deal but it’s still against the rules. It shows that they haven’t learned especially after only being out a month. You shouldn’t pick and choose what rules that your mate breaks is ok if it would send them back.
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